Baby Shower - Midlothian,IL

SO tacky! The thinking on showers for subsequent children seems to be pretty diverse, but it's poor etiquette. However ANYONE who throws themselves a shower is TACKY. I wouldn't go and I would send a gift after the baby was born. You're not "old school" -you have manners!

I always think it is tacky to give yourself a shower.

With my first child, my sister, Mom and MIL (with Hubby's help), arranged for a shower at our house. They had portions of it catered. There were decorations, games and a huge cake and everything else that goes with a true shower event. We registered and did the whole nine-yards for that baby.

Then Hubby and I hosted a "shower" for ourselves for our second child. It was less of a shower as there was no expectation of gifts but rather a celebration of life, family and friends and the invite was worded as such - a time to celebrate life. It was during the summer and everyone went swimming and what-not. We grilled and had a blast visiting with everyone! We did not register or anything since this was not a true "shower" but we did receive a few gifts and some folks gave us cards with gift certificates/gift cards. These were more helpful than any actual gift would have been anyway since we could put them to use as we needed them. Again, I need to stress that there was no expectation of gifts and this was a celebration of a new life, not a "shower".

Now we are pregnant with our third who is due in a few weeks. With the expectation of poor weather conditions (which the NE has more than delivered) and having just come off the Holidays, we are foregoing a celebration for this Baby. We talked about hosting another get-together but agreed that the timing was difficult for us as well as everyone we would want to invite.

I do not think this is a matter of being rude or tacky; maybe this is just a desire to celebrate the joy that is coming into their lives with those they care about. Your presence and a thoughtful card would be appreciated but IMO an actual gift is optional. Also, something to keep in mind is the age difference - 5 years may mean that unless they were planning on a bigger family, a lot of the "baby" stuff is now gone. Certain items just don't keep anyway - ever put away a white onsie only to pull it out with a big yellow stain on it??

If you are that uncomfortable about the situation talk to your sibling (her parent) and express your concerns to them as approaching your preggo neice may not be the best course of action. Honestly, I would not make a huge deal about this and just do as much as you are comfortable with. I would definately attend though as you'll be missing out on a great time with family. Good luck with your decision.

~C.

First child or not, it's tacky to throw a baby shower for yourself. The only way I can see having a second shower is if the mom to be got rid of all her baby stuff from the previous child(ren). Maybe she should skip the expense of the party and just call people to solicit gifts?

Nope....!! You are completely right! Rude, tacky and self serving!! It yells "gimmie the gifts" If friends other family want to throw a more modest baby shower because baby is number #2 that's fine especially if the baby is oposite sex of the first one. but my gosh!! She should still have in possession all the initial baby items...and then just need gender specific. If you are invited to the shower you should not feel obligated. If you are close to her regardless of attending or not you'd probably send her a congratulatory gift anyway right? Do that once the baby is born and you'll be all set.

Personally, I think throwing yourself a shower is tacky, no matter what. It just comes off as "buy me stuff". I think full showers for second (or more) babies are ok only if there is a MAJOR age gap between kids (like 10 years). I also like the idea of "sprinkles" for opposite gender second babies, where it's more a celebration of the baby and less about presents or diaper showers.

Giving yourself a baby shower is tacky no matter which child it is.

I know others feel differently but I, too, think a baby shower for additional children is a greedy grab for gifts, especially if the mother to be is hosting it. The baby shower isn't for the baby, the baby won't remember it, the baby won't have long-term emotional turmoil because older brother Johnny got one and he didn't.

i find baby showers excruciating at best, so that colors my opinion.
i think your niece is a narcissist and i'd be sending my regrets and finding something fun to do that afternoon.
:)khairete
S.

Usually, a friend or family member throws the shower, so for her to do it herself is kind of different. I wouldn't not go because you have different views, she is your niece and she will need things for the second baby, anyway. Just go and bring something for the new baby. At the end of the day, you're not going to regret being gracious about it.

I would encourage her to not have a "baby shower" but to have a "meet and greet" the new baby after it is born. Is the new child a different gender than the first? Did she have a shower for the first one? Is this a child with a new husband and family? I had my daughter when I was very young some of my aunts got together and had a little shower for me (some baby blankets and a couple outfits) 5 years later when I married my husband my mother in law had a nice shower for me which was a regular shower. got all the stuff I needed for a baby but didn't ever have with my first one. So depending on answers to the above a shower might not be totally out of line but she should not be hosting it herself that is terribly tacky.

wanted to add that you should not skip it as bad family feelings can happen with this type of thing. But if you got her a great gift for the first child then something small would be more in line for this one.

I think it's tacky. I can understand having a small party for a second child if the kids are far apart in age and "new things" are really needed, but this just screams "presents".

I have found that people send gifts after they receive a birth announcement. I know that we received a ton of gifts in the month after my son was born and I always send something small after receiving an announcement. To me, that's the more appropriate route.

I don't think it's tacky to have a shower for a second baby, since five years have gone by since the first. I do think it's tacky to throw your own shower. You, or another relative, should be giving her a shower.

I think what is "tacky" that friends or relatives who hosted a first child baby shower would ignor that every subsequent child is a new life and their arrival should still be celebrated. Our 2nd 3rd and 4th child each had a shower AFTER their birth, given by my friends so everyone had a chance to meet the new baby. It wasn't about the gifts but about the coming together time that renews family and friend relationships. My 4th child's shower was a "diaper shower" and everyone brought bags or boxes of diapers (medium size on up) . My friend even hosted it at my house so I didn't have far to travel : ) My kids ages at the time were 13, 10, 3 and then the newborn who is now 20 ! I still remember how much fun we had as I look at pictures of so many Great Aunties, and my mom the Grandma, who are now all deceased. When will folks quit being so judgemental in the name of their view of "good taste" . Live and let live and enjoy the time you have with your friends and family with as many gatherings as possible.

If someone else was throwing her the shower, I would think that it is just fine. However, for her to throw her own shower is quite tacky. She is basically asking for gifts. Maybe you could nicely suggest an after baby tea or a meet the baby party instead?

Yes, you are right, it's tacky to host your own baby shower. It spells
G-R-E-E-D-Y. I had a baby shower for my first baby, nothing for the second, for the third some ladies from my church "hosted" a meet the new baby for me (since my first two were girls and my third was a boy and I had NO boy things). Now, I am pregnant with my 4th (a total surprise) and I had gotten rid of all of my baby stuff after I knew I was done. So, some ladies from my church are going to host me a little baby shower...because I don't have anything.
IF your niece had a girl for the first and is now having a boy (or reversed) then I would say it is perfectly acceptable to have a baby shower since she cannot use the stuff from the first born on the second. However, she should not host her own shower. It's tacky and greedy and I'm not sure that many folks would receive it well. Just my opinion...