Hi Mamas,
I'm sure I'll get lots of different responses to this, but wanted to see what you all would do in this situation. I have a teenaged babysitter from church that I use often to babysit my kids so that my husband and I can go out for date nights. I trust her completely and she is a really good kid. I know her Mom well (she is our church secretary) and my kids just love her to death. So, my question is this. Her boyfriend is moving out of the country within the next few days to play professional soccer and I had asked if she could babysit on Saturday night. She told me that she would if he wasn't moving this weekend, but if he was, then she wanted to spend some time with him before he left. I can understand that. So, I made arrangements for a backup just in case. Well, when I asked her today if she would be available to babysit, she asked if her boyfriend could come and babysit with her. I have never met her boyfriend, but he was a crew leader during Vacation Bible School at our church and I know that her parents trust him completely (he is also a Christian). I asked her if her Mom was okay with it and she said yes, that he had gone with her to babysit before. So, should I let them both come babysit or go with the backup? My kids love both of our babysitters, so they would be happy either way. I am just not sure how I feel about it or what I should do. I am also going to have to talk to my husband about it (obviously), but wanted to get a feel for what you all would do. Thanks in advance for your input.
Thanks everyone for your responses! I do trust them and think they are plenty mature enough to handle the situation, but I think she needs to spend the time with him instead. I told her we would use her next time when he was gone and she needed a distraction. I think she just felt obligated and, as I mentioned, she really loves our kids and didn't want to pass up the opportunity. So, the backup it is! Thanks again!
I would go with the backup since you dont know the boyfriend. You could always call her mom and verify if you want to go with her.
If it were me I'd go w/the backup. If she wants to bring her b-friend along then she'd probably rather spend the entire time w/him & may lax in her supervision of the children. I'm in no way saying that she would, she sounds like a competent & responsible young lady but I'd just go w/the backup so that you wouldn't hafta worry about it. Just explain that you decided to go w/the backup sitter so she can have more time w/her b-friend & that may go over better than perhaps mentioning that you don't feel comfortable w/him there w/her, even if that's true, no need to rock the boat when just letting her think that you're doing it for her, for her to be able to spend time w/her b-friend. Hope this helps. Good luck.
Let him come with her. She is being very up front with you, and they sound trustworthy. We have had both male and female babysitters when kids were younger, and my son did some babysitting in high school. This is a reasonable situation, not like the one when we had a new sitter whose boyfriend was there when we came home! She had said nothing about it and they were half dressed when we walked in (at the time we had said we would be home!). I think you will get a win-win situation with two sitters for the price of one!
No, not at all! I know plenty of Christian teens who have made poor choices (especially when faced with the whole "I'm leaving on a jet plane" issue.)
You are paying this girl to devote her attention to your children. Even if your children go to bed early, her senses should be attuned to the possibility of one of them waking up and needing something, not the needs of her boyfriend.
Just tell her you understand she wants to spend time with her boyfriend before he leaves and you will certainly call her again for another gig.
I would be okay with this completely, but my husband feels differently (we've had this conversation before). However, our kids are smaller and would have been in bed most of the time they were babysitting. He said because the babysitter lived at home and not with the boyfriend, that he wasn't sure that they would execute good decision making while alone in our house (ie: he didn't want them having sex on our couch!). As much as I didn't and still do not think that would happen, he does. But then again, if I were a teenaged sitter, I'd love to have my boyfriend over and while maybe I'd engage in some kissing and cuddling after the kids went to bed, I would NEVER take it further. Guess my hubby is thinking what HE would have done at that age (especially if he's getting ready to move!).
No, I wouldn't let it happen. Mainly b/c if her boyfriend is there, the focus is not going to be on your kids. If you already have backup, use that instead.
I am with Suz T, what does religion have to do with any of this. Are you thinking because they have been raised Christian they will not have sex? That is a very foolish thing to think. I would not let my babysitter bring her boyfriend to baby sit. Do I trust her, yes, was I a teenager once and remember full well what teenager do, YES!
I think it depends on the babysitter and the boyfriend. If you feel you know them well enough to trust them, then I would say it's fine. Depends on their maturity, yes. I will give you a very personal example. When I was a teenaged babysitter, my boyfriend came with me a couple times to babysit 2 children. I was a Christian but we had already been having sex. HOWEVER, when I was babysitting, we did NOTHING of the sort! I was there to watch the children and I took that responsibility very seriously. And my boyfriend knew that and respected it! We were mature enough to not let our own "desires" get in the way. So it depends on BOTH of them, whether or not they can be mature and responsible enough. Another thought...if it is his last night home before moving, probably NOT a good idea. That temptation might be a little too much!!!! So you have to determine if you know them well enough. Some teens are mature enough to handle this situation. One last thing...as a parent now, I would have a tough time with this situation. If I knew them well, I would probably trust them to babysit. If I did not know them both, I would go with the back-up. So did I just totally confuse you more??? Hope not!!!
Hi, V. -
personally speaking I would go with the back up. Her's my take - when I was single and met my now husband, we as Christians made the decision not to be alone in a house or apartment together unless we were married.
As someone else said, temptation is there and while I would trust they are coming with sincere intentions of watching your kids - help set them up for success by not providing a situation where they could be tempted to do something else. =-)
We had a wonderful honeymoon and just loved being home together when we came back - it made it special and more incredible!
Good luck!T.
I'd say go with what you are most comfortable with. Even if her b/f is a good, respectful guy, if you aren't comfortable with it than your date night isn't going to be very stress free.
Remember, it's your house, your rules etc. Go with your gut feeling.
No. Have the other babysitter come. They will be into each other and she won't be concentrating on your kids. That and you never know how the dynamics are of having a male sitter . Don't invite trouble as you have a backup plan. Even if you didn't, I'd say cancel your plans. Your kids' safety come first.....use the backup babysitter.
nope, I would just have the other babysitter come over. I don't mean it as any disrespect whatsoever, but I went to a Christian church for YEARS and let me tell you, the kids that were in the jr.high and sr. high classes were having sex. Just because you are Christian does not mean that your physical desires don't sometimes get in the way. Especially since this boy is moving out of country. I think the temptation might just be a little too high. I vote no.
L.
Good Question! There are a couple of ways to look at this. Even though you trust her, w/ her boyfriend there she will be distracted and could possibly not pay as much attention to your children as normal. Add in the fact that he will be moving away might make it a little worse. I would say go with your back up that way you know in your heart that your kids are the #1 focus. That's whats important. That way your other babysitter can spend that time with all of her attention focused on her bf that she won't see and you'll be relieved that your back up will be focused on your children. Not saying anything bad would happen. But in this situation, I would use the back up. :-)
I actually had a cousin who started to bring her bf around while she would watch my son. And he would tell me she didn't want to play w/ him. One time I did a suprise pop in, and he was in his room playing, while she was downstairs on the couch w/ her bf. Nothing terrible, but still I want my son to be looked after and not have any distractions. :)
Best of luck!
You need to decide how you feel about it first. Make a decision. If you go with the back-up, just tell her to enjoy her time with her boyfriend and you'll see her next time. If you think that you might be okay with it, talk with your husband and then confirm with her mother that she's okay with it. Then, go with that. There is no wrong answer.
I think that I would probably prefer the back-up because I wouldn't want a stranger in my house with my children when I'm not there. Also, their attention will probably be focused on each other and not so much on the children. It would be very thoughtful and considerate of you to let her have the night off to spend it with her boyfriend.
go with back up, they may find they want some alone time and it could happen at your house.......
It depends on your standards. Her parents trust her but if you are uncomfortable with it then just tell her that you have had a change of plans and go with your back up plan.
I think to tell her the "why" implies you don't trust her to use good judgement. There is no reason why you should change what you think is okay to accommodate her or not. You have the standards you have. I
I would never let a boyfriend come along on a babysitting job. He is leaving soon let them have there time together and use your back up untill he has left and she is free to watch your kids.
i'm trying to figure out what christianity has to do with it.
khairete
S.
The main question is, how old is this teenager? If she is under 18, I would say no. If she is 18, then I don't think it will hurt anything. If she is under 18, you don't want to be a part of anything that may happen, if you know what I mean.
My gut says ~NO.. Not only will she be preoccupied with her boyfriend and not paying as much mind to your kids vs when she's alone with them... That just doesnt sit well with me.
It may be ok with her mom but do you want kissing and cuddling around your kids??they are young and that's what young love is all about-- i would go with the backup sitter..
and why would she want to babysit and not go to dinner or a movie or something for alone time with her boyfriend?
If you "trust her completely", then what is the prob.? If you want to win X's 2 then, you should hire the other sitter to watch the kids and give your regular sitter $ for "date nights". Good Luck!
Just let him come over. It's not like they're going to get down and dirty in front of your kids. If you like her that much, then give her the benefit of the doubt. Just my opinion....
I would be a little leery of letting her baby sit with her boyfriend when he is leaving soon.
Since you know them, and trust them (and know people who know and trust the boyfriend) if I were you I'd let him come over. When I was a teenager I babysat a lot and I got to know some of the families and I would be able to bring a friend or boyfriend with me on occasion.
Also when I was little I had a regular babysitter who brought her boyfriend with her and there were never any issues so I'm sure they will be fine!
