My eldest daughter's dad does not adhere to our custody agreement. He does not take her as often as he should... but I haven't pressed the issue because I'm hoping he's digging his own grave here. Last year, he had his child support payment lowered because 'he was saving money to move out of his parents house'... being the adult that I am, I was okay with that, since he desperately needed his own place. However, he chose to buy a new truck, a new 4 wheeler, a new mechanic grade toolbox... and then moved his girlfriend into his parents house. UM... WTH!? I contacted the child support agency I went through and submitted a request for review on our child support case... and it was DENIED. They said that they re-evaluate every THREE YEARS... WHAAAAT?!?! So not only is the slime ball getting out of his visitation, he's not paying what he should! I should add, part of the reason he was able to get his support lowered is he said he 'is seeing [our] daughter more, ergo he should pay less'... Point is, he's not doing anything he's supposed to be doing, but my hands are legally tied? I find it hard to believe that there's nothing I can do. I don't WANT him to have more visitation, I want my baby (well, 6 year old baby) here, home, safe with us. 90% of the time it's his weekend with her, she stays with his parents anyway. I WANT HER HOME, AND I WANT HIM TO PAY APPROPRIATELY. It kills my BF that he works his butt off for all of us (my girls are not his), but this joker is running around playing, living at his parents house. I understand his frustration, because it kills me too. This isn't fair, and there has to be something I can do!! Why should I struggle while this spoiled brat plays his days away?? If he didn't have custody, I wouldn't be asking for his money... but you take something from me, I take something from you. Does any of this make sense?? I'm just bummed out :(
lawyers do things differently than the division of child support enforcement (joke that it is, just like any state supported program).
A private lawyer will file papers the day after he doesn't pay. You can draft a modification and submit anytime you want. As long as you aren't doing it all the time, it's appropriate.
A private lawyer is the only way you will get anything accomplished.
Good luck!
I understand where you are coming from and completely understand your frustation...I have been there too.
Adhering to the visitation schedule doesn't really have bearing on support other than what the schedule is affects the support that gets ordered. Support is ordered and should be paid whether or not he sees her when he is supposed to. As hard as it is to watch, there isn't much you can do. If he didn't have custody, he would owe support anyway.
"You take something from me, I take something from you" is not the way to look at your daughter, her father, and the situation. It is actually NOT a good attitude to have and is not productive...actually sounds very childish. Even if he doesn't act like it, he is her father and vistation shouldn't be about taking something from each other....it is about being active parents to your daughter.
I won't get nit picky about the visitation issue... but it is not related to the child support issue. Unless you have joint custody and each have the child the same amount of time (vs. the child having primary residence with one parent and "visiting" the other parent on weekends or whatever the schedule is), visitation actually has NOTHING to do with support.
It also has nothing to do with him saving money to move out of his parent's house.
Support is determined by a formula (called "guidelines") that only needs a couple of things to spit out the support number. Your incomes and how many kids. Actually, you don't really even need both the incomes... just the one who is paying support is really all you need. They plug in his income to the guideline chart and it says what his support obligation for __ # of kids should be. That does NOT include insurance or other things he should be providing, but if he does provide insurance, then that can be deducted from his gross before running the guidelines.
The child support office may very well only review cases every 3 years. That isn't surprising. Do you have any idea how many cases are routed through those offices monthly? But their intra-office rules about how often they review cases has NOTHING to do with how often YOU can file for a modification through the court. It's just how often a government agency has determined is reasonable for them (the child support office) to review it internally. You can go retain an attorney to file for modification tomorrow if you desire. The child support agency is NOT the court system. Please don't be confused about that. They may act that way sometimes, and they may actually believe it themselves sometimes... but they are just bureaucrats. Not part of the judiciary and most likely not even lawyers... they have to contract the actual LAW work out to an attorney.
I worked for an attorney for 10 years, who prosecuted cases for a state child support agency. Trust me. You are not required to use the state child support agency to file in the court system. You are probably getting a "sweet deal" by doing so in terms of court costs and attorney's fees. It may not seem that way until you check out your options. But you are free to do that at any time you want. So it is really up to you how you want to proceed. Go back to the CSE office and ask for a supervisor and follow up trying to get the 'system' to make an exception to their "rule", (or show them how their rule doesn't apply to your situation?), or go consult with private counsel. Or both... and then decide what it is in your (and your child's) best interests.
In the eyes of the court, child support is far less subjective than you might think.
I would talk to a lawyer. A lot of times you can call them for a free consultation. I'm not sure that there is anything you can do, but at least you know you tried! Good luck...I can only imagine your frustration!
When they reevaluate the child support case make sure you tell them ALL of this and they will likely assess arrears. I'm sorry, but I think that's the best you're going to get. The guy sounds like a scum bag. Just be glad that you're not with him any more.
you don't have to go through the child support agency you can file a court modification if circumstances have changed
I don't know how things go in VA, but I can speak to my experience in CA. I know it's frustrating, but my advice is to let go of control and just enjoy your daughter. Be grateful you receive any child support at all and when you are able to have it reviewed again go for it. I am speaking from years of experience and many court battles. Trust me, it's not worth the aggravation. LIke Lynn said, money and visitation are separate. Unless he is abusive, it is good for him to have visitation for the psychological health of your daughter. It's up to him how much of his allotted time he uses, but I wouldn't discourage it unless he is being physically or emotionally harmful to her. The money is something I've learned to not count on and be grateful for what I get. I fight the good fight when I need to, but sometimes you just have to be patient. For your child, consider setting aside your personal issues with him and focus on what is best for your daughter.
Have you tried telling him that you would let him off the hook for child support if he gave you sole custody? He sounds like a jerk and someone who would love to keep his money more than see his kid. And to be honest it sounds like BOTH of you are spiteful and vindictive to one another. He is probably doing what he does b/c he knows how mad it makes you and he enjoys it. So....for the good of your daughter you need to make amends with him. Even if you DO hate his guts it will pay to be civil with him so that he will be more likely to work with you. I
Yup, makes sense, it's terrible, it happened to me, it happened to a lot of people. Life is truly not fair. So find a spot and scream a million times. Somehow despite these terrible fathers we are able to survive, me with my husband who was step father you with boyfriend. Someday they (the dads that ditch taking care of their kids) have to meet their makers. Or watch, life is usually fair down the line. You will see. Really, he will not get away with this forever. Something will happen. Really. Life moves along, and the people who do bad things eventually get it back. really. Now I could talk on and on and it won't do a bit of good. He is temporarily getting away with things, but not forever. Enjoy your children when you are with them and try to not be too angry as it only hurts you. (See me/anger/uterine cancer). I went through a lot of this and it doesn't help you. He is not a good guy and we know that. But you need to stay okay., Really.
