Hi all:
My sister lives across the country and she and her family has visited my family for the past 3 years--every year since my daughter was born.
She couldn't make it this year because she wanted to do a trip with her own family before her son goes to college. I totally understand.
Aside from having a young child, I haven't traveled via air in a while because of financial constraints.
But believe me I totally miss visiting her in her hometown: San Francisco. I used to go every year, sometimes twice a year, especially when her kids were small and she had similar financial constraints.
I decided this year that I'm going to try and visit with just me and my daughter. I would love my husband to come but he said he would stay home and work for financial reasons.
I would only have to pay airfare as I stay at her home and we use public transit to commute. Plus, she is in walking distance of most of the basics.
I've stalled making my reservations because of unemployment guilt and not really wanting to touch my saving
Responsible, right?
If I don't go it will be more than a year since I see them again, making it almost two years.
Today my sister offered to help me foot the airfare saying that she understands my financial situation and that she doesn't want me to back out because of money.
I haven't responded to her e-mail yet because I'm torn and pride is getting in the way. Maybe I'll take her up on a quarter or half of the bill.
What would you do?
ETA: Thanks everyone. I think this is just the dose of family connection and yearning that I need. I believe this trip will "keep me" during the winter months. I am going to call my sister this afternoon and thank her profusely.
@Cheryl: Yes, I've visited the area consistently since 1994 and know all the wonderful places and activities!
Oh my goodness, please go!! I understand being hesitant to mix money and family. (If you are hesitant over that.) However, it sounds like she's got no strings attached. I think she just wants to see you and enjoy you. GO!!!
Absolutely, do accept her offer. She wants you to come and can afford to pay. Don't worry, you can pay it forward some day, maybe for one of her children or another relative. Have fun!
Split the cost with her and go. What a sweet sister, she clearly wants to see you and her niece. It's a gift, not polite to refuse gifts right?
Have fun in my favorite city in the world!
You need time away. Your sister really wants you to come. Your daughter needs a change of scenery. Take her up on her offer. Life is too short.
Look, ES, we've gone through your unemployment feelings here on this site with you. We know you feel guilty and sad. We understand.
Guess what? She does too!!! It's okay! Let her pick up the tab. Let her help you. If we "get" it, how much more should your sister?
If you show your pride and refuse to accept this, you will hurt her. When you're there, tell her how much you appreciate her. Ask her if you can give her some of the cost later as you are able. If she then says yes, then make sure that you do. Don't paint yourself into a corner with how much. Don't assume that she won't take up your offer. But if she says no, don't argue the point. Instead, hug her and thank her. And have a wonderful time with her and the kids. Make sure that you don't give her any reason to regret the visit.
Family is very important.. You can always pay her back when you get back on your feet, even if it is only 10 a month.. You can not get back yesterday and you never know what tomorrow brings.
What ever you do, make sure it is an agreement you both are on the same page.. Weather the money is to be repaid or if it is a gift.
You have to make your own decision, just remember you never know that tomorrow will bring.
I would call her on the phone (skip email), thank her sincerely, and accept her offer - or at least 50/50 if you can manage. She wouldn't have offered if she couldn't handle it. She misses you. Go see her. While you're there, ask if there's anything in particular you can do to help. If nothing else, keep your area tidy and try to do the dishes. Don't feel guilty. If you don't go, you'll wonder "what if." Best wishes to you and your family.
ES,
Saying this as a regular here-- it seems like you've been wanting some deeper family connection lately, as evidenced by a few of your posts. (This isn't a bad thing, by the way, so please don't read ANY judgment into this, as I'm not trying to call you out, okay? :) )
Touch your savings and go 50/50 on this. A: it seems like you are yearning for meaningful connections with people you love. B. she is offering and I'm sure would love to see you. I'm guessing she would be terribly hurt if you turned her down and didn't come.
C. is for selfish reasons of my own-- I want to go see my own sweet sister and haven't had a chance to, for similar reasons. If either one of us were flush and could offer this to the other, I know we'd jump at the chance.
This is a gift, think of it as such. Your daughter will get some fun 'auntie' time, your sister will get time with you and her niece-- what a kind, loving offer. Go, don't feel guilty, pay half and know that this is a splurge-- and you do deserve it.
She wouldn't have asked if she didn't mean it.
No brainier!
Sis wants to pay so you'll come visit...so, call her, say Thank You and let her book your flight!!
What a sweet sister you have! She obviously loves you very much! Don't let pride get in your way!
I speak from experience it feels good being the one who can do the helping, so let her help!!
Bless your sister by allowing her to bless you.
You should go and enjoy! :) I love my sisters so much that I would pay airfare to see them if I had to, and I would not want them to feel bad about accepting.
I understand pride.........and guilt!!! Those two emotions are hard to set aside, but don't let them stand in the way of an awesome opportunity. Your sister obviously thinks you are worth the expense! :)
Let her pay your daughter's fare. That way you are paying your own so your pride (if that is the problem) can remain intact, and your daughter can thank her Aunt for so generously bringing her out to visit! ;)
Of course, you'll thank her, too. But let that be the arrangement, that she is paying for your daughter. I know the fare will be identical, but it changes things if she is paying for a child, vs an adult... does it not?
Enjoy the visit. And have no guilt about letting her do this. She wants to, or she wouldn't have offered to help.
Absolutely take her up on the offer. She wouldn't have made it if she couldn't afford it and you obviously want to see each other. Find a ticket, tell her the price, and let her decide how much of it she's willing to pay. It's also OK to touch your savings for a special thing once in awhile - you can't deprive yourself of everything, though I do commend you for being responsible.
Let her help you if she is able to. She wants to see you And I think it is important to stay connected. My sister died when she was 38 and I'm so happy for the time I had with her.
Don't let pride stand in your way. Life is short. If it helps, talk with her on the phone and split the cost if you can swing it.
our families once helped us out so we could visit, they did it because they wanted to see us and we simply could not afford to come. I would accept, and then in the future if your finical situation improves you can repay the favor when she is coming your way.
I would graciously accept her offer.
She really wants to see you, you wan to see her.
While you are thers. make them a special meal or offer to watch her younger kids so she can go out..
Plus it may be a while till you see your nephew. Once they start college, he is essentially out of the house
Haven't read all the other responses, but GO! She wants to see you, and she wouldn't have offered if she couldn't afford it. She has been in your situation, and it will make her feel warm and fuzzy to help you come visit! Really, if it were a burden, she wouldn't have offered. And I say don't be all weird about it and insist on splitting it--her generous offer was to take the burden off your back... let her have that! And enjoy your trip!
My sister and I have paid for each other's trips several times--it's just how it works, and no one is keeping tabs! Also, in my opinion, traveling is SO much harder than footing a bill (and I LOVE to travel, don't get me wrong).... but with that in mind, when I have friends come visit from long distances, I try to pay all their expenses while they're in town (because THEY, the traveler, did the hard part)... so that overall, we're both putting in for the visit. Anyway, Go to SF! And do something special for your sister while you're there as a thank-you (nice dinner out or make dinner.... just something, a token, to say "thank you") if you'd feel better about it. :)
Have fun in SF!
Take her up on it. Look at jet blue and southwest if you already haven't. Their fares are usually reasonable. She loves you and wants you to come, and you can put your pride on hold till you are employed and can pay her back in some way.
Aw that is absolutely Nice, I would take the offer, since it's family and you haven't seen them, Also when is her turn to come and visit you maybe you could help her out that way too! to me when it comes to family i would just help on anything they need at any time!
50/50 or leave it up to her to offer a flat dollar amount & you cover the rest!
Totally accept and enjoy the visit with your sister. She wouldn't offer unless she really wanted you there! I am saying that as the older sister, I and my husband have helped my baby sister financially and in other ways (she is 7 years younger) and I am glad to do it. She never asked and always showed her appreciation. I know starting out when getting married and having my first child years ago, things were tough for us but my Dad and in-laws helped us when we needed it. My family is in a good place, so I see it as paying it forward. :)
That is very kind of her. She understands your situation and she is willing to help you out so you can be together.
A few years ago for Thanksgiving, I funded my brother's family of 4 to come to TX so we could spend Thanksgiving together, his family could enjoy some time on a little vacation and we all had a great time. It was money well spent in my book.
That's how my sister and I do it. She wants to see me and I can not afford to pay for the tickets, she pays for them. Or part of them anyhow. Typically we have standing alerts for good pricing from my place to hers and we buy when we can. Part of why she pays is because I have to stay in a hotel (sometimes free thanks to Mom) because I am not comfortable staying there the entire two weeks any longer due to her fiancé. The other part of why she pays is because her STBX husband will not allow their daughter to fly here.
Honestly, I find it quite fair of your sister and take her up on her offer - there is no pride involved when it comes to family.
She's making a lovely, generous offer. She wants to see you. You want to see her, too. Say "thank you," accept her help, and book your tickets.
Take her up on the offer or I will :) Go, enjoy your visit.
I'd take the gift and know that I'd do the same for my sister. If I could pay half, I would do so. But if not, go and HAVE FUN!
I haven't seen my niece in a year, told my brother I would 1/2 the airfare with them. She will be coming at the end of July! Yay!
Your sister wants to see you, accept and go! Have fun!!!
I know you've made up your mind to go, and I'm glad! Sisters/bonds/relationships are much more important and valuable than money.
I live in the SF Bay Area, and just a reminder there are so many more things to see and do than in just SF. If you get a chance, venture out of the City a bit and discover why we ALL love living here!
Marin County has wonderful beaches. It's just over the Golden Gate Bridge. And the Oakland Zoo is MUCH better than SF zoo. Then there's the wine country within an hour's drive; the Jelly Belly Factory with it's free tours; Six Flags Marine World in Vallejo. So much to do/see within an hour of the City!
Have fun!
