Hi Mama's!
I am at a complete loss and hope one of you has the magic answer. ;)
My daughter is 13 mos now and still is not sleeping through the night. I've tried everything from responding immediately and rocking her to letting her cry and everything in between... nothing has worked. Several weeks ago we "Ferberized" and she now goes down beautifully (knock on wood). She was even beginning to sleep through the night, which she hasn't done since I stopped swaddling her. This however ended when she got really sick with a virus a few weeks ago. Her temp spiked so quickly that she had a Febrile Seizure. We were scarred and began bringing her into our bed so we could keep a closer eye on her. She was ill for about 10 days and hasn't slept through the night ever since. In fact, it seems that it's taking longer and longer for her to settle back down. Tonight it took me two hours to finally get her back to sleep. She woke up around midnight, I went in and laid her back down, but she would kept getting up and wanting to dance/play. I explained to her that if she get's up, mommy is leaving the room. Of course she got up so I left and let her scream for a few minutes before returning. We repeated this pattern for 45 minutes and each time I'd stay out of her room for a minute longer. She finally stayed down, but would not close her eyes. After another 30 minutes (total of 2 hours 15 minutes) I picked her up and rocked her to sleep. It took a total of almost 3 hours to get her back to sleepy slumber land. She's a smart little thing and I have no doubt she knows what she's doing. I just wish I was smarter and knew what to do to help her sleep. She's had sleep issues ever since I stopped swaddling her. I'm against bringing her into our bed on a permanent basis, but it seems this is the only way any of us gets a good nights rest. Also, the fatigue is effecting my health (I've been ill for 4 months now). I'm so drained that my body just can't seem to fight off what's ailing me. PLEASE HELP! What should I do?
Thanks so much to all the wonderful Mama's that replied. I began re-Ferberizing two nights ago and it has been going well. The night before last, she woke once in the middle of the night and cried for only 4 minutes (with me going in after 3 minutes to comfort her and then leaving again). Last night, (I hope I don't jinks myself) she slept through the night. Woo hoo! I began Ferberizing naps today and again she cried 4 minutes before falling asleep for her morning nap and no crying before her afternoon nap.
To those who were skeptical about Dr. Ferber's method, I was there with you and that's why my daughter is now 13 mos and just starting to sleep through the night. I tried every other approach out there first and her sleep issues were only getting worse. The week before we tried Ferber, my daughter was waking every 1.5 - 2 hours at night. This approach is not for everyone, but it was hugely successful for us. The first night was rough, however, the second night she only cried for 10 minutes, the third night for one minute and no crying after that.
Thanks again for all the support, encouragement and suggestions. I greatly appreciate it.
BTDT! The only way I ever got any rest was by co-sleeping. Its not for everyone but It was the ONLY way mommy could get some zzzzs here, LOL
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I TOTALLY FEEL your PAIN... AS you see it is 3:00AM and I am up but that is because My BODY has been getting up this time for 18 MONTHS and It is used to it. THE GREAT News is that our BABY (who is 18 months) FINALLY Started sleeping thru the night 5 days AGO! WE ARE keeping our fingers Crossed and hope this email did NOT Jinx us :-) Also, Paige just started taking naps too. Se has been a NON SLEEPER Since DAY ONE! For some reason it must have finally CLICKED with HER and hope it stays that way. And regarding the fatigue thing YES I am feeling the same way too! I stay home during the day all week with my 34 months old & 18 month old and I also Attend Night School Mon - Thurs Nights and have been doing so for 14 Months NOW! Just KNow YOU ARE NOT ALONE! If you would like to talk more you may sned me a message. Since Baby is SLEEPING I am going to try to get BACK to sleep and TRAIN my BODY all over again! :-) Hope this helps! Take care.
Whew-I feel for you, you must be SOOOO tired!
The first thing you should focus on, is making sure you feed her more during the day. This is almost ALWAYS the answer! Even though she seems fine, and you feel you feed her enough, babies this age don't wake up at night if they are truly full (I learned this too late for my first who ate twice a night until she was one, and then my step sister told me, and she started sleeping through three days after I increased her food. My son slept this way like a stone all night since three months old.) Offer a few more feedings and snacks during the day. If she's stuffed, she won't take the food. Give her body a few days to realized the extra calories, and you will see and improvement.
THEN, when you know for a fact she is not getting hungry, you can do your crying strategy. You already know you've made things harder for yourself since she sometimes gets brought to bed, or you come back to her if she is screaming. Cry it out works beautifully, but only if they learn you never come back in, so they must sooth themselves to sleep. Both my toddlers cried it out as tiny infants, and learned right away to drift back to sleep on their own, because they would never think I would come back in, because I never did, but again, when stuffed full during the day, they didn't wake up anyway. As soon as they didn't need to nurse during the night, away to their own bed in their own room they went, and they've both always been secure sleepers (except for my daughter needing food when i didn't realize she could eat ore during the day-but she never needed consoling-she was a good sleeper aside form hunger).
Also, just a bigger meal at night isn't enough, they need more throughout the day.
Be patient, you're right, your daughter is very smart and has received mixed messages on getting you to come to her aid at night, so you may have a battle no matter what method you choose, but if she's full, I guarantee this will help.
You will just have to be consistent with your method for getting her back to sleep. She is probably confused as to why she can't be in your bed like she was while she was sick. I'm sure sleeping in the bed with your was very comforting to her and she justs wants that now.
I used the "Pick Up, Put Down" Method that is in the book, "The Baby Whisperer Solves All of Your Problems". It seemed crazy to me at first, but I was desperate and tried it out. Consistency is the key ingredient. Even if you are so tired and just can't imagine doing the method one more time. It really worked for us and my daughter has slept through the night ever since...
Good Luck!
Hi P.,
I also feel your pain -- our little girl didn't start really sleeping through the night (and then only until about 4-5 am before nursing again) until she was about your child's age.
While I agree with the others that it sounds like you're going to have to do the sleep-training method again, I also want to suggest the sleep center at CHOP in Philly -- a mom's group I attended actually had a clinician from there (Melissa Moore) come to the group and she had wonderful advice. She can work with you to develop a sleep plan that fits your child's and your family's needs, taking into account your feelings about crying it out, not crying it out, etc. It sounds like your baby's recent illness is naturally causing you to be cautious about really going all-out with the Ferberizing, so maybe it would be helpful to see someone who can reassure you as to what a safe approach would be.
From what I understand, the sleep clinic at CHOP will first have a doctor evaluate your child to be sure there's no medical issues causing the sleep problems, then they'd refer you to a clinician. The services are covered by most insurance, and once you start working with the clinician, you have unlimited access to them via phone consultation. It's a fantastic clinic, and I would definitely ask for Melissa by name, everyone I know who has worked with her said she was enormously helpful.
Good luck, and sweet dreams for all of you!
Hi P.,
We ferberized too and it worked great. I can totally understand why you'd be thrown off of that schedule after she got sick. How scary! Now that she's better, perhaps you can start ferberizing from square one again. The first week might be tough because she'll probably protest, but after that I bet you'll see an improvement. Whatever you do, don't rock her after 3 hours. :) That will just teach her that she has to keep persevering and eventually she'll get what she wants. Yes, you have a smart little cookie there! Best of luck to you. :)
It takes 3 weeks for your child to form a habit and only 1 night to revert back to old ones. Start from scratch. You said that she liked being swaddled maybe try tucking her in really well when she wakes up in the middle of the night. Whatever method you decide to try stick with it and be consistent.
Good Luck!
After an illness like that it's bound to take some time for her to get back into her routine. We experienced something similar to this with our first child. You might want to try re-Ferberizing her, starting from the beginning. And for those middle-of-the-night episodes, try keeping the lights off and not talking to her or making eye contact. Hopefully she'll get the hint that it's not playtime and get bored since you're not giving her any attention. Not sitting down to rock her could help, too. Just a few minutes of holding her and patting her near her crib and then put her down.
Good luck ... and please find some time to call your doctor. Ask your husband if he can be on nightwatch for a couple of nights so you can get more rest.
Completely agree with Tara. Back to Ferber. You know it works, and you must do it again. I know it is hard, but you may have to do it occasionally again when illness strikes and things get fouled up. It worked once and it will work again! Good luck!
Hi P.,
Has the Doctor seen her lately? Checked out her Ears, Eyes, Nose and throat?
If he has, have you called him to let him know what is going on with the baby?
If everything has been checked out. Try doing baby massages.
Go to your local health food store and look up for information about baby massage and aromatherapy.
Hope this helps. Good luck. D.
I'm a big believer in Ferber. If you read the book, you know that you usually have to sleep train after an illness, trip, etc. So start over. It may take longer this time because you caved and picked her up. You. Have. To. Be. Consistent. (Not when they are sick, or traveling, obviously). Re-read your Ferber, and start over again. She IS a smart cookie-- she'll get it, but she'll work you in the process! ;-)
P., I'm 38, have a 16 month old, so I feel you. I agree with the other posters that consistency is the key. Whatever sleep routine and method for handling nighttime waking you choose, be firm and consistent. Eventually, your daughter will figure out the routine and adapt. I have to confess though, I'm not a big fan of feberizing, so I thought I'd add my perspective.
I wanted to put in a plug for co-sleeping. It isn't permanent!!!! It's for as long as the kids/parents want it :D I know it's not for everyone, but it's enabled me to get better sleep with both my children; I decided to co-sleep with my first child because I got so much MORE sleep that way. All I had to do was half-way wake up, nurse her, and the go back to sleep. The same with my son (who is still breast feeding). We're about to "night-wean" him, and once you night-wean a child, they sleep through the night.
I have many friends who co-sleep upon occasion: when a child is sick, teething, on trips, etc, and then the child sleeps in his or her own bed at other times. The trick to changing beds is a consistent bedtime routine, regardless of where the child sleeps. I believe when a child is ill or in an unfamiliar place, they need more reassurance and closeness, and co-sleeping is a good (although not the only) way of providing this.
Good luck with whatever you choose to do - sleep is important :lol:
P.,
I agree with the good suggestions of the previous poster. It's gonna be like square O. again. I know many people accept the practice of kids in bed with them. I don't. Lke you, I was 39 when I had my son and I MUST have my sleep! It's makes me horribly non-functional when all of my "sleep planets" aren't aligned. LOL Just start again. Keep the routine at night. Swaddle her if she likes it. Soft music, night light, etc.
She'll get it again. This won't last forever. Hang in there. She's NOT smarter than you! But you're her mom, and we can't stand to see our kids worked up. Coaching her on how to sleep in her own bed is a gift that will keep on giving for a looooong time. Don't give up! Good luck!
You just need to re-Ferberize her. Children always get thrown off course with illness or change in patterns. Stick with it as you did the first time and you will have success again. My daughter is 23 months and has had sleep issues since birth. As she grows and matures we need to re-Ferberize her about every 6 months. We are actually in the process again now and she is showing signs of success once again. Good luck and stick to you guns!
