Cheer Coach Caught Between Feuding Divorced Parents

You are sweet to allow her to practice, but you are being an enabler to these parents.

This is not how you run a business. I know this is a team, but the parents do not respect you or the team.. It sounds awful, but it is the truth.. They just think you are some little mom playing at having a little job. They see you as a pushover babysitter, not the professional coach that you actually are.

Sorry, No excuses for their behaviors. Never do this again with these people.

You are very nice, but they are taking advantage of you! As hard as it to see her upset, you have to tell her that she may not participate in ANY practices or competitions until the amount is paid in full. Tell her not to even come to the gym until her parents have paid up.

Are you running a charity or a business? They're not paying because you're allowing their daughter to stay on the team. I get that you like the girl but come ON, the next time they bring her to practice you say, I'm sorry, Sally won't be able to participate until her dues are paid in full and up to date.
Sounds like you're new at this. You need clear policies in place, something in writing that parents sign and agree to. We've always had to do this for any team or activity my girls have participated in.

If you are not going to act like a professional then they won't treat you like one.
I don't know of a single sport or activity that would allow a child to participate without signing up and paying first.
I know you feel sorry for the girl but these people are clients, not friends or family. Start treating them that way and they should start having more respect for your time and instruction.
And if they don"t? Well, they can look for another gym. I don't imagine ANYONE would put up with what you're putting up with.
ETA: and they should NOT be dropping her off if she's not signed up, why are you allowing that?!

Unless you want to pay her fees yourself, you really have no choice but to cut her. It's not her fault, and it sucks for her, but her parents aren't behaving like responsible adults.

You are clearly a very nice coach. But, in this situation, It sounds like you need to be aggressive (B-E AGGRESSIVE!).

These parents have found a way to work the system - through you. You are their well-meaning "loophole". *You* will not be making their daughter suffer - they're doing that themselves, in this crazy scheme.

It is time for you to completely stop the daughter from cheering. Don't even let her through the door to cry to you, next time this "friend" drops her off.

If the parents ask you what they can do to turn this situation around, you can simply say:

"GIMME A C! H! E! C! K!"

Feuding divorced parents only hurt their kids.
This is what's happening here.
It's on the parents - it's not on you.
YOU are running a BUSINESS.
I feel sorry for the girl too.
BUT - if no one paid - she's not on the team.
It's that simple.
Set a deadline for payment (in advance of the class).
If the deadline is not met do not admit her to class.

I've seen daycare(s) who turned people/kids away at the door because they are not paid up.
In order to drop the kids off they must pay in cash or with a money order at drop off time and they are not permitted to run a tab.
It's pretty amazing how fast they can get to a cash machine and come up with it when they absolutely have to.

You are going to have to do something similar.
Just remember - when the girl cries - it's not YOU doing this to her - it's her PARENTS that are doing it.
And they should be ashamed of themselves.
But their shame or lack thereof are not your responsibility.

Right now is when I would say "enough!" It's like you are enabling them to continue to play these silly games at their daughter's expense. The longer you allow it, the longer it will continue.

If I were you, I would call both parents and tell them you are done with the games. You don't care who's turn it is; that is their problem not yours. Either she comes next session with a check for her fees IN FULL or don't bother bringing her because she will not participate and there will be no need for her to be there. Then, when she arrives, try to catch her getting out of the car and gently ask her if she has the check. If not, tell her you're sorry, but she will not be able to participate and she should just go on back home.

I know you feel for her, but her parents have to grow up and if they refuse to do so, it's not your job to pick up the pieces. The girl will be shattered, but she will get over it.

you need to take her off the team and tell the parent of the girl bringing her to please not bring her anymore. as she will not be allowed to compete. at 11 she is old enough to understand that if she has not paid she can't play. and you have hit the point where enough is enough. your going to have to step away from this girl.

Only thing you can do is warn both parents that she's going to get cut & can't be in the team if they don't figure it out & tell them it's not your responsibility to try to hash out their distinction & them cut her.

That's the only thing to do.

~I personally, since you've known the girl for so long & you obviously care about her, I would call the mom personally & tell her she's gonna get cut if one of them (the parents) doesn't cave & pay the darn bill!
Ideally the Mother would step up & fix it!!!

This is just sad & VERY ridiculous!!!!

As a mom of a daughter who is a competitive dancer, I can tell you these kind of parents are beyond annoying. Not only do they screw the studio out of payments, but they delay every other order and event we have. Our room mom has had to front the money for costume items we need because people just don't pay her when they are supposed to.

SO...as a fellow parent, I would say take the girl off the team. Not only are her parents being a distraction, but you run the risk of putting every other child on that team at a disadvantage. What if the fees are not paid for competition and this girl has to be taken out at the last minute? That hurts everyone else - not fair. This is the PARENTS fault, not yours. But, you should have stopped letting her come from the get go...it's a business relationship thing.

Yes, she will cry - she wants to do this - but it is not your job to make sure she gets to cheer.

I can tell you, if it was one of three other little girls on my daughter's team going through this, the other families (the four families are very close) would pitch in where necessary to make sure things were covered. However, it doesn't sound like money is the issue.

I also know our studio director has taken people to small claims court to get her money - and she should! So should you.

I would ask the director to send Certified/Return Receipt Letters/Bills to BOTH parents stating that if the Fees are NOT paid by X date then their daughter will have to be removed from the team, due to liability issues. I would also suggest giving the girl 2 copies of the letter in sealed envelopes (1 for each parent) and letting her know that these are for Mom & Dad (just like notes to parents are sent from school). I would also ask the front desk to email both parents. You may also have the front desk call the parents & if they don't answer, call their emergency contact number when the girl is brought to practice and she is unable to participate due to no payment and
the liability issue.

Unfortunately, this child is being caught in the middle but for your safety and liability insurance you can't let her practice anymore without payment. Also it is not fair to the others.

Wow what a great caring coach, but yes u have to stop, you are enabling these parents to be as%#^^^es! That poor girl is caught in the middle and is the one that will suffer but her parents need to step up, unfortunately u have no choice but to cut her,. I'd do a letter outlining what is due and they have by such and such date to pay, and if u do not receive payment by that date she will then be cut. I would not allow them more than a few days though and also put something in there about future payments that If they are not paid on time she will be asked to leave and not participate. Sometimes u have to play hard ball to get people's attention ad this is one of those times, but kudos to u for caring so much about these kids!

You are past the point where "enough is enough" - you need to send a notice home to both saying that she will not be allowed to participate unless she is on the list at the beginning of the session. You also need to tell the person dropping her off that she cannot come unless the fees are paid. She should not sit there during the session if she can't participate. If the fees have not been paid, she needs to be taken home right away. The Mom in the situation had no right to yell at you, it's her responsibility as a parent to make sure her daughter gets to do the things they think are necessary (regardless of whose turn it is to pay).

Parents like this make me angry.

IMO, write them a professional letter with your policies and how they failed to meet the deadline of x and failure to pay means failure of their child to participate. That she is not allowed to be dropped off because she isn't on the roster. Nevermind whose "turn" it is, if they can't get their act together for their child (poor thing) then this is the result.

Frankly, if we waited for BM to sign or pay for anything, the sks wouldn't have done anything. We signed them up and paid and tried to get her to pay us back. It wasn't the school's problem that we had a problem.

This has gone on long enough. If they drop her off, walk out to the car and tell them to take her home. Or put a notice (much like stores have "don't take checks from...lists) at the front desk that so and so has a long-term failure to pay history and their child should not be dropped off. They need to coparent and it is not your job to teach them how. Maybe what they NEED is someone to stop catering to them.

ETA: No way would I take up a collection. Save that for when a kid is really in need, vs having parents who are being stupid. Don't enable them!

Sent their bill to a collection agency and stand outside when the kids are coming in. When she shows up tell the friend she's not allowed to attend at this time. Don't share any confidential information at all. Just say, Mary's not practicing tonight, please keep her in the car. Then go inside and lock the door behind you. This girl is learning a lesson for sure. She's caught in the middle and she's in as much pain as she can be. I'm sure this is happening in every activity she is doing.

It might even be that someone needs to stand outside each and every week and tell the driver or the parents she's not practicing tonight. If the parents show up hand them a bill and tell them if they use a debit card and pay the whole amount right then and the next months fees she can come in. Otherwise they need to not be allowed in the building. Once they're inside they'll use the people around to manipulate you into allowing her to come just one more time.

Tell them that her bill is her parents job to take care of, not yours. It does not matter who pays it, it's not your job to get the money from either of them, it's their job to hand it over.

This is hard in child care. If that child comes in on Monday morning and the fee is not paid that child does not go to class, they sit in the office until mom or dad comes to get them. If mom or dad don't pay the child is out and a child off the waiting list has a spot. If mom or dad are regular payers and good parents then we might give them a little leeway but not much. If they don't pay their fee they don't have child care and if they don't have child care they don't have a job.

Also, when this goes on in child care I sent a letter out to both parents. I informed the officially that I was not in charge of their finances and it was not my job to chase down my payments. The person who enrolled the child is the legal party responsible for the bill. I tell them I am sending the bill to collections on both their names. I don't care who pays, someone has to pay the bill. They can duke it out in court for all you care but you have to be paid.

IF they have a court order for copays I tell them I don't care what the agreement is, if the payment is not made the kiddo will not be allowed to come in the building until it is paid.

I have terminated parents for this. It's not my job. It's not your job. Stop calling them to bring her. They don't care about this and it doesn't matter if she's the one person who makes your team the winning team. Unless you are willing to give her lessons for no charge then you need to drop her now.

A combination of what FC Mommy and Boss Fan said: Tell them this is about liability and that if they do not pay in full, immediately, she must be removed immediately because your liability coverage will not cover someone who is not fully registered (and she is not). Combine that with Boss Fan's idea of a mandatory meeting with the parents--telling them that if they do not attend in person, their daughter is off the team. (Yes you might have to not tell either parent that the other is scheduled to come.) At the meeting, that's when you hit them with the liability issue and the request for immediate payment. Have that in a letter you present to them there, in person; don't go with only verbal communications. Make clear to them that you have allowed her to practice out of concern for her and that she is very upset about having to sit out at times due to their nonpayment, but now things are at a point where their nonpayment is jeopardizing the entire team's ability to keep practicing and attend events.

If they do the "it's his turn to pay/it's her turn to pay" argument, just cut them off cold and say, "I am not involved in or interested in your personal arrangements regarding who pays. There must be a payment made before you leave here today and it does not matter which of you makes it. If neither of you is willing to pay today, your daughter is off the team effective the moment you walk out the door without paying. I am devastated to do this to a great kid like your daughter but the issue is not her -- it is the lack of payment."

C., I really feel for you and for this kid. You are trying so very hard to help her out when this is not her fault. While others are saying the parents are gaming the system so they don't have to pay, I think that it's much likelier that they are just using the girl as a pawn; mom throws everything onto dad, dad throws it all onto mom, and then each can blame the other when daughter is upset, and they both get off on blaming each other. I would have a hard time being as tough as some folks are saying you should be, and I understand why you have been so easy on this girl.

It might take the meeting above or possibly a registered letter from an attorney to shake them up.

Alternatively if they refuse to meet, tell the friend who does the pickups that you cannot let the girl into the facility at all due to the fact her fees are unpaid. Do NOT say it in front of the poor kid, though. I'd ask to speak to the friend alone for a moment and inform her that you have consulted your attorney and your liability insurance means you no longer can have an unpaid kid inside the facility though you were allowing her to sit in previously. When the friend hauls the girl home that might give the parents a wake-up call that you are not going to provide free babysitting for their child.

This is all so sad. Please update us here.

You are going to have to remove her from the team and hope her parents finally do the right thing.

Doesn't sound like they're feuding parents... sounds like they've figured out a way (together) to game the system. It truly stinks for that girl, but I think you probably do have to bench her and send a note to both parents requesting that they don't send her without paying first. And tell her well meaning friend (or that friend's parent) to check to ensure she's signed up before bringing her. Then if she shows up when she's not signed up and paid for, don't allow her in the room. That has to be awful for her, but also for the rest of your team. Perhaps if the girl cries to the parents rather than all of the rest of you, they'll pay attention.

Also... I hope this girl is 6 or 7... not 13 or 14. Because at that age, crying hysterically for an hour is pretty out of line, and the girl would need some counseling.

Sorry - it's past time to remove her from the team.

Next time she shows up? Tell her to get back in the car. She can cry as much she wants. And she can cry to her parents.

If her parents have failed to pay - and there are invoices due - send them to collections. You are allowing them to get away with this. The gym or the facility you use is allowing this to happen.

Tell them POINT BLANK - ALL past due invoices MUST BE PAID IN ORDER FOR JANE TO CONTINUE ON THE TEAM. If she shows up for training she will be denied entrance until all dues are paid in full. PERIOD. End of discussion.

Why are you taking this burden on yourself? I don't get it. I get that you care about the team. But this is going above and beyond and her parents DO NOT CARE...if you really want to continue with this and her parents? Send CERTIFIED letters to both. Return receipt, SIGNATURE required....then they can't claim they didn't get it.

It's NOT your fault she cries. If you are operating a business. Are you willing to go in the hole for ALL of your students and their battling parents? This is a BUSINESS. Operate it as such. ENOUGH ALREADY!!!

How old is she. You néed to take her off team. Sad but true. Not fair to the other kids. Has she talked to the, about this? These parents need a good swift kick,in the a------.

Do you have any clause in the paperwork they have to sign at "sign ups" that states that "non-payment of fees will result in expulsion from the team" ?? If not, perhaps it's time to put one on the paperwork. Have the parents sign it & if the daughter's parents haven't paid, expell her from the team. If they ask 'why' just remind them that they signed a form stating that they understood that non-payment will result in expulsion from the team. It's a hard thing to do sometimes but the other moms's that replied are right..it's not a matter of feeling bad for her & letting her participate due to feeling sorry for her or bad for her, it's a team effort & a business & all the other parents paid their fees...it's not fair that one still participates w/o paying.

Be strong, stick to the rules. As difficult as it is, she will need to be dismissed until parents pay or they move her to another team. It's obvious the parents can afford the fees so in contrast to what another mom suggested, asking other parents for pay assistance on behalf of this one child just to get the fees paid would not be the way to go...it's not fair that the other girls' parents pay for this girl when the parents can afford to pay.

Perhaps getting it through the girl's head in consistantly dismissing her & being firm about it will bring the attention to the parents...aka girl getting upset at parents for not paying & therefore getting dismissed, making parents realize you mean business. Good luck!!

Time to grow some balls! This is a business not a buddy buddy thing. The first time the mom fussed at me she would have been gone. Period, end of story.

Let the mom and dad find another place for their daughter but not your team. This is disruptive to the whole team and the team needs to be a cohesive unit in order to participate. Yes, it will be hard that she is not there but they will adjust to it.

We can't please everyone all the time. This is a life lesson for all of you to learn and put into place. Had you said no, then this would have gone to the next level.

the other S.

PS Time to put the cookies away and bring on the boxing gloves. "You can't always get what you want." In this case the child to cheer without paying.

Schedule a meeting with both of them together at the same time (tell them both it's a mandatory parent meeting and, if necessary, don't tell them the other is scheduled to attend)...even if you need to do it at a different time than your normal class (assuming they can't make that time which is why the friend drops off).

Give them a list of payments that are due (x amount due on this date)...maybe give a list that shows each week or month (whatever your payment schedule is) and competitions that are scheduled (with a note of *others may be added). Tell them both together that if $ is not paid (regardless of who is supposed to pay) on time, daughter will have to sit out. PERIOD. If not paid, daughter should not come to practice.

You can ask them to mark your copy with who is responsible for which ones so you can remind them when it's coming up due (as a courtesy) if you want.

Another option is ask which one is paying (they can get their money back from the other as they agree).

I just do not get some parents, they just can not put their child first. Anyway you sound like such a great person and have a caring heart but I also know that you are running a business and you have other things on your plate.
Sad as it may be I think you should cut the girl. I know it isnt her fault but what can you do?
Good luck to you and many blessings

Do you have a friend that is an attorney? Would they be willing to draw up some sort of letter requesting that an equal amount be paid. Perhaps you can brainstorm and maybe a kick in the butt from some legal letterhead might get things moving...

Can you subtly get the other parents on the team to chip in for a "scholarship?" It will only be a few bucks each, and it would be sad if this girl has to be cut because her parents are flakes.

I see that everyone else thinks that you should boot her off. For me, it depends on her age, and if you know that her parents will eventually pay or not.

Tell the parents you would be glad to take up a charity collection for the child, although you are a little worried that the child will be embarrassed by this, but for legal reasons you cannot let her participate until paperwork is signed!! Sounds like the kind of parents who will be the first to sue if child gets hurt!! If the girl has to sit out, tell her it is about medical papers her parents did not fill out and that she needs to encourage parents to do so.