Hi, was just wondering if there are any grandparents like my husband and myself who are raising grandchildren? We have our son's, son. He has been in our custody since he was 6 weeks old and he has just turned 13. He is a delight, but sometimes I am furious at our son for not being a dad to this child.
Our son remarried and has a daughter by that wife who is 10 years old. She lives with him though he is seperated from his wife. We don't see the granddaughter much, as our son just doesn't bring her around. He and the girl lived with us for 6 months, and my husband kicked him out of the house as he was doing things we disaproved of and he wouldn't stop.
Any grandparents here?
My husband and I just finished reading the responses, and I must say we are sitting here with tears in our eyes. How your responses touched us. I pray that one day Chance will speak as you all are speaking now. I do know that one day he told my granddaughter he felt so sorry for her and that he was thankful he is being raised by the "parents" he is with. He makes us proud daily. He and my husband are best friends, hunting buddies they are. I pray daily that when he grows up he will do all the things he now dreams of doing. His list is long, and he always tells me that he will one day take care of my husband and myself, cause we gave up our lives for him. I tell him that isn't so, he gave us life when we were blessed with having him. And I do agree with your gma, as we always say Chance keeps us young and active. I don't regret having him, I just regret my son not wanting him.
Be blessed each one of you, and know you are forever in our prayers.
J.
It is now Thursday, March 27 and I am astounded by the number of responses. You are all so precious. You know while there are times of anger with our grown son for his behavior, we have never been angry that we have our precious little one. I just know how my son was raised and he isn't living how he was raised. There was nobody or nothing more important to my husband and myself than our children. We always put them first, and did without so they could have. We taught them good work habits, and raised them in the church. Never ever would I have thought one of my children would have treated their own flesh and blood as our son did his. But it happened and in so many ways our little guy has gone through so much, but he has never done without anything, love or material things. He always knows where we are and we wouldn't ever be anywhere but here with him.
He did want to go live with his "dad", that is until the man came to live with us. Chance had his dad on a pedistal and it didn't take long for Johnny's actions to cause him to come crashing down hard off that pedistal. Chance is very content living with us and yes, he does call us dad and mom, and we are just fine with that.
What I was really wanting was someone who I could come to and say, "Wow! times have changed. I don't remember this when I was raising my other two." Or, "How did you handle this if you when through it." Don't know how to put this all to let you all know I am not angry that I have Chance. We don't want alone time without him. He went to South Dakota year before last and spent 6 weeks with our daughter and her husband and we just about went crazy without him.
I love him with all my heart, and so does my husband. Infact my husband is closer to him than he ever was with our son. It is like a second chance for my husband to be the daddy to the son he always wanted.
God is good!! He has blessed us with the love of a little man. My anger for my oldest has never reflected off the love for my youngest and never will.
And yes, my oldest is on drugs and it scares me for the daughter he has with him.
Thanks and love,
J.
hi.there J. all i have to say is i wish i had a grandmother like you sound like a really great person and you will be blessed one day take care
We are grandparents raising our now 4 year old grandaughter (she has been with us since she was 3 months old) while her mother now lives an hour away, attending school full time and working full time. Her mother did live with us until she got her latest job, in which she does not finish work until way after midnight, and her classes began at 6:30 in the morning, which does make sense for her to stay in town. (She/we have family in town that she could have stayed with.)
I just get frustrated when she calls on Sundays, her only day off this school quarter, and I can hear merriment in the background, she is socializing with friends when she could be visiting her daughter. She does love and care about her daughter, she knows that she is in a good, atble enviroment with us, BUT she does not put her daughter first in her life. She says she needs a life after school and work to stay sane. Well, she made her decision when she lost her scholarship to college due to failed courses (and having a baby).
Her daughter asks for her often, and when she does see her mom, they get to go and do fun things, while I/we are the caregivers/disciplinarians. We also pay daycare (we both are employed full time), dance tuition, pre-school tuition, as well as her mom's car note, gasoline bill, car insurance, and school expenses beyond the loans ad grants.
We refuse to pay any of her apartment expenses, social expenses, clothing needs, etc. Needless to say, she is always overdrawn.
Her mother is still in the 'me first' mode. She is using her tax refund check for a cosmetic enhancing procedure, instead of getting herself financially stable.
I know that this does not help you, but there are others out there raising another generation, and I will feel very empty once her mom has graduated, settled in a job, and she is gone to live with her...her mom will then really have to face reality, because there will be no more gasoline payments, car insurance on our policy, car payments, and she will have to pay all her school notes!
Hello, i sure am were you were at one time. my son that is 33 years old-his wife sarah is fixin to have a baby and is given it up to my son and myself. All of my sons are full grown and i have 3 grandchildren that do not live with me. i have told my son i will help him but i try hope when baby is older he will take responsibiltiy for him..Soon to be grandmother again-probably in next 7 days. really scared. Another reason i want to have a large part in taking care of baby is my son is in recovery and i fear he may go back out again and use drugs. jlm
I am not a grandparent but I am a mother. Your son doesnt seem to grasp the understanding that his child is his child. I think maybe he sees that your grandson is doing great and is loved and he doesnt want to take that away since his been with you and your husband for so long. If your sons life isnt on the right track then I think it is best for your grandson to be with you two.
J. -
I am not a grandparent yet but I just want to say that you are a true blessing to your grandson's life! My ex husband was not a good father to my first son and there are too many boys these days with no male role model. Good for your husband for teaching your grandson what is acceptable behavior in a man and what isn't. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for loving your grandchild so much that you are giving him a fair chance and more importantly, love in his heart where his father was not able to do so. Bless you and your husband a thousand times!
Alli
We have custody of our 4 yr old grandson. We've had him for 3+ yrs. My son is 33 and somedays doesn't act more than 5 yrs old himself. Very self centered still. We are disappointed in him most of the time too. We expected better. Would love to chat. Hang in there. God put your grandson with you for a reason.
God bless you. There is a special place just for you. I grew up in a neighborhood filled with grandparents that are in the same place as you. My (adoptive)parents made it clear that this would not be an option for us. Seeing this first hand with many of my friends, and being one of two children that my biological mother gave up for adoption. I agree that it seems very unfair and must hurt you and your grandson deeply. I think that thing to remember is that your grandson is learning from this experience and with hopefully be a better man and father because of it. Thank God you where there to save this little boy. I hope that your son is not doing anything that could endanger you granddaughter though, but good job with the tough love. Thank Heaven for people like you.
Yes, they are others like yourself raising a grandchild. My sister has raise one of hers. I have my grandson for awhile after my daughter-in law she died. But for now the other grandparents have him. Please do not feel alone. There many here in the United States. We as grandparents have to be there for these children. We have to love them and set good examples for them. Have have faith in God that he gives us the strength we need to continue.
Sincerely,
P.
hi J., I can feel your frusration. I am not a grandparent, but my parents are going through pretty much the same situation. They have helped raise my sisters' kids. Up until late last year my mom had legal guardianship over my nephew who is now 13. At first, My sister was living there after she got divorced, he was only three, but didn't like that my parents still had rules for her living there. She wanted to go out to clubs all the time and come home at all hours of the night and leave her son there for my parents to care of him. She then moved out but left her son there so that he could "continue going to the same district". What was only suppose to be temporary turned to years. My sister then had a daughter who she was raising herself and you could tell that he was jeolous. My nephew started to act out in school and seemed to have alot of resentment towards his mom. When she would scold him for getting bad grades or trouble at school, he would just tell her that shes not his mom and can't tell him what to do. My parents were left to be the disciplinaries when all they should have been were just grandparents. It would make me angry that my parents had to raise her son. They were through raising their children and here they were at it again. Luckily, my sis finally got her life on track, she now has a third child and a great job, a new house in the same district as my parents and has FINALLY started raising her son. As for my parents, they are now in the SAME situation again with my other sister. My mom is still young but has health problems such as diabetes, high blood pressure, and RA. I can only wish you luck with your situation and hope that everything works out for the better. By the way, my mom took it very hard when my sister took back my nephew, my mom really did consider him her son, he even calls her mom.
I wanted to say that your grandson is lucky to have you in his life. Try to stop wasting your energy being angry. This only hurts yourself and helps no one. I would pray for your son to make good choices. i am sure at this point talking to him won't help. He already knows how you feel by now. Keep staying strong. You are an inspiration. Continue to let God's love shine through you. You are the only constant your grandson has.
Bless you!
M.
www.4MyChildrenSake.com
Way to go J.! I'm not a grandmother, but I was a jealous and angry daughter and sister. When my sister moved in with my parents after her divorce, she seemed to think that was her free pass to start partying and dating again leaving her four children with my parents to raise. I was angry because MY children didn't have grandparents because they were too busy raising HER children. I soon realized that my parents were the only constant in the kids' lives and they did everything they could to protect them and give them a stable home surrounded by love and safety. One day, they will realize how much was sacrificed for them.....the same will be for you. I know you didn't sign up to raise a child at 57 years of age, but instead of asking "why isn't the dad in his son's life" ask yourself, "why am I in his life?" You have much to offer, much wisdom and stability.
Many blessings to you, grandma.
Hi, im not a grandparent and no where near being one either, i am now almost 25 (in June), and my grandparents raised me since i was 13. I was upset at first, because my parents gave me up, didnt want me anymore (actually still dont), i know i didnt make things easy, but wow to give up your own child (really one out of four), but now that i am older and i have two children of my own, i can see things clearer now, but i also see how much my grandparents gave to keep me, i love them so much and look up to them alot also. One day your grandson will see this also, and one day he will understand things when he gets older, and it may not happen until he has kids of his own, and then he may never fully understand (some things i still dont), but im sure he does know that yall love him unconditionally, and that is about all you can do. One day his father may wake up and see what he has done, but by then it may be too late, if it isnt already, and then he may never. God Bless you for what you are doing, its a great and awsome gift that you are giving him, and from the sound of it he is better with yall then with his father anyway, have yall asked him about it? In the end even if his father wanted him he may not want to move with him he may want to stay with yall, because after all yall have given him the "safe" enviorment for all his life yall are the "parents" he knows in his heart, sure he knows that is his father and yall are the grandparents, but really anyone can be a father and a mother, it takes the love that yall give him to be a daddy and mommy. Anyway, my parents moved us around so much we didnt really unpack anything cause we knew it wouldnt last too long, because of that when i finished my sophmore yr in high school (half of that year i was living with my grandparents), the school wouldnt take my credits to complete and go to my junior yr, instead they put me back as a freshmen, anyway to make a long story short, my grandparents were there for me and pushed me and i graduated high school at age 16, and went on to college. I thank them for that. Anyway, i know this is getting long, i just wanted to say keep up the good work, and may God continue to Bless you and your family, i will be praying for yall.
God Bless you for your commitment to your grandson!
Best Wishes
Hello J. D. I am a 46 year old grandmother helping my daughter raise 2 wonderful boys (ages 11 & 6) who have been a joy to my life. My situation is a little bit different from yours in the sense that my daughter and her 2 sons live with me but I have to admit that it is very challenging! Our patience must never end....and it is all for the sake of the children! I too rely completely on God's grace to help me thru difficult situations and I am sure God will continue to bless you and your husband for the love and understanding that is extended to your grandchild.
Give up on your son being a father to his son! If he is doing such bad things that he got thrown out, he is obviously not a good example for his son and you probably don't want him around him. Just raise him as your own as a good Christian boy.
That said, the other thing to consider is your son's relationship to his daughter. It is not really natural for a man to live alone with a teenaged girl. I don't know what your son is into whether it is drugs, alcohol or something else that you don't approve of, but make sure the daughter is in a safe and healthy environment. She is the one that can ruin her life more completely (with teen pregnancy for example). I am not telling you to take her in per se, just consider it and her circumstances. God Bless you for taking care of HIS children.
Hi J.,I am not a grandparent raising a child,I am an aunt who adopted my nephew.he has been with us since he was born.he is the sweetest now 6 year old I could ever ask for.I am 54 now and I love my brother very much for the gift he has given me.Your son for whatever reason left his baby with you,you are the mom and I would guess he does not consider your boy as his anymore.he grew up and had his own family,and this child is his brother.maybe he is uncomfortable,because you want him to play daddy to a child that is not his.he is your boy,you have accepted him as your son,he is yours,you have raised him,loved him and nurtured him..
Being a Grandmother is much better than being a Mother !!!
I'm a Grandparent who has a 7yr old Grandson. His mother is in the picture but he stays with me, I make sure he goes to his Dr's app., School, I do everything for him and with him. He see his mom on the weekends sometime's. I get mad at her also. He has a miss fire in his brain and I don't think she knows how to handle this even though I keep telling and showing her how.
Hi, I am a grandparent, but I am helping raise grandkids, not raising them. My son and his wife are doing a good job of raising the kids themselves. We keep my granddaughter(6) and grandson (2) one night on the week-ends and more time as needed . Have you considered family counseling for you, your husband, your son and your grandson? I do not think that your son will become more involved in his son's life unless there is outside intervention such as counseling. Is your son doing drugs? Perhaps you do not want him to be more involved with the grandson until he changes his behavior for the better. It also sounds as if you might want some time to yourselves. Are there sports programs that your grandson could get involved with from school or neighborhood centers? Sports helped my son get on track. He got his behavior under control so he could play basketball and football in Jr. high and high school. Hope this helps a bit. J. K.
Well I'm not raising mine so to speak but my stepdaughter, whom I never even met (she's 28) came to stay with us with her 2 children (2 year old daughter, 3 year old son) because she was married to an abusive husband. She has not enlisted in the Army and I recently found out I have to keep them for 5 months. They are horribly behaved, particularly the boy and since I never met them before and they are not blood related, I am so stressed I feel like I'm about to have a break down. It's wrong for you to have to raise your grandchildren and a job I used to work in that was dealing with 65 and old people showed me just how many grandparents to raise their grandkids or the entire family. Kids today are irresponsible and think they can just dump them off when they are the responsible adult. Yet when your child is in danger of harming the children being irresponsible, what do you do? You want to protect your grandchildren. He is with someone else with a child and should be raising his own son. I don't know the answer but if we do it for them why should kids be responsible for what they reap?
Anyone who has raised grandchild for years and parents got them back?
I am not a grandparent, but I have an aunt in your situation. Her son's son lives with her. Her son is never around as a parent, although he is around. I have always just been very grateful that she was there for him. Had it not been for her, who knows where he would have ended up. I guess what I'm trying to say is, God put you in this child's life for a reason, just as He put my nanny in her grandson's life. Good for you for stepping up and filling the shoes that no-one was filling for your grandchild.
