Appropriate Confirmation Gift Amount?

For what? Since when is 8th grade graduation something we send gifts for? If I was not attending the party I would not send a gift, it is not high school or college graduation after all.

Wow, I’m surprised by the responses! It’s interesting to see different perspectives.

For what it’s worth, I personally love getting announcements, no matter how infrequently I see the people. Those life events are fun to get a glimpse of, IMO, and I don’t consider them “invoices,” “grabs” or anything other than sharing about a rite of passage & a family’s joy for an event. If you’d like to send a gift, do so sincerely. If you truly don’t, then don’t and just be happy they thought enough to share their announcement with you!

I would head over to the dollar store, get a devotional book or journal type book for a buck and send that with a card. Simple enough a gift to say yep I got your invite, and cheap enough to not break the bank with the invoice. (If they really are gift grabbing then this type of gift may deter them from sending further invites seeking money)

Since it's a distant casual friend and it's 8th grade: $20 - $30
For a closer friend or relative - and 12th grade: $50

I'd focus more on the confirmation aspect. I'd probably send $20 - $30 and a nice devotional or prayer book.

Isn't it just lovely when you get these "invoices" in the mail from acquaintances?

I don't mind getting announcements from friends and family just not the long lost cousins I haven't seen in over 10 years.

Personally, I do not recognize an 8th grade (or kindergarten) graduation.

Gees, my daughter just graduated college Summa cum Laude and we did NOT order invitations/announcements. We only sent a handful of announcements to close family at her high school graduation.

For confirmation, I have given special coins or something from Lifeway Christian.

I tend to give money for high school and college graduation. The amount depends on you and your budget. My typical go to for people who are not family or close friends $25. I give more for close family and friends... up to $100 or so depending on how close I am to the graduate.

I'm not sure you need to send a gift quite frankly, where you're not attending - but if you're more comfortable sending one, $25 is fine.

I'm troubled by these invitations to people who cannot attend. I think they are Gift Grabs, same as parties for 30 first graders where children don't learn how to give a gift or receive a gift with manners and some semblance of grace. I like TF's term - "invoices." You rarely see this family, you can't stand the mom, but somehow they are "friends." Will the 8th grader even know who you are? If this is the child of your husband's dearest childhood friend, I guess you can send something, but I would make it entirely about the confirmation and zero about the graduation since it's 8th grade and not high school or college. I wouldn't do more than $25 though. For higher level graduations, I often give something in the year - $20.18 rather than just $20, which makes it a little memorable. Kids around here have found that to be modestly clever and have made a point of thanking me. But you could do that here too, even if it's less for grad and more for confirmation, and put it in a confirmation card. Or, you could just send a card. But it sounds like you are determined to give cash. Do give a check vs. a gift card - gift cards often get stolen at this time of year when terrible people cruise mailboxes and feel inside colored envelopes for something that feels like plastic. A check will at least give you "confirmation" (no pun intended) that it's been received. If these parents are more into the gift grab mentality inviting everyone they know who will not attend, I don't know if they've raised their child to write thank you notes, so your only verification will be the cashed check.

If I wasn’t attending then I would send nothing simply because I certainly would not expect a family friend to give a gift for an 8th grade graduation/confirmation that they weren’t attending.

I would give the mom the benefit of the doubt however that they invited you because they thought it would be nice if you could attend versus calling this a gift grab.

I think this depends on the relationship. Are these former neighbors, or distant relatives, or someone you used to work with? Do you have friends or family in common with them?

If this is simply someone you used to know socially, and your ties to them are not more than "we used to live near them and our kids played together when they were 4", I'd just send a nice card. After all, you did receive an invitation regardless of whether it was a plea for a gift or a gesture of good will, and it's polite to acknowledge that invitation. But a congratulations card would be sufficient.

But if this is someone that you still have connections with (it's your aunt's best friend, or it's someone with whom you have mutual friends), and if this is someone you'll see in the coming year, then a card with a small money gift might be nice. Just a nice new $10 bill would be enough.

One other consideration: if this confirmation is something that is also significant to you (if you share the same religious beliefs and if your own kids went through confirmation, for example), then you might send an appropriate gift similar to what your own kids received when they were confirmed. But if you're not religious or if your church does not confirm children, then I wouldn't expect you to celebrate something that you don't observe or perhaps don't even understand.

As for the 8th grade graduation, I don't see much reason to make a fuss over that. If this boy is of average intelligence with no unusual struggles (a disability, an illness, a serious injury, for example) then usually graduating from 8th grade is pretty standard stuff. It means he didn't get expelled or that he didn't fail out. I mean, it's nice that his family is observing his accomplishment, but sending invites to someone the family rarely sees and who lives three hours away is a bit of a stretch, in my opinion. A family BBQ or picnic with a few pals seems sufficient. Of course, if this graduation represents a tremendous triumph for this boy, if he managed to graduate while recovering from major surgery, that's different.

I guess I'm cheap, but if I'm not attending and it's not anyone close, I'd send a card and that's it.

Yes, interesting responses. I don't necessarily see this as a "grab" either, and based on this info I wouldn't interpret that they expect you to send a gift. Maybe they just wanted to send you one since you seem to be somewhat friendly. If they live 3 hours away, it isn't totally weird that you don't see them more often??

Anyway, if you want to send a gift, I'd do $25. If you don't want to, don't.