I stayed home from work because I was sick and my 15 year old son was not aware I was in the house. He brought in a friend. Rule #1 broken. No one in house when I am not there. That wasn't the worst part! I heard him go over to the liquior cabin and took a drink! His friend did not and said dude your crazzy. He then notice my car when he was goin to drive his four wheeler. Friend left in a hurry and I went to the liquior cabinand dump out all the bottle down the drain. I don't drink at all their there only for guest. He said it's the first time he wanted to be funny. But I don't beleve him. And I never paid attention to the bottle to know which ones my friend drink or not. So for all I know he could have been doing this everyday after school because he gets home at 3 and I get home at 4. I can't believe he's done this. What punishment can I give him?? I already took his keys away and he'll wait for me at his school. And I told him he can't get his drivers licence or the new car he was getting. BUT I fell he should be punished another way. But how?
my Dad when I was younger put a lock on the liquor cabinet b/c his Dad was an acholic..then also it helped with teenagers wanting to take a drink when parents are out of the house.. I think you handled it great.. my kids are still young.. but good job parenting.
Lenc
Well done, on what you have done already. Let him know that he will have to earn your trust. He has to make up the damage. Let him think of the way to do that, and when he has done whatever project he choses, then he'll have to ask you for ok on what ever he did. If you are not impressed, then- he'll have to do more.
He has to make up for what he did to betray your trust in him, don't tell him what would do that- he has to figure out something.
Went thro this with my oldest, she finally regined out trust- but it took awhile.
Trust is earned. He must DO something to get it back.
best, k
I think that is enough. Not able to get his license will really hit him. My brother did the drink once before too. It was only one time and just to see what it was like. Definitly stop keeping alcohol in the house and have friends bring thier own from now on. Friends will understand. In a week or two, talk to your son and ask if that was the first time and if he was doing it everyday.
I think you you have done great with your punishment for him.
You said you felt he should be punished another way....and if you really feel that this is not his first time drinking, maybe you could take him to MADD or SADD meeting or somewhere where other teens speak about drinking and driving. Even if he was just driving his 4 wheeler he could really hurt himself.
My children are too young for these problems yet so i dont have experience with them, but I think that being involved and paying attention to your son(like you are already doing) and then he sees your serious about your punishment it will make a difference in his future behavior.
hang in there and God bless you,
S.
Good job on how you handled this situation. The whole teens will be teens is rubbish as far as Im concerned so the fact that you punished him right away & it was an appropriate punishment is very good & thank you for being a parent FIRST. Your son will be ok because he has a parent who truly cares about his well being. I would maybe add a trip to a hospital or something to show him what drinking & driving truly does. The car accidents they stage at the schools work ONLY if the kids truly believe it & most dont. They think it wont happen to them. Goodluck with this & kudos again for a job well done.
I'm pretty sure most kids sneak a drink at some point. I think you need to emphasize breaking your trust more than the alcohol aspect. That's the bigger issue. Put his license and car on hold for the time being, but let him know they are still in the picture, so he still has something to lose. Deal with it like lying, and try not to over-react.
M.,
I think you are spot on with how you are handling this. Add to that a conversation or two or a thousand with your son about why he was sneaking a drink.
Also, is there a Boys & Girls Clubs or a YMCA in your area? They both offer great after school programs and would solve the question of after school time. Statistically, the most dangerous time for a teenager is between the hours of 3 and 8 pm as these are the times they are most often alone. My son is 14, since I am currently working from home he comes home on the bus, but once I start back to a full time office position he will resume going to the Boys & Girls Club. It just takes the temptation away - they just don't have the reasoning skills to avoid dangerous situations at this age.
Good Luck.
M.,
We had something similar happen when my oldest son was 18. I agree with Nancy's advice. As she said, the broken trust was the biggest issue.
Be very thankful you caught him.
Another issue to be aware of is that alot of parents see no reason to keep alcohol away from their underage kids. They will even supply it at parties. Make sure you know what is going on when he is with others.
Good luck and God bless.
Victoria
Updated
M.,
We had something similar happen when my oldest son was 18. I agree with Nancy's advice. As she said, the broken trust was the biggest issue.
Be very thankful you caught him.
Another issue to be aware of is that alot of parents see no reason to keep alcohol away from their underage kids. They will even supply it at parties. Make sure you know what is going on when he is with others.
Good luck and God bless.
Victoria
Wow, tough situation, but you know, the whole timing was just MEANT TO BE that you were there to catch this now before it grew into a terrible afternoon habit he was hiding from you and others later....
I say - Great Job!!! already with your actions and consequences. You could be teaching us moms a few things from the sounds of it.....BUT, you must stick to your word/threat otherwise it will be completely meaningless. I think your plan and reaction is sound. OF COURSE he's going to minimize what he did and now that you dumped all the alcohol you have no way of verifying - oh well - not your mistake....this is totally his bad.
My most favorite of all parenting books for teens: Parenting Teens with Love and Logic....It should be a must read for parents of teens now navigating the huge responsibilities and choices of drinking, driving, pre-marital sex, etc. Their bodies and minds are willing but they are not ready for the consequences. And this book actually gives you the script in how to have these difficult but necessary, life saving conversations.
Keep your cool and keep your word!
I remember that in preparation for receiving my license 7 years ago, I had to take some sort of driver's education class with other adults that showed a video about drunk driving. It was like a 1.5 hour class in a building in a strip mall. I think the video was produced by MADD, but it was very graphic and harsh. These people were being pulled out dead or bleeding, from awful crash scenes. You could see how destroyed the relatives were by it as well. It made several people in my class cry, and others vowed to quit drinking, at least when stepping behind the wheel. Try having him read the stories on MADD.org. Here is a letter you should have him read. It was posted on Dear Abby, and it gives me the chills. I hope it has an effect on him as well as all teens seem to think they are invincible:
PLEASE GOD, I'M ONLY 17
The day I died was an ordinary school day. How I wish I had taken the bus. But I was too cool for the bus. I remember how I wheedled the car out of Mom. "Special favor," I pleaded. "All the kids drive."
When the 2:50 bell rang, I threw all my books in the locker. I was free until 8:40 tomorrow morning! I ran to the parking lot, excited at the thought of driving a car and being my own boss. Free!
It doesn't matter how the accident happened. I was goofing off -- going too fast -- taking crazy chances. But I was enjoying my freedom and having fun. The last thing I remember was passing an old lady who seemed to be going awfully slow. I heard the deafening crash and felt a terrible jolt. Glass and steel flew everywhere. My whole body seemed to be turning inside out. I heard myself scream.
Suddenly I awakened; it was very quiet. A police officer was standing over me. Then I saw a doctor. My body was mangled. I was saturated with blood. Pieces of jagged glass were sticking out all over. Strange that I couldn't feel anything.
Hey, don't pull that sheet over my head! I can't be dead. I'm only 17. I've got a date tonight. I'm supposed to grow up and have a wonderful life. I haven't lived yet. I can't be dead!
Later I was placed in a drawer. My folks had to identify me. Why did they have to see me like this? Why did I have to look at Mom's eyes when she faced the most terrible ordeal of her life? Dad suddenly looked like an old man. He told the man in charge, "Yes, he is my son."
The funeral was a weird experience. I saw all my relatives and friends walk toward the casket. They passed by, one by one, and looked at me with the saddest eyes I've ever seen. Some of my buddies were crying. A few of the girls touched my hand and sobbed as they walked away.
Please -- somebody -- wake me up! Get me out of here! I can't bear to see my mom and dad so broken up. My grandparents are so racked with grief they can hardly walk. My brothers and sisters are like zombies. They move like robots. In a daze, everybody. No one can believe this. And I can't believe it, either.
Please don't bury me! I'm not dead! I have a lot of living to do! I want to laugh and run again. I want to sing and dance. Please don't put me in the ground. I promise if you give me one more chance, God, I'll be the most careful driver in the whole world. All I want is one more chance!
Please, God, I'm only 17!
