Birthday Party Sleepover - at a Hotel

No, I wouldn't. I would call the mom and find out specifics. Besides the logistics I would ask about the rules she's going to enforce. You need to know how many kids, their ages, and how many adults and how involved they'll be.

As I write, I'm thinking that if I didn't know the parents already I'd pick up my daughter after the party and swimming but before bed time. I think 9 is too young to be out in an uncontrolled environment over night.

I would also be cautious because the mom hasn't contacted me to ask permission and to explain what would happen.

Hmmm, we know all the parents of our daughter's friends so this wouldn't be an issue for me.

In your case, I would simply ask the mom questions regarding your concerns and go from there depending on how you feel about her answers.

We did the hotel birthday party at 12 with a few close friends (6 girls total) We had a limo pick everyone up, drive around town and then to the hotel. The hotel is in a upscale area with lots of restaurants, etc.

I booked a suite. The girls slept in the bedroom and I stayed on the pullout in the suite area. Yes, I was up most of the night as the girls were giggly and having fun. They went swimming, then got fixed up and we walked to a nice restaurant for dinner (hubby came along on dinner) then walked back to the hotel and went swimming again, then watched movies and had late night room service. The girls were scheduled to be picked up by 10am the following morning. About 9am hubby brought in donuts, juice, milk, etc for them.

I am the one who stayed with them 24/7. I didn't let them run the hallways or get ice because I knew some moms were not as lenient as I am .. At that age, we did allow daughter to go get ice and gave her plenty of space within reason. Each family is different so I erred on being on the more strict side vs more lenient side. My daughter understood my reasoning.

Everyone had a great time. Go with your gut on how you feel about the parents of this child. I know it is hard letting go, I am still struggling with that one with my daughter wanting to go to college a plane ticket away and in Italy! I just trust that I have taught her well.

I've thrown this party before. I only invited as many girls as would fit in a suite with two queen beds and I slept on pullout couch. Noone left the room without me. I didn't leave them in the room alone. And not a single parent had any reservations about thier kids staying there with us. It was a loooong night for me, but we all had a blast.

These kinds of parties have gotten very popular around here, and I can see why: the sleepover mess stays at the hotel, and compared to some other party places it's relatively cheap!
The ones my girls have gone to have ALL been like this: there are two separate but adjoining rooms, one for the girls and one for the parents. The girls are not allowed to wander around on their own, they stay together as a group. If the party leaves to go down to the pool the parents go with them and stay with them. They spend the night eating, laughing, watching DVDs and doing other fun girly stuff, all in the room.
Check with the girl's mom to get the details. As long as the girls will be constantly supervised I see no problem with it. Your gut will tell you if something doesn't sound right.
My kids are very well traveled and were taught hotel safety from a very young age, most specifically, NEVER LEAVE THE ROOM WITHOUT AN ADULT. If your daughter is mature and has been taught the same thing then I'm sure she'll be fine and have a blast :)

At the age of 9? If I didn't know the parents? Then no. She could go to the party but not spend the night. Could you meet the parents first and find out the sleeping arrangements? If so I would consider it based on my first impression of the parents.

My sister did this same thing when I used to work at Marriot and got them a 2 bedroom suite. But she did not know about it (thought they were visiting me at work) and my parents planned and coordinated everything with the parents beforehand. Also, the girls were a bit older - maybe 11/12ish.

I would def talk to the parents and get an understanding of the sleeping situations, the 'roaming the hotel' or being unsupervised possiblities. More than likely they will all be together all of the time. But better to ask!

I would definitely suggest meeting her parents first. If you get a good, responsible vibe from them, try to relax and let her go. She will have a blast and feel SO honored that you're letting her do something so grown-up. Especially if you've been a 'helicopter' her whole life, now is a great time to (conditionally) start to let her grow up a bit. My parents were ABSOLUTELY EXTREMELY overprotective and I wasn't allowed to have a sleepover ANYWHERE (read: not even at my cousin's house...) until I was 13 years old. THIRTEEN!!! Please, I know the world is a terrible place, and there are ALWAYS dangers, but let your daughter live. She will always remember this experience- even when she's 15, 23, and so on. If she doesn't get to go, however, that will hurt so bad, just because of you being 'over protective'. If you get a negative, irresponsible vibe from the parents, though, obviously there is nothing wrong with going with your gut on this one. Simply ask them what the guidlines will be, how many adults per room, what will the rules be pertaining to leaving the room, etc. Make sure you feel comfortable before letting it happen, but try to have an open mind about it in order to honestly feel comfortable. I am a very cautious parent as well, and I always imagine the 100 things that could happen to my son at all times but I'm learning that that does more harm than good. I don't want to raise a paranoid neat freak with ocd (like myself... cough). I want him to be happy and healthy. So my advice for you - meet the parents, let her go, she'll have a BLAST and appreciate you more because of it. :) Definitely post a follow up with what happened!

I think you are right to be so vigilant.
Esp being that this party is being held in a public place.
I say follow your gut & let her go t othe party but pick her up at 9 or 10pm.

You could let her stay til x time and pick her up. That was the case with one of SD's friends for as long as we knew her.

Arrange to meet the parents. I'm sure they will appreciate getting to know you also and the fact that you made the effort to ask her all of your questions. I will not let my kids sleep over anywhere when I have not met the parents. There are just to many risks out there.

My initital thought: Heck no. If it was a close friend and I knew the parents and all the details, sure. But you also state that this is something that the birthday girl, herself, mentioned at lunch. It's quite likely that she doesn't quite know the details, and for sure there must be an invitation coming that HAS the details. It may be that a parent is required to come too? She may be blowing things out of proportion. It may even be that the mother only wanted a couple very close girls, but now the girl is going around asking everyone. I would wait for an invite in writing, or if you have the mother's contact info, definitley call her and straighten it out.

No, not unless I knew the parents very, very well or they were family.

I would ask to meet the parents. Get specific party details. Know the rules. Find out what the B-day girl is like. Ask your daughter what she thinks of this girl. Sleepovers definitely aren't bad. Also find out how many kids and who will be invited. Maybe try and find from another mom friend about this girl and parents parenting style. Do they let her do anything she wants? Semi strict? you get the idea. Also, on any sleepovers my son has his cell phone with him so he can contact me whenever without the host having to know. He's also 10 now. If she doesn't have one, give her yours or something. But once that all checked out and I felt comfortable with the info I got, I'd let them go. That fact that you trust her says a lot.

oh This is a hard one!
My son is in the second grade and is 7years old and he was just invited to a boys sleep over at a classmates house, I told him he could go but he could not stay the night because I had never till the day of the party meet the parents. He really did not understand why he could not stay i told him because he had things to do the next day and it was that or nothing so he just went to the party part and i picked him up later...My M. gut told me not to let him stay, so i went with it. i met the parents and grandma and they seemed like lovely people, but still that means nothing to me, when the gut speaks listen!

No. The swimming yes but then I would be there. I just don't do leave my kids there kinds of parties.

I think if these are your close friends that you spend time with outside of scheduled activities then only you can decide what kind of parenting style they use and if they are permissive or dictators.