Baby Gender?

It really depends on the individual... my brother/sister never found out and I vowed we never would- am very traditional and wanted to be surprised. We have one son now who's 18 months. When we went into the 20 week ultrasound we told the tech we didn't want to know.... but before we left, we gave in to the urge- (of course you want to know- but will you kick yourself later for not waiting til the birth?) Well, we did- and it was exciting then- and yes, we told our relatives (actually we told everyone. I couldn't know and not tell anyone). The up side was that it was SO great for bonding- and we had him named and knew EXACTLY who we were expecting. After that experience, I don't understand how people pick 2-3 names for each gender- then wait until they're born to decide? We're currently expecting twins in August- and couldn't wait to find out. Having found out with Ethan, couldn't imagine not knowing. SO, we found out we're having a boy and a girl. We already know their names; so having found out both times, I don't know it any other way- many of my friends never found out and that was great for them... As for your husband, he's going to find out now or later- and will have to accept it either way. I know initially I was hoping for a girl (there are 7 grandsons and 1 granddaughter in my family)- but wasn't upset when I found out he was a boy. He's the light of our lives, and couldn't imagine for a moment not having him- so much so, that I would have been thrilled to have two more boys as he's such a joy! Just try to remember to count your blessings. You have three children already- so many people go through fertility, have kids born with health issues, or have spent thousands on fertility or adoption to achieve their dream of having a family. Whichever you choose- you'll know what's right for the two of you. Good luck!

we found out what we were having with our second...and we did not tell a soul.

we wouldn't tell anyone the gender, name possibilities we wouldn't tell them anything...it was fun for us, our little secrets...it helped us get more excited and be united in that sense. If I ever have a third I will do it the same way...even though it drives everyone around us nuts, it is how we wanted to do it for us and our family.

I have found out the gender both times (I am bad at waiting). I really wanted a girl the last time I was pregnant. I was disappointed when I found out it was a boy. I of course came around and couldn't imagine anything different now. If he is deeply wanting a girl, finding out now that it is a boy may be better than a "blow" to his wishes at birth. I say find out, and give him time to adjust if it is a boy.

I think it's a decision you should make WITH you husband, so neither of you will have regrets. Since you've been through it before, I think you need to ask yourself if you would rather know ahead of time, or be dissapointed when the child is born if it is not a girl. I think you will both have a bit of dissapointment if its not what you want, but do you want that now (so you can grieve) or once that beautiful baby is born?

I don't find out for either of my children. With my second, I kinda wanted the experience of knowing ahead of time, but my husband didn't, so we waited. I will push for finding out ahead of time with my next child (if we have more), just to experience the other way.

Don't find out if your concerned what his reaction will be! Then when the baby come you will both just be thrilled that you have that new beautiful baby!

Hi A.. I have 3 children and I found out w/ our 2nd at 39 wks b/c I hadn't had an ultra sound until then and I was so bummed. I loved the surprise of not knowing. I was a little nervous w/my 3rd b/c we already had two boys and I really wanted a girl and secretly my husband did too. I was so tempted but couldn't bring myself to do it and I am so thankful I didn't. Waiting and having my mid-wife, doula and my husband scream "IT'S A GIRL" was the greatest gift/surprise ever. If you can hold out, my advice to you is wait until the day you get to meet your bundle of joy, boy or girl. Good Luck.
J.

A.,

I found out the gender with my first 2 pregnancies and my current one. When I was pregnant with #2, I really wanted another girl. When we found out I was having a boy, yeah I was bumed for awhile, but I got over it, because I knew that all that really matters is a healthy baby - NOT the gender...

I am getting my second girl with my 3rd pregnancy and I couldn't love my son any less....It is nice to have at least one of each... Heck my sister ended up with 3 girls, she wanted a boy in there, but never got it...

Good luck and keep your head up... Just tell your husband that it is his fault if it's a boy... lol j/k

I didn't want to know the sex of my first, and told the doctor so...she let it slip when she said you have a healthy little girl growing in there. I was kind of releived she told me since I was CONVINCED I was having a boy! I won't find out with my next baby if I can avoid it. I don't care if I have a boy or a girl as long as they are healthy. It seems you think if he finds out it's a boy he is going to act differently, so simply don't find out. He will be in love with your baby the instant he/she is born, and it won't matter anymore.

I think that it might be better for your husband to find out earlier if it's a boy or girl. That way he doesn't get his hopes up and then is disappointed at the delivery. This way he has a few months to adjust and love the baby just as much as I'm sure he did with the others.

My second we told my Mother and the MIL, but we didn't tell our other family and friends. It wasn't too hard because we lived over seas. With the 3rd we told everyone. I don't know if one way is better then the other. I don't really know why we didn't tell on the 2nd. Someone told me that people wouldn't be as excited to hear when the baby comes, because they already know what it is. I didn't really find that to be the case.

An added plus if you know the sex of the baby is that you know what color of clothes to get washed up and ready to go.

Good luck!

We found out and told everybody. It was a surprise when we found out...it didn't make it a bigger or less surprise because of the timing. We settled on a name and I feel I really bonded with my son because I talked to him while I was pregnant and called him by name. He was born very early with a traumatic delivery, and I'm glad I didn't have any more surprises that day! I think it helped us through the experience because we already related to him as a person, not as a little bean (which is what we called him before we knew). I don't mean that people who don't find out the gender think that their babies are just beans, but gender identity is obviously a very important part of a person, so knowing our son as our son early on was a very positive experience for us.

We didn't find out with our first two and did find out with our third. Our first two were boys - the third was a "surprise" baby, and that's why we decided to find out (it was a girl).

While we were glad to have a girl (and my husband was over the moon) I sort of wish we hadn't found out. I really liked the excitement of having the surprise at the end of the delivery - it gave me something extra to push for during labor.

I think finding out/not finding out is a pretty personal choice. It really comes down to whether you like surprises or certainty. I would talk to your husband - ask him if he thinks finding out would change how he feels, and ask him if he wants to find out.

I didn't find out with my first or second child, when i was pregnant with my second i desperately wanted a boy I got a girl. I had trouble bonding at first and wished I had found out right away so I had time to adjust. When I was pregnant with my third i did find out so I could adjust if it was a girl. Surprise it was a boy. The most important thing is you decide together if you want to know and that the baby is healthy.

If your focus and decision is based on how your husband will respond, then my opinion would be to decide based on wether he is the impulsive kind of guy to "roll with the punches" (which means if you both don't want to know then wait, maybe he'll adjust better at that moment) or analyitical kind of guy who "needs times to process" (might be better to let him work himself into why a boy is awesome over the balance of your pregancy).

The mind is a power tool and if he might be better served knowing sooner so he can process and convince himself a boy (if it is) is an excellent addition to the family.

Just before we found out the gender of our 2nd child (due this October), a collegue had their first and only child who was born with Down's Syndrome. Another friend has a child with Spina Bifida and other severe healh issues a few years before we decided to have our first.

I thought the gender was a very big factor in this pregnancy until I was hit with the thought and fear of the rest of my dreams being altered by having a child of the "wrong" gender. We all have some pre-conceived feelings and past experiences that impact our desires to have children of one gender or another or to balance a family. Maybe talking to your husband about not only the gender, but the health, life experiences, dreams, fears, etc. of this 4th child might open the door to more than just a gender connection. His desire for a girl is not bad or wrong, it just is, but you hopefully have many weeks to work through it.

Good luck with your pregnancy. I hope it goes smoothly and your newest addition is happy, healthy, eats and sleeps well and blends into the family cycle in the blink of the eye.

D.

I found out with my pregnancy and it was wonderful knowing. I had the chance to actually imagine my life with a girl and plan for her arrival. It gave me a chance to know her that much more before she got here. I had totally hoped for and really wanted a boy so knowing I had a girl gave me an edge on who she is. I'm glad I found out early on because it wasn't a shock to me 10 months later when the baby came out a girl, especially since I had so longed for a boy. I'm thrilled about having a girl, and now I want another girl. But, this could set your mind at ease a bit. Who know,...perhaps the technician won't even be able to tell you the sex...the baby has to be in the right position and everything, and sometimes it's not even an option. Good luck choosing...it's all fun. :)