Anyone Facing Empty Nest or Gone Through It

Lords knows it is normal for you to feel that. I was stay at home mom of my son which is now 26. I went through it when he went off to college. What made things worse was that fact just after that happen my husband of 20 years also left. Talk about dealing with emotional baggage. Just when I got use to everything and being on my own and picked up and moved 1800 miles away I remarried and was pregnant again at 41. My daughter is the best thing that happen to me and for us. But one day I will have to face that dreaded empty nest thingie again all over with her. Least I know how to deal with it this time around.

Honey if you were any more normal your pic would be in Websters dictionary !!!! I went through that when my daughter moved out both times!!!! Find something to do with your time, redecorate that room into a craft room/office/tv room if you have the desire. Of course put a hide a bed in there to encourage some visits but believe me, once you get over this sadness you will not want them to come back to their nest....lol (hence the hideabed, make sure it has a thin mattress to encourage short visits). Giving something to someone else makes your sadness less noticable but if you can't seem to get a handle on it after a few weeks please see your Dr. and don't play the "I am woman, I am strong" bit. When significant events occur in our lives it is not unusual to need some help getting through them. I still have one at home myself but he is much younger and I will again go through it when the time is right.

Remember when baby went to kindergarten? I do so vividly. I made it through the drop off (both times), made it to the stop sign and had to pull over and cry. Keep your chin up girl, find a charity project, redecorate, put in jacuzzi or something to catch your attention.
Keep in touch.
C.

Hi:
What you are going through is very normal, I'm a mother of 4 kids, 25, 23, 19 and 5. When my 23 years old left the house 4 years ago, I though I was going to die, not only because he left but because he was joining the Army, it took me a full year to get used to the idea that he was gone, then my now 25 got married when he was only 19, he kept living with us for 3 years, and had a kid during those 3 years, that when they left I was very relief, is wife is very strange, but I adore my son, so I will do anything for him, now they just got a second child, and it seems even though things are hard for them they get alone just fine. So you see is very normal, to feel depressed, down, lonely when they leave, they are very much part of you for many years, that the fact of they leaving to start their own life is hard for us a parents to take. Just give it some time, it will start getting better soon. I just moved to Houston a month ago, and I had to leave my 19 years old there because he is going to school there, he will move here to Houston by june next year, so that was another hard time for me, I'm driving him crazy because I call him very often, but when I don't, he is the one calling to check on me, from one mother to another, just try to relax a little, see them grow and start their own life, be there just close by just in case they need you, but we have to learn to let them fly, you will never stop worring, but the hole will be less big with the time. Take care.

Finally, I meet someone who is going through the same thing that I am. I'm 42, have been married for 21 years. I have two sons, 20, and 19, and one daughter who is 17. She is a senior, so things are REALLY starting to hit close to home. It was hard enough when the oldest left for College. I balled my eyes out, called him all the time. He is now a Junior, and doing quite well. My middle child, just turned 19. He is also away at College. I miss him terribly. It's not just me, it's my husband as well. We both are actually starting to get over a mild depression. We are only 42 and 44. We had our children early, and everyone tells me that is the way to do it, but I have friends in my neighborhood who are in their late 30's with little ones walking around. It's actually sad. I think the big thing, is that I did not work outside the home. I stayed home with these children, and now I'm holding on for dear life with my baby girl, and she is very independent. I know that she, too, will go away. I just have to look at it this way: I've always done for them, now it's time to do for me. I'll always be here for these children, and I miss them terribly. It's almost cruel, the way they grow up so fast. Please write me back with any advice or support. At least you have a job.

Sincerely,
M.

I am 55, my children are now grown and have their own families. I remember when my oldest graduated and moved out into the world. I was so surprised, because I was totally devastated. When the last of my children left home, I went through the most horrible depression and it lasted for the longest time. What you are experiencing is normal for a loving, caring mother. There are some who might say this is not healthy and it very well may not be, but it is most definitely a normal reaction to someone who loves their children very much. I loved and lived for my 2 sons and 1 daughter. My daughter died 5 days after having her 2nd baby in August of 2004, so now I am fighting a different and more serious depression, but life must go on. You must find things that interest you and keep you busy, because we are to be here until it is our time to leave. I hope this helps. C. A.

I still have a ways to go (mine are 10,8 and 2) but I remember when my Mom went through it. I am the youngest and when I graduated from College and moved to another state... my Mom became VERY depressed. She was only 43 at the time and had a heart attack! She would have had it anyway, I'm sure (heart disease runs in the family)... but the doctor did say that her depression brought it on sooner.
So... you are completely normal. Just remember to take care of yourself.
When my kids are off visiting their grandparents, sometimes I sit and think (when the house is quiet and I've cleaned everything that doesn't move)"What is the purpose of my life with out my children?" I mentioned that to my husband and I thought he would slap me silly... There is plenty purpose in us without our children we just have to look for it! Like the other's have said... find something TO DO that you actually WANT to do and is just for YOU! I know that I will be sad when mine go... but I'm also looking forward to it (in some ways). Enjoy your husband and your free time!

I cant answer from personal experience, but i do know that my mother nearly caused a nuclear meltdown every time one of us (4 kids) moved out. Now her last is 20 and moving out on her own and my mother is so depressed, she crys all the time about it. We're just trying to reassure her that we still love her and see her as often as possible. So, I would say you are completely normal. :)

Its normal. Try and find a hobbie or work part time to help you through this stage of your life.