Child Prefers to Talk to Adults Rather than His Peers

Your child is seeking out people he can relate to, who share his interests and mindset. That's what we all do if you think about it. We become friends with, and relate to some people more than others because of our interests, etc.

He will actually be more *socialized* by being able to relate and talk comfortably with adults.

He is his unique self, he is who he is. And if he *enjoys* his playdates with his peers then that's good. He has the best of both worlds. One doesn't need a ton of friends to be happy. To have one or two true friends in this world is a blessing. Is he happy? If he is, not to worry :)

Support his passions, encourage his curiosity and interests and view him as the wonderful, unique person that he is.

He seems to be a freethinker... what the world needs more of.

~M.
www.anestinnature.com

You know your son best and if you are truly concerned or just looking for someone with similar issues. This may be way off mark for you but it strikes me that Asperger's syndrome could be a possibility. I work with children and also have a son with AS. Like you describe, he is very bright, has an unusual level of interest in a special subject and prefers adult interactions. He can socialize with peers and likes play dates but his skills are not quite the same as others. I knew this from early on, that he was "quirky" etc. and because of my profession looked into it further. It was causing him to be isolated from peers to some degree. We did a lot of social skills groups and other therapy type things. He is in a typical classroom and has some friends but he will always be a bit different, quirky or odd. I don't think it will inhibit him in life. For me it was very helpful to find out about the diagnosis because I could then figure out the best way to help him. Go with your instinct and remember you know your son best and can advocate for him to get whatever will help him. Good luck,
S.

If he enjoys playdates and the one-on-one, I wouldn't worry too much. He is still socializing. Over time he may find that some of the other kids' interests are also interesting to him - you might encourage it gently by saying "Oh, what Billy is doing looks like fun" or "isn't it great that there are so many new things to do in the classroom?" As long as he is doing a variety of activities (not always wanting to be on a computer, for example, but also developing gross motor skills), and as long as he is not disrupting the class by trying to direct the teacher's attention to his own interests, he's doing fine. Good teachers in good schools will let you know if they see a problem - you probably have at least one conference scheduled. If you are concerned, set up another one. As he advances in school and the work becomes more difficult and diverse, you'll be able to see better if he is heading down the wrong path. It's possible that the larger group is difficult or distracting to him, so he goes for the one-on-one in that situation. Perhaps you could take note of whether he does well in large groups - is he uncomfortable at large birthday parties, for example - and try to keep the social gatherings to smaller groups. Still, that's a developmental issue and not necessarily the sign of a problem. If he just prefers small group play for now, that's fine.

I can't say my children do this, HOWEVER, I did this as a child. Every report card from school mentions my social habits as peculiar. Only in my mid twenties did I start to feel my peers could relate to me. I had many friends the same age growing up, and did many normal age oriented activities, however, I only found adult conversation stimulating. I did go through a lot as a child that forced me to mature earlier than my peers. Usually children who are very intelligent or very mature prefer to converse with adults. I wouldn't worry... as an adult I'll admit I have my quirks but I think that even with them I turned out OK. Your son is most likely looking for stimulation that his peers can't yet deliver.

Yep my daughter she is 11 now when the lil girls came to play with her she just thought that they were just to young to play with her.(they were the same age). She has not changed but i do notice that she is very smart. She never really played with dolls. Just keep them away from the"real grown up talks" she has friends and it has gotten better with her hanging out with them.
She was born with an old soul!

I wouldnt worry about his social development. Quite the opposite, actually; in the long run he will probably turn out to be better socialized than his peers, because he will have a wider world view. Just let him be himself.
I was always like this when I was a child. I was very mature and intelligent and kids my age were boring to me. I loved to read and gain knowledge, and I liked to discuss interesting things whereas my peers wanted to play with Barbies. My mother, being the hippy that she is, encouraged my curious and outgoing nature and let me explore the world how I chose.

Hi B.,

I was wondering if your son is an only child? Many chilren who are "only's" are used to being the center of attention with mom, dad and grandparents who think everything they say or do is absolutely a sign of genius.

Naturally with all this positive feedback your son would want to continue with this trend in school; often with different results, as the teacher may not enjoy the continuous banter of a four year old.

It may be a good time to try to help your son with social rules and the difference in rules between adults and children because although your son may indeed be gifted, his intellect is only one part of his development. Social development is also crucial to his later satisfaction in relationships. Be careful not to encourage his intellectual growth to the exclusivity of his social growth.

Consider yourself. Although you love your own child, you have probably also known someone's child who spoke to you as if you were on a horizontal level with the child instead of a vertical relationship. Even if the child has a higher IQ than the adult it is inappropriate to show disrespect for the elder person who is clearly superior in maturity. Children do need to learn their position. Humility is a wonderful character trait to foster and though four year olds are still developmentally egocentric,(usually children begin to become less egocentric around age 6) four years old is not too early to begin.

God Bless and Best Wishes
J. L.

B., don't worry about about his social development. Chances are he has developed his ability to think and communicate by your nurturing of his intellect from a very early age. Children that age don't typically have lengthy conversations and if he is conversant, you should have him associate with varied age groups that will continue to encourage his semantic development. As well as intellect, it will reinforce a model of compassion for his current age group, which is not entirely his peer group. Also, if he is speaking to adults he is most likely at least seven years beyond his current age group.

Has his teacher expressed any concern about this? I suspect the teacher is thrilled to have an engaged child. As time moves on, I suspect other kids will catch up with him on his enthusiasm in interests. School is often a great equalizer.

Also, is he an only child or does he have siblings? Our 12-year-old son (our one and only) was sort of like that when he was little. Even though I was diligent about setting up play dates to socialize him, he was more comfortable talking with adults at times. (They didn't have tantrums even if he did, they shared well, etc.) But as school proceeded, he has gotten more and more comfortable with all ages. It's a joy to see.

One thing I did when our son had play dates is that screen time was off limits--TV, computer, small screen games. I figured they were together to play, to interact, and to have some "face time". They grumped at times about that as they got to 6 or 7 or 8. But our son and his friends also learned to appreciate it. They are all good at creative play with stuffed animals, Legos, outside running and sleuthing, etc. to this day! That kind of playing is worth its weight in gold in the long run.

Give him time. I suspect he will blossom as time proceeds.

P.S. I now allow an hour or so of screen time with play dates. Our son and his friends respect that (most of the time). And, in fact, our son doesn't like playing with the kids that always are angling for more screen time. He feels like they want the screen time more than the play date with him and that bugs him. (I never thought that day would come! It's a pleasure to see!)