Boys 1 Year Apart

J.:

A fabulous book to help with these issues is - "Siblings without Rivalry"

P., RLC, IBCLC
Patenting Coach and Board Certified Lactation Consultant
www.lactationsupportgroup.com

If it helps any my girls are 5 years apart and do this! I know when I was growing up there were 6 of us and we all ranged about 1.5 apart in most cases and we had some crazy fights! For my girls I take an item they love away. One of my daugters is her tv time the other her dolls! Hope it works out! I guess it all comes with having kids! Good luck

Can't recommend any books as we haven't used any. My boys are 4 and 3 (12 months and 10 days apart) right now. For the most part they get along pretty well. When they were that age any time they started to get physical with each other we separated them, putting the offender in time out. We would remind him to be nice/make nice with his brother. We simply did not tolerate any wrestling. We do have two of several favorite toys so that the younger one can play with the older one and they don't fight over the toy. Sometimes we have to force them to share using a timer. We also do not tolerate them taking toys away from each other. We always give the toy back to the person who had it first, then encourage them to share. The boys still have their fights, but since we stay consistent in the way we handle it they have learned not to be physical about it.

Hi, my kids are 10 months apart and right now my DD is 4 and my DS is 3. They tend to physically challenge each other (pushing, slapping, kicking) and lately what I've been doing is trying to help them figure out their issues on their own. For example my daughter will get frustrated w/ the boy and start kicking him. I'll ask her if she can ask him to please leave her alone, then when she does, I'll tell the boy to please respect what she says and suggest something else for him to do. If I don't take sides and don't get angry, they seem to resolve the issue better than if I start yelling and laying down the law and issueing timeouts. Then it becomes a who-can-get-who-in-more-trouble contest. As long as they're not seriously hurting eachother I try to stay low key about it. Now a few times my son has poked my daughter in the eye, and he gets a serious time out for that one, but they're gonna rough each other up some. I guess my main suggestion would be to give them options/ideas to respond to each other so they learn to behave in non physical ways.

Hi. I am a mom of 3 boys. My oldest is 3 and the twins are 2. I know very much what you are going through. The tough thing is that no matter what you try they are goong to do what they will. It takes time. They are testing their boundaries right now. It's new to both of them. The younger one is finally getting big enough to interact w/the older one and the older one wants him to know that his is in charge. He's the biggest. It takes constant work as the parent to keep re enforcing your rules and letting him know what he shouldn't be doing. He will learn that he can hurt him, but don't be fooled. Your little one will pick up quick on how to defend himself and soon things will be 50/50 on who's hurting who. The wrestling thing is something that you will have to get used to. Mostly they are just playing and that will never change. That's how most boys play. The 2 year old is stil little himself. He will learn that he can hurt his brother and it will get better, but in time. You are at a tough age. I'm not gonna lie. It doesn't get easier anytime soon. Remember that's it's ok to tell your littler one no too. If he gets in your 2 year olds face you should calmly move him and let him know his brother needs his space too. Put other toys in front of him. It's very hard on the 2 year old as well. He is at an age where he's learning and understanding more, but still selfish. They all are. We'd all like our kids to be totally giving and sharing, but it just isn't that way. He doesn't fully understand. He's claiming his territory. It's ok for them to have their own things and time. Just as we like to. Just keep working with the older one on nice play and play that's too rough. He'll get it. If you had a younger one, your 1 year old would be picking on him. That's how the chain works;) I'm not sure of any books, but you can always ask your kids Dr for advice. They can give you suggestions or handouts on different things to try or to just help you learn how to deal w/situations. And it could be worse, my oldest used to choke the twins. Luckily he grew out of it. Now that they are bigger they go after him. It never ends;)

I would recommend setting times when they can play seperate and together. My oldest two (boy and girl) are 16 months apart. (It doesn't seem like much time, but they are sometimes in two different worlds and stages.) Alone play is good and allows the older to feel like a big kid when they can do their own thing without the younger.
Another thing I do is take away what they can't share. "If we can't share it, then no one plays with it." They are usually willing to share then.
You are doing great with reinforcing no pushing and the time outs. I would stop the wrestling everytime they do it. It is hard for children to understand that it is ok this time but not next time. Reinforce with like you have with no pushing.

Now I don't have boys but I do know from my friend having two (a year apart) that they seem to grow out of that stuff especially if you reinforce the whole no pushing, hitting. Also try explaining that the baby doesn't know any better and that he has to learn to share with his brother. Or try and include him and have him show the little brother how to play with said toys. Good Luck! You're going to have 18 years of wrestling! ;)
J.

My 2 girls are exactly the same! 3 1/2 and 2....I just try and stay consistent with the rule...I also let them work out some of their issues themselves. If they are fighting over a toy I saw work it out or no one will have..they usually find a compromise. If the younger is in the older's face I try and distract the younger one.

Good Luck...I know there are days when I am ready to explode, especially after dealing with our 2 month old all night!

Becky P sounds really well-informed. I would follow her advice to a "T". I have a 3 yearold and and 1 1/2 year old boys and her advice and experience ring true. Couldn't have written it bette myself.