Hi. I do not have an autistic child. However, my sister has spent the last several years working with children with developmental disabilities and their families. That said, she has had numerous children she has helped with autism. Following is her advice:
Many parents of children with Autism experience similar things to this.
My suggestions:
You can have a business card type thing made that says something to the effect of:
Please be patient with my child as he/she has Autism and is doing the best that he/she can.
For more information on Autism, please visit (website).
Other ideas:
~Try introducing another communication device to her daughter: maybe a PECS board (velcro pictures of things that she may want or need and then she can arrange them and show them to her mom when she needs them) or even a technological device that speaks for her.
~Behaviorally: I have found that holding one hand up and using your fingers to show the number 1 while saying "first_______________(take a bath)" and then holding up two fingers and saying, "then we can go to the park." Visuals seem to help children with severe Autism.
~There are 4 A's to why children with Autism display behaviors (sometimes physical harm):
Agression - child is truly angry
Attention - child is wanting to be noticed and talked to
Affection - child is needing to feel loved and wanted
Assistance - child needs help with something
**In my experience with children with severe Autism, I have found that 80% of the time, they are wanting affection. So, before negative behaviors begin, try giving lots of hugs, high fives, telling the child their good qualities and being loving toward them. The remaining 20% of the time: it is easy to tell if the child is needing assistance, as they will generally pull you to what they want, and it is also generally easy to tell if the child is angry because you can generally pin point a trigger. Children in general are always wanting attention, so shrugging them off or trying to ignore them (as some therapists suggest) is simply irritating to them.
~The final thing that I suggest: map out your child's behavior. Try to figure out pre-cursors to negative behavior. Especially with children with severe Autism, they do not like to be told "no". For instance, instead of saying "no chips" try saying, "let's have an apple instead" or even "let's have an apple and if you are still hungry, you can have ten chips (showing him/her with your fingers)". Once you map out your child's behaviors, it will be easier to focus on the things that make them happy and keep them at that point without compromsing the things that you do/don't want for them.
I hope this is helpful and if you would like her email address, please feel free to ask and I will provide it. Good luck!