Anxiety Away from Mom!! Awhhh....

Does he stop crying quickly after you leave? Or does he continue to for a long time?

What you may not know is that children do not typcially 'separate easily from mom' until they are, on average, 4.5 years old.

That means that his anxiety is not only normal but a good sign that your son is appropriately attached to you and the understands that you, not some generic 'whoever' is necessary for his continued survival.

Recent research into stress-hormone levels of children in daycares and preschools has demonstrated that even the children who are not screaming or crying are stressed AS MUCH by the separation from mom as the children who are obviously in distress.

Gives you pause to think, eh?

J.,

I have taught kindergarten, first grade and some other things. I am also a mother of three young children - 5 -3 -10 months. Do you really feel that your 3 1/2 year old needs to go to school? I see so many kids pushed into school at such a young age and it doesn't do them a bit of good if they are not ready.

Heather

J.,

How many times a week do you take him?

My son did the same thing when he was that age. I only took him once or twice a week just so he could learn about school and meet new kids. He had the hardest time when I left. It broke my heart. Then I learned that taking your child only once or twice is very hard on them. Most of the other kids went every day and were all good friends. It ended up that my son would have to try and make "new" friends every single time he went.

Hope you find the answer.

I would not pull him out of school. It is a phase of some sort that he will have to work out. I would continue to take him to school. I would drop him off and make it quick. Don't linger. Just be matter of fact about it and reassure him that Mommy's always come back and you'll be back after snack, song, book. Whatever they do at the end of class. I would try and limit activities that you don't need to do until this resolves but I would keep him in school. Who knows what is going on in their little minds. I find my kids feed off any stress or anxiety I have and when I'm having a rough day/week they are super clingy. Be careful not to show any anxiety about dropping him off and don't give him an option to not go. Once he thinks he may get what he wants, it will make it harder. I hope that helps. My son had separation anxiety and cried when I took him to school after he had been going with no problem for months. He got over it within a few weeks. Good luck!

J.,
A girl that a work with just went through this and I went through the same thing with my now 5 year old daughter. Its just his age! I know that it is utterly heartbreaking and you feel like the worst mom ever but every single kid does the same thing at one point in the first couple of years. They do out grow it, usually within a few weeks. The best thing I have found to do is just to make light of it and remind them that you love them and you will be back soon and then get in your car and go. Usually I would make sure I was out of the driveway before crying myself:) But its normal and usually has nothing to do with where you are taking them, just that you are leaving. Hang in there-its one of the hardest things as a mom but he will grow out of it and not think another thing of it :)

Hang in there J.!
When my son was 3, he went through a phase of crying everytime I left him in the nursery at church, too. Sometimes I felt like such a bully because it seemed like I was practically throwing him into the room and running away.
For my son, it was simply a phase, (I honestly don't remember how long it lasted.) and I imagine the same is true for your little guy.
My advice? Don't take him out of pre-school or change any of your other activities. Just keep on showing up to pick him up - he knows you aren't leaving him for good. Love him to pieces when he's with you and assure him you're coming back whenever you have to leave him.
You'll both make it through this time, I'm sure of it!

You might try this. When you drop him off, tell him that you don't want him to cry when you leave because it hurts the teacher's feelings. Tell him he needs to be a good example for the other kids. Sometimes, giving a child a different perspective on the situation helps. He might be crying because he misses you, but he might also be crying because he just doesn't know what's expected of him and how he's supposed to act. I don't think I would reward him for not crying, but I might thank him for not crying and for being so helpful.

Even though your new one is 9 months old and he "loves her to pieces, he may need some one to one time with you and your husband. Do things with him that are separate from his sister. 9 months may seem like it is enough time to adjust, but most kids need one on one parent time. That makes them feel special. And, feeling special is VERY important to a childs emotional development.

Dear J. K
I work at a childwatch program for an athletic organization. This means that the parents have a maximum of 2 hours to leave their children and work out at the facility. I also worked in a licensed child care for 9 years and have 3 children of my own. I think every parent has gone through the scenerio that you have described at least once and maybe more. There is no easy answer because every child is different. We have found at the child watch that the child brings a special snack that they will have during their stay. It is a comfort. But some places do not allow snack because it puts the risk of children that have food allergies. When it is at school the snacks are limited also. Our youngest went to school this year and she did not transition well. The school she was going to provided Developmental Kindergarten and Kindergarten for 2 full days and one half day. After 3 weeks of school we changed schools and enrolled her in a a school that offered 5 half days. She had a remarkable turn around in one day. My friend who has a child just a month older than our youngest keep her child in the program and had to work through 2 months of good days and bad days. She was successful because she stayed Faithful. So my advise is to you STAY FAITHFUL with what ever you decide for your child. BE PATIENT and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!
Yours truly.
a caring mom