Breastmilk Disappeared- 19 Month Old Distraught- Help!!!!

Oh good lord, you have NOT done damage. The past, is the past. Your little one will be FINE. 2 weeks? No, seriously...he is FINE. Please, don't beat yourself up. Could you get a lactation consultant, or contact La Lech League? I would think they have run into just about every scenario you could imagine. They will actually help you, and not make you feel awful about the TV.

Karyn Van der Zwet is not a doctor. She is a mother. If you are concerned about the television, consult your doctor...not a mommy blogger on the internet.

Oh honey this happened to me. Well my daughter was born at 25 weeks. She was 1lb 15oz. She was tiny. She was so small and her neurological system was not developed enough and she was unable to suck, swallow and breath at the same time. So I pumped. I pumped for a long time. 4 months to be exact and I did it every 2 hours even through the night for I was determined that she drank my milk and she was my first child so I had the time. But around the 4 month mark, I was sick of pumping. She still wouldn't latch on and so my pumping every 2 hours became every 3 hours and the night sessions turned into once before bed and again right when I got up. I hated it and although 4 months is really not that long, it seemed like a lifetime to me at that moment. She is now 7 by the way. Well my milk started to die out as well and I got emotional and I didn't know what to do. I called my doctor hysterical and demanded that she prescribe me fenugreek for many people were telling me that it works great. Well it didn't help me. I was pumping an oz every hour or two and I was devastated. She wouldn't cry because I gave it to her in a bottle anyway but I of course knew the difference. You are a wonderful Mommy and you just want the best for your child. I think your little one is gonna be okay though. Give it another day and he'll get used to the idea. Just always have milk in a cup ready to go for him. I wouldn't do a bottle because that may just start bad habits for he is a big boy now. I know that it's hard for you because you feel so bad at the moment but I am sure that it will get better soon. Hope all works well honey...Good Luck!

If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Put bandaids on your nipples and tell him that they are broken.

Your son will have to deal with disappointment in his life no matter how attached you two are. I know you wanted him to self wean, but it is what it is. The best thing you can do is switch him to eating more now. He needs that anyway since he isn't a good eater. You want him to try different foods so that he won't end up being a picky eater.

Good luck,
Dawn

It is certainly disappointing when things don't go as you had planned. I cried when both my babies were weaned, even though it was time for us and we both happily participated in the process. It is emotional, even under the most perfect circumstances. If he truly hasn't been nursing well because of distractions for the past 2 weeks, then he is weaned...he just doesn't realize it yet. He will not starve. Keep offering him alternatives. He will give in when he needs to. You can not change the past, so move on. It just might be possible to focus on nursing too much now and perpetuate the stress. It might be an easier transition if you just accept that it is over. Stress and nursing don't mix. If you are highly upset about it I doubt anything you try would even be able to work. If you feel inclined to keep up with some AP approaches, then do. But also don't worry if you need to modify it to suit you. Whole hog isn't necessary or best for everyone. They are are lots of loving, caring, supportive ways to parent. Spend lots of time doing things you know he likes and takes comfort in. Baby wearing? Moby that boy up and take long walks every day. The fresh air and sunshine will be good for both of you. Lots of books and snuggling in the rocking chair too. He'll be OK. TV? Just start over. You haven't done any damage. You will find extreme opinions about EVERYTHING you never even thought possible and will go **crazy** if you try to keep up with all that moms are supposed to do and not do. It's fine to seek advice and read a variety of opinions but trust your own mommy instincts. All adjustments take time. Give him several weeks to adjust. Have some friends over as a distraction in the meantime. And go out for lunch dates as often as you can, even if it is just you and your boy. Fill yourselves up with all kinds of positive distractions. In the end, he'll learn that he can depend on you even when things happen unexpectedly. You will both be better for it on the other side.

Keep on your usual nursing schedule and pump as often as you feel you can.

Stop letting him watch tv would be my next, strong suggestion. The American Academy of Pediatrics has recommended NO tv at all until age two. I'm not saying this to guilt you, but instead to help you feel better about making a better choice for your son and saying no to his desire for tv. Regardless of the nursing, two hours of tv a day for a toddler is a lot. It can affect sleep patterns, mood, brain development and more.You might want to read author Karyn Van der Zwet's post on the subject (she has done a lot of studying on what we do and how it affects the child's brain):

http://kloppenmum.wordpress.com/2012/06/08/what-screen-ti...

If you are practicing AP (I did AP practically by the book for the first three years), go back to basics and make your nursing time one of bonding for you and your little guy. I hope with focused nursing time and the good things you are trying, your milk comes back in. And know, too, that if this does end up meaning that he does wean unintentionally, you can find other ways to bond with him. He will eventually get hungry enough to accept this new reality and take what's offered. Good luck, M..

Any chance you're pregnant? That would tank your supply much quicker than missing a couple of nursing sessions.

Nursing is always more powerful than pumping. Turn off the TV while nursing. And contact a lactation consultant. Doctors are not lactation specialists. They are medical specialists. It's not the same thing. Get a referral from your OB or friends who have nursed, etc. good luck!

EDIT: Don't beat yourself up about the TV! It was just distracting at the wrong time. HUG!

Even if you never get back your milk supply, PLEASE stop beating yourself up. You already know to turn off the TV. But whether that's really related to the breast milk -- can you be sure anyway?

Please realize, too, that in the long run he will be fine. And be aware that you are very lucky.

Here's some perspective for you: I could not produce ANY breast milk, ever, other than a trickle. I tried Reglan and fenugreek etc. and fed my daughter formula through tiny tubes taped to my nipples so she would at least learn to suckle until my milk magically appeared. But my body never would produce milk. So please take a deep breath and realize that being able to breastfeed even for that year and a half is great. And his health will not collapse, his bond with you will not be shattered, if you have to stop now. You sound very, very wound up about this, and I understand that, but he WILL get over his stress and will never remember it, frankly. Hard to hear and understand right now in your exhausted and upset state, but it's true.

The only thing to watch for is whether he will be able to take a bottle -- I introduced one because a lactation consultant said to do so or else the baby might have big difficulty taking one later. But my daughter at that time was a month old, and your son is 19 months, and should be able to cope with a sippy cup and not have to have a bottle. He will not let himself starve. (Though, yes, you should keep tabs on him with his doctor to ensure he's hydrated.) There will be the initial hard time with him fussing for the breast but if you cannot get the supply back despite your efforts, he will be OK-- unless your own stress causes him stress, which it is.

I know you have a lot of emotion invested in breastfeeding, and so did I for an utterly agonizing few months, but he will survive and so will you. He will not be coming to you at 18 to say "My bond with you is ruined because you dropped breastfeeding too early."

I hope this doesn't sound harsh. I mean it to be supportive and to say that in the larger scheme of things he and you will get through this. I have a much older child than yours and I know there are many bigger battles ahead for you than this one, though this one is particularly fraught with emotion and guilt right now. You are making huge efforts to get your milk back and do keep that up, BUT if it does not happen -- there must come a point where you accept that, stop the efforts, and move on, and do not let it affect your joy in your son because you are so upset you can't let it go. I know, I've been there. Be ready emotionally to accept this whichever way it goes, or you will be so distraught you will be unable to take pleasure in your own child for a long time. You don't want that. Let us know how it goes with an update.

Since the dr said to pump every two hours, you need to not let your son nurse so that you can build up milk. It's a short term situation. Otherwise you keep nursing and you don't build up your milk supply. At least with not nursing you have the possibility of getting milk back. With not pumping, as suggested, this could go on for a very long time having not enough milk.

What is, is. I also suggest that you continue giving your son milk or formula mixed with as much breast milk as you have consistently over a several days. Use the same combination every time. That way he will get used to it.

Of course he doesn't understand. Don't give up because of his inability to understand. Of course you've not done damage. You're just having to deal with the unexpected. This won't be the first time you'll have to insist that your son do something even tho he doesn't understand why. I'm thinking of my 12 yo granddaughter who asks me over and over why even tho I've told why. She doesn't understand why my reason causes her to not get what she wants. There's more to this situation but basically I'm asking her to not do something that makes perfect sense to her. lol

Especially work on remaining calm and relaxed. Your anxiety will make it more difficult for him to accept something different. Try being matter of fact, expecting him to drink. Keep offering. It's a matter of toughing it out. Not pleasant but sounds like it's necessary.

You might also get some ideas from the La Leche League.

Stop beating yourself up about this. You didn't know this would happen. It's not going to damage your little one. He'll be uncomfortable until he adjusts or your milk comes back in. Again, being uncomfortable is the human condition. None of us like unexpected and sudden change. You're both grieving the loss, a good thing. It will help both of you to move on eventually.

how about approaching this from a different direction?

okay, this has happened...& instead of trying to move backwards in time - what about moving forward?

what about allowing your son to express his anguish, allowing yourself to embrace your own emotions.....& then find a way to move on together in a different direction?

you've been thru the grieving process....& so has he. Now it's time to find a new way to embrace each other. It's time to find a new way to express your love & nurturing....

You've tried all of the options, you've beat yourself up.....by doing this, you are allowing his needs to fester & inflate! Stop allowing him to try to feed....I honestly, honestly believe you are making it worse.

If you stand firm, he will learn to drink from a cup. Forget the bottle! He equates that with you. I know you said he wouldn't eat or drink....but honestly - he will when he's hungry enough! Many parents have to deal with this at one point or another....breastfed or not. :)

I know you're hurting, but....life happens, & at this point, you need to ask yourself if you're trying your best or just being a hardhead/not willing to give up. Sometimes we suffer at our own hands....& this may be the case.

In order for life to move on, please accept that this has happened. Please find the strength to move on & allow your son the peace he so greatly needs at this point. Only you can decide whether to prolong this anguish or to take the next steps to Peace in your home. In other words, please quit trying to rebuild that milk supply & let your son's anguish end.

I truly, truly wish you Peace. In no way am I judging you, because I truly believe there is nothing to judge. This is life. Please make it happy. :)

I wonder if something else is going on. When weaning, milk supply goes down very gradually. You wouldn't wake up with your breasts half of their normal size overnight. For example, maybe you are starting to ovulate again? If so, that can cause a 2-4 day hit in your supply every month when you ovulate. But then supply comes back for the rest of the month.

And, if your baby is trying to nurse frequently and you still got an ounce of milk each time you pumped, your supply isn't gone. So I think there is still a chance to get it back. Keep nursing, and pump when you can (nursing is more important than pumping for supply).

In the meantime, put what you have in a sippy cup and have SOMEONE ELSE give it to him. Completely leave the house if you need to, he's not going to take the sippy with you right there - he expects the breast from you - but if you are not home he may take it.

And if it doesn't work, I hope you can come to peace with this, because you have done a fabulous job of nursing by making it to 19 months! You have gotten him through the most important infant stage, when breastmilk was so good for his immune system.

I guess turn the tv off and start over from scratch... I'm sure you can build your supply back up, it's not too late.

He needs to be eating regular foods at his age anyways. I'm kind of confused. Why would you give him formula? He can have cows milk now. I think you should have someone else feed him. My baby has been ebf and he goes with his dad and can go a whole day without the breast. He will drink milk in a sippy cup. With me he wants to nurse. He is 13 months. Pumping should help.
Good luck...

Seriously, I don't want to offend you, but you need to RELAX! The stress is going to start affecting your body in other ways other than the breastfeeding. It is what it is. It was time for it to end. You need to look at the positive side that your son and you are both healthy. He will continue to thrive with your LOVE, not your breast! There are parents out there that have children dying or have died. I don't mean to be harsh but there are worse things that can happen. Be thankful and be grateful!

RELAX!! Stress is one of the biggest factors to milk supply. It sounds like you are doing everthing you can. If it doesn't come back, it doesn't mean that you are a bad mom. I went through this with my first one. I planned to do everything by the book, and I never got 2 oz at a time the whole time I nursed and pumped round the clock. I really beat myself up for months because I had to supplement with formula from day 3 in the hospital when my baby went from ok to critical because of her billiruben.

Another thing to remember is that doctors tell parents that bottle feed that they should get rid of the bottle at 12 months, so if you follow that line of thinking then he doesn't need to nurse past 12 months either. I'm not saying I agree with that since my 2.5 year old still has one at night time, but it is something to consider. I am so sorry this happened to you, but you will do your best, and he will get over it, but the transition maybe tricky. Good luck and keep your chin up, you are NOT a bad mom, and your baby will be fine with or without whatever milk you can give him.