Child Screamming at Night Unless We Sleep with Him

Personally, I think unless you like to scream with terror for ten minutes before you fall asleep, that leaving him to cry is not the best way of dealing with this. He is afraid of something specific, not just resistant to going to bed, but by ignoring his fears you could inadvertently make this a habit. Talk to him about the storms, and tell him you'll lie down with him for ten minutes. If he's still awake, tell him you'll sit in a chair in his room for ten minutes, and just read a book or something. Ignoring his fears will exacerbate the problem.

I would too explain to him what it is and perhaps afterwards 'be' the thunderstorm and make the noise, etc.

And until then, I would sleep with him until he is asleep. We are their protectors. They need to know that they are safe. He is 'screaming' out for help. He needs it. He'll feel better once this has passed on and knows that there is nothing to worry about. Until then, I would definitely give him the comfort he needs.

My little sister went through this and the only thing that helped was actually exposing her to more storms to let her know that they werent going to hurt her. Its just a big scary noisy unknown to them until they have more experiences with storms. My parents used to take us out on the front porch to watch when storms came through and that let us know that storms were ok, its the lightening you have to stay away from. Since then storms put me right to sleep. I have a rainstorm CD, also, if you would like to borrow it that might help.

His behavior is, as you put it yourself, directly related to a thunderstorm a short time ago, so it's not that he's trying to get his way. He is genuinely afraid and needs comforting. It shouldn't take three hours, though, to calm his fears. He needs reassurance in order to feel safe again. I do wonder how you handled him during the thunderstorm. Was he comforted and reassured and did you explain to him then in a way he could understand exactly what a thunderstorm was and that it would pass soon? It only takes a moment to create a problem that might take a long long time to fix. This is true in every area of our lives and definitely true when raising a child. So, it just might take a long time to get him back to his comfort level again, now that he's been allowed to experience fear repeatedly without comfort for many nights. It can be done, though. If you have no patience, then just let the little guy sleep on the sofa while you do a chore in that room, or leave his door open and a light on when you put him to bed and tell him if he needs you, you are just in the other room. It might take a lot of you returning to comfort him in order to get him back to "normal". This situation is not the same as one where a child is trying to control their parents by screaming at bedtime. He is genuinely afraid and needs comfort.

Hi, P.!

Everyone had some great suggestions about easing his mind about the storms. My four year old is fearful, as well. Doesn't help with all of these Spring-like storms popping up! Just to add to the other suggestions, I would continue to do what you are doing...let him explain his fears as best he can, reassure him that you are there to keep him safe and playing music or giving him something that comforts him to sleep with (maybe something of your husband's would help). As far as letting him cry it out, I've always been told it only takes 3 nights to form a habit...good or bad. In my experience with my own son, it holds true. When I have let him cry himself to sleep, it only takes three nights (at most) before there is no more bedtime crying. Also, each night is less crying time, as well. It hurts, as a Mom, to listen to it, but in the long run, it's best for everyone. Good luck with the sleeping issue, and I wish your husband a safe return home!

10 minutes sounds way better than 3 hours! I don't think it's emotionally damaging or horrible to let your kid cry to sleep. As long as you are having a loving and peaceful pre-bed routine, and he knows you are available if there is a true problem, it's okay.

I like the story about God bowling. Then when it is really loud "Wow that must have been a strike". Regarding the sleep thing crying/versus not crying and having to lay there. That is something you go with your gut on. I let the kids stay in our bed way to long and I so regretted it. But there are times I think it is appropriate. The other night our son who is 8 had a nightmare and I had him come right in. I still remember as a kid how much safer I felt when My Mom was next to me. Corny I know...
Good luck with your husband. May he be safe and Thank you for everything he is doing and you are doing!

Hi P.,
First, thank you for your sacrifice and for your husbands valiant service. It is incredibly humbling to know he is there for our greater freedom, and our childrens.

As a little bit older mom, I now ask myself the question of what is the long term results of both disciplines? If he is in a room, scared and alone, and finally sleeps, what will that do? Will it leave him feeling protected by his mom or will it leave him feeling like he is alone and unprotected. What will the teen and young adult reaction to that feeling be?
If you keep him up until he is much more tired and can fall asleep faster with you with him, what is the long term of that? Perhaps you could add a nap in as well until he gets through the fear.
There are many options, which I know you have a load on you, but think about what you can do to accomodate his fear and make sure he knows Mom will be there - even when times are very hard. He will know he can count on you to help him find a solution. No, you don't have to fully accomodate his every whine, but at three, he does need you to be his protector. I would bet the next storm will be worse if you let him scream it out and then you will have to let him scream it out for longer. Be sensitive to that fear and wrap your arms around him at the sight of a lighting bolt. He will begin to feel warm and a bit silly everytime you hug him tight at the sound of something that does not even bother him. When he is older, he will say, gosh, mom just wanted to hug me everytime it stormed - I bet she was scared. Wow-what a difference from - Noone cares when I am scared, I am all alone and must protect myself. What will those walls do for his relationships?

Another idea would be to put him on the couch instead of his room as you move around. It would surely be short lived as he probably won't sleep, but allow him a wind down with all the lights dim until he is really tired.

I am sure you are a fabulous mom and either way you choose, you will find a way to ensure him that you are there, and you care.
Best of luck, J.

You are absolutely doing the right thing in this situation. At three years old, he is testing you. I know it's hard, but his screaming will eventually go away because he knows it's bed time and you're not going to treat him like a baby. It would be different if there were something wrong and you were ignoring it, but he will learn that everything is ok and he can fall asleep comfortably.

You are doing the right thing! We just had this happen in our house, too, and I thought "Is he going to freak out every time it's nap/nighttime????" Each day it got better, and there was a good bit of fussing, but it really only lasted 3 days. Think to yourself, "Do I want to be standing outside his door for the next week/month/year???" It's best that he re-learn how to put himself back to sleep in the long run. (The same thing happens when they get sick -- it takes a few days to get back to the normal routine of self-sleep as opposed to extra attention from Mom/Dad.) You're on the right path!
M.

hi P.,sorry for the late reponse,i just got out of the hospital after being in for a month.a little about me,i am happly married 18 years 3 boys ages,18,17,12.i have a very hard working husband,im stay at home mom because of illness.the boys like to keep dad and i up also.i was thinking though 10 min verse 3 hours.i think i would take the 10 mins.it also sounds like your a great mom to me.i watch nanny 911 (show)she gives great advice.as long as you know he isnt in any pain 10 mins of crying is good for his lungs.im sure he will stop.good luck and god bless

He may just need the extra attention for a while to help him realize that everything will be okay. It would be worth your time to spend with him to reassure him that all is okay and he can feel confident sleeping again.

I would suggest talking to him about rainstorms in general. My son that is now 4 had the same problem. We had a very scientific talk about what thunder is and rain etc. and explained that thunder is just a sound and it can't hurt him. and rain helps the plants grow so we need rain.