Baptism? - Shelton,CT

Honestly, I am a little surprised at the lack of support for baptism in the comments you are getting. I understand that if you don't see yourselves going to church, then it makes little sense...HOWEVER, let me be the first to say something different to you.

You could view this time of your life in two different ways:
One: life is crazy, little kids keep you busy, job is not secure, moving is crazy etc etc. This is life. It rarely slows down, and all else is abandoned just to keep up.
Two: Sacraments, esp. of your kids will help to bring perspective to the business of life, and a launching point to begin teaching kids about God. Not only could this be a time of spiritual growth for yourself, but the beginnings of a whole family learning how to follow God.

Look at the baptism of your child not coming with strings attached. Go slowly and learn your Faith enough to teach your children little by little. No one has unrealistic expectations of what we Moms of little kids can handle. Go at your own pace, take a break when things get a little crazy, but look to this time as a moment in your families life, where you decide this question:

"Do I just try and survive with the day to day craziness that is life, or do I take it by the reigns, own it, work in it, and along the way give the foundation of a Faith and all the gifts it can bring.... not only to my children, but myself, in the process."

Good luck to you, I hope these times of making significant decisions are blessed with God's grace.
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I am a cafeteria Catholic - I take what I like, and leave the rest. I went to Catholic school from K-8, and was baptized, received communion, and was confirmed. My mom said that after that, it was up to me...she just wanted to give me the foundation. After 8th grade, we didn't go to church regularly, except in spurts.

Being spiritual has always been more important to me than being religious. I have my beliefs, but also think that being out in nature or spending time with my family can be just as important, if not more so, than going to church.

When I married my husband, not religious, I still wanted to get married in the church. We thought it would be difficult, but it wasn't (he was baptized episcopalian). We ended up not liking that church and only attended twice outside our wedding. We found another that was nice, but still didn't go regularly. When I got pregnant, we "joined" (filled out a form) and had our son baptized. We only really go during holidays as our son is just too young to sit quietly for that long, and plan to have our next baptized too.

I don't know if we will continue them with the sacraments, although I am guessing we will, and I want the church open to them if that is the decision they make later in life.

This really depends on what is important to you. Even if it is just a tradition, I don't see anything wrong with it. I would love for my children to have been baptized either where I was, or at my school's church back home. My niece got to be baptized at the mission back home, and I am very envious of that. :)

My husband is a pastor, so we've seen tons of baptisms where the family comes once then we never see them again. Here's what my opinion is on that:

definitely get your daughter baptized, but be 100% honest with the minister officiating. If you dont' think you'll come back, tell him that and if he tells you that he won't do it, at least he will respect you for your honesty.

Baptism is a lot about bringing a child into the family of God and the Church community. So if you never intend to be a part of that church community, then I would agree that you shouldn't even get her baptized there either.

I don't know your religion, but most faiths that believe in baptising infants are okay with baptism at other churches. Meaning, if you're baptised Lutheran then end up going to a Catholic or Episcopal church, you wouldn't get rebaptized (Nicene Creed professes "one baptism for the remission of sins" - meaning once baptized, forever baptized). Other churches that do baptism after the age of accountability (like Baptist, for example) would not recognize an infant baptism anyway, so if you think you might go that way, the baptism will need to be "redone" later.

Finally, you don't even need a pastor to do the baptism. Technically, all you need for baptism is water and the Word. So, you could baptize the child yourself. Just drops of water on her head and "I baptize you in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit." That's it. All the other stuff is good, and worthwhile, but doesn't make the child any MORE baptized than what I just explained. This is coming from a very conservative pastor (my husband). However, if you aren't really religious at all, you might ask yourself why baptism is important to you? I think, if you get your daughter baptized, you owe it to her to follow it up with the support of the church and all it offers. Your daughter will be surrounded by people with a strong faith and good morals and your daughter will hear the word of God and be taught Biblical truths. But, like I said, if you don't believe those things either then why would you want those things for your daughter?

I ask that in all respectfulness, just as a way to get you thinkin about why do you want this for your daughter.

Good luck to you and your daughter!

It is really up to you. We are not church goers but yet I wanted my daughter to be baptized. We have not been to church since. My aunt never had my cousin done cause my uncle is presbyterian and she is catholic. She want her to choose which religion she wanted. She will be 20 in July and has yet to be baptized. If I were you I would just have your husbands brother-in-law do it at your home. Make it private. This way you won't have the quilt of not going to church.

I agree with Judy. I never had my children Baptized even though I just loved the idea of them in a beautiful christening gown and all the photo ops and our parents would have loved it! However, that's what it was to me -a photo op -and even though I'm not religious in the traditional sense, it seemed kind of wrong to go through the motions and use a church that I knew we would never attend again -nor would we be raising our children in that specific religion.

Personally we're Unitarian, and they have a child dedication service you can do with your kids at any age. We're doing that -and it goes through what the Baptizm/Christening does as far as members of the church and community (and parents) helping to steer the child in a positive manner.

E.-

My personal thoughts are that religions is a very personal thing - that we all arrive in our beliefs on our own.

We were baptized growing-up in a Catholic Church. My sister had all her kids baptized in a Methodist Church and is now Born Again and has had them all denounce their baptisms in favor of being Saved.

I think, if it's important to you, it's worth a call to the church to understand exactly that's expected of you to have your daughter baptized. Do they expect you to be a member? What are the financial obligations for becoming a member?

My husband and I grew up in much different religious environments - I was Catholic, he grew-up Baptist. There are much different views on Baptism, and we've not come to a common ground yet with our children.

My diagnosis of cancer pulled me closer to my spirituality, and it pushed him further from his personal faith.

If you and your husband both believe this is important to you and your daughter, I'd say go for it. If you believe it's more for the family and the church community, perhaps wait until things settle more in your personal life. I personally believe you can be a good, faithful person without weekly church attendance, but my sister believes that makes me a heathen.

Trust your instincts and do what you believe is best for your family.

Best wishes.

Personally, I would find other means. That's essentially what my husband and I did. We do not participate in any organized religion, but we wanted to do something to celebrate the arrival of our children. We contacted the Unitarian Church and hired a minister (or assistant pastor, or something...) to perform a "naming ceremony" -- we called it a "Welcome to Earth Party." :) They were very open to tailoring the ceremony to our wishes. We did it in our home and just invited family. It was unique and special for us.
Do whatever feels right to you! Best wishes.

I can add in from my perspective as a Lutheran pastor... I think of baptism as a celebration of promises: obviously, God's promise of love and, from that love, salvation (but this love is there before baptism and doesn't depend on baptism -- it just *is*.) ... then there are parents' promises to raise the child to know God's love; plus godparents, if applicable, second the parents' promises; then the congregation promises to help that child to know God's love and to welcome that child into the Christian community.

Really, it's an entrance into a whole community that relies on God's promises. I guess I'd say, if you're not interested in being part of the Christian community, the have a celebration of God's love for that child but leave baptism for a time when you or your child want to become a Christian (a follower, a disciple, one who prays/reads the Bible/serves/cares for the community and all of God's creation).

As a pastor, I'm sad to hear people say they're not interested in being part of a community of faith -- but at least you're being real about it and really thinking through the meaning of your actions, and I honor you for doing that. I've baptized lots of 3- year-olds, because that was when the family started looking for a place to explore their faith and so found their way back to Church. Whatever you do, be real about it, and don't let others lay guilt on you. As Christians, we should be looking for God's grace and love, right?

peace to you,
Wendolyn

My husband is not religious at all, and I am some what religious. I do go to church on the big holidays or when I can. My daughter is 4yr old and we had her baptized just as a family tradition in my family. But if you are unsure if you want to have her baptized while she is a baby, you can always let her decide later on in life if she wants to when she gets older. Nothing says that you have to have her baptized now, and life changes. You might want to attend church more later in life, then get her baptized then. Do what you feel is right and no one can tell you differently. :)

You have tons of answers! And they are all so different!

I'll chime in by saying, i don't think anyone should go through baptism for their children or for themselves just out of routine or feeling guilted into it. It should be because you have a genuine conviction to do it. That being said, i don't think it hurts anything to follow tradition if that's what you want to do.

So my opinion - I don't think its something you need to rush into and should only be done if you or your husband feels strongly about raising your daughter in the Christian faith. If you're not "religious" and don't plan to go to church I personally don't see why you would want to have a baptism, but it's a personal choice.

In most faiths, a baptism is simply a public announcement of a choice to live a certain way (or to raise your children a certain way). It's symbolic of a "new life". Some denominations believe that baptism is required to get into heaven, i think that's why some people feel so strongly about having it done for babies, but i don't personally believe that. There's even debate if infant baptism is mentioned in the Bible, all depends how you interpret things.

In our church we do child dedications, not baptisms. The pastor says some wonderful, encouraging words, prays for the family and has the parents proclaim that they vow to raise the children in the Christian faith, then has the Church vow to support the family... it can be done for children of any age. Then baptism is done as the individual chooses it.
For my beliefs that fits perfectly, but to each their own...

Good luck with your choice! and as a ps i'll agree with those who mentioned the benefits of a good church with great support (and a good children's program!)... our church family has supported us through a lot! and it might surprise you how much it can calm and ground a hectic life!

I agree with Wendolyn. When you baptize or dedicate the baby, you need to know what promises you are making during that moment. Promising that you will raise the child knowing the love, salvation and commitment to Christ and to follow Christ and raise your child to do the same...if that is not something that you are committed to doing, don't do it. The same with marriage, promises and commitment announced before God and the people attending the wedding ceremony, so this is the same thing. Please do not let people lay guilt on you and really take this serious as you have been. Don't do it because that is what was done for you when you were a baby and this is what people do....a lot of people do it and not keep the promises they made. I am proud that you are taking this baptism quite seriously and thinking it through. Hope you do what is right and make the right decision not because people say so, but because you are being honest with yourself and with that baby.

I understand the dilemma, believe me. My husband grew up Mormon but wasn't practicing since he was 11 or so. I grew up Catholic but hadnt really gone to church religiously since my parents divorced. When we move to Florida we had started attending the church here off and on. When we found out we were pregnant with our first child, I debated on having him baptized. Like you, the church said as long as we were a member. After soul searching, we decided for us, it would be the right decision to have him baptized. We are both "faith"ful and belive in God and to us, that means just as much than physically going to church EVERY Sunday. So, we went to church maybe every OTHER Sunday to be "current" before we had him baptized. To be honest, since we had him baptized about 11 months ago, we have only been to mass a handful of times. It gets hard with an infant, then toddler because they won't sit still. Plus I always worried about the germs when he was tiny. We are now expecting our second child and will have him/her baptized as well. My opinion is, if you have doubts about doing it, don't baptize your child. But.... if you want to, then don't worry about the insignificant part of attending EVERY Sunday; God knows you and can hear you anywhere, not just in a church. Who knows, you may decide to be more active in church down the line and regret NOT baptizing your child. Or maybe your child may decide on his/her own as they get older to be active in your church. Long story short, if you worry baptizing your child in the church isn't the right decision, then don't do it. But if you really want to, don't worry about the minutiae. : )

Get her baptized if you at all belive in your religion. lay the path for her now so that when she is older she is prepared and can decide what she wants to do with it. My son is baptized and will be making ALL of his sacraments, but honestly GOING to church does not happen...but I belive what I belive, and disagree with some things within it...one day I'd like to think we'll go to church again but its difficult now and my husband makes it a bit harder - he's like a kid who doesn't want to go. My thought is this - people can go to Church EVERY DAY but that doesn't make them good people, so we just try to be good people and teach our child to do the same and teach him all the other aspects, to me thats enough and doesn't make us any less worthy of baptism or any othe sacraments! I don't think GOD would judge you...just other people - so do what YOU WANT to do!

Why do YOU think you should have your child baptized? You are the mother, so I think it's something you really need to think about. (If you don't fill out a form by the 30th, doesn't mean you can't still have it done!) It also depends on the faith you follow. If you don't follow any, why do you think you should have your child baptized at all? Different faiths do different things, as others have mentioned. It is true that a baby has no concept of what is being done or why. We chose to have our daughters baptized as infants. To us, it was a promise to raise our children with faith. That being said, you can't make someone believe in something. Once they are old enough to make their own decisions, they will. BUT...If they are raised in the church, they may be more likely to stay there.I guess the whole point to my comment is that you should decide what role you feel faith should play in your life. Then go from there. Your baby can always be baptized at any point in life. Good luck with what ever you decide.

It is great that you are trying to do what is right for your daughter. That is what makes for a great mother. However Baptism is a Testimony of your dedication to follow Christ. It is what you do when you have accepted Him as your savior, and it's a pledge in front of other believers to live as Christ would have you live. It is What God has asked us to do, as the first act of obedience to Him after accepting Him as Lord of our life.

Well as a Catholic who attends church every week, I strongly believe in
Baptism. I guess you need to do what you think is right. Were you both
baptized. What is it that makes you hesitant?

Do it for your child, do not do it for yourself or others, just do it for your child. If you baptize at this church that is offering or have your brother-in-law do it it is a wonderful thing to do for your child. You can ask for it to be done in a private setting if you feel more comfrotable with that.

If you do not want to do it in a church a baptism can be done anywhere with water and the Word. Look at this web page it might help you make the decision: http://www.wels.net/what-we-believe/questions-answers/bap...

Also just reading your post you may really find comfort by going to church, it does not fix your earthly issues but helps you focus on better things. It has helped me through many up and downs of life and live a happier life focusing on God instead of me.

We had my daughter baptized at the church my parents attend and where my husband and I got married. We have only been to that church 2x (and are not members). We are also having my son baptized there in June.

To respond to a previous post about why get your child baptized if you do not plan on attending church, I would say that the reason we did it is because we believe baptism is something we wanted our children, family and friends to do together. My husband and I were raised different religiously - me a Methodist going to church most Sundays and him a Catholic but never going to church. We do not go to church now...not because we do not want to, but more because of our schedules and having two small children, therefore we haven't FOUND one we like yet. That may sound like an excuse, and I realize that, but I do know in the future we will attend church and I like the idea of having our children baptized!

I also like the idea because my MIL took my mother's wedding gown and turned it into a gown for my daughter and we will probably use it for my son!

Erika,
No judgements or pressure here...you are a nice person and good mom either way.
I am/was in the same boat as you. We put it off until she was around 8-9 months but we ended up having her baptized at the same (Episcopal) church in which we were married. It is out of town, so I guess that was sort of our excuse for not going to church there more often (but we don't go locally either). I did it for her and "my" church is very non-judgemental though I still felt some guilt when some of the the members started sort of hovering around us asking questions at the one coffee hour that we attended. That being said, we will go back to the same church when my son is born. Hey, you do what you can do and I think nice people will and should understand....good luck.

Baptizing baby

Not religious

No members of the church

Too busy to go

Husband lost job

Feeling guilty

No intention of attending church in future

Good morning E.,

Many couples who are NOT religious still go through church rituals when they marry because they want a splashy church wedding, or from parental pressure. When their children come along, even though they do not attend church, they want to have their baby dedicated or baptized. I see this as sort of hedging their bets, they are not sure God exists but just in case they want their child to have his blessing and protection.

Another reason, even though they feel their lives are too busy to give God hour or two each week; once again they are under pressure from their families to have the grandchildren dedicated or baptized.

In your case, since you are already feeling guilty, if you are not going to become members of the church where you were baptized, you would probably feel more guilty. Your brother-in-law is a minister, have him bless your child.

As a side note, if your husband in still out of work and your lives seem to be missing something, you might be surprised to see how life could change (for the better), if you found a church your little family likes.

Blessings….

go ahead and have her baptized there and don't feel guilty. she will be baptized and down the road when she is older she can make up her own mind about what, where and how to practice her sprituality.

Just one question: if you're not religious, don't intend to be attendees, and don't intend to bring your child/ren up in a church, why then even consider baptism? what's the point?

The point of baptism, for attendance at a church in general, is for a family to have an outside moral 'family' and friendships to help guide their child/ren thru their lives, to have a larger number of eyes watching to help the child make the right decisions, give the children a group of peers with similar morals to help them stand up for their beliefs amidst the turmoil of adolescence, that kind of stuff. If you don't intend to take advantage of all that, why would you even want to have the child baptized? just my thoughts.

Their is no stigma for not getting baptized, unless it's the family. But, if you can't stand up to the family in this regard as a family (you and your husband), what other ways can they manipulate you?

Good luck w/ your decision.