Changing Crib to Toddler Bed

Updated on July 03, 2010
K.H. asks from Newbury Park, CA
6 answers

My 2 year self -soothing daughter old has been asking for a "big girl bed" so about a month ago, we tried it. Keep in mind we
have a very good bedtime routine, very consistent, bath, songs, brush teeth, put jammies on, read 3 books to her, say "Now I lay me down to sleep", then she gets put in her crib.
I travel so my husband changed the crib, when I was gone. He said she slept for 3 nights perfectly, then i came home and that night she came in our room, for the first time! Once she realized she had freedom she was in our room every night! sHe would not go back to sleep! So we changed it back to the crib and she had been sleeping fine (10-12 hours).
So yesterday morning, she says to daddy "want big girl bed now", ( I was traveling). So daddy changed to the toddler bed again (Thank God it is very easy to do) She slept for 2 hours at naptime, (I was not home yet) then, when it was time to bed, I gave her a bath and tried to put her down, and she insisted I stay with her, tickle her arm etc, fI put he down and she then asked for Daddy.
We went through about an hour battle with "stay in your bed" it was suggested by an in-law that we put up a gate at her doorway to teach her boundries. Well, as soon as I left she got up, opened the door, and she started screaming at the gate for a good 10-15 minutes, then it was "I went potty", I am hungry, cracker? milk? I went potty! - finally after I went up and changed her diaper, she laid in bed until I left, got up (watching on video monitor), got some books, sat down with them on the floor, played with them for 10 minutes , got up PUT THEM BACK, then put her self back in bed with the blanket! My husband and I were shocked! She slept till 3:30am, woke up, and same routine crying , milk, potty etc.
Needles to say, I just tried to put her down for 12:30 nap, it is now 1:30 and she finally fell asleep on the floor by the door! Sorry so long, but needed to be detailed - Any suggestions as to make this a smooth transision? Oh almost forgot, my husband did try to but the crib back - instead of toddler bed, so she might feel safer and not be able to get out....she jumped out of it before my eyes, so no more crib!

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So What Happened?

Hi ladies, just want to thank you all for the responses. I also want to make sure that I clarify, that I was not screaming at my daughter : )
Well, it has been challenging, especially due to the long weekend. Before we changed the crib, my daughter has no problem with the door shut. Now, since we changed to the "big girl bed" she is adamant about having the door open, and the last 2 nights she has fallen asleep on the floor, at the doorway, next to the gate.
Last night she had me up for 1 1/2 hours trying again everything in the book, I think she actually figured out how to make herself not only pee on demand but now poop. ( I am trying to potty train, but I have not yet been consistent, it is hard since I am away a lot).
After 3 times of going in her room and stopping her at the door, I stopped talking to her, and just changed her diaper and put her right back in bed. We did this well over 12 times, (not the diaper everytime though) finally she was quiet when I got back to bed, I looked at the monitor and she laid down on the floor and fell asleep, that went on from 4 - 5:30 am.
Tonight, she is being difficult, again, seems to have anxiety now about the door being shut, "Mommy no shut door" - I assure her not going to shut door. "only gate" she says, I say okay only gate. Now for the last hour she has been again trying all the tricks, like last night - then she started doing these stacking things with all her books, first on the floor, then she put them one by one in her bed, then threw them on the floor again, stacked them again, then put them back! - then started it over again, my husband went her room, and quietly took the books away, thinking they were distracting her from sleeping. She cried slightly, then finally she took her pillow and blanket and curled up right next to the doorway again and I think is asleep.

More Answers

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C.K.

answers from Dallas on

Hello K. H,
I hear your frustration! I've done that with my firstborn and these are things that worked for me;
After putting her to bed- when go back, always be firm and short, just check and fix the problems (milk, potty, etc.)don't spend too much time or show too much emotion (that's what she wants) and if possible, don't turn on the light. You might have to repeat the trip 10 times a night but after awhile when she sees nothing comes out of it, she'll give up and stay in her bed.
I don't see any problem with not sleeping in her bed as long as it's in her room and make sure the room is safe for her.
We also put a gate at our son's door but we even went a step further- we put a lacth on the door and keep the door closed at night. We made sure the room was safe and we set up a camera and that really gave us a peace of mind.
Good luck, I'm sure she'll get it soon enough especially when she's been doing that in the crib. It's just a new boundary that she is testing, so hang in there :)
C.

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R.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

First of all, to anyone who thinks you were screaming at your child...I read that as your daughter screaming - not you. You might want to clarify that in your original request, if you can go back and edit... :)

I agree with those who suggest an "emotionless" place back into bed...have you ever seen "Supernanny"? She has the mom (or dad) sit on the floor and as soon as the child gets out of bed, they are immediately placed back - the first time "It's bedtime darling", second time "it's bedtime", and third and subsequent time there is no verbal or facial interaction. If she was fine with your husband, she might be playing off your reaction...not sure. I'm sure the transition will happen soon, just takes a bit of time. If your daughter was already self-soothing, those habits were already in place, so that's fabulous!

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M.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi K.,
This is really an easy fix if you stay consistant. I transistioned my daughter into her toddler bed about a year ago (she was a little over 2 years old).
I'm going to try to make this as short as possible. It all starts with a strict bedtime/naptime ruitine. I started saying the same phrases to her, and doing the exact same things. I would remind her that bedtime is coming up soon and then brush teeth and climb into bed. I decided that I would pick 3 short books and stick with them. I never read her those books outside of her bed, or rocked her to sleep,sang songs............
After the books, I would say the same phrases to her like "Sweet dreams, I love you, good night." (and a kiss) As I walked out the door and closed it (not all the way) I never used a gate.
In the beginning, she cried like mad! But, as the days went by, and I continued reading these same 3 books to her, she started to expect what was going to happen. I think I read those books to her for a month straight! After about 2 weeks, the crying stopped and she just said, "goodnight" right back to me. That was the best thing that I had ever heard! LOL
I was soooo consistant with everything I did, that she new exactly what was going to come next. After a while I changed up the books, but ALWAYS stuck to the same last book. You can use your own judgement as to when you can change books.
My daughter also woke up in the middle of the night, and again I stayed consistant on the things I said to her and my reaction to the things she wanted (or lack of). When they say they want this or that, they are usually yanking your chain. I just went into her room and said " It's the middle of the night, go back to sleep". I never took her out of the bed and If she got out of it, I just put her back in......over and over and over again. I told her for the first and second time "it's the middle of the night, go back to sleep, I love you and sweet dreams" (something like that, It's been a long time, I don't remember exactly what I said) After the second time, I didn't speak to her, I just put her back into bed. She screamed, but it didn't last long, and before you knew it, she was sleeping throught the night.
I truly believe in being consistant, and pacient.
Kids need boundries and when you show them (or teach them) they respect you more. My daughter has shown me that time and time again. Sometimes when she wants something really bad, and we argue about it, she will come up to me a few minutes later and tell me she loves me....weird huh?
I do have a wonderful on-line book that I can forward to you. It's called "Sleep Sense Program". This book really showed me the wrong things that I was doing and how to fix them. As soon as I started making these changes, my daughter changed too.
My email is ____@____.com
Remember, consistancy is the key!!! I feel like I should be writing this to your husband! Make sure he reads all of the responses!!
Good luck, and I hope to hear from you soon!
M.

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D.H.

answers from Indianapolis on

I agree, don't show much emotion, take care of her needs and then make her stay put.............it sounds like to me, that when you are gone she is fine.......which means she knows that Daddy means business and so she does what she is supposed to do........You might want Daddy to handle all the I won't go to sleep and need everything issue..........
Once she gets used to going to bed, then maybe you can be the one to tuck her in, but for now, let's get her in the habit of going to bed.........and staying there or at least in the room...........
Good for her putting her books back!!! That's funny.....

Hang in there, it will get better, remember this is new to her too.......I wouldn't let her sleep real long during the nap.......unless you know she is going to play hard after the nap and before bed.....

Also, a bedtime routine seems to work well, you might start one if you don't have one...........snack, bath, potty, read a little to her, then nighty night time.

Good Luck and like I said, hang in there.

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Z.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

hope you got my answer. I gave you an email if you have any question but it is not a working email you can email me if you have a question at: ____@____.com
thanks,
~Z

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K.H.

answers from San Diego on

um, wow! Screaming at a 2 year old for 15 minutes??? Was that warranted? YOU need to remember that she is 2. 2!!!

This is a common occurrence with children that are transitioned into big kid beds. When we transitioned our daughter she got up the first night about 30 times. Yes you read that right. We walked her back, no talking-no lights on- every.single. time. It took about 3 days or so for her to realize that she wasn't getting in our bed. It is exhausting but worth it in the end. Our daughter no longer naps so that is one less hurdle to cross. We have a very consistent bed time routine as well.

Oh also, if she wants milk, give her water. Going potty should be part of the bedtime routine-teeth brushed, potty, books, etc. I don't recommend locking their door with anything because god-forbid something happens the kid WILL NOT be able to get out.

Good Luck and remember this to shall pass!!

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