Becoming a Stay at Home Mom - Pflugerville,TX

It was difficult to let go of the idea of trying to earn some other money. I'm still considering a crafting pursuit...

What helped me was being present as a mom. By letting go of the extra "you should..." voices in my head. There will always be people who feel that staying at home and relying on someone else is folly, and in some situations, that's true. I had to learn (after 25 years of working) to trust my husband to want to provide for us, to trust that he knew I was doing a knock-out job at home and thought I was pulling my weight. It's gradual, this being at peace with not working for money.

But you know, it's precisely the reasons you list that being home has been so good for us. My husband gets great dinners, housework is done, garden is getting tended to, I have found a niche in volunteering at the school... the best though, was that Kiddo just completed kindergarten. We struggled through hard hours of homework, tearful mornings when he didn't want to go to school, etc. Typically, patience is something I have struggled with all of my life. That said, I have had a lot of patience with him-- not every day-- but most days, and likely more than I would have if I'd been working and dealing with coworkers, customers, demands from supervisors, etc. I had more of myself to give. When the teacher was telling my husband how well our son had done, he pointed to me and said "It's her. She did all the work on that."

That felt REALLY good. Working in the home means sometimes, you don't get a paycheck, but the pay-OFF is worth it!

M.:

No, I didn't have those feelings. I was excited!! We had planned for it! I might have been scared about adult conversations - but I found play dates and women that I got along with!

What will make it easier? Take ANY salary you get and put it in savings for 3 to 6 months. If you have to touch it - then you know you aren't ready. If you don't touch it - GREAT!! You are financially ready to stay home with the kids!

You need to realize that even though you are not financially contributing to the family - you are contributing more to the "value" of the family. You are STILL partners!!

You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to! Being a SAHM is a great thing! It's not for everyone - but that's okay! :)

Go for it. Take classes, keep your skills up, stay involved in the community, stay involved with the area that you like to work in some way so you can keep your resume fresh. But if you're both on the same page and your hubby/kids are behind you, listen to your heart :)

The transition for me was initially depressing, because I was used to being with adults in the working world and all of a sudden I was stuck all day with little kids, and it was a little boring and made me feel worthless. I never worried about the money part of it, though maybe I should have -- husband provided but money was tight.

But I eventually got used to being a SAHM, and found a life and friends within that role.

Your husband and kids want you to do this, your family says they will help, you can afford it -- go for it!

Especially now -- it's unlikely you will be able to help out much in your son's high school once he's there and unlikely he will want you to, so enjoy these last precious years!

Have fun!

I went from being a full time working mom to working part time afte baby #2 was born. IT was the best thing I ever did:) In my case, I am still bringing in income - and it is about 1/2 of what I made when I was full time but we miss my benefits. My husband is carrying all of us on insurance now and that is more expensive than when I carried myself on my employer plan plus our child.

I would be a SAHM also if we ever had #3 because the cost of childcare would be more than I could earn. It is not at all easy - make sure you can really truly afford it. Open up an IRA and insist that you make a contribution each year as you won't be contributing to either social security or an employer's retirement plan.

Good luck! C.

Nervy Girl explained it perfectly for me too.

If you're both on the same page (you and your husband) then I'd go for it.

Well... we were married before we had kids and there weren't any pre-existing children, so I never felt like I HAD to work to support my child as you have explained. The kids are both of ours. And husband earns enough that I didn't have to work.

When I became pregnant, we began living off of only his paycheck, and using mine to pay off debt or set aside for baby items (crib, car seat, etc). Once you get accustomed to only spending what he earns, then you can do it. You might go through some other mental adjustments (I did), but they will be different for you than it was for me. I only had a baby, so the house was quiet and I had no distractions or people to talk to if husband wasn't home. If you have older kids, you won't have that "staring at the 4 walls" thing happen to you.
:)

I am a stay at home mom to a 2 yr old and soon to be a newborn daughter.Yes it is hard work.My husband is thankful that i help him with the kids because hes busy!He works at work then comes home then works.He helps me sometimes when i need a break and thats really all the things i need,If your husband is on the same page,i think you will do fine and you will get used to it:)

I've heard so many working moms say they don't have the patience. I'm not the most patient mom, but I do know that working a paying job would leave me even more exhausted and deplete, and thus with even less patience. I honestly don't know how people work full time, take care of the house, and have energy for their kids. I think of working women as being the real strong ones.

My hubby is super supportive of the work I do --at home. We occasionally have arguments about money, but they'd be the same arguments even if I worked. We have different approaches to investing, and this creates some tension.

I know some women have a hard time with identity issues when they begin staying at home. I see staying home as my Job, and I'm comfortable with this as the most important but non-prestigious job in the world. It is a full-time job in itself, and I think it is as rewarding as you make it. I love making quality meal, and having the time to garden and make our house a real home away from the stresses of the outside world. I'm doing what Voltaire said was a key ingredient to worldly happiness: tend to your own garden, and stop worrying about the rest. If you can silence the outside world that looks down on "women's work," and instead see it as the real civilization building that it is, it's easy to be comfortable with such a non-status role.

Best wishes to you!

I was at home for the first 13 months of my oldest daughter's life and it was hard. Then I returned to work PT until I had my 3rd child. I have now been a SAHM for 10 years and love it. The reason why I am now so content is because I found a hobby. It took me a while before I found something I loved and am passionate about but it has enriched my life in measurably.
Best of luck to you!

Yes, being a SAHM is hard work. The most rewarding jobs are the hardest. You will have to monitor your patience like a thermometer. You need to know when your temp is approaching the boiling point so you can "switch gears" before you get too hot. Have a plan -to turn on your favorite music, call a friend, etc.

You will be tempted to think about yourself - getting praised at a job, getting the reward of a paycheck, feeling like you are contributing to the family, getting breaks in the day at work, getting to use your skills at a job, getting to talk to adults, etc. All you have to do is look into the faces of your precious kids and husband and see their smiles that you are willing to sacrifice all of those things for them, and you will get your "paycheck" daily.

If you find that you need adult contact, make play dates. If you need time to yourself, ask a family member to watch your kids for an hour here and there.

Volunteer wherever you can for your oldest's school. He will feel so proud that his mom is one of the few that can show up. It means a lot to him. If he sees you doing it well, he will want you to continue in high school.

Enjoy the privilege! There are many moms who can't stay home. Enjoy the many advantages like not having to rearrange your life when you have a sick kid, loving on your babies all day as no daycare provider could ever do, having one-on-one playtime and giggles, making nutritious meals, etc.

When you don't valuable, read a chapter from "In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. You are blessed!

I felt like a SAHM summers when I was home with my son. I LOVED it!