Child Care Conundrum

I think you should trust her. When I was young and much more energetic, I cared for 12 children all day, all night, all weekend. I was licensed for 10 and mine didn't count. For awhile we even had 13. It's not ideal, but everyone was happy. I took the worst of it mind and body. It was too much work. You are talking about less than 1/2 the children and she already knows and gets along well with the ones you have. She already has her routines down and you have been happy. It's really no big deal. It's only 2 days per week too.

I think you'll likely lose her as a caregiver if you impose those restrictions. She'll likely not be able to afford to put her infant into another arrangement and will have to stay home with both of her kids.

I agree with everyone who says to give it a try and see if she can handle it.
Yes, you are her employer, so to speak, but it is 2 days/week, not full time. Then, I can see if being a much bigger issue.

I suggest that you let her try it. Tell her that you're willing to try it. Praise her for her willingness to try it but also suggest that you think she's expecting too much of herself. Ask to discuss other ways of doing this that would allow her to keep working for you. I wonder if she's saying she can do it because she wants to stay and is afraid that you'll look for someone else even tho you say you won't.

You don't say how old your children are. I looked at your site. So your children will be 2 preschoolers and 1 toddler. I can't be accurate in knowing ages since I don't know at what date you entered the info. Because all of the children are young, I wonder if you would consider adding a mother's helper for the caretaker. Girls, 11 and 12, on up love to take care of babies and would not expect to be paid very much.

Is she calm and able to manage in stressful situations now? Or is she easily flustered? Is she even tempered without being anxious? She's already caring for 4 very young children. How well is she doing with these 4? Because she's used to dealing with babies already, a newborn may not be too much for her.

If you're pleased with her work, as it sounds like in this post, I would tell her that you will work with her to find a way to make it work. Then, again depending on those variables, I'd let her try it to see if it does work. Allow for time to work out the bugs. The two of you decide on a future date after she starts work with the baby at which you will revisit the question.

Know that it's difficult to find someone to come to your home to care for your children and then more difficult to find someone that fits in with your family. I'd work at finding a way to keep her.

If you ask her to leave her baby at home, she may decide to discontinue working for you.........

Just give the new arrangement a chance! Tell her up front what your expectations are. That you would like to offer her the opportunity to bring her baby and see how it works out. It IS only 2 days a week. In MN, (I did daycare), you could have 2 infants, 2 toddlers (1 to 2 years old), and 7 kids ages 3 and up! You can even have up to 13 kids under a different license! So it is unfair to assume that she can't do a good job until you give her a chance. I never had any complaints saying I wasn't giving a certain child enough attention. (AND I breastfed our daughter for 6 months while doing daycare.... I nursed our kids anywhere so it didn't bother me to sit down and feed her in front of the daycare. And the parents didn't care either!) YES, it was a lot of work and I only did it for 5 years because of that! BUT your babysitter will only be watching 4 or 5 kids.....

I just want to say, WOW! I cannot believe some of the negative responses you have been getting. When you put your child in an in home daycare, you have no right to dictate whether or not she also cares for her kids. But, this is NOT a home day care situation. She is a hired nanny! She is incredibly lucky that you have allowed her to bring her older child to work with her. Whether you also allow her to bring her baby, is your call because you are the one paying her paycheck. As a former nanny myself, I believe she will be able to supervise them all just fine as long as your home is childproofed. But, you are right that the majority of her attention would be going to the baby, and your children would be getting less interaction. You had two options when choosing child care to begin with. The cheaper day care where there are other children and less one-on-one interaction, or paying more to have a private nanny in your home. You obviously chose to pay more for the privilege of a higher quality of care.
She is probably assuming that since you let her bring her older child that bringing her baby will be okay too, so either way, you should approach the conversation soon. It is unreasonable to ask her to leave her baby in the first 6 weeks, but she most likely won't be up to caring for 5 children under 4 anyway that soon postpartum. I think you have the right to pay less and let her bring her baby, or ask that she only bring her baby for half days, or hire a new nanny. One thing to seriously think about... she will be walking her child into preschool (through the parking lot) with 5 kids and only 2 hands...dangerous!

It really is up to you.
I think if she's a good fit and has always taken good care of your children bringing her baby should not be a deal breaker.
You could at least give it a try and see how it works out, before you decide.
You probably know how expensive infant childcare is, so I doubt that she would continue working for you if she had to place her baby in care. It might a. not be worth it financially and b. she may be able to find employment with another family that is ok with the situation.
I think you should talk to her soon and discuss all of your options and expectations. That way both of you have plenty of time to make alternate arrangements and have a gentle transition, if you decide to go that route.
Good luck!

Well, it sounds like she did well with the older three when your baby was born. So why wouldn't she do fine with adding her own baby? Many women have lots of kids and seem to do fine. I grew up in a family of 6 kids. Personally, I think you asking her to make other arrangements for her baby is very selfish. (I want you to take care of my kids, but you can't take care of your own.) My guess she is a caregiver because she wants the benefit of being with her own children as well. So if you are willing to loose her, then go ahead and ask. I'm just saying that if I were in her shoes and was asked to make other arrangements for my baby I'd be telling you to make other arrangements for your kids. If you like her, give it a chance. Just keep open communication with her so she knows she can tell you if she feels it is too much.

It is perfectly acceptable to tell her you are not comfortable with the number of children and she will need to make other arrangements. The people saying this is rude are simply being silly. At most jobs it is understood that bringing your children to work is unacceptable. A child care position is one of those jobs where it is the discression of the employer. Newborns absorb alot of time and energy so it is fair to assume this will impact the level of care your children will receive. You are not dictating what she must do with her child, but you are setting rules for your home. Nothing wrong with that. Follow your gut instinct - you know what your kids need!!

Good Luck!!!!

I think you have to consider the what if's
-if she does want to bring her baby to work
-if she can no longer work because she can't bring the baby
-If you would be able to take time off until you find another sitter and hopefully this person is reliable and that 3 young kids are able to adjust to her.
-If you would feel comfortable leaving your 3 little ones all day with someone new.
-If you had to pay more for a sitter could you afford it.
I could see the baby being a deal breaker if you worked from home and she was your helper and you had to listen to the baby scream all day. But It seems like she's a fit for you and your family. I don't see this as being a deal breaker unless you notice some kind of neglect. FYI I called my local daycare to get a part time rate $50 a day for 1 infant, plus a registration fee.

Your situation mirrors my own...except I am the care provider and the kids I watch come to my house. I had a baby last december and the situation was the same for the mother of the kids I watch. She was concerned that I would be overwhelmed. After my 3 weeks of recovery the kids began coming to my house again. It was a little crazy at first but after a few days we all adjusted to the new situation. And I watch them 4-5 days a week. I love these kids like they are my own and am glad their mom didn't give up on me. So it is possible for it to work out. Just sit down with your care provider and have a good conversation on how you both feel this situation should handled. Ask her how long she feels she will need to recover before she comes back. I really hope I helped.

My kids are 4, 3, 2, and 6 months. Last year I watched another child who was almost 4 months when I began watching her, and 15 months when I stopped. I was pregnant with my 4th for most of the time. I thought I would just keep going, but I ended up having to stop watching her about 2 months before my due date because it just got so hard physically. I don't know if your caregiver plans to breastfeed, but I can't imagine trying to breastfeed and watch any more children than my own, at least for the first 6 months. It's one thing to leave my own kids by themselves for a few minutes while I care for the baby, but quite another to have another child in my care left unsupervised. My third was 8 months when I started caring for the other baby, and it was busy. I remember thinking that I couldn't have done it any earlier. I do think I have just reached the point now where I could watch another one (with my youngest being 6 months), but I don't like the idea of not being able to go anywhere (no more car seats can fit in my van!).

I would find some other options ahead of time just in case she can't even continue through the whole pregnancy. I would also do what the other mom suggested and talk with her honestly about expecting too much from herself. I know earlier in my pregnancy, I was planning on continuing to watch the child I had, and take another one 2-3 months before I was due. Thank goodness the parent of the new baby decided to find someone else!!! That let me off the hook. Even if she thinks she can/wants to do it right now, that could definitely change later in the pregnancy. If you have given her a way out, that will be much easier for her than if she's sworn to you she's staying. You also don't want her to quit a week or two after baby's born when she realizes she just can't do it and is completely overwhelmed with everything, which she will be more likely to do if she's committed to you that she's staying. I would let her know that it's a lot, and that you will totally understand if she can't do it. Maybe you could even find someone who could just do it for the first couple of months, and tell her that you will allow her to have some "maternity leave." I know she probably needs the money, but you have to be careful about her getting too overwhelmed.

WA state guidelines for licensed childcare providers suggest one adult to 4 children when one of the children is an infant, as an ideal ratio. Your situation would still be within that ratio as long as her older daughter is in pre-k. If she is comfortable with the older kids and they are generally well-behaved I don't see why she couldn't handle this. You could wait and see how she does with it before you fire her. Because your kids love her you would be sacrificing that connection as well (of course, they could also gain attatchment with a new caregiver, but you would be sacrificing this one) I would look at this from your caregiver's perspective too. Will she be totally financially destitute and unable to find other work if she cannot work for you any longer? If this puts her in a really rough spot I would just let her work at least until her baby is older, maybe do a 6 month trial after the baby is born and see how it goes. Also, if her daughter will be in pre-k and then in kindergarten the following year it doesn't seem like this will be so much of a problem. I don't know what her other options are but it seems like it would be sad for her to lose her position with you, both for your children and her early bonding with her infant.

I agree with the folks who recommend giving it a try. If I were the caregiver I would not stay in a job if asked to make other arrangements for my baby while watching someone elses kids, if the "perk" of the job was being able to have my child(ren) there. Then again, I would understand your concerns about being able to handle them all. It is hard to say until after her baby comes. I have had one super mellow baby and two high needs children. They are very far spaced apart because of their "high needs personalities" I knew I couldn't deal with another child. I do watch a one-year old now who is very laid back, so it is doable along with my "high-needs" 18 month old. But I have an 8 year old and 13 year old who are great helpers. I'm just saying that all babies are different and you might just have to see what works...

Honestly, I think it all depends on what you are expecting of her. If she currently sits down with your chilkdren and works on reading and writing, then I think these activities would probably get less attention (at least for a while). However, if she is just watching your children and keeping them safe, then I think it is doable.

Hmmm..so your one year old wasn't born yet when she started working for you a year and a half ago...have you thought about how you might react if this woman had told you while you were pregnant that you needed to find other arrangements for that third child or dictate to you that your husband should watch the infant? It is okay to have a discussion about what her plans are. If you choose to accept her and give her a chance, fine. If you don't want to, fine. But it is totally RUDE to approach her and basically tell her what kind of care she needs to provide for her own child in order to provide care for yours.

I know that this is a nanny situation, but it might be helpful to look at it from an in-home day care center standpoint. At an in-home center there are state rules about the number of children, including infants, per provider. Can you find that out what those rules are for Washington? If so, that might help you make a decision.

It sounds to me like you are afraid she will be paying more attention to the new baby rather than to your children? If that is the fear than ask her not to bring the baby or hire a new nanny. She is an employee so you can set the terms of her employment. If she is a friend rather than just a nanny, than you may need to tread more lightly here.

If you were any other employer, it would be out of line and illegal for you to call her boyfriend/husband/significant other and tell him to watch their child while she comes to work. Their childcare arrangements are their own, not yours. That said, caring for her own new born is a huge thing. You don't say how old your 3 kids are, and having a new baby around your 3 kids doesn't bode well for this infant of Mom/caregiver.

I suggest that you tell her that it's not a good working situation for her to bring her baby to work. You'd love to have her continue, but she wouldn't be able to give your kids the care and attention you are paying for and take the appropriate care of her new baby and daughter. If she's going to work for you with a care giver on those two days for her own children, I hope that you make arrangements for the 6 wks of post partnum care that she needs. In other words have another sitter caring for your kids during that period of time. It wouldn't hurt to have this person available for the occasions that this new Mom will have to stay home with her ill baby or when your kids are ill and she can't risk the exposure for her kids.

Have the talk now.

Some people just handle children easily. She is young and full of energy. It might be just fine after her baby is six weeks old. If she has an easy baby it would not be a problem but if her new baby is colicky or has other problems she may not be able to work for you.
Hang in with her as she is good with your children. A good sitter is very hard to find.