Hi Mamas!
We have two boys, 4 yo and 2 yo, that share a room. Both are in toddler beds. I would still have the youngest in his crib but he is a climber. Needless to say, bedtime is horrible. At this point in time we stagger bedtimes so our youngest goes to bed at 7:30 and the oldest at 8. That's the ideal situation. They have other plans.
Our youngest is pretty attached to his older bro and has a hard time going to bed by himself so we'll sit in there with him until he is nearly asleep and can sneak out but most of the time he wakes back up and we're at it again. When he is finally asleep we'll get his older brother in there but he'll piddle around for the longest time. It's usually 9:30 or 10 before he's asleep. In that length of time he needs to go potty (although he's already been), needs water, wants us to rub his back, etc. etc. He's very creative and quite the salesman. We also tend to cave because we don't want to wake our younger son.
We have a bedtime routine, baths, teeth, potty, books, music, lights out. We've tried rocking each of them before they go to bed, putting them to bed together (disaster, they just yammer on and on, get out of bed, play with their animals). One of us sitting in there, ignoring them so they stay in bed and fall asleep on their own, but that's an hour and a half of time we could be spending together or getting other household things done. I also want them to be able to fall asleep on their own. They were both fine when they were in their cribs but now that they have the freedom to get out of bed what do you do? I don't know what else to do so I'm hoping you ladies will have a trick up your sleeve.
p.s. we put a gate up in the doorway so they do stay in their room for the most part.
Thanks mamas!
Good luck. If they have a favorite toy in their room or bed, try taking it away if they don't behave at bedtime. they get it back the next morning. It's worked for some of my friends. Start with a toy that they don't NEED, and work up to the favorite. They'll know you're serious if they start to lose their stuff.
Oh god we're in the same boat with our 2.5yo DS!
We got to the point where it was taking 1+hrs to get him down every night, so we finally just drew the line last week.
We lock him in - always have - otherwise he would never stay in his room. Never. He's crafty.
We've been just letting him cry at the door. No amount of us going in there to "comfort" him was helping, it was just making it worse. So at the advice of Dr. Weissbluth, we've left him to cry. It's working. First night, 30 minutes. Then a couple of nights with no issue. Next night (2 days ago), 20 minutes of crying before he put himself to bed. Last night, it was 10. He's getting the message.
It's SO HARD to listen to him scream, but we know he needs sleep and it's the only thing that's working.
At 4 and 2 you should be able to reason with them (firmly). I suggest putting them to bed together since they are so close, but keep reminding them they can go to bed together ONLY if: X, X and X happens. I suggest putting some kind of chair/rocking chair in there. When it's time for bed, tuck each one in and read them a story. Then turn out the lights and tell them that it's time for bed and you will sit in there for five minutes. If either one talks, you will remove them (and make them go to sleep in your bed). Leave the room after five minutes and put up the gate. Then just let them go. If they get up and talk or play make sure it's dark enough where they cannot really do that). If they still do that, shut the door so it's pitch black and tell them you will do this unless they stay in there bed. If they want the door open, they have to stay in their beds. As long as they are not climbing over the gate, being super loud, etc I would do that. But I would also put them to bed a little earlier incase they DO play. That way they play for 1/2 hour and then fall asleep but don't realize they are really falling asleep around their normal bedtimes! Put both of them in their room at 730, read a book or two, lights out and door open (with gate) or shut if they are trying to climb over the gate. Good luck!!
I feel like you just wrote my nighttime experiences! I have 2 girls, 4 yo and 2 yo and we go through the same thing....it now takes about 1 1/2 to 2 hours to put them to sleep! We put them to bed at the same time...only b/c one would wake the other up. It's always "I want water" or "Turn Ariel back on" (their favorite cd to fall asleep to) or "Lay with me" or "I want a book"....it never ends!
After trying every thing in the book (taking their toys, giving in to their wants, letting them CIO, etc)...we just started trying to cut down their nap time during the day to see if it helps. So far.....they will go to bed at night a little easier (although leading up to bed they tend to get a little crankier w/o the longer nap). You could try cutting down on nap time and see if that helps to knock them out quicker at night. At the very least...you're not alone! :)
If your older son is still napping, he probably is starting to outgrow it. Unfortunately, for kids in day care, giving up a nap might not be an option. Or, if he has already stopped napping, you may have to start getting creative. One thought I had was that you could do your routine as normal, but instead of doing a lights out, give your older son the privilege of reading with a very subtle lamp on while music plays for the younger son. Let the older son know that talking to his bunkmate or otherwise keeping him up will result in loss of privilege. At the same time, if younger bro wants to interact with the other, he loses the privilege too because "big bro will have to read where you won't bother him." That way, older bro feels like a big kid, younger bro gets some security, and you get some down time. Then after 30 minutes or so, go and turn off the lamp, one more kiss and hug and a big boy high five, and hopefully he will be calmed enough to sleep. If looking at books isn't his thing, find another quiet activity he can do in the room like listening to music on earphones or something like that. Maybe you can decide together what he would like to do.
Can you separate them? Sounds like you could deal with each one separately if they had their own room....
I have been thinking about posting a very similar question... My boys are 2 and 3-1/2 and have always shared a room. My 2yr old is still in his crib, but we need to transition him to a bed b/c #3 is due in March. Anyway, my problems of late are more with my older son. He's in bed around 8:30 and, like you, is often still awake at 9:30-10. Last night, he was still awake at 10:15! It's so frustrating, and I also feel bad for him because we need to wake him up by 7a at the latest to get on the road for daycare/preschool and work for me. He's either constantly out of his room or yelling for one of us to come in the room for something. We generally end up threatening to take away toys for a day - sometimes this works. It keeps him from getting out of bed, but doesn't necessarily help him fall asleep any sooner.
I have been wondering if he's ready to give up his nap so that he'll be tired enough to fall asleep shortly after getting in bed. I'm not sure he's ready for that, though, because he'll still nap for 1.5hrs. If he doesn't take a nap, he ends up falling asleep around 5p. If this happens, you can imagine how hard it is getting him back to bed at 8:30.
You didn't mention if your 4yr old is still napping. Maybe that would help him fall asleep sooner? Sorry I don't have much to offer. I'll be checking the responses you get for any insight, too.
Is there ANY way that you can separate them? Even if O. toddler bed is on your room? At least til they get better about the "baths, teeth, potty, books, music, lights out" routine? Then you might be more successful at putting them to bed (staggered) times in the same room?
Oh dear, I hope there are some good answers out there. I am afraid that I don't have one as we've got some sleep issues of our own, but I CAN sympathize! We only have 2 bdrms and have a 7 month-old girl & a 3 yr-old boy. Initially we'd intended to set up the crib once she'd outgrown the bassinett but co-sleeping is working since she nurses. 3 yr-old son won't go to sleep without me reading to him & lying down with him. Previous attempts to CIO haven't worked...
Sorry that I don't have an answer. Good luck!
Set a firm routine and stick with it or you will be doing this for years to come (trust me, I know!) If they are having trouble falling a sleep consider increasing their physical activity during the day. At 2 & 4 could you split the bedtime and put them both to bed at 7:45? Not sure if that will help or hurt your situation, but if you feel that your 4 yr old is being "creative" then you need to stop that now. Kids are so much smarter then we give them credit for =)
