Binkies, Bottles, and Attitude....

J.,
I am the grandmother of a 2 year old and a 1 year old. My daughter had very good luck breaking the older boy of his binky. She cut the tip off of each one. When he sucked on them, he got air and it wasn't pleasant to him. She just told him that they were broken. It only took a few days for him to give it up.
When my son was little, we took him to Wal-mart and let him pick out a stuffed animal. We went to the register and he traded his binky for the stuffed animal. He only cried one night for the binky and then was happy with his new friend, the stuffed monkey. He was 2 and 1/2 when we did this. I hope this helps.

When my son was 2 years old I took his binkie from him while he was sleeping and cut off the end of it. I then placed it back in bed with him. When he got up and wanted his binkie I told him to go get it out of his room. When he saw it he told me that it was broken. He had enough left of it to put it between his teeth but not enough to suck on. He carried it around for a couple of days then that was that. It was a great way of breaking this habit. Good luck.

Don't know what to do about 'attitude,' except be gently firm and not give in. YOU are the grown-up in charge and the child needs boundaries and rules - gently, lovingly, but firmly applied.
As to binkies and sippy-cups, she's 2 and a half. Let her have her binkies. I wouldn't put anything in the sippy cup except water (juices, milk, etc., all contain sugar which are not good for the teeth she has, or her in quantity), but let her have it if it comforts her.
Most children have difficulty adjusting to change in their lives, and you've had a couple of BIG ones - no daddy and a different home, and you, Mommy, are no doubt under some stress, which she picks up. Don't worry - she will not go to first grade (or even kindergarten) with her binkies. You both could use all the comfort and snuggling tpgether you can get right now.

Dear J.,
I am sorry to hear about your troubles, I have two great girls who were so attached to their binkies, everyone told me to throw them away, well at two in the morning it is hard to find a store open that has binkies. I let my girls have them but when we went to the store or out they stayed in the car. Both of my girls gave their binkies up at around four and their teeth and speech are perfect. Let her have her comfort life is hard enough when you grow up, let her feel secure while she still believes there is such a thing as real security. Good Luck to you and your little love.

the binky...try talking to her about it. telling her that she's geting too old for it and it will be time to stop using it very soon. this gives her a heads up that you will be taking it away soon so she can prepare herself and it won't be a surprise when it doies happen. i've heard of people tell their kids that the binky is for the babies and since che's a big girl she should give her binky to a baby who needs it. i've also heard of people cutting the tips off the ends of them little by little until there's nothing left to suck on.

the bottle/sippie cup...you'll need to just be firm on this one, but I'd leave it alone for a while and get rid of the binky first then several months don the road tackle the night time cup. the older she gets the more she'll understand why your taking it away and do the samething as you did with the binky explain why your taking it away and let her have time to prepare herself for the time when it isn't there an longer.

the attitude...welcome to the world of 2 year olds, the attitude may have less to do with the seperation from dad then the fact that she is just testing her boundries with you. she will continue to do this over the next couple of years and you will learn to just be firm with her and hold your ground. i know you may feel guilt for the seperation but it's in the best interest of your daughter to keep her in line as far as discipln.

good luck.

She needs time to adjust to the change of not seeing her daddy anymore, give her some time.
~the binki; my daughter was hooked big time on them, we tried everything then finally my hubby cut the end of it off with her watching then handed it back to her, once she saw it would work she threw it away it took about two weeks for her to stop asking about it. You just have to be consistent on letting her have it or not.
~the temper thing is she's also 2 and is trying to be independant while still wanting to be mommy's baby. Again just give her time and be consistent.

Please please please keep her routine as close to what she had it when you were all living in one house. Too much change is frightening and confusing for a child. Let her know that nothing she was allowed to do there will be tolerated in your new home. You may want to take it easy on her because of your own feelings on the breakup, this is a very bad idea. She uis having her own coping issues and to change her routine gives her one more thing to worry about. Explain that the ONLY thing which has changed is your living arrangement, your feelings for her wont. Sounds harsh but if you take away any other worry she will be able to deal with this change a lot better and a lot sooner.

I agree with those who say to wait a little. Give her lots of love and hugs and reassurance during this transition (though don't give up discipline all together). It won't hurt to wait a few months for her to get used to her new living situation before she has to cope with another change like losing the binky.

J., I was a single mom since my daughter was born. She sucked her thumb in ultrasound and continued. I decided not to make her stop and realized as soon as she got into preschool at age 3 that peer pressure soon made her stop on her own. She still used her blankie and thumb at home when she needed down time. She will be 13 next month and I'll still occasionally find her in her room watching TV with her blankie and thumb when she's had a stressful day. Just let her make the decision - I'm glad I did.

About the clingyness - you will find that it won't go away. It drives me crazy - she is so afraid she'll lose me since she was raised with a father who didn't care about his daughter. I never sugarcoated much about her dad and now she is very happy I always told her the truth. Although she loves her dad even though she doesn't know him, she told me I give her everything she needs so she doesn't miss having a dad. And she says not having a dad is better than having a bad dad.

Good luck and let me know if I can help you.

T.
www.homehealthcarebooks.com

Hi J.,
I have a 7yr old who had her blanket until 5yrs old. The "blanket fairy" comes one night and takes it so another little girl can have one too. I didn't do that until I knew she was old enough to understand. I have 4 kids 21,18,9 and 7 and a grand baby. The sippy cup is fine, just put water in it. Don't freak on the blanket. Brett was the only one who sucked her thumb and had a blanket of all my kids. It is just their personality I think. She is a normal goofy funny girl now and one day I will pull her spongebob blanket from the closet and we will laugh! Another mom I know her daughter was waaayyyy older than Brett. No hurry to take it, it gives them security. Just wash it alot! The yelling thing....after watching super nanny she puts a chair or picks a certain spot (not the bedroom) for time-out and be consistent. Keep placing her there even if it takes all evening to get your point across. Two min (one min of time out for the age they are) Hope this works for you.
J.

She'll need some time for adjustment. I wouldn't worry too much about her need for comfort right at the moment...let her get some comfort however she can. When the adjustment period is over, ween her down to one binky.(Easier said than done...I know, I had to do this with my son).
I rounded up all of them and got rid of all but one binky. After he was accustom to having the one and only binky, I would make it harder for him to find...although he got pretty good at finding it...I made sure he would find it in the dishwasher occasionally.
One night, while he wasn't looking, I cut the nipple off and put it in the dishwasher (make sure the end you cut off is buried in the trash!). Of course he went looking for it and found the "broken" binky in the dishwasher. He wanted me to fix it...he even went and got his toy tool box so he could fix it...but took it rather well when it couldn't be revived...didn't even cry! No one was the bad guy for taking it away (except, of course, the dishwasher) and that was the last of the binky!
It's a process, but worth it!

Since all the changes have been so recent, I wouldn't make any more changes for another six months or so. My daughter (who's now almost 11) used a binky until she was almost 6. We periodically got it away from her, but I discovered that it HAS to be the child's idea/choice and not the mom's (although Mom can entice and set up a deal, etc.). One thing we tried was to "buy" the binkie back. We took our daughter to Toys R Us, let her pick out a lovely toy ($20 or under), and "paid" for the toy with the binkie at the check-out. Of course, we set that up ahead of time and did REALLY pay for the toy, but not while my daughter was right there or seeing it. The store WILL cooperate with you if you set it up ahead of time. Then, the binkie was TRULY gone, and it was a done deal! But, again, I wouldn't do a thing until your little one's had a good chance to adjust to all the changes. And the sippy cup to me is no big deal. If she wants to use that, I'd let her. But she'd have to brush her teeth at night after using it. If you happen to see a really cool cup in a store sometime when she's with you, again, I'd try to work another deal. ("If you give your old sippy cup to charity/a poor little baby girl who has none, I could get you this big girl cup that you'd enjoy so very much more!")

--C. S.

how can you let your 2 year old rule the family. You need to watch supper nanny. I understand that she is feeling unstable. Let her know that it has nothing to do with her. When I weined my son of the bottle, I took off the nipple and let him drink out of the bottle. I told him that we gave the nipples to the poor chidren who their parents could not afford and made him feel we were doing a good community service. Eventually, that is how we got off the bottle the same way.

My youngest daughter had her binkie till she was over 3!! She went through some hard times when her dad was killed when she was 2 1/2 so I allowed it. Once I thought it was time to give it up though I did what my grandmother told me - I cut the suckie parts off all the binkies. She was upset at first - but once she figured they didn't work anymore she gave them up. As for the sippy cup - I don't know what to do there. I am assuming she takes it to bed with her. Why not take her to buy a new stuffed animal or something to replace the sippy. Good luck!

At 2 1/2 years old, your daughter should be able to understand things. The next day your trash pickup comes, let her see you standing at the door waving and saying, "Bye bye binky, bye bye binky!" She will associate this with all her binkies being gone. (Before you do this, be sure to get them all and THROW THEM AWAY!) She will cry for a moment, but this will be a visual for her to let go of the binky.
It's probably already too late, but you HAVE TO get rid of it or she'll have the worst buck-teeth ever and you'll kick yourself one day for not doing it sooner!

As far as her yelling at you..... I think you need to remember WHO is in charge and WHO shouldn't be. A child will only do what they are allowed to do. Be the mother and discipline her before she gets any older. If you let her get by with yelling at you now, it'll only get worst.

If it were me, I wouldn't worry about taking away the binkys or the sippy cup. This is a hard time for her, and they are giving her comfort. Is there a reason that they need to go?
Two and a half is a hard time for discipline anyway. Stay consistant and things will get better with time.
And, if nothing else, remember you're not alone. There are lots of moms out here who know how you are feeling on one level or another.
If there's anything I can do to help, just reply and let me know.
B.

J.,

First of all, God bless you and I will send up a prayer for you as I can only imagine how difficult it must be right now for you. I don't have time to read all the responses right now so this might be a repeat, but I would not worry too much about the binky's right now, but would be more worried about the sippy cup, unless you just have it filled with water. I work in the dental profession and see small children all the time with many areas of decay before they are even three due to sippy cups and going to bed with bottles. Hopefully, you are just putting water in it. I think some of the other tips about the binky's are good, also cutting back to binky's only at night, and then cutting them out comepletly, Sometimes parents just have to do things that are difficult and sometimes suffer until the storm passes. Good Luck!!!

As far as the binkies go, we did something that worked well. We had our then 2 1/2 year old plant the binkie in a pot, covered it with soil, and sent her to bed. While she slept we swapped out the planted binkie for a beautiful plant that "blossomed" over night. She loved taking care of the plant. When she asked for her binkie I gently reminded her it grew into her plant, and that satisfied her. We suggested the planting idea to her, and let her pick out the pot. Good luck!

Dear J.,
I am sorry for your difficult situation. I am certain this is a very difficult time for you. In the midst of dealing with your own emotional stress, you have a two and half year old to guide and direct.

I cannot say that I have ever been in your particular situation, but I have had to deal with my kids when my marriage hasn't been in the best shape. So, from that experience i have these few things to share:

1. How important is it to you that your daughter be allowed to use her binkies? It is not unnatural for kids her age to have some way to comfort themselves. However, if she can survive daycare without them, then perhaps it is appropriate to stop her use of them at home as well. I would talk to your daycare provider to see what they suggest. If she accepts those limitations at the daycare, then it is possible for her to accept limitations at home; but, you will probably have a bit of a fight on your hands too.

2. Children seem to know when parents are in a "weakened" state. If they sense a weakness in your discipline, they will whine, yell, or cry their way out. My 16 year old still tries this on me, believe it or not!!! Ugh! The key is to hold your ground firmly and confidently. Do not accept her bullying you into changing your mind or just ignoring her unacceptable behavior.

3. Your child's dependency on you doesn't sound abnormal. If your child is in daycare for much of the day, she wants to be near her mommy with what little time you have left. Establish a decent bedtime that allows you some alone/down time.

4. Try to keep all of your other outside interests and demands to a minimum while you are adjusting to this change in your life. You and your daughter need to be able to just focus on reestablishing a new life without your husband, if you are sure that is the way it has to be. If you bring new people into the picture, it just gets that much more complicated to the detriment of both you and your daughter.

5. If you have access to counseling, I highly recommend that! You need to be able to understand clearly why you have left your husband and the new challenges you will have as a single parent.

God Bless,
D. D.

Hi I really would not worry about the binkie right now -they are her security-one out of five of my children sucked on them and she did not give the binkie up until she was 4 1/2-she took three to bed every night-one in each hand and one in her mouth!!her teeth are fine -I spoke to dr. about the problem and one said to gradually cut the rubber part -start with a little hole and each night make it bigger-then she won't want to suck on them-GGOD LUCK!!--i AM 34 BEEN MARRIED FOR 13 YEARS AND WE HAVE 3 DAUGHTERS AND 2 SONS TOGETHER

I have had two avid binky suckers, and have been extremely successful getting rid of their binkies when they were two and two and a half. You tell them that they can take their binkies to the toy store and buy something with it. Whatever they choose they pay the cashier with the binky (you slide your card of course). They are so happy with the fact they picked something out and payed for it I had not issues with fits. Also, when they ask later for it they know it is at the store, not in some bin in your home. It is better than you doing something to it, because it puts all the responsibility on the child. Not mom!! There will be some hard times depending how much she used it to sleep. Keep her busy during the day with library and parks and she will be fine. You will be suprised at how much she grows up after she gets rid of her binky too. Good Luck!!!

I don't think there is anything wrong with having a sippie cup of water on the nightstand. She might not drink enough water during the day, and that might be when she really realizes she is thirsty. It's water, it can't hurt her, and you don't want her to get dehydrated. My son is four, and still won't go to bed without a sippie cup of "fresh water".

As for the binky, we took every bink my son had and cut a small X into the tip. When he couldn't produce the "suck" on it, he came in, told us it was broken, and although he held onto it a couple of nights, he ultimatly decided a broken binky wasn't worth trying to suck on and weaned himself.

Every kid is different when it comes to discipline. For us, when he started yelling, we didn't yell back, we just walked him to his room, put him on his bed, set a "naughty timer" that we kept on his dresser for one minute per year, and made him sit there until it went off. When it did, he could come out and we would ask HIM why we sent him to his room and have a chat about why his behaviour was unnacceptable, to the tune of " we know you are upset, and you can be upset, that's okay, but you will not yell at mommy" followed by a hug and an I love you!

I have a 3 year old daughter and she just gave her binki up when she turned 3. We had a really bad crying spell for the first night and then after she has not wanted it since. with the sippys, she sill has them at night as well other wise she can not go to sleep. I know they say it is bad for thier teeth but I can not afford to loose sleep. We brush her teeth at night and when she wakes up. But I think that we will probly have to work that the same. The book I read to her at night (every night) is a sesamee street book called nighty night. Bert has a binki and I told her that baby bert has her binki. So know every time we get to that page she points at bert and says I gave my binki to bert. It will be stressful for the fist couple days but don't give up or give in to her. I gets better.

Some of the other responses have some great ideas about the binky. As far as the sippy cup goes, keep in mind that eventually you are going to have to potty train your daughter, and it is SO much easier if you can do day and night at the same time. As with all issues of parenting, you have to be more stubborn than she is (easier said than done, I know!) Persistence is key, and be patient-habits are hard to break, and she will fight you for what she wants. Good luck with everything, I'm sure things are tough for you right now!

Hi J.,

My son just turned three and is going through the same things as your daughter. Because of my husband's job, this is the fourth home he has lived in in his short little life. Before the last move, he was almost potty trained, the binky was all but gone, and while he still used a sippy cup at night, it was mostly just to hold on to (he never has really liked stuffed animals or had a special pillow/blanket). After the move this last summer, he demanded the binky ALL the time, wanted his baby bottle, and the potty training came to a dead hault. We were concerned and asked his pediatrician and she said that any change like that (or what you and your daughter are going through) is completely stressful for toddlers and they fall back on what they know is comforting for them, ei. the binky and sippy cup; they reach for any known comfort zone they can find. That is also part of the reason that your daughter is so clingy right now. She said that such traumatic events can and will set a toddler back AT LEAST 6 to 9 months. Our son is just now starting to think of this place as home. The first three months we lived here, he cried every day because he just wanted to go back home to our last house. He walked around at times like he wasn't sure where he was and was extremely clingy.
Give your daughter a little time to get readjusted (consider how hard this situation is for you also) and she will be back on track. However, don't be surprised if it takes several months.
The pediatrician told us not to push him about the binky, etc. because it can cause further regression and cause him to act out negatively. Which is probably why your daughter is yelling at you. She is struggling to cope and the only way she knows how is to go for the binky.
Be patient, it will work out. Our son is getting to the point where he is relinquishing the sippy cup and binky again,
your daughter will to.

Good luck.
L.

I would wait it out a little longer. Moving away from her father will be harder on her than you may think and as much comfort as you give her she may need that little extra to get through all of the changes. Don't worry about it, it maybe harder the longer you wait, but for now with all the changes going on, it will be less stressful on you nad her if you give her some extra time with her comforters. Good Luck!

I separated from my daughters father at about the same age yours is. They do pick up on things, more so than you know. The best thing to do it allow her time to adjust to her new life before making changes. Behavioral outbursts are something I delt with as well. At this point you have to be consistant (overly) and very reassuring. 2 year olds don't understand the whole picture but she does understand that daddy isn't there. She could be thinking that you may possible be leaving as well. Just reassure, allow for adjustment time, and stand your ground. The worst thing you could do at this moment is take away her comforts (Binkie) or allow her to talk back to you when you discipline her. Be firm yet loving. Hang in there, it does get better!

Hi you sound like you are going through a rough time but you need to be firm with your daughter show her you love her but tell the binkies and sippy cups goodbye do you ever get to watch nanny 911 on wed nights she has a lot of good advice It is rough but start being firm ask how your daycare keeps her from her binky

Mine is kind of a wierd story but it might help. My husband was killed 2 1/2 years ago & I was raped all by my husband's best friend. My son was 3 days shy of his 3rd birthday. He always had binky and his "big bear". After my husband died he had horrible nightmares of what he heard that night, so I was bad. I let him have ANYTHING that comforted him!! I eventually got him down to only a binky at bedtime. Then at 4 (which sounds really old..I KNOW) we talked about it about a week and I told him that Saturday night the binky fairy was going to come and take all the binkys to the hospital for the babys and bring him a cool present in exchange. So we talked about what he wanted all the time. Trying to take the focus off of the binkies on to the prize. Friday night I got a white gift bag and we decorated it all cool I let him put whatever he wanted on it. We gathered all the binkies in the house,I can not even tell you how many there were! He actually kissed each one as he put them in the bag and hugged it. We walked out and put in on the porch and left it. When he went to bed I got the bag and bought this ambulance he had wanted forever. He has never said 1 word about the binky since then except for when he found 1 in his top drawer of his dresser about 2 weeks later and wanted to know if he could trade it for another present:) I still let him have big bear and he gets a glass of water on his nightstand. Nothing else though. I don't know if this will help but I thought I would pass on the binky fairy idea.

I had a daughter go through a similar thing, only at the time, I had just had my second one and was trying to wean the oldest off the binky, what i did was write a story about a little girl who met the binky fairy and read this story to her for about a month and then asked her to let my know when she was ready to give the binky fairy her binkies.(this was part of the story, and the fairy takes them to little babies that are just born who need them and gives her a suprise in return) It took some convincing and a lot of double checking( she hid some throughout the house) but she did place her binkies in the windowsill and when she woke up in the morning, there was a big girl suprise and a letter from the fairy thanking her for the gift for the babies in the exact spot where she had left the binkies. It worked for her and after three days, she did not ask for them anymore. Oh, and before we got to the point where we were ready to give them up, she had been weaned down to the point where she was only allowed to have them at nap and bedtime, then only at bedtime, etc. so I hope that this helps and good luck
-A.