Bothered About Friend Un-friended Me?!

Why would you even WANT to be friends with a jerk like that? I think I would call, in an attempt to maintain a relationship with the children. Other then that, I'd say good riddance!!

This is a tough one. Seeing that you were that close of friends I'd try to talk to him. He still may not want to make amends, but atleast you know that you tried. If he still refuses to speak to you then you'll just have to move on. I know that's hard, but sometimes it's what happens.

Wow! I am so sorry you are going thru this, I so feel you! I was I un-friended too, but it was reverse, I posted, one time that I believe marriage to be between a man and woman. This is the only thing I have ever said since high school as well where this friend was concerned yet they have posted a lot on their page and I like you felt it was their right to have their view, I would neve let go of a friend over something like that. I am not as close to the friend who un-friended me as you are. I think that is awful. I am debating sending my friend a letter to re-iterate I truly care for them and just put that olive branch out there. So maybe a nice card? Just a reminder that outside of all these 'issues' you do really care about them.

If being a bigot is more important to him than your friendship, you're probably better off without him in your life.

My sister-in-law's husband un-friended me because of the very same thing. No real big hurt here, I found it funny because my husband was commenting that 'R' was posting about the "sanctity of marriage" and how the bible condemns this and that. 'R' is on his second marriage, his first broke due to cheating from both sides. Yeah, I had a good chuckle when my DH told me he thought I had been un-friended. Love you too, ya hypocrite redneck.

I would give it some time, maybe your friend will cool down in time. I hope so.

Also, I am a Christian and I've had to come to terms with my faith and my heart a long time ago. While "gay" may not be "Godly", it's only about as "unGodly" as premarital sex. How many of "us" are guilty of that "sin"?? Should we burn? Should we have our right to marriage denied because of our choice made in love? Yeah...glass houses and stones. God forgives and loves, follow the main 10 and all's good.

I'm sorry you have such an awful former friend. It's bad enough when people you don't actually know blast you on a thread for something you say to a facebook FRIEND. But to do what this man has done? It does mean that he appreciates NOTHING about the person you are. He is one of these who thinks of what you can do for them NEXT. He's very selfish. Now what he thinks is that because you have different views from him on his hot button is that you won't have something "good enough" to offer his perceived notions of what a friend is.

I'm sorry that this is the way he is, but really, isn't it better to know this about him NOW?

I would just walk away from the family and when your own kids ask why, I would gently be honest with them. It's a very hard personal life lesson, but you can NOT let people like this man deter you from teaching your children that hating people because of their beliefs is acceptable. I would also be honest if the man's kids ask you why, as well. Don't "enable" this man by sugarcoating to his kids the reason why you aren't seeing them anymore. Be gentle, but honest, and tell them that it hurts you too.

Dawn

I would be glad he unfriended you, now you don't have to hear his intolerant ramblings. If he can't bear to speak to you now that he knows you don't agree on these issues, then just accept the friendship is over, and be the more happy for it.

Over the course of the past 2 elections, I've wished desperately to unfriend some of my racist relatives. I found out more about their lack of tolerance than I ever wanted to know. I wish they had kept their racism to themselves and their like minded friends and not spew the hate across FB. But I didn't unfriend them because they are family and having to explain why I unfriended them was a can of worms I didn't want to open.

However, I did unfriend several casual friends or friends-of-friends because I couldn't handle it anymore.

Wow, can you say closet case? I bet he really likes how everyone has changed their profile pictures to the red with white equal sign, lol.

aw sweetie that's such a shame. it's a shame that they allow themselves to be hurtful and bigoted but they shun people that they feel "sin" in a different way than they do. they don't see how hypocritical they are being...

unfortunately, you became very close to some people who have hate in their hearts. i'm sorry for that. it's just one of those life lessons though. what can you do? nothing. stand firm in your beliefs. don't cave or buckle under their judgment. you're not wrong. and i'm sorry but the wife is no better for being a doormat and allowing this kind of behavior from her husband - he has NO right to dictate her actions towards you.

once the initial shock and pain have subsided...i hope that you will realize your life is better without them in it. it's unfortunate about the children...but unavoidable :( so sorry for your loss.

the only other thing i have to offer, and this is along the lines of the "life lesson" i mentioned - when you have people you are close to and care about a lot - it should be a red flag to see them posting hateful comments (of ANY kind) on fb or any public forum. just like if you heard them badmouthing someone behind their back, or saw them do anything else mean spirited. that says a lot hon. my own brother has posted some awful things since the election...and i see him in a totally different light. i don't hang my hopes and dreams on a close future with him and his family. that kind of hatefulness doesn't mesh with my morals. so next time, try to see the signs for what they are and then it may not be such a shock to you when something like this happens...

My friends' opinions are all across the spectrum, and I have had people stop talking to me for being both too conservative (from the liberal perspective) and too liberal (from the conservative perspective). I count myself lucky to know where I stand with them and not have them pretend that they are my friends.

I would let it go. You shouldn't have to beg someone to be your friend, and a true friend will talk to you ABOUT the issue that they have with you (or with your opinions), rather than just drop you.

If someone is willing to unfriend you and stop speaking to you over this...they are not worth your time.
Period.

Don't waste any more of your effort by calling and asking for explanations. You won't be satisfied.

What a jerk.

Wow. What a jerk. I guess you know now that he doesn't know how to have his own beliefs and still be understanding of different views than his own. I find it funny that until he knew your views, he considered you someone that was a friend and aunt figure to his kids. Shame on his wife, too.

This is a major reason why I think people need to be careful about what they post on FB. I have found out things about people that I would've preferred they kept to themselves. Things they would never talk to anyone about face to face.

Good riddance!
That's what I'd say.

He doesn't sound like anyone I would want for a friend! I would have unfriended him for making hateful comments!

Small minded people. Sorry your hurt but what kind of friend does this, his way or the highway kind.

I will ask you this one question... If someone would stop speaking to you over your political views (and for that reason only), is this a friendship worth fighting for?

For me, it would not be worth fighting. I have friends and family whose political, social and religious views run the full spectrum of beliefs, but my feelings toward them and theirs toward me are not based on those views. Those relationships are based on our commonalities, not alienation based on our differences.

It's not a stupid reason to be upset. It's a completely valid reason to be upset. What would I do? I would call him and ask him why he has stopped talking with you and see what he says. Don't tell him that his wife told you anything... that's putting her in a really bad spot. Let him explain himself. Whatever reason he gives you, take it as his version of the truth and go with it.

For what it's worth, if you asked my husband ten years ago if he supported marriage equality he would have said "absolutely not". Then he became really close with my former supervisor, who has been with his partner for 25 years. They got to know each other pretty well before he shared with my husband that he is gay and that he wanted us to all go out to dinner together. We were honored to witness their marriage last fall. Ask my husband his opinion now? Very different. His reasoning is pretty simple... he didn't know that he cared about something until it impacted someone he cared about.

Opinions change... don't burn a bridge, but don't fight a losing battle either.

**I will openly admit that I have "hidden" one friend who I adore in "real life" but am sick and tired of her "Pitbulls are amazingly wonderful, child-friendly pets... just misunderstood" posting EVERY.SINGLE.DAY**

I had a cousin unfriend me because of my political and social views. I had a couple others unfriend me. I had to hide 2 of my friends because their hurtful ranting was all they posted, they even stopped posting pictures of their family in order to forward on nothing but hurtful "memes". Such is the times right now sadly. People are very set in this *Us against Them* mentality right now. People are being whipped into a frenzy and unjustly think that if you can't agree on these points then there is nothing left to the friendship. Never mind you've been friends or close family for so many years and have a relationship outside of your views on this one topic or that one topic. People are loosing sight of why they became friends in the first place over issues such as Gay Equality.
I have many friends and family that I do not agree with but we remain friends because there is more to our relationship than a narrow hallway of things. But I have lost a few too.
I don't know what to say to help really. I don't know if this friend will ever come around or if he's really willing to let this one thing ruin such a long time relationship that obviously would not have gone on so long if you didn't have so many other things in common. I hope he can come around and realize the friendship isn't something worth loosing over this one issue.

I am sorry your friend feels this way. It has AMAZED me how much facebook brings out the nastiness in people and "shows" you things about them you wouldn't have possibly seen before!
I had a friend from high school unfriend me too. We were VERY close for many years. As adults we grew apart because she relocated etc but we always kept in touch. Well she ended up unfriending me because I backed up another friend who was being attacked for her political views. And all I said was that she was entitled to her own opinion and how some people just get crazy about politics etc.
Well this "friend" of mine unfriended me, then messaged me the nastiest e-mail. Calling me stupid, attacking me over things she says I had done in the past that I never had, really going for the jugular....I was floored! Alot of things she attacked me over were things SHE had done in the past, or things that didnt even make sense. It was extremely hypocritical but even more so hurtful. I had been there for her in the past so many times, and many of the times she had been down and out it was her own doing, but I supported her anyways.
This happened months ago and it still bothers me to this day. As much as it hurts to lose friends, in cases like this....dont let the door hit 'em in the butt! We can't change people. And if a friend can't support your right to an opinion then they truly arent a real friend. Stinks that it happens this way, but it does! Keep your head up knowing you are good open minded person!

With the political climate the way it is, it is happening often. I know myself, people have stopped commenting on things they ordinarily would have after the election. However, I still comment or like pictures etc we do live I America. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I do to u dear stand why we cannot all agree to disagree. I do together it. I respect other people's views. Obviously they feel their view is the only view.

Your friend is not a very nice person, so you need to let it go. Nice people that care about their friendships don't do this kind of thing.

Your difference of opinion on gay marriage issue is simply the thing that made him finally show his true self to you. He was always this person, you just never saw it before.

I actually went through this really recently.

A (formerly) dear friend unfriended me shortly after the election in November. I have known for years that we are political opposites, and I have tried to be respectful by hiding my political FB posts from her, so that she wouldn't feel defensive or attacked or whatever when I posted things I know she doesn't believe in. When we met in person, in general, we had an unspoken agreement not to talk politics, and we were both respectful of that. We had lots of other things in common, and so our friendship was built on those things.

But all of that seemed to end with the November election. This friend posted a lot of really offensive stuff on her page after that (I noticed that she didn't make any efforts to hide these posts from me, but I decided to overlook them and I never commented on any of them). Then, right before Christmas, she unfriended me and my husband. At first, I thought it might have been an accident or perhaps she wasn't using FB anymore, except that her husband (who I really like, personally, but am not close to) kept his page up and she would continue to comment and "like" his stuff, so I knew she was still active on Facebook. She just was sending me a really clear signal, I guess, that she doesn't want to continue the friendship with me.

I was really, really hurt at first. It kept me awake at night. I didn't know what I had done besides just disagreeing with her (and not even outwardly) and voting my own values. But over time, I have healed. I decided to keep communication lines open. I sent them a Christmas card (I didn't get one in return), and I sent her a text on her birthday (she sent me a brief acknowledgement back but nothing else, and no text on my birthday). This way, I guess, if she wants to return to the friendship, she knows where to find me.

These new technologies make it so much easier to snub someone than before. I might have noticed that she didn't acknowledge my birthday, or that I never hear from her anymore, but I probably would have assumed she was just busy if not for Facebook. I'm trying to remember that, without FB, she could easily just let the relationship fade out and the results would be the same. Mostly, though, I'm trying to remember that anyone who would cut me out of their lives over something like this wasn't going to be a positive force in my life, anyway.

I hope, with time, you'll realize the same. Best of luck.

Right now, things are so heated around this issue. He'll likely calm down and come back around, unless his pride gets in the way. Why would you want him back, though? I liken his actions to hanging up the phone in your face when you said something that he didn't like. Anybody who shuts the door on our conversation and leaves no room for me to have a differing opinion, let alone discuss it, is somebody I would have to stop knowing. I get that it hurts, but one of the unwritten rules of friendship--or even just conversation, with anyone--is that you leave the door open for communication. Once that door is slammed shut (and the person can talk to you whenever he/she sees fit but refuses to hear anything that you have to say), and communication is only at his/her discretion, I consider it over. You are no longer playing by the same rules, which means that you can no longer "play" together. Done.

All relationships aren't tested, and we tend to assume to know how we might respond to certain tests. We call them "best friends" and such based on those assumptions. Then, there's a test, and our eyes are suddenly wide open. And now, we know. It was a good ride--time's up.

I am sorry for your pain. Yes, I would call. Clearing the air will either convience you that you are better off without him or give him pause to rethink his decision about unfriending you. Yes, he is entitled to his opinion.

Let it go, if his wife (who still talks to you) is so spineless that she won't intervene on your behalf, he's not worth it and sort of sounds like a bigot. He's not worth it and it's not your job. He does not consider you as good a friend as you did him.

I do not like people that do not respect other persons opinions and that are intolerant so I would not be friends with him anyway... Difficult to give ou advice there since you care for him and I don't.... Think about it and do what your heart tells you.

The issue is him and his maturity has never manifested, never will.

At least you got to know this about him and will decide what to do in your heart.

Another reason, I am so anti-FB.

Good luck.

So you are saying a grown man unfriended you? Not a 12 year old girl?

Good grief. We do not all agree on everything. That is what makes us unique.

I have such a wide variety of friends, and we certainly do not agree on everything, but we respect each others opinions..

I do have a "friend" that is getting a bit scarey, I keep wondering if he is one of "those people" that is going to go crazy with his love of guns and try to be a hero or something.. Since the Sandy Hook Shootings all he has posted is about the govt coming after his guns and then how much ammunition he has been purchasing! I told him they do not want your guns, but do want more back ground checks, want to close some loop holes. He thinks Sandy Hook was a govt conspiracy..

But I have not unfriended him. I also have only told him, the govt is not going to take guns, but I do believe in background checks since there do seem to be a lot of "unstable people out there", "with a lot of strange ideas".. Hee, hee..

Friends come and go. Some are for a season and some are for a reason. If I were in your shoes, I would let it go and let the friendship go. Why would you want to continue to try to be friends with someone who doesn't want to be friends with you. It doesn't mean you don't be polite and say, "Hi." and keep it moving.

People can be strange like this and you get to choose your friends just as much as they can choose you. Yes it hurts when they leave abruptly but they are free to leave and you are free to deal with the pain and move on yourself. Yes it hurts but in time you will feel the pain less and less and then not at all. Life must go on and so must you. Sorry for your loss.

Um, just playing devil's advocate here but if say you never said anything how did he find out you are supporting same sex marriages? Is he psychic?

Not saying what he is doing is anything but a temper tantrum mind you.

Depending on how he found out it will probably just blow over.

I am sorry for you, as I know this is upsetting for you, but just remind yourself why they dont want to be friends, and then say to yourself "Good riddance. I dont need to be friends with hateful people like that anyway"

If the husband feels this way marriage equality he has deep rooted issues. Since he wants his wife to do what he does and not associate with you then you have no choice but to let the relationship go.

Friends are for seasons and this season has come to an end.

Seek new friends to replace them both. Don't worry about them. One day he may let her return but the relationship will be different. Some husband rule with an iron hand and this is one of them.

Peace and see others.

the other S.

PS The pain of the loss will ease over time.

Personally, I'd confront him. If I was going to lose a good friend about an opinion (an important one but one that you can certainly feel differently about and still be friends) I'd have a chat first. There is no way I'd let someone cut me out of their lives without me getting a few choice final words in.

I don't understand why your political views, religions, or opinions should affect your friendship. I may think a celebrity is ugly and if my friend finds him hot, that's her right and we're still friends, it doesn't change her as a person. I have friends who are Muslims, Christians and Catholics, even though I don't practice any sort of religion, and that doesn't make them any less worthy of a friendship. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

This man sounds immature if he cannot separate an opinion from a friendship and is letting your point of view ruin a friendship that had endured several years. Let it go, maybe someday he will wake up and realize that he missed out on a true friend, or maybe his clergy person will make him realize that we have no right of judging others and letting a friendship dissolve over a point of view is silly and not very Christian-like (you're supposed to love thy neighbor, no?). Heck, maybe realizing the kids miss you since they're so close to you will make him recapacitate.

I try to keep my opinions to myself even when prodded by co-workers and bosses (most of which are at the end of the political spectrum from me), another reason I am glad I am not on Facebook. It wouldn't surprise me if some close-minded idiot decided to fire their employee because they're of a different political mindset or religion than they originally thought and Facebook brought that to light. There are lots of intolerant people like that in this world, that's the sad thing, and being an at will employee, they COULD let you go for any reason, including something as trivial as having different beliefs.

How can you tell if someone has unfriended you? I unfriended lots of folk lately.

Updated

How can you tell if someone has unfriended you? I unfriended lots of folk lately.

I would just let it go. I see his kids call you auntie. So maybe he just doesn't want to READ your posts about marriage equality, so he unfriended you. That doesn't mean he is through with you. I have unfriended people also, because I don't want to hear whatever they like to rant about on a daily basis. I'm not saying you were ranting, but sometimes people don't like to read about stuff they don't agree with.