Behavior Chart Went the Wrong Way..... :|

Typically, you'd only want to include the positive behaviors on the chart. More than that, you want to list SPECIFIC good behaviors rather than just "Good" to help them know what exactly you are looking for.

Based on what you described, ideas might be:
-share with sister/brother
-use words to solve a problem
-tell mom when I need help to solve a problem

You may also want tasks like
-clean up after myself
-help mom with a job

Hope this helps.

T.

Charts are great for specific targeted behaviors- no hitting (time frame), not biting, picking up, ect, but if left to broad they are not very effective-

Totally agree with the recommendations for 1,2,3 Magic. For the situations you are describing it fits perfectly!

Instead of a chart, consider using a marble jar or bowl that's up high but visible. Put in marbles for good behavior, take away for bad. There's no good or bad "label" that way, just signs that they've done well. Then provide quick rewards. This will help keep them motivated.

Marbles in the jar after a couple hours, reward. You might even tie in things like TV time to whether there are marbles in there. Kids can "cash" in the marbles for things they want. You might buy things from the dollar store to go in a bin and let them choose what they want (if your kids will go for cheap things ... ours turned up their noses at these ... sigh).

I also recommend the 1-2-3 Magic book. There are also a number of books on the market targeted toward parents of strong-willed kids.

Save the chart for positive reinforcement. :)

And maybe check out "1-2-3- Magic". It's a book that might be quite helpful.

I just took a workshop on behavior and the presenter showed us a different type of chart that we are going to try at my preschool. She made a pyramid with with three shaded areas the first area said good, the second better, and the third said best. There was no negative area. If the child did not behave they would just move down to the bottom area. The idea is to give them the incentive to get to the top, which to me is a much better, and positive approach if you do charting. I have never been a fan of the sad face, happy face chart. To be honest I'm not sure I am even a fan of a chart. I didn't use them when I was raising my kids, then again they are grown. I always felt children should behave just because and we shouldn't have to reward them for doing what they are supposed to do. I was more of a consequence girl. I gave a warning, if they didn't listen they got a consequence. It worked for me. I guess some children do better with visuals so I thought the pyramid idea was a good one. Good luck!!

No, I wouldn't include the negative. The point of the chart, my understanding and how we use it, is to reward positive behavior. I'd redo it...print one off the internet, and only include the positive. No one wants to see a constant reminder of what they've done wrong, you know?? Good job doing the chart! I think you'll see some of the results you were hoping for. Good luck!

If you search for behavior charts on the internet there are some for free that you can print off (its what we use). They are usually pretty specific and don't address negative behavior. For example, it will have a row for shared toys, played nice, did specific chores, etc. and they get a star for positive behavior only. (www.freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com is one of the sites).

There are many ways to reward behavior (charts, marbles in a jar that get added in or taken out, and on and on), and as they get bored with one method you may want to move to another. But it sounds like his behavior is difficult enough (I have a strong-willed niece and it can be SOOO exhausting!) that I'd recommend looking into Love and Logic Parenting to help you manage his behavior. It has really helped me. I have taken the classes a few times (look online at www.loveandlogic.com to find a local Love and Logic facilitator in your area), read the book Parenting with Love and Logic (they may have it at the library), and watched some of their DVDs.

The Love and Logic approach is about tough love--being firm and consistent in letting children suffer the natural (logical) consequences of their actions, while doing so in a very gentle and loving way, having true empathy in your heart. No yelling and fighting on your part when you enforce your rules (very hard!) My mom parented this way, and I really appreciate my upbringing. I feel she was a very effective and loving parent who helped prepare us for the real world. When my brothers shot out the street lights with a BB gun, she called the cops and they had to do community service to pay to fix them, but she was never mean and punitive about it. She was firm, but loving. And make sure you choose your battles carefully and avoid being too controlling. This can be a struggle for me. Only you can decide the limits you want to set, but choose them carefully and consistently enforce what you set even if it's hard and follow through

The best charting I've ever done focused on ONE behavior at a time, had very small goals at first (these can be extended over time), and gave recognition only for success with a desired behavior. (If by 'X' you mean a negative mark, that will be demotivational for many kids.) Bear in mind that it takes adults at least 2 weeks to change a behavioral habit, and that's with strong motivation. A child that's being cornered into changing (not by his own choice) will take longer.

But there is also a way to chart negative behaviors. You can count occurences of the behavior you wish to change over a ten day period, to find out the average daily frequency. Then begin charting every time it happens, with the understanding that by the end of the day, if the child has done better than average, he/she gets a treat. (Example: usual door slamming occurs 9 times a day. With charting, that comes down to 5 times the first day. Yay! An improvement and a prize!) It should be something small, but again, pretty immediate. A three-year-old will not be too likely to pursue a goal that can't be reached in a matter of hours, or a day or two at most.

I'd put the chart away for a month, or use it only for your daughter if she's still game. Please get a book or read a couple of good websites on charting, and do it more methodically. You'll probably get better results.

Sorry long response - I worked in a behavioral health clinic (inpatient) for children ages 2-17 for about three years. I learned A LOT about discipline and what consistently works and what doesn't with kids. These kids, mind you, were at the point where they had been removed from their homes for a short period of time (usually 2 weeks) so their home life, behavior, nutrition and diet, medical status, etc etc could all be evaluated to make the best treatment plan for each child.

I worked directly with the children, and in our training, we were taught to use positive reinforcement. One thing I learned is that some children really don't handle failure well, and while you will eventually teach them that failing is ok as long as you learn from it, trying to teach that heavy lesson while at the same time trying to actually change daily behaviors is just too much for some kids.

My suggestion is to get rid of the x's. Use only the stars. There should still be some sort of consequence for behavior that's against the rules, like hitting, fighting, not listening, lying, etc. But use time outs or "close" some of his favorite toys for the rest of the day for discipline instead of a big red humiliating X.

He should start to see the result of exhibiting good behavior and earning more stars. He'll like that you are happy with him too. That's what I think is going to motivate this child. He's shown you the x's make him crazy...why fight with him on that? It's not going to work with him and he's going to keep escalating every time he sees one...or just stop trying to get stars. That's my advice on this.

Lastly, make sure that the behaviors that earn stars are crystal clear to them. Talk to them frequently about what kinds of things they can do to earn stars. Just saying "be nice" to your sister or brother is too broad and vague. Give them concrete examples of things they can do. Like "instead of snatching the toy away from her just because it's yours, bring her something else she might like to play with instead, and then gently take it from her. If she gets mad, ask mommy for help." Then if you see him do that behavior, give him a star right away. Keep providing them examples of how to earn their stars.

Sorry for the typos! On a mobile device which does not let you scroll to re-read what you have written, and it is also autocorrecting spelling...

You should definitely put both behaviors on the chart. You are not putting your children down by noting bad behavior. You're their parent! It's your job to tell them when they're doing something wrong. Children need and actually want to get reprimanded. It's how they learn where the boundaries are and also let's them gauge for themselves when they are doing well. Kids are all about pushing the envelope the only way they know if they went too far is if youbpush back Reinforcing positive behavior is also important. This is why you shoul do both.

I am not sure if you are already doing this, but marks on the chart need to equate to rewards and punishments. Three strikes and you're out, for example, you lose a toy. This should be predetermined. Three pluses and you get a treat. We used to have a bowl full of treats and prizes that my daughter knew was for the smilies on the chart. Three good marks and she could pick something from the bowl. Without a punishment and reward system, children will not learn that there are consequences for their behavior (both good and bad) and the chart becomes nothing more than a sheet of paper to them.

Good luck! And hope this helps.

:) smiling:) i have a boy & girl too, and gosh am glad to hear we aren't alone with the fighting. i'm amazed when i talk to other moms who i thing have 'perfect' children that their kids fight worse than ours! it's possible that they are just too young/immature to be able to handle the charting. they know what it means, but dealing with long-term consequences is another thing. perhaps a larger focus on same-day behavior & same day consequence is the place to start? and then, once that 'skill' is learned, move onto same day & next day consequence chart? baby steps, learn the skill, the increase the range of the skill. good luck!

At this age, I think whatever method you use should allow both children to start with a clean slate each morning. However, the fact that he "hates" the chart and/or loses interest should not deter you. The point is to establish a consistent disciplinary system and stay with it.

We use a point system to earn "screen time." Good behaviors earn points, bad behaviors lose points. Five points is 30 minutes of screen time -any screen. This has the added bonus of regulating computer, Wii, DS, and television. Our son is older, almost eight. You need to find a system that works for you and your family, and then adjust it as they get older.

Some good books, already mentioned, are Parenting with Love and Logic and 1-2-3 Magic. I have also found that the ADHD Parent Workbook has a lot of systems that can be useful for any kid who presents disciplinary challenges.

However, I don't think you should beat yourself up AT ALL for showing your son that negative behaviors have consequences. It's one of the most important things you can teach him.

I'd say no one wants to see a big record of how they did things wrong. Plus, young children have short attention spans and memories so charts should be reset every day.

I'd either go with a 1-2-3 method (there are lots of different methods, stop lights, three little bears in a house, three baseballs colored green, yellow and red, etc.) or you can do the marbles in a jar.

I can see how a child would be upset, thinking that he/she served the punishment and now there is STILL a big X! Once a punishment is served, everything should go back to the beginning. Clean slate, so to speak!

We use points and my daughter is 9. She either earns points or she does not. We don't chart negative behavior, it only encourages it or makes the child feel hopeless. We also allow her to do extra things to earn extra points that she's lost. It really helps her to understand that when you make a mistake it's not the end of the world, but you do have to make up for it. Good lesson for life!

Good luck!

i'm sure you probly got your answers already, but i did the SAME thing you did....made a chart just the other day w/o research, not too much thought but excited to have a different "plan of action" w/the boy (2 yrs old). I also put two beahviors on there that needs improvement (NOW!!!) - throwing his cup & hitting our dog....the third column was very general - just "good boy" b/c he (like your kids) does more good than bad. i thought it was important to put the 'negative' behaviors on there b/c that's what we're working on! so i agree w/you. i'm sorry it didn't go great for you, but maybe something somebody else said will work, but i did exactly what you did. my little stinker will straight up look at the chart, throw his cup, and say "ticker" (sticker), and i tell him, uh-huh, you're not getting a sticker now b/c you threw your cup. it works 50/50 of the time! hey...nothing's perfect! :)
good luck mama! :)

Our provider does the stoplight method :
Green for good, yellow for acting up, red for BADDD!! Each day they start at green. When they don't listen they get a warning and move to yellow. If they still act up, the go to red and get a time out. When the time out is over, they go back to yellow.

Each day they start off back at green.
M.

Many people (big and little) don't like to be reprimanded. I think his was a very strong reaction, but a common reaction.

I like the marbles (or some safer object) in a jar for each. When it reaches the top, they get a reward. When they are bad (time out) they get one taken away.

When DH and I were first dating, he had a small glass with 3 pennies in it near the table. When one of the kids would act up, he'd quietly take out the glass, dump out the pennies and sit the glass on the table. Each subsequent infraction was a penny til they were gone, and then the warnings were done and the child had a consequence, like time out or leaving the table. I liked it because once the kids knew the score, he rarely used all the pennies, and it didn't interrupt the dinner for everyone else.