Behavior Issues in School

Do not over react and FIND some one who will diagnose your son as ADD or ADHD, because they will. Smart children frequently lag behind in their social skills. My son is nine now and his two preschool teachers and kindergarten teachers said he was ADD/ADHD and had I ever considered medication. Teachers are overwelmed and want an easy fix to make their job easier. They want them to conform and all be the same. This is not life! The teacher is responsible for taking control of her classroom and her kids. My son was so unruley in kindergarten that we ended up with a very good play therapist. She said he was not ADD/ADHD. He was going through stressors that most 5 year olds do not have to deal with and he would work through them and be fine (we were moving from OR to MS and the death of his cat). I think alot of the issues with school was that he was bored and lacked the social skills to find constructive ways to funnel the bordom, so everything came out as bad behavior. He was also smart enough to figure out that when he was bad at school he would get sent home. That ended very quickly. I would make them keep him there and do some miserable task (write 100 times what he did wrong). You will find very teacher has different levels of teaching, connecting with and controling her calssroom. My son is now in 4th grade and is smart, loving and has much better social skills to deal with his friends and teachers. I would recommend that you see your pediatrician, but I would also see a good play therapist before medication. Remember that smart kids have the much better capability to manipulate. Hope this helps. Good luck.

I have 4 boys and when my second one started school, he had some problems adjusting. He is very strong willed and stubborn as well as being diagnosed with ADHD when he was 6. But, I think you need to try a new teacher first. One who carries her voice and is more stern. I had a teacher who never raised her voice but was very stern with my son and it worked out well. At least from my experience, he did not respect people if he thought he could act out or be outspoken and no one correct him. I often thought it was us, but there is nothing wrong with your parenting skills, you just keep helping him and it will be fine. Be there for your boys, stick up for them. And if you don't like something change it for them. Good Luck!

I completely understand. My son is now seven, bright, loving, stuborn little man. You have to show your son that the teacher is working for you. Kindergarten and first grade my son had teachers that where sweet and kind and soft spoken and he had no respect for them, until I showed him, his teacher worked for me. I do not hit my children but they are sure God himself answeres to me. I had had it up to my ears and had talked to my son about every event. I had the teacher call me the very next time he missed behaved. At that momment I went and picked him up at school. Upon getting home, he began to work. All the little chores and little house cleaning things I could think of. He had my undivied attention for the rest of the day. He had lunch and nap right on schedule, and then back to work. I remimded him every which way I could think of that if he got in trouble one more time at school, I would bring him home and make sure he was absolutly misserable! I kept saying to him "You are to smart to be behaving badly. I know you know how to be kind, cooperative and helpful. What do I need to do to help you remember?"
He was fine from that point on. I had to do the same thing at the begining of first grade also. This year he has a strong confident young woman for a teacher and I have not had to do it this year. Mom you have to take it out of the teachers hands and show your son just what it means to be in toruble with you. Get angery and vent all that fustration in one day and you will not have to do it again the rest of the school year. LOL...the teacher called it "Suspended according to MOM".Good luck with love and respect.

You sound like you are on the right track- getting him the help he needs. Mine is 14 now and I have to say that I don't think changing schools has ever worked- it has definetly been tried. Even living with his dad for awhile didn't work. These kinds of kids do need extra attention, though. I also have all boys, the others are 4 and 1. I'm praying they won't have the same problem.

Your story remindes me of two of my children, they have ADHD. And your not doing anything wrong, some kids just need alittle extra help with things. Maybe your child is not getting enough challenges out of the teacher, you said that he gets extra work, but is it enough? I have heard that sometimes when a child is doing that stuff it could mean that he needs to be challenged more. What about giving him extra stuff to do at home, dosn't have to be accuall work, what about computer games that teach, or other games that teach? My daughter when she was in K she would run away from the teacher and the principle, she even ran into the road cause her teacher was taking her to the principle, she got suspended till I took her to get tested for ADHD or atleast set an appointment up for it. But I was lucky to have a place close by that was doing a study and offered to see my daughter. She would even be as bad to lye down and kick and scream when asked to do something that she didnt want to do. But at the house she never acted up as bad as all that. When my son was in k he would not respect his teacher either, she was soft spoken, and so he would not work for her, he was only 5 and we had him evaluated for ADHD due to his aggressive behavior, he would act as if he was going to hit and kick the teacher and other children, I was down at the principles every day and having to take him home cause he would not listen to the teacher or principle. I hope this helps you in realizing that your not alone in your struggles with your child. These things can get pretty tough on you as the parent and as well on the child. Stay strong and focused, something will work soon. Good luck!

Dear A.,
I am a divorced mother of 4 children and 1 granddaughter, my children's ages are: female/24, male/17 and twin girls/6 and of course a granddaughter by my first daughter. I can relate to what you are going through, one of the twins has been diagnosed with ODD. It's hard, she was in kindergarden last year and her teacher and I had alot of correspondence back and forth with each other, my daughter got her first paddling from school in kindergarden and I was there to wittness it. The teacher and princpal and myself thought that it would show my daughter that we were all on the same track if I was there, it broke my heart to see her get a paddling and I wanted to cry, we all explained to her that she isn't a bad child she just made wrong choices. I stayed so stressed out about it all last year. This year, thank God, the school has a support counslor that is at her school 2 times a week and she checks on my daughter and makes sure that everything is going good with her. She has gotten into some trouble, but nothing like it was last year and I have seen some improvement in her at home. I do not want to have to put her on medication unless that is the only thing to do and right now her counslor and I both agree that she is doing a lot better since she knows someone is watching her. She stills tries me at home, but I put my foot down and tell her that it is not acceptable. I don't know if any of this will help you, but at least you know that you are not alone in this matter.

Sincerly,

J.

as most of my stepgrandchildern he seems to know that he has the controll.
when he gets in trouble at school do u take away all his toys, video games bikes, etc, and put him in aplace where he cannot have tv or anything he might enjoy?
i had to take custody of 3 stepgrandchildern not long back, the oldest boy was thought that when u got in trouble at school u just move. and avoid what u have done. never take responseablity for ones action.
take all his control away try taking his toys etc, also let him know when he gets in trouble at school he has trouble at home. it will not take no time for him to see the way.
do not yell and holler at him set him at the table and let him know there is no other choose, except to take responsablity for what he has done, and there will always be fall out at home.
if adhd or other issues are diag. by a dr. know that is one of the most over used diag. take away sugar through out the the house, read ALL the labels and keep controll of suger intake. do u,r homework for any meds. to work u have to do u,r part.

I hope this doesn't sound too harsh but think of it this way. What would you do if it was another kid that hit and kicked and spit on your kid? I have had that happen to my kids and it doesn't feel very good. You just want to take the kid and wear his little but out or choke him one. MTCS is full of kids that can't get along with others so the parents take them to that school so they can act anyway they want and they won't kick them out because of the $$$$ involved. They want all the money they can get. The teachers there always told me that those kids that act that way are considered disciplined at home but the discipline is not really disapline. Maybe if you try being very firm and even almost mean if you have to, to get your point across to him. It sounds like he doesn't take you serious so he doesn't know how to act when he gets out, OR he sees this kind of behavior going on at home so he thinks it is ok to act that way. I am not sure what the answer is but you usually don't see a child just act that bad without having a reason or thinking that it is ok and he had to learn it from somewhere.
I don't mean to be harsh just honest. I am one of the parents that have had my child beat up on because someone elses child was a bully and it doesn't feel very good on this side of the fence when I teach my child at home and he got "spankings" for hitting and kicking and spitting.
I would harshen up on the discipline myself. It is actually for his own good. You don't want him to be a bully and have no friends when he grows up.
Sorry... but hope this helps.

Oh, this makes my heart break for you. It's so similar to what we experienced with our daughter in kindergarten. That is when she was diagnosed ADHD, but if I had it to do over again, I'd probably go a little different route. My biggest constraint with dr's appointments was the time for travel taking time off from work when I felt like I was responsible for so much. My daughter was suspended in Kindergarten due to repetitive infractions, but I think it's completely pointless to suspend a 5 year old child! It's time off for them, and the only one truly punished is the parent who has to take off work to be home. It's frustrating, too, b/c it seems that they know they're a little out of control, but they don't know how to keep a cap on it. So, on one hand, you're angry, but on the other, you feel pitty for how mixed up they must feel inside.

I feel like a private school might offer a smaller child to teacher ratio, not to mention the spiritual side of what they have to offer. Though, I totally understand the issue of the cost associated with private schooling. There may be an option to apply for scholarsips, tough. Don't be afraid to ask. Also, the psychotherapeutic side of this whole thing shouldn't be ignored. It's less likely that they'll diagnose ADHD if the problems are not consistent between home and school. So, maybe there's something else that just hasn't surfaced yet. My daughter's social skills are still behind, which is difficult for me b/c I was always so far ahead. It's still kind of difficult for me to wrap my head around, and she's almost 12 now. Then I remember I wasn't the only one who contributed to her DNA. :) It may take some time, and it will be challenging, but you will get through it. Lean on family and friends for support, and when you think you can't go there, come here and tell us all of your woes. That's why we're here!

Good Luck!

A.,

I cannot believe how much this behavior sounds JUST LIKE my son at that age. HOWEVER....my son was misdiagnosed at that age with ADHD. My son has Asperger Syndrome, which is an autism spectrum disorder (high-functioning autism). The main problems with kids who have Asperger's are social issues. They are usually extremely smart kids and excel highly with academics. They also tend to talk like "little professors". My son never has had much problem at home, either. All his problems are at school...which makes sense because of his difficulty with social situations. There are many, many more social interactions happening at school. Please look into this as well. You can google Asperger Syndrome and find information. If you would like to talk further on it, don't hesitate to email me at ____@____.com. I am also on the board of the Northwest Louisiana Autism Chapter and we have lots and lots of resources on education if you would like.