Boy Just Turned 5, Continual Clothes Wars

Dear W.,
He is old enough to understand that he can pick out his clothes the night before. That way he can make these choices and demands on his own time. Explain this is a non-negotiable rule, he must find what he wants to wear on his own and he must do it before bed time, period. Then you stand your ground and don't give into the requests for more time, help and/or the pleading to change his mind in the morning. He can have as much control as he wants, it just needs to be on his time, not yours. As far as wearing clothes for a week at a time, two days in a row is plenty (allowing the outfit is filthy) and then is gets washed. This should be stated up front as well. If the need to control his clothes is rooted in anxiety, you should talk with him about what he believes will happen if he can't wear exactly what he wants to wear. Help him through this by talking with him about his concerns. Good luck and yes it is very frustrating.

Have him pick out what he is going to wear the night before. If he is prone to changing his mind have him pick out 2 options that he can choose from in the morning. In the morning he must wear what he picked out- no negotiating. That gives him the choice and control that he's seeking and the sanity that you are seeking. Good luck!

Any child wants some independence and in the summer time wearing the same clothes for a few days is really no big deal with swimming and sprinkler and bathing every few days. So long as they are basically clean plus sometimes being in the sun makes our skin feel different so he may not really know why he only likes to wear that shirt or socks but that they feel good on his skin. Perhaps he could pick out his clothes for the next day as part of the bedtime routine. (this my son out) I know from first hand experience how clothes bug a kid at different times throughout the year but remember this a phase and soon end and something else will come up that puts this irritating thing aside for even more fun and irritating parenting.Good Luck!
J.

Good suggestions. When our child started caring about her clothing, we sat down and made an agreement about how it was all going to work each morning.

If she knew exactly what she wanted to wear the next day, she could lay it out so in the morning there would not be any searching. Otherwise when WE folded her clothes, we would put them in "outfit" bundles and placed them in her drawer this way.

We also learned that if she like a certain top, shirt, dress, we would purchase 3 or 4 in different colors so they could be matched in different configurations. (Target was perfect for this). We also purchased 2 pairs of sandals, 2 pairs of tennis shoes..(All on sale of course) this way if a pair was too dirty, wet, or were lost, we did not have to panic.

One thing I read that helped our daughter was to only purchase white socks.. all exactly the same. You always have a pair that match.

We then realized that she did not mind solid colored socks as long as they were the same style. So sometimes, she would wear 2 different colors..

Have your child make some decisions on what is going to work for him. Let him know it is not acceptable behavior to be demanding about such things, because it is HIS responsibility to make sure his clothing is in the correct place.

When clean his clothes should be in his drawer or hanging in his closet, when dirty in the dirty clothes hamper. Until he can do his own wash, he will need to chill till his clothes are cleaned for them to be available.. Or he will need to politely request that something be washed the day before they will be needed.

I am sending you strength and patience.

What happens if you don't turn the house upsided down looking for his socks? Is this the only time that you are at his command or is it just the only time that bothers you?

This sounds like a control issue to me. You can either be controlled or not. If he wants to obsess, and you are OK letting him do that, then put some limits on when he can. We had a very slow morning dresser, and our soloution, while not ideal, was to make her shower at night, pick out her clothes for the next day, and sleep in them. That way, our morning was not revolving around her mood and speed, which was never good and flavored everything. If he wants to have control, let it be the night before, then refuse to play this game in the morning. If the dressing is the imporatant element, he will do his dance the night before, when he has plenty of time to do it all himself. If it is just he way to take control and make you do the dance, he will try to draw you back out on the dance floor. Don't dance if you don' like it.

My kids don't really have ultamate control over clothes. I buy them, and what they get depends on me, so if he has this control, you gave it to him and you can take it away. Sometimes I let my kids make decisions and sometimes, I say no. I don't need to negotiate with them at all, and you can refuse to do that too. I would be irritated if I felt like a 5 year old was directing me to find his fashion whimsey, especially if I was actually doing it.

M.