Bedtime for Two Kids, One Parent

I do dinner between 5 and 6, and bed times around 8. I used to put the baby in a swing or bouncer, and leave them in another room so big brother could get to bed at a normal time. If the baby started to fuss, it was okay, because her brother needed the special bedtime/alone time as well.

I'm at home for a year with my 2 and bedtimes were tough at first.
I'd agree, lil guy goes first. I give in and put a nice show on for DD (Wonderpets or Backyardagains, etc.) and put the little one to bed around 7:30 most nights...often 8pm by the time he's asleep, but gives me a bit of wiggle room. Then DD and I spend 15-20 min reading and getting ready for bed. She's in bed between 8:30 and 9.
Good luck!

I honestly think you'd be better off putting DS down second. The toddler needs the routine more psychologically. Put DS in a swing, get DD down and then you can fuss and fiddle with him as much as you need to.

I have a 2 year old, his bedtime is 8:30. Dinner is at 6:30, bathtime is at 7:30.

I am you! LOL. Hubby works 12-hr shifts as either an RN or a paramedic and that means that anywheres from 4 to 5 times I week I am handling the evening/nighttime routine. We are now up to number 3! (Ages 4YO, 18m and 2m)

Basically, I will start dinner between 4 and 4:30 aiming to have it on the table no later than 6 to 6:30 pm. Now, I know two hours to prep dinner seems long, but when you consider the interuptions, its really not. :-) My oldest takes the longest to eat so I figure roughly an hour is spent around the dinner table. When I am done, I try to clear and pack the food up so that I don't need to try to do it after /everyone/ is done. We generally eat in the kitchen so I can still keep an eye on things.

Then I let the kids play for about 1/2 hour and then head up to the bedrooms. I try to start the going to bed process no later then 7:30pm. This means potty (for the oldest), diapers for the youngest two, changing into jammies, brushing teeth and then ONE story book and prayers. During the story, I sit with all the kids and nurse the baby. I then put the baby down, followed by the middle child and the oldest last.

The one thing I have learned is that leftovers are your friends (when possible) and a "quick" meal like pizza or something is not a crime if you add a salad. I have also learned to do little things (like pre-filling sippy cups with milk) that can be done early, when things are calm (like during nap time) are a lifesaver. It's one less thing you need to remember at "crunch" time. I have also learned routines are great - as long as you allow yourself to fail once in a while. We aim for 8pm as a bedtime, but the reality can vary depending on tantrums, spilled food, or whatever. Life definately happens when you are making plans! LOL.

You may want to think about how to incorporate your youngest instead of treating them individually and seperately.

Good luck.
~C.

I put my son down earlier. We tried different bed times when he was that age, but he needed more sleep than that. We started at 8, then 7, etc. Until we realized that he needed to go to bed at 6pm. We also got the book No cry sleep solutions, and it worked great. You might just have to put them to bed at different times to make things smoother for yourself. Its hard being the only one home to do all that work but you do what you have to.

So try pushing little one's bedtime back until you think he is more settled and see if that works.

Good luck!

Put the older one down first. Then you can care for the baby. However,
I would work on breaking the cycle of having to be nursed and rocked to
sleep soon. When you put him down, let him fuss. He will learn to self
soothe himself. Good luck.

Either put baby to bed first, or your older child.

If putting older child to bed first, put baby in the crib for safety.

My daughter was on the cusp of being 4 when I had my 2nd child.
She was patient too. But also still just a young child.
I talked with her often, to bond with her and explain things. She was a champ about it. And tolerant. She understood, that putting her baby brother to bed, was not easy. I always talked with her about it, so she did not feel like a 2nd fiddle.

I was home a lot by myself too, because of my Hubby's work schedule and he is going to school.

Nurse your baby before bed.
Then put him down.
If he wakes when being put down, try patting him etc. use white noise like a fan turned on low. Have the crib comfy and cozy. My son liked baby safe stuffed toys in the crib and we had a Fisher Price "Ocean Wonders" aquarium toy in the crib too. He liked that. It distracts them.

I, put my kids to bed at the same times. Their naps were the SAME too.

Going to bed at 8-9:00pm, is late for a baby and a 3 year old child.
And, over-tired babies and kids... actually have a harder time going to sleep, falling asleep, and staying asleep, and do not get a good sleep.

Have dinner EARLY. Kids, get hungry earlier. Make everything earlier. Their bath, dinner and bedtimes.
If not, the bed 'time'... actually gets later and later, because- as it gets harder to put one to bed, their bedtime gets later and then it domino effects onto the other kid, then their bed 'time' gets later too. A vicious cycle.

So, make everything, earlier.

And, before bedtime... do not have horse-play or anything hyper or noisy. Make the house, DARK and calm and 'boring' before bed. I am talking at least 1 hour before the actual bedtime. You have to set the 'stage' so to speak. Making the ambiance, bedtime... friendly and calmer/darker etc. Leading up to, bed time.

It is a long time to wait, for the older child.
It could also be harder for the baby to fall asleep... because he is being put to bed TOO late. Thereby, you have missed the window of him being tired, and then getting over-tired. Exacerbating the whole process, making it more difficult.

We do dinner early...usually by 5 or 5:30. Then that leaves enough time for a little play, baths, etc. My 6 year old goes to bed around 7:30 (although she reads in bed until 8:30 or so) and by 1 year old falls asleep nursing around 8:30. However, when she was 4 months old, she would be up until any hour...there really wasn't any rhyme or reason to it.

How long does it take for you 3 year old to fall asleep? I ask because when our youngest was a newbie I would put our oldest to bed first, because he was easy - bath, book, bed! Then I would spend the time to get the baby to fall asleep.

We do dinner at 6:00 here. Bath nights we are usually in around 7:00 or 7:30 and bedtime is 8:00.

Good luck mama, you'll find your groove. My hubby works a rotating schedule too, so I know how trying it can be. You'll find something that works.

I have always put my girls in bed at the exact same time, every night, ever since they were born, and it's never a struggle, never has been. I have nieces and nephews with no set bed times, and it's always a war at bed time. So that's the first thing I would do is set a routine in stone. My husband works evenings too so it's just me and my 4 and 7 year old daughters. My daughter does her homework before I get home from work. Dinner is at 6pm, then various activities (we do girl scouts, soccer, tee ball, or go outside and play). Bathtime/reading time from 8pm to 9pm, then bedtime is at 9:00, not a minute later. Then it's my quiet reading time for an hour before I go to sleep.

I can tell you what I do. My youngest(1) nurses before bed and goes down around 7:30. My oldest (3) goes to bed at 8. We let him watch a little TV before bed and he likes the cuddle time with mommy and daddy.
When I put them down by myself, I nurse the baby in the livingroom while watching TV with my toddler. I start nursing her a little before 7:30 and make sure that the older one has everything he needs (i.e., has gone potty and has a snack). She usually falls asleep sometime before 8pm and I put her in her crib. Then I am free to put my son to bed. That's what works for me.

my husband is a firefighter so he works 24 hour shifts and my children are 2.5 and 11 months, so I feel your pain. I've found that dinner between 5:30 and 6 with baths (when needed) work for us. Then our routine is the baby has his last bottle (7-ish)and a good snuggle in the rocker (usually until he falls asleep) while my DD watches Dora and Diego. She is on my bed snuggled under the blankets and as soon as he is asleep, I go in and snuggle with her while we watch the shows. Then when Diego is done, we go in her room, get her ready for bed (8ish) and get a few more snuggles in and talk about her day. Then she goes to sleep on her own. I keep this routine even when my DH is home so if and when little man needs more time, she knows to go potty, and in her room when Diego is over and that I will be in asap. It works for us, but took a while getting there. Good Luck!

A 3 year old should probably go to bed around 8, depending on how early she wakes up. I still send my 7 and 10 year olds to bed at 8:30 (they don't nap, of course, and are usually up by 7). At 3, she needs about 12 hours of sleep, total, a day, if I recall.

I had a 3 year old and a baby, too. I had a rocking chair in her room, and I would have her get in pj's and all the bedtime stuff (I didn't do baths at night, so bedtime went faster), then rock and nurse the baby while she laid in bed and I told her stories or sang to her. It took her a while to get to sleep (she was just that kind of kid) but I could tend to both of them at once. It really is better if she has a consistent bedtime (I would make a set time, rather than somewhere within the hour), it's easier for her to settle and go to sleep.

My first and second are 3 years apart. I would get them both ready for bed at the same time. We have a rocking chair in both of their rooms. I would put the oldest in his bed, turn out the lights etc. I would sit in the rocking chair and nurse my youngest while softly singing etc. If the oldest fell asleep first I would move to the rocking chair in the youngest's room. If the youngest fell asleep first I'd go put him in his crib and then come back and take care of the oldest. Sometimes I'd hold him and rock him for a little bit and sometimes I'd just sit there in the rocking chair with him. As soon as I got them both to sleep I'd go to bed myself.
As for what time for bedtime etc. Really depends on when you need them to be up in the morning. This is a great chart that tells how much little ones need:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071100.asp#T071121
Personally we have later bedtimes and the kids sleep later in the morning. I get up before them if I want time without them instead of staying up late. My husband and I will watch our shows in the morning etc. Bedtime can be 10-11 but we're not up before 8 or 9, sometimes 10. It works for us. This way my husband got to see his children.

I shoot for an earlier bed time, I try to my baby down at 7-7:15 and my 2.5b yr. old at by 7:30. Now that being said my baby skipped an afternoon nap, turned it into a late evening nap and just fell asleep.
We co sleep soI lay down with both of them on my bed, nurse the baby and my oldest lays on my arm. on a good night they are both asleep by 7:15.
I think having a solid routine really helps, both my children know what is going to happen and their bodies are conditioned to fall asleep as a certain time.
Here is our evening
4pm start dinner
5 eat dinner
6-630 bath
6:30 snack, teeth and hair
6:45 day down
It can be really hard putting 2 kids to sleep on your own, especially if they aren't kids you can just lay in their crib and they fall asleep. Ha wouldn't that be nice!
good luck, let us know if you come across something brilliant!

I start teaching my little one's self soothing at about 3 months so it isn't an issue. All 3 of mine (5, 3 and 1)sleep in the same room and share a bedtime. I trained my kids to sleep with a blanket that smelled like me. That is all they need and they go to sleep, we really have no routine other than I saying, "the sun went to sleep, to it is time for you to go to sleep" followed with a quick prayer for each kid and being tucked in... It is 5 minutes tops.

And just for those that say you need a routine, medical studies have shown that kids actually do better with love and kindness when they go to bed than a routine! Who knew?

Our schedule is just like busymommyb's. We eat around 6, bath at 7 for bed at 7:30. With it being so warm and light longer, they've been getting to bed a little later these days. My husband doesn't work a rotating schedule but occasionally I have both on my own at night. I agree with her that it's easier to put the older one to bed first. Then you know she is taken care of while you tend to the little one.

I too, am on my own for the night time routine with my 2 kids. When my daughter was a newborn, she is now 13 months, I would put my son to sleep first. He was the one with a set routine so I wanted to stick w/it as closely as possible. Once my daughter started developing a more consistent sleep routine, getting sleepy at about the same time each night at about 6-8 months, I started putting her down first and then my son. I did not have to change the time he went to bed.

This is our current night time routine:
5:30 - dinner
6:00 - bath
6:30 - my son watches a 1/2 of tV while baby plays and has bottle.
7pm - Baby goes to sleep
7:00 - 7:30 - books w/son
7:30 - my son goes to bed

Good luck. I remember how hard it was in the beginning but it absolutely gets much better.

I do bedtime alone ALL the time (and I have three kids because my youngest children are twins). When they were babies, it was easier to put them down first because they never needed as long a routine as my oldest did. It was nice to spent some one-on-one time with my oldest child before bed. That said, if you are finding that your baby's bedtime is taking a lot longer you are going to have to put your oldest child to bed first. I fully agree with the reader who said to make use of the baby swing at that time, so baby is safe and happy for a period where you can give some one-on-one attention to your oldest. Have the baby ready for bed so your oldest doesn't think she is missing "mommy/baby party time." It is hard to put two or three kids to bed by yourself and sometimes they go to bed later than you want. It helps me to have a time that I want them to go to bed and then an outer limit time when they MUST be in bed. I want bedtime to be pleasant and I value read-aloud time. I will cancel reading time if a child's behavior was delaying bedtime, but if bedtime is slightly delayed because of my difficulty managing everyone, then I will still read a shorter story and take solace in the fact that the child is still in bed before the outer limit bedtime. Good luck to you.

This may seem weird but my kids are 3 years apart and my older really has to get to bed first. If he isn't in bed by 8 then he's an overtired monster the next day. He fights naps so much and won't take one early enough to not mess up bedtime. He gets up earlier (7 to 7:30 am) and goes to preschool. My little one is 2 now and either she naps or sleeps in much later than her brother so it is much easier to get her back on track if she is up late. I try and get dinner ready around 6:30 and then by 7 or 7:15 we are done and the kids get ready for bed. In our house bedtime usually takes 2 parents. If I have to do it alone it can be tricky. If the little one had no nap I put her down first and she goes in the crib awake after stories. But I did train her to got to sleep on her own in the crib with the Fisher Price aquarium toy/nightlight around 6-7 months. The older one takes longer to get through his bedtime routine. If I have to get him in bed and read stories with the little one there I do it that way (she is old enough to listen to the stories now).

I think with your baby being so young it depends a bit on his nap schedule. If he takes a late afternoon nap you could put him in a bouncy seat for your daughter's stories and put him in bed after her. If they both take an afternoon nap at the same time it may be trickier. Maybe a special calm kid's video your older one can enjoy while you put the baby in bed would help. TV at bedtime isn't ideal in some ways but it may get you by until the baby shifts his sleep pattern and you can do it differently. In 2 years since I had my second we have shifted the bedtime routines around a few times. When the older one gave up his nap around 3 he had to go to bed earlier. When they baby switched from 2 naps to 1 her routine changed as well.

I can understand your struggles to establish a routine that works for two. It takes a lot of effort b/c you will have to do two separate bedtimes since there is a large age difference between your children and they have different needs. I have two sons-ages 3 and 1 now. I have constantly had to change routines as they have gotten older. For the 3 y/o, I would recommend 10-12 hours of sleep depending upon your child's needs and one nap during the day (1-2 hrs). Example: my son goes to bed between 8 and 8:30pm and wakes up between 7:30 and 8 and he takes a nap at school of 1 hour (however his normal nap time last 1.5 hrs during the weekends/when home - the school wakes up all the children after an hour b/c of they have to follow their schedules - this is why we have to allow 12 hours of sleep at night to compensate for the lost sleep during the day at school).

For your 4 mo old, they normally sleep 5-8 hours through the night so a later bedtime would be best until the baby is older and expect 1 to 2 night wakings and feedings (just quickly give milk and put back to bed w/out talking and/or making extra noise & keep room dark).

Do they have separate rooms? I had both in the same room after the baby was 4 months old. The older one didn't wake up when the baby would wake up, but I took out the baby, changed diaper quickly if really wet, nursed in my room and put back to crib in kid's room. or if your older baby wakes easily, you could keep the baby in your room until baby sleeps more soundly through the night.

I did two separate meals, baths and bedtimes, but you have a 3 y/o who hopefully eats by herself w/supervision. I would suggest sitting between your children, letting the 3 y/o eat independently while you feed the baby in the highchair (so the baby gets used to eating at that time). Then bath and bedtime for the older one (you can have the baby watch all this in the carrier and it's good to expose the baby to the rountine). Then after the older one is in bed and sleeping, bath and do a bedtime routine for hte baby. The baby will probably need milk at this time since it's been several hours since dinner and this is fine. The bath, milk, lullaby or reading books can all be part of the baby's bedtime routine. Hopefully, if you're doing all these activities with baby and using a later bedtime, baby will be tired and fall asleep more easily than now. Try to put baby down when drowsy but not asleep so baby learns to fall asleep on his/her own, but I know that is sometimes not possible (mine often fell asleep after nursing), but that's okay too. If baby is fussy, just allow baby to fuss for a few minutes b/c this gives baby opportunity to learn to fall asleep. If baby is crying, then I would suggest to pat baby's butt and perhaps sing to her to soothe her. I think continuously picking up baby would wake her/him up further. But of course, if baby is wailing or srieking, pick baby up - something is wrong - either needs to be burped or wet diaper or too cold or too hot. I hope this helps. I found some websites that may be helpful as well.

It does get a little easier (at least w/the basic needs - the discpline will come later!). my 2 sons starting sleeping more than 8 hrs per night after 6 months. It does happen! and they have always shared a room together. Good luck!

http://www.slumbersounds.com/baby-sleep-patterns-info.htm (the website says 9-12 hrs for 4 mo old but that seems like a lot at this age)

http://babyparenting.about.com/cs/sleeping/a/newbornsleep...

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/t070200.asp

I have to do bedtime every night during the week by myself since my husband works evenings. It gets exhausting! My suggestion for you is to put the baby somewhere safe (swing? - those were lifesavers in this house) and put your daughter to bed first. You say her bedtime is much smoother without the baby, but if she's waiting and it's getting late, it might not be as smooth as you think. Also, you could nurse and rock your baby stress free if your older daughter is already in bed.

When my kids were that age (or younger I guess, my boys are 20 months apart) I put the oldest down first. I'd get them both ready for bed, then put the baby in the bouncy seat in their room so I could bounce him with my foot while I read to the 2 year old. Usually this worked. On occasion the baby would fuss and I'd have to wrap things up early for my older child, but I'd nurse him in the same room if that happened and would sing to the toddler while he was in bed to make up for it.

Then once he was sleeping, I'd focus on the baby. Usually I'd bring him back downstairs with me for a while (he wasn't really ready for bed until 9:00 or later).

Good luck, it does get easier.

J.

That is tricky! Whatever you decide to do, you just hang in there! (That's half the battle.)
As for us...
We put all three of our kids (ages 10 mos, 2-almost-3 yrs, and 4-almost-5 yrs) down between 7:15 and 7:30 PM). We have to, for the sake of our own sanity!
How we do it:
We start eating dinner at 5:30; bath water is running by 6:15 while kids and we are finishing up dinner; by 7:00 baths are done; by 7:10/15, jammies are on and we're reading a book or two. We then do our nighttime routine, which for us includes reciting a Psalm together, then singing together. The kids get into bed. Then we pray with our kids while they're in bed. Lights are out by 7:30. Every night, we do the exact same thing, even with our infant (who sleeps in a separate room for now, although that's going to change eventually, and she'll share a room with her siblings since she's now pretty much on the same nighttime sleep schedule as they are).
Both my husband and I follow the same exact routine whether the other one is there or not, which happens fairly frequently (maybe 5-10/month, depending on work trips and such), although not as frequently as it sounds like happens for you guys.
Now, that being said, it was not as "easy" when Baby3 was still nursing. We made it nursing until 7 mos., after which point she was simply too distracted by the noise of her siblings to nurse during the daytime. She ate quite slowly in the evening. Between 6 and 7 months, I savored the relaxed evening nursing her, while my hubby put the other two kids in bed.
When I did have to put all three kids down and nurse, which happened a number of times while we were still nursing...
I nursed Baby while we ate dinner. Then, I bathed and put the older kids down at the normal time--7:30. Then, I nursed Baby and just dealt with an occasional "Can I have some water, please?"
Eventually I stopped nursing because I wanted my evenings back. At that point, we started gradually working Baby toward the same bedtime as the other two until we got her there. Probably took 1.5 months, maybe less.
I hope this helps and I wish you well!