Anyone Have a Boyfriend/spouse That Suffers from Paranoid Personality Disorder

Yes, rarely does a person suffer from just one personality disorder at a time. I have a mil with BPD and she displays paranoid reactions quite frequently. She will not seek help. Not only will she be paranoid but then act upon her paranoia. It's at those times that she is not safe to be around. She would accuse anybody of anything and if need be, she would get police and lawyers involved. You need professional help with these people. I would think long and hard about being involved one. In fact, I wouldn't.

Renee,

I tried to be very gentle in answering your last question, but I'm going to be rather frank... I don't really believe this is going to be 'worth it' in the long run.

You seem very intent on trying to make something work which everyone else-- quite objectively, from the information you've given us-- is saying 'you need to untangle your life from this guy'. How many people will it take or questions will you ask until you find peace? I don't think it is going to happen with this person in your life, they way they are, at this particular moment.

I grew up with a mentally ill parent. It is hell. I don't care what the diagnosis is, it is hard for those around them.Even more so, if this is really the situation, do you want your son exposed to this behavior? This sounds dangerous to me. I have some family members who have been in and out of mental institutions. It is hell, again. I have seen things I *never* want to see again and never would want my child to be exposed to. I 'handle' these people by creating boundaries and distance. They have to want to get well for themselves--none of them do, and so I love them from afar.

Please, if this is really what your boyfriend is dealing with, you need to ensure your son's physical and emotional safety. He doesn't need to be around this behavior. NO child, no matter how old, should be exposed to it if there is any possibility of protecting them. Our kids ALWAYS come first. Bug is absolutely right. I would give my heart to make some of my relatives 'better'. I just can't. We accept reality, make hard choices and move forward in the best, healthiest ways we can. I'm sorry that you've reached this crisis point. Please take care of your son and yourself. Your boyfriend will need to sort his stuff out. Give him time to do this ON HIS OWN, in his OWN space, not your house. If you are still committed to each other, let him get healthy first and then--and only when he's healthy and his psychiatrist can verify this-- then consider a relationship.

*ETA*** "And this man is not the same as anyone else, thank you!!!!" Quit screaming at us. Better yet, quit asking us if anyone of us know a man like this, if no one is like him and we can't help you. I gave you a very heartfelt answer coming from experience, and you just want to scream. You OBVIOUSLY know something is wrong, because you are as defensive as you can get.

Honestly. If you are a single mom, have a child, and are CHOOSING to ask a man into your life that is dealing from this and other things, I strongly caution against this. Who is more important, your child or some man?

And no...it can't be fixed. I agree with others who suggest that PPD is not really a stand alone diagnosis, but generally more of a symptom of other, larger conditions.

And yes. My husband is schizophrenic. He's on disability. There's no FIX. I am fortunate that he is very passive and will probably never tend towards truly crazy behavior, certainly not violent, but life is VERY interesting, both for myself and our children. OUR children. We have been together a very long time. His diagnosis came after. We deal with it. I am a caretaker for many, many things in this household. My husband is brilliant, and loving, and he CANNOT be fixed.

Yes, some mental issues can get better but Personality Disorders usually get worse over time. The very nature of the problem keeps the person from getting the help they need. Paranoia is especially challenging because the person will develop a paranoid reaction to even their therapist. Also, please be careful because paranoid people can become dangerous when the person feels attacked or threatened.

I am familiar with this disorder both personally and professionally. I was married to a man with schizophrenia who had aspects of paranoia. Dealing with paranoia is very difficult. I urge you to get professional help.

If your SO is not seeing a psychiatrist I urge you to get him in to see one. There is medication and therapy that can help. I saw how much when my ex and his psychiatrist found the right combination.

Later: You say he's getting help. What kind of help? If he hasn't been diagnosed and being treated by a psychiatrist he is not getting sufficient help. Counseling alone will not change his approach to life. He needs psychotherapy and medication and the likelihood that this will turn him into a loving involved father figure for your son is highly unlikely.

There is no cure for PPD; only a way to manage it. He will always be suspicious and have difficulty trusting. And he has more difficulty than PPD. He's immature, too. It takes time and experience for someone to grow up. Even if he does grow up, your son will be grown and gone. What do you want your life with your son to be like?

You said that it's difficult to get all your questions answered in 60 minutes. I urge you to make an appointment for just yourself and talk about what is happening with your son and what would be best for him. Make your son your priority. Focus for 60 minutes on your son alone and not your son's relationship with your boyfriend or his relationship with your son.

Your boyfriend has to come to terms with his negative view of life before he can have a stable and loving relationship with anyone else including you.

You know, it's one thing to deal with the mental illness of a family member, or the father of your child. You are bound to those people by blood and lifetime bonds.
This man is not your family, he does not get along with your child, why in the world would you put yourself and your son through this?
Stop thinking from below your waist and think about yourself and your son. If you truly understood the difficulties of dealing with a person like this you would realize there's no way you are going to "fix" him. He needs professional treatment not an "understanding" girlfriend.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Have you researched support groups, online or otherwise? I'd also recommend researching psychologists in your area who you can contact for a consultation. You would have to pay, but may be worth getting strategies to cope with PPD. Again, very challenging and good for you for taking care of yourself and your family.

Added:

I wish it could be "fixed" but it can not. Fortunately, it CAN be managed and family understanding and coping skills are a part of that management. I really encourage you to try a different board for these questions as you may get more of what you need, rather than additional remarks that do not address your question. Hope you find good support!

Yes- I once date a man like this. We started dating before he was diagnosed. Things started off so normal and happy, but started getting out of control fast. I thought I could fix it, and tried to be understanding. My advice? Do yourself a favor and find someone else. It's a no-win situation. It can be controlled with therapy and meds, but it's never fixed. It will take a hard toll on you. It sounds like you have bigger priorities (your son). Don't get sucked in to this man. Trust someone who has been there. I realize your intentions are good, and you want to fix him, but it's just not going to happen. It's not anyone's fault. It is what it is.
I sometimes still have nightmares about this ex-boyfriend. I wake up with relief every time. It took a long time for me to forgive him for things he had little control over. It's a really sad situation. But you don't have to let him take you down with him. Get out now. I wish I had more positives for you and for that, I'm sorry. Take care.

PPD is not a fixable condition, sure there are treatments that will help, but he is facing a lifetime of unstable emotions. Mental illness like this is indeed a serious challenge for anyone, but the reality is that the ill person is not able to to be a partner. If you choose to have a relationship with him, you will be taking care of most things and arranging your life around his condition.

I see you mention a son, please consider his need for stability.