Baby Won't Nap Unless She's Held

my daughter joey was the same way, and I gave in every time. she is now 15 months old and I am finally training her to sleep without me. she still cries but it's very important for her to learn to sooth herself. Bedtime was the same way. I felt like a monster for months. Now, I let her cry, and I feel badly but I know I'm helping her by allowing her to work it out. For myself, I finally have some time to get things done. I wish I had done it sooner. It would be easier for both of us. :) good luck. you're a great mom!

Hi J., I had the same problem with my oldest (who is now 13). Try swaddling her again - some babies respond really well to it. I started to sit on my bed with her and hold her there until she fell asleep, then gently put her down next to me, up against my leg, and I sat with her. I did this for a few days and it worked. Then I just sat on the bed with her next to me, touching me again, and I patted her, stroked her head, whatever it took to calm her. It was a few days of crying, but she gave in. I was able to eventually just put her down on my bed, pat her back for a few minutes and I was able to get up and move around while she slept - with many pillows around her and I never really left my bedroom area. From there I was able to move her into her crib. It took a long time, but it worked in the end and she was sleeping in her own crib within a few months. Sometimes it's just trial and error because every baby is so different. Be consistent and don't give up. It does get better. Good luck!

I had the same problem!!! My daughter is now almost 2 years old, but in the beginning, she wouldn't nap unless it was in my arms. I was thankful that I had a cozy glider, and spent many hours holding my napping baby in it. I got nothing done until I started holding her in a sling, in which I was able to carry her around sleeping while I got a few things done. It was still really difficult. I felt that the reason she woke up when I laid her down was because she was going from this comfortable, cradled position to a flat, cold surface. I saw an advertisement in a magazine for a baby hammock, which looks like it would give them that cradled, comfortable feeling. I saved it so that I might hopefully find it for baby #2. You can find it at www.novanatural.com , and it is called "Baby Hammock". Check it out, and good luck!

Your post reminded me of me with my first child - the exact situation and your feelings and concerns about it were identical. My daughter is now 2 1/2 years old and I have two newborn babies in the house (boy/girl twins) who are just 3 weeks old. I am in a very different situation this time around because I can't afford to be holding one baby during a nap because I won't be able to attend to the other baby or the older child, so I am trying to give them practice sleeping in their beds during the day. I guess I have also come to question the same "expert advice" that you mentioned in your post, which haunted me as I cared for my first baby about not letting them cry or they will not learn to trust you. With twins there are many times that I can't meet both my children's needs immediately. I have also noticed that sometimes the babies cry and then end up settling themselves if I give them a little bit of time. I think there is a difference between letting a little baby cry for such a duration that you are being neglectful and allowing some crying in the attempt to teach an important skill like learning how to sleep on your own. I remember someone telling me that if you know that you have met your baby's immediate needs - he/she has been fed and is wearing a clean diaper - then you should not feel bad to let them cry a little while you meet one of your own pressing needs like using the bathroom or getting something to eat. It is so easy when you are a first time mom to completely deny yourself in the name of trying to be the best mother to your baby. But you also have to do what you can to structure your life so that it will work for you. I admire the people who wrote and said that they just sat and held their babies and they loved doing it. If you are going to take that route, do it because you really want to, not because you are afraid that if you don't, you will be setting your child up with trust issues. Around the age that your child is now is when I started trying to help my daughter learn how to nap in her bed and it involved some crying. All this time later, I have no doubt in my mind that she completely trusts me today and hasn't been scarred from this time in her infancy. I think all the anxiety I felt over my daughters every cry was a complete waste of my time and mental energy. I will not (and in a very practical sense, I cannot) fall into that trap this time around with my twins.

I had the same problem with my 3 month old son. he would sleep wonderfully at night in his crib but not during the day. He doesn't like the car seat, swing, bouncer or crib during the day. We didn't do the 'cry it out' method per se. What we did was rocked him until he was almost knocked out, put him in the crib and let him cry for about 5 minutes. Then we would pick him up, calm him down and after he was calm just hold him for another 5 minutes at least, until he was close to being knocked out again. They say that you can't spoil a baby the first 3 months of their lives but after 3 months you shouldn't let it continue otherwise they'll start to take advantage. I would say now would be a good time to let her start crying a little bit. Our son knows that we're there for him now if he really needs it and we know that if he cries it's because there's something wrong. He's a very happy baby and the little crying the he did before nap time didn't scar him at all. :) Good luck!

I had this with a couple of my babies and I don't know if this is the best solution, but I just put them in my backpack carrier, strapped it on and did what I needed to do! I was able to carrier the baby and do the dishes, fold laundry, etc. This would put them to sleep fairly quickly. When I knew they were asleep, I would sit down on the couch or bed, take off the carrier with them still in it and just leave them there!!! I let them lay right there still in the carrier....I'd surround them with pillows and stuff so they were secure, but no way was I moving them!! It worked about 95% of the time!! The other times I would let them cry it out for 10 or 15 minutes, go calm them down, but not pick them up from their crib....then let them cry again.

good luck!

I'm from the hold them if they need it school and have a baby that often needs it! He is 13 months old now and goes through periods of needing to be held during naps and not needing it. I have learned to do some things while he sleeps: love the radio (NPR), read e-mail (works best if he sleeps in a sling or carrier) or surf the web (if he's in my arms), nap along with him (took awhile for those skills to develop!), read (a magazine with lots of words or light book works best so you don't have to turn too many pages), eat (husband brings food), watch TV (I record shows I want to watch and don't mind him overhearing) or just sit there smelling his lovely head and cherishing that he likes to cuddle. Also, I have learned that he isn't picky about who holds him most of the time, so sometimes his dad or a caregiver takes a turn and does the holding. The truth is, on the days when he doesn't need to be held for any naps I don't rest and am VERY tired at the end of the day. His napping slows me down and gives me a break. Good luck!
T.

Hi J.,
Congratulations on your daughter! I have 5 kids, and my last daughter was exactly the same way. From the moment she was born, she'd only nap while someone held her, even though she'd sleep alone at night. My advice: go with it. I know it's frustrating, but resign yourself to a little couch time every day. This time goes so fast, and I promise you will miss it all, including this. My youngest is 2 now, and I miss it terribly. She is a confident, adaptable little girl, and I believe it's because I slowed down enough (not easy with 4 others) to give her what she needed. You can't hold them too much and she is too young to cry it out. She'll never be this wonderful, warm little bundle again; take it all in and enjoy it. It will phase itself out--maybe you can get some extra help around the house for the next few months if that's causing you stress.
Good luck!

J...i actually have the same problem with my almost 3 month old son. I chalk it up right now to being so lucky that he sleeps through the night without any complications and he is only 3 months old so i kind of suck it up and enjoy holding him while he does sleep. I have been starting to put him in a swing and he has been getting about 10 minutes of sleep there so i figure it's a start. SO i don't have any real advice for you right now but i thought it would make you feel better to know that someone else is in your exact same boat!

My first baby wouldn't nap off my body until she was 5 months old. My second baby napped fine *until* he was 5 months old.. LOL.. suddenly he wanted to be held all the time (and he's still a major snuggle muffin at 3). My third baby (now 4 mos) falls asleep by himself. They are all so different and go thru so many phases. Just remember to tell yourself, "This too shall pass." and enjoy every moment while they're little.. it passes so quickly!!

I went through the same thing, although 3 1/2 months is the age she started to be able to be put down. The advice I got before then was to hold her if that's what she wanted. So I did. I put her in the sling and usually went out for her naps. When I came home and she woke up, I was desperate to then take a nap myself, but I never got to. At least I (and sounds like you, too) was able to sleep at night when she did. The other good news is that they get over this. My daughter is 7 months now and those days are long over. Good luck.

hi!!! i don't really have too much advice. but i have a 5.5 month old and she went through the same thing when she was that young. then she just kind of 'grew out of it' and became more independent. sometimes i put her in a carrier and carried her around with me. (a sling?) also, when she was awake sometimes i would put her in her swing/bouncer and sit with her so she would be used to sitting/being by herself but could still see me - good luck!

try to realize when your daughter is tired...a first yawn, rubbing her eyes, the "tired" cry and put her in the crib awake. You may want to try to swaddle her....I recommend the miracle blanket. You may need to play some music, or try laying her on her side and patting her back or bottom until she falls asleep. A pacifier could help also. It may take a while at first, but she will eventually be able to fall asleep herself.

At that age they are so small, I kept mine in a Maya Wrap ring sling (they come with great dvd's showing you positions, and he liked being upright with his tummy against mine). I was able to get most things done that way. Then, by around 5-6 mos, I got a mei tai Asian style back carrier and I still can clean the bathroom, mop, vacuum, and cook and clean with him on my back- he's 10 mos now. By now he does better with naps (takes a 2 hour one in the am in his crib, and a shorter afternoon one in the back carrier while I'm starting dinner). Both slings are comfortable but definately invest in some shoes that give you good support.
Once he could hold his head up, he really liked the style of walker where there is a central console and the walker part moves around the console in a circle.

I had this problem with my son in the day for naps AND at night. It was exhausting. Till I realized he always fell asleep in the car seat. So I asked the ped if it was ok to have him sleep in there and she said yes, until he starts to roll over. It worked great. I would put him in the car seat - all snug and put the car seat in the crib (I think I thought this would help him get use to the crib). It worked beautifully. He's 3 now and since the car seat has been the best sleeper ever. You too will find what works. good luck

My son was the same way and this is what worked for us -
When he was asleep in my arms I'd put him down on his tummy (yes, his tummy) on the couch so he was near me when I was trying to get things done. When he woke up, I'd immediately pick him up and rock him back to sleep and then put him down again. At the beginning it meant that the instant I put him down he was awake so he hardly hit the couch, but he was tired and after repeated up-down-up-down, he'd eventually be asleep on his own. I never was able to get him to nap on his back - he always startles awake. I think laying on his tummy is also more like being held. For several weeks we did this over and over, but soon the number of times he'd wake up would decrease, and now I can put him down easily. Good luck! And if you can't put her down for some naps, sit down with her, snooze yourelf, and enjoy that precious time.

My daughter (now 14 months) was the same and she learned to nap in our bed at 5 months. I would nurse her to sleep sidelying. Can you get a mobywrap or a sling? If someone is there to help you yuo can even wear her on your back. You can do pretty much everything that way. That is how I carried my daughter until she accepted the swing, around 4 months, so keep offering and maybe one day she will like it. Sleep is a learned skill that takes some time. I agree in not forcing the issue by having her cry. I just don't think that is the best way to develop healthy sleep habits in the long run. Good luck.

Hi J., I understand your concern. We all need to do stuff while baby sleeps. My 5 are all grown up but I do babysit my grandchildren (every day) when my grand daughter was 3 months I let her take all her naps on my chest. She eventually grew out of it and slept in her bed. Now she is 5 and very well adjusted. They grow up so fast. Take advantage of this time and love it.The housework will wait! Best wishes,Grandma Mary

I have three children and my youngest was exactly the same! It was quite hard as by then I had two other kids who needed my time too.
It dawned on me that what Jasper needed was the security of being "held" he liked the immobilisation of being snug in my arms so I went back to swaddling him to sleep and it worked like a charm. He had the reassurance of being tightly held even if it was by a sneaky old blanket instead of a worn out mummy!
I hope it helps but I also know if you can spare the time to snuggle, do. You'll miss it when it's gone and it just doesn't last long enough.
Another option if you have the time is to pop your baby into the stroller or pram and take her out for a walk. She'll get used to falling asleep like that too without even realising it!

Regards!
H.

Hi there
What I did with my daughter to teach her to fall asleep in her crib was to put her in it when she was wide awake, alert and happy. She had a black and white mobile in there which she loved to look at and I would put on a CD of gentle classical music on low (there are some good compilations just for babies - I was given one as a gift). She would just watch the mobile and listen to the music and then fall asleep after a while, and later on it was no problem just to put her in her crib when it was nap time. She slept a lot longer in there too than if she fell asleep in the stroller or in my arms. Good luck!

Im sure you are getting all sorts of advice - I believe at 3mos that she is still such a baby and anything she needs right now is ok - I had to hold my first child for months to sleep and it stopeed by 6mos old - remember, your baby is still getting used to the world, you will also never get these times back to hold her like this - it may seem like forever but go wiht your gut!

Hi J., Perhaps she needs more contact with you during her sleep hours. Have you considered setting up a co-sleeping environment for her at night where she can be in body to body contact with you? Most babies especially young ones have a high need for this. Google Dr. James McKenna at the University of Notre Dame Mother/Baby Sleep research Center. Read through his guidelines and articles. I think you'll find the information fascinating and helpful. Maybe if she experiences that contact while you are both sleeping she will begin giving you periods of time during your waking hours where she sleeps on her own and you can get a few more things done. Best of luck in your mothering journey. C.

It will take 3 days, and they will be hard, but if you stick to it and you're dedicated, you can help her learn to sleep on her own. 1) get yourself a sleep-time routine. Do a handful of the same things to queue her into sleep time. 2) Rock, sing...whatever the soothing thing is she likes right up until she gets very sleepy, then put her down awake in her crib. 3) Stay there and keep singing, or shhhing or just keep the pressure of your hand on her belly until she drifts off.
She may cry, and that is okay. Pick her up, calm her down and lay her back down. The first day, she may not nap much. The second day will be better and it will keep getting better.
Another thing you can do, is when she's in her crib, to help her drift off you can stroke her forehead with the palm of your hand, downward, to her eye brows it stimulates a reflex for babies to shut their eyes. You just have to gently push downward on the eyebrow area. It's also relaxing. I hope that helps!!!

Ah, been there done that! I held my first son for MONTHS... Now I'm on number 2 and I still hold her (she's 3 months). Just keep saying to yourself--"whatever it takes"--you have to do what feels right, and if you don't want to put her down, don't. You will eventually feel when its the right time (it took me 11 months!). Good luck!