Baby's Name

Hi. My husband and I had 2 miscarriages before finally conceiving our second child. We believe that the spirit of the baby is truly coming into your life and that sometimes along the way the time is not right and the pregnancy is terminated. What if that same little spirit has returned at a more appropriate time and it is the name he wants to be given? I wouldn't get too caught up in superstitious feelings that this baby won't be healthy or something because he has the same name. You like the name and want it to be. It has not "been" yet.....so if you both agree I would go for it!

hi, K.,
I am sorry for your miscarriage, but also, congrats on the latest pregnancy! I had a similar thing happen. I lost my first pregnancy while we were debating names. I wanted to name our child Vladimir if it was a boy ( I lost the pregnancy too early to tell if it was a girl or a boy). My husband was not sold on the name yet, but when I miscarried, I was very sad and one of the ways he comforted me was to tell me that we would get pregnant again and we would have the Vladimir that I wanted. so when I got pregnant a second time and found out it was a boy, the name was already chosen! What is REALLY weird is that two months after I miscarried, I had a vision about the baby. It was not really like a dream, it was too oddly vivid for that. I dreamt that I went somewhere and saw the baby in something like an oven with a caretaker inside. There was also a nurse or someone like this overseeing the "oven". I went to talk to the baby and the baby asked me, "hey, are you my mom?" I introduced myself and pointed out my husband further away. The nurse came over and said that the baby wasn't ready yet, so I had to wait and I should leave now, because the baby needed to rest and get ready. It was really bizarre. And I had a slight feeling that the baby was a boy, even though it was not clear in the dream. my personal feeeling is that the spirit of the baby was the same as the first baby. his body was just not ready, which was why I miscarried. I hope you have a great pregnancy and good luck!

I think it's a wonderful idea to honor and remember the baby you lost. Congrats on your current pregnancy. I named my now 4 year old Andrew, it's a great name!

Hi, and congrats on your pregnancy, I read in a "new agey" book, after I miscarried 2 years ago that helped me heal from the loss, that there is a circle of souls around you that are waiting to be born and so quite possibly the soul that you are carrying now could be the same soul that was your first pregnancy hence you would naming him his original name- so I know it is a little out there but it is an idea that seems cool and maybe is true, so I don't think it is bad at all to name your baby Andrew, and if it is not true than his little brother will be honored to be named the name you were considerering for his brother
take care

This isn't exactly the same situation, but it's close. I'm an adoptive parent of 3 children. Before my middle child came into our family, we had a newborn baby stay with us for a month before his birth mother changed her mind and took him back. Needless to say, I was devastated. Six months later, a new situation presented itself, and the new birth mother wanted to be involved in choosing the name. The name she chose was the same name I had given the baby who was taken back, but with a different middle name. Ultimately I felt like it was a good solution - the new child had a perfect name agreed on by everyone, and I somehow felt that the child I lost was being remembered as well. Just follow your heart and everything will work out. The baby you lost will always have a special place in your heart, no matter what you decide.

K.,
Blessings on your milestone pregnancy! It would be an honor to your first unborn child to choose the same name - boldly step into this choice. My best friend lost her first baby at full term, a boy. She went on, thankfully, to birth 3 more (all were IVF after several years of fertility issues). Once the twins were a year old, she got pregnant naturally! They chose to name this miracle baby the same name as the first baby, and what a great choice! It feels like the first baby is deeply honored.

best of luck to you on this amazing journey!

I think it really depends on how you feel about it.
If the constant remind of your loss will make you sad then I'd say don't do it, but if you think it would be more like a tribute to your son similar to naming a child after a grandparent or someone important to you then do it. So really just depends on how you feel. Best wishes!

I think it would be fine.

Hi K.!

I'm sure you already know, but the meaning of "Andrew" or "A." (I am an A.) is "strength/strong".

It is your choice, and many of these fabulous ladies have brought up good opinions of why and why not, but it is totally up to you.

K., you already have a lot of great advice on this one, but I'd like to add just one more "experience" point of view. My aunt had a baby boy who died early in infancy... not a miscarriage. When she became pregnant again and had another little boy they named the second one the same name as the first but with a different middle name. I don't know that it ever caused a problem for anyone. It struck me as strange when I first learned about it (both of those boys were born before I was), but then it seemed to me like just a really nice memory of the first child.
One thing I would highly advise is that you be sure to discuss this with your husband before deciding what is right for you to do. It may seem now that he never need to know, but you never can tell what might come up in your life that would cause it to accidentally come out, and that might be a devastating situation to both of you.. and possibly to your child.

I think that all depends on you. If you don't mind it, condsidering it didn't result in an actual birth, then go for it. I hope that helps you.

I think it is not bad

especially if you find comfort in that

and more especially if you and your husband found comfort in that together as a team and partners

it honors your first son

it's family......B.

Hi K.,

According to Bert Hellinger of Family Systems Constellation therapy it would be a negative thing to name the new child after the deceased one. People can carry unresolved issues of the past from ancestors. For example if you have a particular issue in your life that you can't quite resolve it may be that you are entangled with somebody in your family from the past. The death of a child premature or otherwise has a heavy impact on the family system. I wouldn't do it.

For more info on Hellinger and Constellation workshops you can go to constellationworks.com or pick up the Healing Power of the Past by Bertold Ulsamer. This is profound therapeutic work that has personally impacted my life in many ways.

And, I'm sorry for your loss.

Regards,

R.

Personally, I would keep the name special just for the baby that was lost.

Hi K.. I think that if you and your husband both agree on the name go with it. If the name feels right than it's the right name for the baby. You might just still have feelings about your loss which is normal.

As long as you are okay with it, I don't see why not.

I don't think so, but it may be helpful for you to think of it this way.

Perhaps it is the same baby, just using a different "vehicle of perception" Perhaps the baby's energy is still picking you to come through and just ready to this time because you are a different more caring person now that you know how very precious every moment of every day is. Perhaps he needed to give you that gift first, then withdraw for just a moment of his infinite time frame, then come back into earth space time to be with you more fully now.

Just some food for thought. It may or may not be true, but the point is to try to get you to consider more options and if you can perceive it in a different way, maybe it will help you feel better about what already is. There is nothing more important than that you find a better feeling thought, and build your future from more and more better feeling thoughts. Step after step life can be built, go forward on the path, not backward.

Love, L.
Teacher of new consciousness

It sounds like you are saying your husband picked the same name you gave your first baby, who didn’t make it full term. If so, because it isn’t on paper and your husband wasn’t a part of it, maybe you could start fresh. Tell your husband that you need closure on the first pregnancy and that closure could be established if you both agreed on a name that you could together, symbolically, bury the first son. It may free you up to celebrate Andrew with a clear conscious.
It is a subject to be handled gently. I wish you well and pray your son is delivered on time and in perfect health.

You name your baby whatever you want. There are no hard and fast rules about naming children. (Look at George Foreman and all his boys being named after him!) It wouldn't matter if your first child had had a birth certificate, it is still perfectly fine to name your baby Andrew after him. Besides that, if your present baby has a middle name it doesn't have to be the same as your first baby. And I don't know about you, but our children AND grandchildren end up having nicknames anyways.
God bless you, your husband and this new little person!

I do not believe that that is a bad idea at all. My fiance and I lost our daughter at 19 weeks last year, just after Thanksgiving. We are planning to get pregnant again this year, and will start trying in a month or so after we have cleared everything with our doctors. Long story short, should we become pregnant with a little girl again, we are naming her after her sister, with the exception that the middle name will be different.

In my opinion, although Andrew was not officially on any documentation it's the fact that YOU would know. I would think that every time you were to call for him it would make you think of the one previous you had lost. Hope all ends up working out for you!

Hi,
I lost my first baby at 14 weeks, and decided to name the baby too. I really don't think there is a right or wrong answer here....it is whatever you feel comfortable with. If it will bring you joy to name your son after his brother than go for it, but if you get really sad every time you hear it I may pick a different one.

K., I do not think it is wrong in any way to name your baby the name you privately choose before you miscarried. You are the mom and it should be your choice. Everyone has different beliefs, I know, and some people believe that the child born after a miscarriage is that same child. The child is just more ready to be born now. Whatever the case, you are a mom now and making decisions is a big part of being a Mom. Your gut will tell you what's right. Enjoy your pregnancy and your beautiful baby on the way! Best wishes for health and happiness!

I also had a miscarriage at 3 months, but named my baby, who I had 2 years later, a different name. I just wanted to save the name for my special "angel," instead of naming my child after her "unborn brother/sister". I thought it be best to move on.

K.,

I am so sorry for the loss of your child. I too have lost a child. I think that it would be best to name your child another name. You should honor the child that you lost with his own name. But if you feel strongly about the name and a connection to it, then by all means name your child Andrew. I just personally think that you would regret it because it would always be tied to your child that died. Whatever your gut tells you, go with that. Congratulations on your new little one coming!

Molly

Naming babies after siblings who didn't survive has actually been common practice through several previous centuries. Go for it!

If you are comfortable with the decision then that is all that matters. There is no right or wrong here. I had a friend that miscarried a daughter and then named her next daughter the same name . She LOVED the name and wanted to be sure that if she had a girl (she already had a boy)that she gave her the name that she loved so much.

First let me offer my condolences for your loss, and congratulate you on your pregnancy! I dont think that naming your son after the baby you lost is wrong at all. I think its a great way to honor and remember the baby you lost.

I see no problem naming your son after his brother. My mother was also named after her sister who died of crib death. My mother has always said she was happy to have her sisters name and feels as if she is honoring her short life.

Hi K.! First off, I would like to start by saying, sorry about the loss of your first baby. I think naming your future baby the name that you were going to name your first one, would be a personal decision. I had a miscarriage Christmas Day 1980 (only a few months along)and I conceived again a few months after that. My husband and I chose to come up with a completely new set of names, and not use the names that we had already picked out. I say names, because we didn't know if we were going to have a boy or girl back then. Plus, we already had a set of twins, so we had four names ready, two for girls & two for boys, just in case! We wound up having one beautiful little girl! You might want to consider telling your husband about wanting to have named your other baby Andrew - he may have some opinions of his own about the issue. Have fun with your little one!!

I understand what you are going through. I had several miss carriages and now we are in the process of adopting. I think it is fine to use the name you picked. That first pregnancy will always hold a place in your heart, and the name will be a tribute to the one you lost. By naming your son Andrew will only remind you how much he means to you. We had names picked out with each pregnancy. If we adopt a baby boy we have his name, if we adopt a girl we have her name. They are the same names we choice with the first pregnancy.

Hi, K.;
We lost a baby before she was born, and I named her, too. This was about 22 years ago. In my mind, she is still Ariel. After her we had Erik (only name my husband or I could even think of...like we knew he would be a boy!) then Hayley who is now 14. Each child is who they are. Why not give each his or her own name? I think that is what is meant to be. I believe you will also treat your next, upcoming child more as the real himself that he is if he has his own name. If he shares a name with his older brother, how would it feel every time you said his (?) name and you thought of his brother? Or every time your husband said his name and you were reminded of his brother and of the fact that your husband doesn't know that he is using the older son's name? I kind of think he wouldn't like that, don't you? And what if your new son asked what his name meant and why he was named that? Then every time he uses his "own" name he thinks of the tragedy, not of himself. So, I say, no, do not do that. When we as moms have a baby die, we are not doing a disservice to our past babies just by continuing to live, love, and celebrate other members of the family. You will still be able to remember him without naming his little brother after him. Give him his own name, just like the first one got to have. They each deserve their own name. Everything will be okay. J.

Wait till the baby is born and then see if the name fits. If he is an Andrew it will be obvious. It could also be the same soul coming back to a better prepared family. Lots of times this is the case. Or you could name him something different that suits his spirit of 2008. DO WHAT YOU FEEL BEST ABOUT. If the name Andrew comes with grief, DON'T NAME HIM THAT. You should feel great joy when you coo his name.
GOOD LUCK,
Gale

Dear K.,

I am so sorry that you lost a child last year. That is a very difficult experience to go through. I am however, very happy to hear that your are again pregnant.

About the name of this new baby, I honestly feel that if you and your husband have agreed on the name Andrew, then that should be the name for the baby. If it happens to be the name you chose for your first baby, I would keep that information to myself.

Your husband is happy with Andrew, and I would let it go at that. No questions asked and no unnecessary informations given.

Again, congratulations on your pregnancy and I pray that you have a full term healthy, happy baby Andrew.

Fondly, C. F.

No it would not be bad. Use the name in honor of your other Andrew. I named my son Hunter after my brother Hunter who died at 3, and I'm so happy I did.

I think it would be fine to use the same name even honorary to his brother. Good luck and have a blessed pregnancy and delivery.

Hi Kathryne. I think it's a great idea. Is like his brother live on. I know it can be hard to choose the same name but sometime baby goes and come back. Who knows may be the same soul in a different body this time.

1st of all, so sorry to hear of such a tragic loss :-( but it sounds like things have turned around for you! congratulations! I think the name Andrew is an amazing tribute to your experience and you should definitely name this boy Andrew. If it still doesn't sit totally right, maybe use it as a middle name. That's what my friend did in the identical situation. ps- tell your husband, just a thought

It si a beautiful name. It will honor the baby you lost and keep his memoey with you.As long this baby never feels like the replacement and has his own identity. Some say that is why Vincent van Go was so troubled because he was born a year to the day from his deceased bother who was also named Vincent.
What ever you choose will be perfect!

Hi K., I think it's beautiful that you named your baby boy who didn't come all the way through to the world, and if you are moved to name your next child the same name, you should definitely do so. It sounds like it's time to have a heart to heart with your husband and tell him all of this, then you two can make your decision together and welcome your baby into the world with love and honesty. Take care!

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss but excited that God has blessed you with another baby. I had the same thig happen to me. We lost our baby at 4 1/2 months along. But we have both agreed that our next boy will carry the name we chose initially. It's is purely your decision I cannot think of a single reason not to. Many people name their children after relatives that have passed away (in memory of) That was when I decided to name my first son. My favorite uncle passed away when I was three months pregnent with my boy so I chose to name him after my uncle. I say, Go for it! It's a beautiful name.
K. R.

I think naming the baby Andrew is a great way to honor his brother!