Bedtime Help

I had the same problem when my son was 3. The only thing i found that would work was to get him to sleep and put him in his bed. When ever he would get up i would take him back to his bed. The first night was rough, he was up every 5-10 min wanting in the bed with me, but it get better after about a week. He will be 5 in Dec and I have not had any more issues with which bed he will sleep in.

S., I have a 3 year old who will be 4 in Feb. and she too has put up fights. It took me a couple of different trys but we have started having the last part of her routine end in her bed. So instead of letting her watch TV until bed, 15 min. before bed time we have her in her bed to read storys or to tell us storys and that way she is already there and just has to curl up. And that way if she is already tired the transition should be easier. I also have had to talk to my daughter to let her know that I will not go back into her room until she is asleep even if she calls out for me. It sounds harsh but it worked, (after 3 very emotionally draining nights). Hope this helps. A.

You need to be consistent. Have a set bed time for her and stick by it very strickly. As she gets older you might not have to be so strick about her bed time, but for now while you are teaching her to sleep on her own she needs to have rules and regulations. Kids actually like that and it makes them comfortable to know what is going to happen and when. Everynight make bedtime the same. whether you read a book, or pray together whatever it may be do the same thing everynight. In the same order. Our order is brush teeth, read a story, pray, and bedtime. It is the same everynight and we very rarely have a problem (usually only when we give her soda late, and that is our fault). It would be good to talk to her dad and see if he can put her in her own bed there so that you both are doing the same thing, however you cannot make him do it so if he won't just be consistent at your home. She will be able to adjust. I wish you the best.

I don't think the problem is really about bedtime. Since you are a working mother and now are going to school as well, my best guess is you are seeing your daughter less than before school started for you. She is probably just going through a seperation period and may just feel closer to you by sleeping with you. Since your time is limited with your daughter, letting her sleep with you shouldn't be a big deal. Children who feel secure about their surroundings become more independent without any encouragement. Children who feel safe and secure are more likely to try different things and forge their own path, but it is because they know that behind them is a safe supportive net.

The main thing is to be consistant. I have a one year old and that is the biggest lesson for me to learn. However, I am a child of divorce (my parents seperated when I was 3) and having two seperate rules really makes things confussing. I would suggest talking with her father about her sleeping with someone at night and come to an agreement that will work at home as well as away. If he is just unwilling to work with you on a compromise, I don't know what else you can do. Just stay consistant at home that way she knows how it is at mommy's house. The main thing to remember is you got to stay consistant and not give in. If you let her stay in your bed one night and then she has to sleep in her bed the next, it sends mixed messages. It will be hard and she may cry alot (my mother said I did) but once you get through this rough spot, it'll be smooth from then on. I don't remember much when I was 3 crying at night. I have a few memories, but not many. Not any that I carry with me today. I hope this helps a little.

S.,
What worked for me was to make a big deal about how exciting it is to be a "big girl" and start a routine where you do "big girl things" before bedtime for example...
read a special book
say prayers together
paint toenails if thats an option (clear only of course)
or whatever you can come up with that she really likes and use that as bait to get her to want to go to sleep so she can have those special big girl things. Instaed of dreading bedtime she will begin to look forward to it so she can have that special stuff with mom. In t he morning when she wakes up after a night of beign a big girl.. make a big deal about it praising her and acknowledging that she was such a big girl.

I have a daughter who is going to be 2 in november a nd still sleeps with my parents or me and I have slowly been trying to get her to sleep in her infant bed she will go in to her bed at nap time and this is how I have been trying to get her to sleep in there at night but her bed room is in the same rrom as my parents so she has someone there when she wakes maybe if you move her bed in to your room and get her to sleep in her bed where you are then move her into her own room but i cant say it will work some kids have trouble especially when parents split i know my step son did he went through the same I use to let him sleep on the couch with the television so he would feel more comfortable because he like to sleep with us but he kicked and everything so it was impossible but he eventually moved in to his own room so I hope this helps because this is my first child I have raised from birth I dont have alot of experience but I know how it feels to want your own bed but my daughter has sleep with me since birth so I know what you mean by help but if you need someone to chat with I am here at ____@____.com so just email me

Hi S.
I was a single Mom raising 2 children so i know that the relationsip between a single mom and her child can be little different. I found that I was very close to my kids as they were my main focus in my life. I think that the "single parent"in itself makes it more difficult to seperate ourselves emotionally and we are more likely to feel we are betraying them when we have to lay down the law about bedtime. Even when she is crying do not let her go in your bed. It is hard to be firm w/someone we love so much. We often have feelings of guilt and this quilt stuff can be multiplied by divorce situations. Remind yourself, you are doing the right thing to stand firm. In some cases there may have been a time when your child slept in your bed as it is easy to give in when your tired. I'm sure this is common for many single Moms. Allowing the child to sleep in your bed, gives instant emotional relief for both of you, but it is not a good choice for either of you in the long run. I remember that I felt more secure when I put my children in bed with me. I always slept better with them next to me. The truth was I needed them as much as they needed me. It was hard and took awhile for my son and daughter to get use to sleeping in their own bed. I did realize that I had created bad habits for my children. ok- Advise part: One technique I used was to offer a special routine every night. Find some really great books that your daughter would like. There are some great kids books that are funny and have life lessons in them. Find books that you will enjoy reading to her as well things she likes(vary them). If you are transitioning to an early schedule, start about 15 mins earlier every night. When you say"ok- time for bed" She may be able detect your self-doubt in your voice. The emotion in your voice your tone etc may be showing selfdoublt, it is another reason she may feel uncomfortable at bedtime. You may be reacting to your own emotional antipation of conflict. You really have to put on a bit of an act to trick them because they are so bright and know you,-sometimes better then yourself. Always make the bedtime and reading ritual exciting by showing her your excited about it as well. I mean it! Exagerate the excitement if neccessary. If she is feeling a bit insecure about you because of constant changes-remind her of some exciting plans you have with her for the next day as it is reassuring to her. To start,(day 1) pyche her up for a positive bedtime experience by letting her pick out new pjs and a cool nightlight. Keeping the whole bedtime thing a positive ritual. If she cries when its lights out, go in her room comfort for 1 minute then leave. You can repeat same step but never more then a minute of comfort time. The first week will be rough so start on a day when you do not have to get up early the next day. Again, find books that you will enjoy reading to her, they can be funny or something with a lesson you would like to teach. I trick my son with books that offer some life experience and he learns from them. Everytime your little girl has a sucessfull night in her own bed praise her the next morning. A sticker chart with a new sticker each day is another exciting reward for her. It is more difficult when your daughter's routine is changed during visits at Dads. I would explain to your ex that you need to work at a new routine and see if they will follow it on their end as well. You can send some instructions along with her bedtime books, a sleeping bag is another great idea for Dad's house as it gives her a sense of her own space for sleeping. It may always be varied when she visits there- but you still have to stick to your routine when she is with you. Good luck and remember to start early and always have her sleep in her own bed. Keep us posted. S. M

Hi S. well I think we have the same child. I've gone through this same situation with my daughter although I've only go myself to blame since there is no other parent. Earlier this summer I was having a difficult time and instead of keeping to our routine I started letting my daughter (3 going to be 4 in Dec.) sleep in my bed, so when I told he about a month ago that she was really going to have to start sleeping in her room again... well lets just say it wasn't pretty. There was lots of crying and temper tantrums and stories of how all the sudden she was scared of her room and she has bad dreams sleeping in there, oh and how I was ruining her life. Anyways I'm sure there is no need explaining this since you probably deal with this yourself. Well you may have tried this already but what I've found that's been working with us is I have to be firm and stick to our routine. When its time I take her into her bedroom with only a little light on I sit and read her two or three books then turn the light off and sit in there with her for a couple minutes, not necessarily until she falls asleep but until she calms down. If she is really putting on a show I will tell her that I will leave the room if she doesn't calm down, and since she'd rather have me in there a little longer than be there by herself she usually tones it down. Also if she is not alseep when I'm ready to go finish stuff around the house I will tell her that I will be back in a little bit to check on her. We still have nights every once in a while more difficult than others but for the most part this has been working for us. I will say this though you need to stick by your first decision and don't let the crying and pitiful face change your mind. If you don't mind her sleeping with you sometimes then maybe you should make it a reward. Tell her if she goes to sleep in her room without a problem M-F that on the weekend she can sleep with you maybe Saturday night and if you decided to do this use a calendar and mark the days so she can see what she is working for. I don't know if this will be helpful to you since each child is different but please let me know if it helped any. Oh and by the way what day in December does your daughter turn 4 mines is on the 5th. Good luck

N.

She is still so little,she can't reason this out by herself.Some times it one way and sometimes it's another.Have you tried lying down with her til she is settled and maybe talking her through this? Maybe she doesn't want to be alone.I don't like being alone at night.There are so many reasons this could be happening.Talk to her and let her know that you will come to her if she needs anything and let her have a doll or some kind of comforter.Leave a light on,low so there isn't anything to be afraid of.This will pass in time you just have to treat her like you would want to be treated if you were in her bed alone. Hope this helps,she'll grow and you couldn't pay her to sleep with you.Yes,it'll happen.And soon.Don't push her too hard..God Bless you both

Hey S., try reading a short story! My son loves story time right before bed!! He is 4, we started it when he turned 3!! I let him choose the book!! Worked great, hope you find a good eay way!! Good Luck