I hired a nanny before my baby was even born so that we could get used to each other before the baby arrived. So my 11 week old baby girl has had the nanny around since she was born. Initially I would only leave her with the nanny for a few minutes eg while i got dressed. In the last 3 weeks I've been trying to leave her with the nanny for longer periods but my baby screams hysterically when shes with her. It makes no difference if the baby is calm/ fussy when I give her to the nanny. I've just tried letting her cry to see if she settles but after she was hysterical for 25 minutes I couldnt cope and took her back. She calms very easily when I take her back (today instantaneously). She is not a fussy baby and generally doesnt cry, and never hysterically, except with the nanny. She doesnt seem to mind other people and usually smiles happily at whoever holds her. My understanding is that the baby is too young for separation anxiety anyway. I cant see anything that the nanny is doing wrong- she's gentle and adores the baby. My am is to return to work so I need to resolve this, by either working out why she doesnt like her or by getting a new nanny (not my first choice!) Any ideas???
Tricia B- please can I clarify. The baby is NOT with the nanny for long periods and I am not back at work. She is with her for brief periods while I shower or fetch kids from school!! We are talking about the odd hour here or there. Today she came to work with no perfume on and things are a million times better. I do not want to put the nanny out of work if its as simple as a perfume. i live in South Africa (the website wouldnt let me register without a US zip code) and the unemployment is an enormous problem so to put her out of work would have a huge impact on her and her family. She has 7 dependents. Sometimes we have to look at the bigger picture. Sure I wont leave my baby with her if she doesnt settle, but if its as easy as a perfume well then lets not destroy this womans livelihood.
A very big thank you to those who suggested the perfume route.....lets hope this change lasts :-)
No she doesnt have to be with the nanny now and believe me, i am never going back to work if she is this upset!! She is only with the nanny for short periods- eg for me to shower and change or if I am fetching kids from school. I guess i'm trying to figure out what my baby could be objecting to (eg perfume) or if I should "exit" the nanny. I have watched her and she doesnt seem to do anything "wrong" and yet my LO screams.
Thanks Ladies. I have asked the nanny to come wearing no perfume or deo at all tomorrow and will wrap the LO in a baby wrap. Will keep you posted. Shes fine with other people but she hasnt done long periods with them.
Thanks Erica. I've tried being close by (eg in same room), being in the house but different room, and being totally out the house. She used to be ok if I was in the same room but now gets upset no matter what.
It's hard to say this without sounding judgmental but, she really has to be with a nanny at 11 weeks? You can't get any more time off work?
Either she already does have separation anxiety, or you need a new nanny. There are really no alternatives.
Maybe she smells stange to her maybe she is smarter than you can emagian and knows you leave her just keep trying good luck A. no hills
When I started my current Nanny position 1.5 years ago, the baby girl I care for was only 6 weeks. She was such a sweet little girl. However, did the same thing. She would pitch and scream. It lasted a total of I believe 3 weeks, and we were instant friends after that. Honestly, when mom went back to work, it was alot easier because the baby learned that mom wasn't going to come rescue her everytime.
Do you have a baby wrap? Maybe have the nanny hold her in a wrap, and walk around. Babies like to feel secure.
Just wanted to let you know....I am a nanny also! The first day I took care of my "charge" she was 11 months old. She cried and screamed for 8 straight hours. It didn't matter what I did. Hold her, sing to her, bathe her, play games...nothing worked. She just cried. But, the second day she only cried for 4 hours (yeah!) then the third it was just for a 1/2 hour. Mom was at work so there was no way she was coming home to get her and I think it just took her a couple of days to figure out that I was in charge of her. She and I are great now and she is almost 4!
L.
I would try to put an audio recording device in a room that nanny and baby spend time in most of the day. You can listen when you get home after a few hours. Some nannies ignore the child aaaall day long and don't engage them in conversation or games the whole day. You can easily figure it out while listening to the playback. You might hear her yapping on her cell phone, or you might hear the tv on for hours, or you might hear the baby fussing and crying for long periods of time without being attended to. Try it. I would be weary if my child was acting that way. Also, the moms who seem to judge the others who don't stay home with the baby, need to stop. My niece went to daycare at 3 months old because her parents have to work. Simple as that.
Babies are very senstitive to smells. Maybe the nanny is wearing a scent that the baby disagrees with.
Unfortunately, i have learned that not all Nanny's are a perfect match for all children and that although the person might be sweet, gentle to perception - there is definitely something that is making the baby unhappy and i would consider other options instead of forcing this situation.
Mom of 5
I wouldn't worry about it. When I first went back to work, my son was 10 weeks. I brought him to an in-home daycare. The provider told me he cried for 30 min that first morning. He cried for a while those first few mornings. Then soon it was just crying for a few min until I was gone. Then he was okay.
well babies are usually attached to mommy..i had to wear my son the first 4 months of his life..he hated to be off me..they call it the 4th trimester..nannies are sometimes different when left alone with a child..they are on their best behavior when the parents are around..when i moved back from NYC i stayed at my friend's house for about a month or 2 and i still remember catching her nanny being an *ss to her child..and i complained about it to my friend but she didn't believe me..
her daughter still adores me when she sees me..she's now 16..i think she remembers how i would step in when the nanny would have her stand in the freezing cold bare naked after a bath and not care that she was crying and i'd run and get a little space heater to put near her while the nanny got her ready..
so perhaps try a different nanny out..that could be the problem or perhaps have the nanny wear a shirt of yours that has your scent on it??
either way good luck i think you should follow your gut instinct
xo
D.
Unfortunately, your LO is already comprehending that when she sees the nanny, she knows Mommy's going away. Does she continue to cry when you're out of sight? And as hard as it is on your nerves, you're going to have to resist taking her back as soon as she sees you. This is just one of those things you're going to have to be consistant with and let her learn that the nanny's there to stay. Good luck!
Does she do that to other people? I don't know what to tell you because you didn't say what her reaction to other people is. Although if you had this woman around for 11 weeks and your baby screams with her you may want to look into a video camera and walk away for a few min to see what she is doing.
LOL my youngest child was the same anyone could hold her except my MIL (who I adore). My poor MIL didn't get to hold the baby for more than 5 mins and she would start screaming. So for three weeks straight my MIL would come over and hold her for at least 15 mins a day even while she cried. Finally at 6 months old she and my daughter fell in love with each other. Babies are so much smarter than people give them credit for. If you trust your nanny stick with it, also I run an in home care and even though everyone says their too young for separation anxiety and I've seen babies as young as 6 wk or as old as 3 yrs. Also it could be your nannys perfume or lack of perfume. Do you wear a certain sent everyday? If so maybe try letting your nanny wear the same sent and see how that goes.
i totally agree with the perfume factor. my friends son used to cry like crazy whenever grandma tried to hold him. Only ONE grandma. Her perfume was soo strong! It was my friend's MIL, so she had a difficult time telling the grandma that her son is not taking to her because of the strong "odor".
I think you have a very nice nanny. I'm sure you know very well. i really respect your compassion for people and their circumstances. I would consider the same things. Hate it when some people just have the "natural' reaction to just "attack", "fire", "judge", "sue" for every little thing. There's no faith in humanity anymore. Not everyone's lives are so simple. People's circumstances are diferent. Not everything can be resolved with one formula. I'm a stay at home mom and I consider it a total blessing. But I'm one of the the lucky ones.
Anyway, this nanny is very lucky to be working for you. So hopefully her not wearing any perfume will be the answer.
Let us know what happens.
HI W.,
My first thought was an irritant. If it's only when she is holding her could there be something on the nanny that bothers your little one like her laundry detergent, perfume, etc? I know that little ones are real sensitive to even the slightest thing. Have you talked to her? Maybe she could wash her clothes in the same detergent you use and see if your daughter calms down.
My other thought is that she doesn't feel secure. Maybe the nanny isn't holding her tightly enough. Babies can sense the littlest things....
My two cents...
M.
I have to be honest here....that is a very young baby to leave in a nanny's care. I am completely appalled at the people whose responses reassured you that it's "normal" for the baby to scream for various increments of time over the first few weeks using a nanny. What??!! I am sorry if this offends you, but your daughter needs *you* and should never be subjected to periods of screaming like that. It's damaging to the baby and jeopardizes the trust she should instill in people who care for her. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I've been a stay at home mom the last 6 years for all three of my children. I couldn't bear the thought of leaving them as newborns (or any other time) with a person who will never care for or love them quite the way their own mother would. I didn't like the idea of a nanny spending 8 to 9 hours a day in my home which inevitably results in a stronger bond between caretaker and baby than mother and baby. Sorry to be harsh and judgmental, but I seriously urge you to reconsider returning to work in the near future. If you can afford a full time nanny, I'd be hard pressed to believe that you couldn't cut out everything unnecessary and sacrifice your disposable income to be with her longer.
I never understood the idea of getting pregnant, giving birth and dumping the baby off to return to work full time. It makes absolutely no sense to me. I realize that this post will not solve your problem and may quite possibly even upset you, but if it's a wake up call telling you to to follow your heart and decide where *you* really need to be, then my work here is complete. You will miss out on so many precious and short-lived moments if you choose to leave her every day.
Wow if the baby doesn't like her, why would you?
I would try to find a way to stay home a little longer, see if you can work from home or change your hours or have grandma move in for a while. At least long enough so that your child can tell you if this person is caring from them appropriately. I know that's not always possible. Try another nanny and see if the same thing happens.
