Hi M.,
I'm so sorry you're going through this and very sorry for your loss. It all seems to come at once, doesn't it?
My story is a bit long, but I'll try to summarize...back in 1997 at the age of 25, I found a lump which was diagnosed as DCIS (which is a stage zero cancer, meaning that the cancer cells hadn't yet attacked my healthy cells). I had the lump removed, but year after year more "spots" were discovered and more surgeries were performed (I think I had 4 or 5 surgeries over about 9 years). I finally decided to be done with it and in 2006, even though I was only 34, I had a prophylactic mastectomy on the affected breast (only my right breast was ever an issue) and reconstruction. It was the best decision I ever made, because they ended up finding a very small amount of invasive cancer (a few millimeters in the breast and some in my first lymph node). I underwent chemo later that year. I decided to keep the other breast in case I was ever able to breast feed and was lucky enough to have a beautiful baby boy in March of 2008.
Last October, I went for a routine MRI and they saw a spot in my left breast (the one that had never had an issue), but the spot didn't show up in a mammo or ultrasound. In March I did a follow up MRI and the spot was still there. I'm actually having it biopsied today. I know it's nothing (the radiologists say they are 95% sure that it will turn out to be benign), but I have to say that I'm sick of this. My husband and I are trying for our second baby, and once I finish breastfeeding again, this breast is also coming off. I'm tired of the worry, I'm tired of the frustration, amd most of all, I want to make sure I am around to watch my little boy (and if I'm lucky, his sister or brother) grow up.
Everyone is different, but as you can probably guess from my story, my advice to you would be to move ahead with the mastectomy. It will put your mind at ease. No more breast, but also no more mammograms, no more ultrasounds, no more MRIs, no more biopsies, no more false positives, no more worry...
Personally, I'm looking forward to having a perky pair for the rest of my life and never having to wear a bra again!! Think of all the money you'll save on underwear! :)
Please don't think I am making light of your situation. I know first hand what a beast cancer is, and I certainly understand how hard it is to lose a breast. I just try to stay positive and find the silver lining where I can.
All the best, whatever your decision!!! Please feel free to send me a personal message through Mamasource if you want to talk about anything - the surgery, the recovery, etc. Take it one day at a time...you are a cancer survivor, you are strong, and you WILL get through this.
XOXO
J.