Can't Get My Son to Sleep Though the Night

I would have to agree with the cosleeping parent that responded. Little babies need their momma. Babies don't fit in a certain mold, nor do they fit with the American model in most instances. Some may get lucky to have a very happy compliant baby, but most don't. Having 7 children, I have swung one way to another depending on my age, needs, and personalities of the child. I have found that the less I allow my baby to cry when little, the less they cry when they are older. The more I allowed dependence when little, the more independent they are as they get older. But, that is my just my experience. I could not do with my older what I have been able to do with my younger, because of lack of help, and my priorities. I have loosened up a bit as I have gotten older, because I realized how time is fleeting, and babies don't keep. Kymberli

He will cry but just stay in there to soothe dont speak to him. He may need some white noise, fan or soothing music or some humming from a machine. Sleeping with him is reinforcing his pattern.
Stay in there and pat him.

Hi, T.!

I'm a mother of 4. My youngest is 13, and my oldest is 21, so I've already lived through the struggles you're facing with nighttime sleeping and have made it to the other side! It's not unusual for a 5 month old baby to not sleep through the night. Our society has created some unreasonable standards for babies that don't take into consideration the way their little bodies and minds are designed. Have you been involved with La Leche League at all? This is a great organization for breastfeeding moms, with lots of great information and suggestions on how to get through the challenges of mothering in the early years. You'll find lots of help by getting involved with your local LLL group or by checking out the website www.llli.org. Here's a direct link to a page on their website about nighttime issues: http://www.llli.org/NB/NBsleep.html

There's also a place at this website to enter your locale and find a local LLL group. The great thing about LLL is that mother wisdom is given a lot of credibility. Mom's have good instincts for taking care of their children if they don't get blinded by all the horrible information put out by childrearing "experts."

If you choose to end the breastfeeding relationship, LLL can help you with that, but I hope you realize that it's not necessary or even advisable for you to do this. The recommendation by the American Academy of Pediatrics is for exclusive breastfeeding for "approximately the first 6 months after birth" and continuation of breastfeeding "for at least 12 months and thereafter for as long as mutually desired." If breastfeeding is really important to your son, perhaps you'd both be happier if you didn't push weaning from the breast.

What do your instincts tell you when your son is screaming in his playpen? I'm not trying to judge your decision, but am just asking you to investigate your own feelings about this. Does it feel right to you, or wrong, when your son is crying to be held and is left to soothe himself? If you were crying to be held and your husband left you to soothe yourself, how would you feel about that? Babies need to be held, and some need this more than others. If your son is one of those who needs to be held more, then denying that need will never satisfy it. On the other hand, if you do satisfy the need, he will eventually grow out of it and be a happy and independent child. I held my kids a LOT when they were babies and toddlers. They're all achieving independence at their own rate, and are not clingy teenagers or helpless young adults. They are respected by their peers and by the adults in their lives.

Satisfy your son's emotional needs. He's not trying to manipulate you, but is crying out for your love and care. Don't be afraid to fill his need. You won't be "spoiling" him by loving him.

I always slept with my babies. Breastfeeding them during the night was so easy that way that I hardly even woke up to get them latched on. Everyone slept better and was happier. I don't know whether this is the best option for your family, but check out LLL. You'll find all kinds of suggestions from different families. Something will feel right to you and work for your family.

I hear you loud and clear. You need to sleep and your little one seems to have some night issues. Because he is so young and right now there is no way to understand what he is feeling, I would suggest feeding him more during the day and letting him nurse as much as he needs at night. Taking him to bed with you while he nurses may give you a chance to sleep a little more. Every little one is different, take your cues from him. He is needing something, it may be that he is hungry, or needs comforting. My daughter was in our room in a bassinet until she was about 6 months old. I noticed that she could sleep better when she heard the night time noises, for example my husband snoring, or heavy breathing. I began to see a correlation between her waking up and his turning over in bed. When he slept on his stomache he did not snore and you could not hear him breathe, she would wake up. She seemed to fuss and not sleep well until he was on his back and into a deep sleep again. There are so many things that could be going on. Pay attention to what is going on in the room when he is sleeping and what is going on when he is waking up. These are just some things to think about.

Reason for weaning on the nursing? A baby that young should never be left to cry it out, I was told from new born to 6mths they need that comfort of mommy/daddy. When he wakes for the first morning feeding and then when your ready to put him back to bed stand with him and rub his back until you think he is sleeping, you can always take off the top or nightgown you are wearing and lay it in the bed next to him. I did that with my son and it worked for awhile. I had a portercrib for my son and he stayed in our room until he was about 5mths old, some babies may take longer to not want to be in the crib. What works for one may not work for the next baby. You can always turn a fan on or music on to soothe him. Its called white noise.

Good Luck

If you think he is colicky, you can put a humidifer in the room and you can always sit in the bathroom and run the hot water in the shower. Info below to know if your baby is colic:

About Colic
It's estimated that up to 40% of all infants have colic. It usually starts between the 3rd and 6th week after birth and ends by the time the baby is 3 months old. If the baby is still crying excessively after that, another health problem may be to blame.

Here are some key facts about colic:

Colicky babies have a healthy sucking reflex and a good appetite and are otherwise healthy and growing well. Call your doctor if your baby isn't feeding well or doesn't have a strong sucking reflex.
Colicky babies like to be cuddled and handled. Call your doctor if your baby seems uncomfortable when handled or is difficult to console.
Colicky babies may spit up from time to time, but if your baby is actually vomiting and/or losing weight, call the doctor. Vomiting repeatedly is not a sign of colic.
Colicky babies typically have normal stools. If your baby has diarrhea or blood in the stool, call your doctor.
What Causes Colic?
Doctors aren't sure what causes colic. Milk intolerance has been suggested as a possible culprit, but doctors now believe that this is rarely the case. Breastfed babies get colic too; in these cases, dietary changes by the mother may help the colic to subside. Some breastfeeding women find that getting rid of caffeine in their diet helps, while others see improvements when they eliminate dairy products.

Some colicky babies also have gas, but it's not clear if the gas causes colic or if the babies develop gas as a result of swallowing too much air while crying.

Some theories suggest that colic occurs when food moves too quickly through a baby's digestive system or is incompletely digested. Other theories are that colic is due to a baby's temperament, that some babies just take a little bit longer to get adjusted to the world, or that some have undiagnosed gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD). It's also been found that infants of mothers who smoke are more likely to have colic.

Treating Colic
No single treatment has proved to make colic go away. But there are ways to make life easier for both you and your colicky baby.

First, if your baby is not hungry, don't try to continue the feeding. Instead, try to console your little one — you won't be "spoiling" the baby with the attention. You can also:

Walk with your baby or sit in a rocking chair, trying various positions.
Try burping your baby more often during feedings.
Place your baby across your lap on his or her belly and rub your baby's back.
Put your baby in a swing or vibrating seat. The motion may have a soothing effect.
Put your baby in an infant car seat in the back of the car and go for a ride. The vibration and movement of the car are often calming.
Play music tapes — some babies respond to sound as well as movement.
Place your baby in the same room as a running clothes dryer, white noise machine, or vacuum — some infants find the low constant noise soothing.
Some babies need decreased stimulation and may do well swaddled, in a darkened room.
Caring for a colicky baby can be extremely frustrating, so be sure to take care of yourself, too. Don't blame yourself or your baby for the constant crying — colic is nobody's fault. Try to relax, and remember that your baby will eventually outgrow this phase.

In the meantime, if you need a break from your baby's crying, take one. Friends and relatives are often happy to watch your baby when you need some time to yourself. If no one is immediately available, it's OK to put the baby down in the crib and take a break before making another attempt at consolation. If at any time you feel like you might hurt yourself or the baby, put the baby down in the crib and call for help immediately.

If the baby has a temperature of 100.4° Fahrenheit (38° Celsius) or more, is crying for more than 2 hours at a time, is inconsolable, isn't feeding well, has diarrhea or persistent vomiting, or is less awake or alert than usual, call your doctor right away. You should also call your doctor if you're unsure whether your baby's crying is colic or a symptom of another illness

After a nightmare sleeper the first time around, I have turned to the bookd "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" and find it to be VERY infromative and helpful. It gives you a few options on helping your child sleep better and not just "cry it out" To help with the shared room...it there anyway to put the crib in a general living area until the problem is resolved? Like the living room? Our neighbors did that with theie second child b/c they are not ready to have the girls share a room yet and it seemed to work. Good Luck!

I had the same issues with my son. I had to start putting him in bed with me and keep him bundled close. It seemed like the closeness soothed him enough to sleep. Another thing I tried was not letting him even catnap after 3pm. This helped a lot. By 8 he was pretty exhausted and would sleep almost six straight hours. Hope this helps!

My grandson's doctor just started him on cereal and then food. He was getting up 3 times in the night, and my daughter in law works. She was so tired. She feeds him cereal right before bedtime. My son, when he was little, started on cereal at 6 weeks. So, it's not going to hurt your little guy to try it. I always tried to keep my kids up until 10:00, nurse them and give cereal and then.. to bed. I was fortunate enough to have 3 bedrooms, so I didn't keep mine in the room with me where I heard every peep. Would it be do-able to put him in the living room at night? Believe me, you'll still hear him if he needs you but won't keep you up with every little grunt or groan. Good luck.

One piece of advice that a lactation consultant gave me when I was having a similar problem at night is to nurse more during the day. It seems counterintuative, but it did work. A child needs so many calories and it may be that he isnt getting as much as his body requires during the day.

THe second piece of advise I have is to get the book "healthy sleep habits, happy child." It could take over an hour for him to cry himself to sleep in the beggining. If you dont have an extra room for him, maybe you can put a portacrib in the family room after everyone goes to bed. It probably wont take too long for him to learn to self sooth and then you can have him back in your room.

I had the same problem with my twin sons. It turns out they both had GERD or reflux and laying them on their back or stomach put them in agony because the contents in their stomachs were coming up and burning their esophogus. A pediatric GI can help diagnose that problem, but you may have to wait to get an appt. In the mean time, these ideas will help. Let him sleep sitting or reclining in either his swing or his car seat. The upright position will allow gravity to help keep the contents of his stomach in his stomach which will keep the reflux from burning his esophogus. My boys preferred to sleep with the swing in motion (you burn through batteries, but it is worth it to get some sleep). Also definately try baby cereal, it will thicken up the contents in his stomach and make it harder for the reflux to bring back up the contents of his stomach into his esophogus. Also, try swaddling him even when he is in his swing or car seat. At five months, he is not too old for this and it will be very comforting to him. Finally, give him up to a teaspoon of liquid Mylanta when he is really screaming. If it is reflux, this will help a lot and it will not hurt him.

In my humble opinion, there is nothing wrong with your baby. He is still very little, and just wants to be with his mama. This need for attachment is completely natural - he is completely dependent on you for his survival and he knows it. I co-sleep with my baby still. He is 10 months old. It works best that way for him and for me. Forcing the crib, or bottles, or the play pen just won't work if the baby is hysterical. Babies want to be soothed in to transitions, so they feel safe and cared for. The more you follow his cues, and do what he needs at the moment (forgetting what he 'should' need) the calmer and happier he will be. This will take time, but you and your baby will be a lot happier for it.
I had to let go of a lot of expectations with my kids. I found parenting to be really hard, especially when you don't know a trusted role model to help you out in those stressful times.
I don't think I get enough sleep these days, but I try to compromise with my baby - so that both of our needs are met most of the time. It doesn't always work, but I try.
I hope you are able to get some rest soon.

I am a FTM to a BF 6 month old boy, not an expert, but I can tell you what worked for me. At about 3-4 months my son was still waking up all the time (every 1-3 hours) and initially I would always nurse him to put him back to sleep. Then I read somewjere that "eating" was one of the strongest cues for waking in an infant. So I decided there was no way he HAD to eat more than every 4 hours. So if he awoke and it had been 4 hours or more since he ate I would breastfeed him. If not I would soothe him back to sleep via rocking, etc. So he started only waking one time each night...the time when it had been about 4 hours and he knew he would eat. Then when he reached 15 pounds (4 1/2 months) I decided to wean him from this middle of the night feeding. I got the okay from my pediatrician and started the process. For about a week I kept track of exactly how long he was nursing at this feeding and what time it was (3 am for 15-20 minutes). So...I set my alarm for 1 hour before his earliest waking time. Apparently you want them to unlearn that if they cry you will come and feed them so your essentially beating them to the punch. I started reducing this total nursing time (max 20 minutes) by 2 minutes each night . 10 days later when I got to 2 minutes of nursing that was it. The next night I laid in bed scared to death he would awake and desperate for some sleep but he didn't and has been sleeping 12 hours a night ever since hallelujah!! Now if he would only nap for 40 minutes at a time life would be perfect...hee hee! Godd luck.

You have to figure out your sleep philosophy. I think there are at least two different ways of thinking provided by respondents. I believe either can work as long as you are consistent. The huge thing I found was that the better my son slept during the day by taking naps, the easier it was for him to go to sleep at night and for longer periods of time. Exhausted babies or kids of any age for that matter keep themselves up with pure adrenaline. Sleep deprivation can mimic colic. My son was very cranky and "colicky" until I figured out how to help him sleep during the day and at night.

There also studies where poor sleep in older kids can give symptoms of ADHD. Sometimes this sleep deprivation is due to physical problems like breathing or too busy of a family lifestyle. Even in babies you can create a routine and ritual that lets the baby know that it is time to sleep. Whether you choose to lie down with your baby to get him to sleep or let him figure out to soothe himself to sleep by himself has to match your parenting style. Rituals can include dim lights, soothing music, stories & stories, nursing him, rocking,comfort items,quiet, etc. Consistency is really key. Consistency for naps and for nighttime. It may not happen overnight. It might take a while. Rituals and Routines should also happen when it is time to play and wake up. These should very different routines.

Stopping breastfeeding won't necessarily solve sleep problems. He is still little yet. If you can't get sleep during the night make sure you are at least trying to nap during the day. It will get better. Good luck with everything.

Letting a child "scream it out" doesn't work unless you have a set schedule of soothing, and you are consistent. If you ever one time give in an pick him up....you've undone everything. You don't just walk away, you go in at regular intervals and have a pattern of soothing that teach them self-soothing.

First things that come to mind is...breast milk alone is not enough for all babies...talk to your pediatrician about when you could add a bit of cereal. If you are mixing breast milk and formula...the formula could be to harsh, switch brands to see if you see a difference.

2nd...I breastfed for 13 months...and what I ate made a big difference...in fact...I had a very limited diet because many things made my breast milk too "something" and made my daughter cry, have gas, and spit up....a very wise lactation specialist had me give up milk myself and get my calcium other ways...it made a world of difference. Contact your local le Leche League and see if they can offer some assistance.

A baby can only sleep for as long as his "gas tank" will keep him going, so if he is eating everytime he wakes up, then his tank is empty.

I was very lucky...by the time I went back to work full-time in 7 weeks my daughter was sleeping a 7 hour stretch from midnight to 7:00 am...but it took a lot of work and discipline on my part to make that happen, and keep it going.

Good Luck !

your bio states baby seems to be colicky. Does he ball up his fists or draw his legs in when he is crying? That is one of the signs of colic. If he does have colic, do you give him gas drops before bedtime? My daughter had colic for 5 1/2 months and we gave her gas drops every night when she went to bed and seemed to calm her tummy better and was sleeping through the night by 2 months. Most of her colic was between 3-8 pm which seemed like forever as she would get fussy everyday at that time of the day and cry for hours and nothing seemed to help during those hours. after about 6 weeks when our babies woke up in the middle of the night I would just give them a bottle of water. After a few nights of water they didn't want to wake up in the night anymore so they slept through the night between 6 weeks and daughter was 2 months.
Try moving him to the living room in a playpen to sleep and see if that helps him sleep longer at night by not having you so close. I don't know what works as I didn't have any of my babies in our room after they were a month old. They slept in their crib in their own rooms at about a month and never have had a problem with them sleeping in our bed. If they have a nightmare they will come to the room and tell us and I will put them back to bed and rub their back until they go back to sleep. Our 3rd child slept in his crib in the living room for about 6 months because there wasn't room in the kids bedrooms for his crib but when he was 9 months old and we moved to another house he was in the same room with his 7 year old brother and did fine.
I did have one of those lights attached to the crib that automatically came on when they cried mainly so I could see them without having to turn on a bright light. Sometimes they would wake up earlier in the morning and play with the crib toys attached to their crib or coo a little while and go back to sleep but usually didn't wake up crying but woke up playing or cooing/talking to themselves.

You may already be doing this but I had similar problems with my son sleeping. I started using a sleep positioner that was snug on either side of him around his tummy/under his arms and he started sleeping better. I guess it made him feel like he was being held.

My 13.5 month old stil has moments when he wakes every two hours. Your son could be starting to get teeth, which definitely changes sleep patters. Babies really aren't supposed to sleep all night long at this age...their brains are designed to sleep less more often. If you just bring your son to bed with you at night, you will get more sleep and so will he. Dr. James McKenna has great information on co-sleeping and its benefits. Sounds like that might be something your son needs. Also try reading the no cry sleep solution. It might offer some other ideas. Some babies just aren't self soothers...mine isn't. We still nurse about 4-6 times during the day and about the same at night. I am sure there are many others out there who do the same!

I've gone through this with my son when he was that age. If you really want to get some sleep, keep the baby in bed with you and let him nurse. I think he is too young to be left crying and forced to do anything at this age. He's your baby and he really needs your comfort and to be close to you. My son's crib was in our room too, but he could never sleep in it, because babies know when mother is near. We have 2 older children, so to keep everyone from waking including my husband, I would keep the baby in bed with me and nurse him when he would wake. By 6 months babies usually don't need night feedings and I believe my son stopped waking to eat by then (he's 2 1/2 now). You could even try a pacifier if he does happen to wake. Trying making those few adjustments and things will get better and you'll get some much needed sleep!
Good luck,
V.

i highly recommend putting him on the Baby Whisperer's EASY schedule. I believe her name is Tracy Hogg if you want to check out her book. Good luck!

morning T.
how are you? i am first time mom. my daughter is 14months old. and no i didnt want to use crib. because she would get up whenever. so to make my life easir and my husband's life hard. i start letting her to sleep in our bed. i had to do that because i work full time.
so, this work for me. if you can handle the screaming then you have to leave him in his crib and let him cry. but dont let him cry forever. just go and talk to him, put some soothing music on. good luck F.

I just wanted to echo the advice for "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" by Dr. Wiessbluth.

Another book on sleep that I would recommend is called something like the No Cry Sleep solution. I can't remember the authors name, but you should be able to google it (she has a website) or search amazon for it.

I took both out of the library and learned a lot of great things reading them.

As far as learning more about colick, I learned a ton from "the Happiest Baby on the block". I don't know if we could have made it through the first 3 months without it. I don't know if the technique would work starting at 5 months, but if you can find it at the library, it's a quick read, and it has a lot of good info on what is and what is not colick.

Good luck.