Another School Shooting Question

I'm sort of thinking it is like talking about sex. Do you want him to hear the facts from you or a teacher, or from the kids on the playground?

I also have a 6 year old and I think that they are going to hear about it even if they miss school for a day. I plan to talk with my daughter tonight even though I am not looking forward to it. I would suggest that you go to school with him and listen to exactly whats being told to him and that way you are also there to comfort him and answer any questions he may have.

I would keep him home. Too young to hear the details. Think school is making a big mistake IMO.

Does anyone remember if the schools reacted like this when the Amish children were killed in their school. How was that handled?

We just received an email from our principal saying they will not be addressing it at school. That while the subject might come up, the teachers will be redirecting the students' attention.

I have to say, I was so glad to receive that email. I also have a 6 year old and, while I will do my best to answer any questions, I was not planning to mention it to him.

I would completely understand if you chose to keep him home. I would really like to think that anything discussed at school would be as basic as possible and age appropriate.

Maybe you could go to the school with him and ask some questions. Do you think they would have an alternative for kids whose parents objected? At the very least, you could turn him around and take him home if you weren't comfortable with what they're doing.

I don't want m 6 yr old to know. I woul be pissed if I were you.

Keep him home, schools try to parent way too often.

I suggest that this topic will be handled differently based on the age of the child. I suggest that a trained counselor has talked with the staff about ways to handle this so that it's less threatening and mostly reassuring. These are educators who are sensitive to kids' needs. I would trust the school to handle this in a safe and effective way.

Since you don't trust that this will be the case I suggest that you call the school in the morning and ask to talk with the principal telling her your concerns. You might even take this time to visit the classroom so that you can listen in.

I also suggest that this is their place to speak out. Just as your son has had lots of questions so do all the other children. The school needs to address the issue so that all the children have the same information that is accurate. The children need reassurance that the adults in the school have knowledge and skills to keep them safe.

I would tell him briefly what happened in the morning and that his teacher would be talking to the class about it so that he's not taken by surprise. It takes more than one telling for us to process such events.

Keep him home anyway. The kids might talk about it that day, but perhaps they wouldn't talk about it the next day. Or keep him out for 2 days. It's near the end of the season anyway.

You know your son better than they do. You are NOT nuts. Right now is not the time. Keep him home.

Dawn

No. You are not nuts.

It seems like all schools are doing this. Our school will have counselors and have an assembly so they can talk about it. They have notified us of a greater police presence in the schools.

I am really close to keeping my kids home as well. Not because they are anxious but because I read in our K.I.T. e-mail that they are going to discuss how guns are bad (they aren't in our family).

Like the news media - they are going to dramatize this so that the kids can express themselves and their feelings. I don't mind kids expressing themselves or their feelings - but it's getting a little out of hand.

Will it happen again? Probably.
Why? because there are sick people out there.

He is your son. Let him know what happened the way YOU want him to know what happened. What the school is doing, etc. to protect him and the other students...Keep it simple.

Write the school principal and tell him your concerns. It's always best to let them be known. Don't hold them in.

Follow your gut. He is your child. You know him best.

You can't shelter them, much as you'd like to. If you keep him home tomorrow, he'll just go back the next day and some other kid will say something about the kids who all got shot at school. When my daughter was in first grade, 9/11 happened - after one week of school. I didn't know that day when she got home whether to tell her about this or not. Well, it was a good thing that I did, because they spoke about it in class the next day, even in first grade. It never occurred to me they'd discuss that with six year olds. I think it's best for kids to hear things from us, but as a mom of two teens, I will tell you that your kid will find things out from other sources, things you don't realize he'll know about and this is just the first experience you have with the fact that your child has to find something out that you'd prefer he not/think he's not old enough for. But if school doesn't bring it up, some kid in your child's class will have heard his parents talking or has a 13 year old sibling who told him/her will raise their hand and tell the teacher in front of the class "Did you know some guy shot all the kids in a school?" I work in an elementary school, I've worked with kindergarteners and first graders, and this is what will happen, so your kid will hear about it no matter what. I have a friend who would love for her kindergartener not to know, but sadly, her daughter's teacher lost her son in the massacre on Friday, and the kids will have to know why Mrs Teacher will be out on a very extended leave, that her little boy died.

We talked with our kids yesterday afternoon. They are 7 (2nd grade) 6 (K) and 4.

Our school district encouraged us to talk to our children in an age appropriate manner, because if we didn't they would surely hear it from some body else.

We essentially told them something terrible had happened, someone had shot people at a school. My 7 year old asked if kids were shot. We said yes. My 4 year old asked how many, 5? We said more than 5... Then my husband assured them that the man was dead, and that our school was a safe school and that the teachers and us do our best to keep them safe.

That was the extent of our discussion. It felt ok at the time. I'm not sure if the teachers will address it tomorrow, I hope not.

J.

EDIT: After reading some of the other responses, if you really feel like you want to keep him home for a day or two, then do it. Most schools are ending classes for Winter break sometime this week anyway, so I doubt he will miss anything of academic importance. Again, I am certain that the staff will handle this as gently as possible to make sure the kids feel safe in their environment and to reaffirm that they are ok, but it is ultimately your decision to keep your child home or not.

I was a fifth grade teacher when 9/11 happened. We felt we had to address it because it was a national tragedy that everyone was talking about, much like this awful tragedy in Newtown. Obviously being 5th graders they were more aware of the situation and heard more talk among their peers, but as teachers we were still advised to focus on the safety aspect and reiterate our plans to keep ourselves safe in the event of a tornado, fire or any other threat to our safety at school rather than details of the situation that occurred.
I doubt your child's teacher will go into specifics about this situation. Schools all over the country are addressing this issue because sadly it can happen anywhere, even though it is still an unlikely occurrence. The focus is on being prepared just as we practice fire, tornado and earthquake drills on a regular basis.
You may want to contact your child's teacher and let her know your son tends to get anxious at times. He may want to visit with the school counselor if needed. I would just tell him that his class may be practicing some of their safety drills at school but they are just for practice. Remind him it is good to know what to do in a situation even if it never happens. Maybe remind him of safety plans you have devised in your home in case of fire or tornado or if he got lost somewhere. It is the same thing at school. That is what I would tell my children (ages 3.5 and 5) instead of telling them about what happened at Sandy Hook. Actually, the tv was on on Friday and my kids came through the room as the news anchor said 20 kids had died. My kids gasped and asked why they died, but I just turned off the tv and said there was an accident and left it at that. Thankfully, they didn't probe further for more details.
At any rate, I would leave it at that and then as Jo suggested be there for him after school in case he has questions about any discussions that may have come up at school. It may not even faze him. I would be very surprised if the teacher spends a lot of time talking about it-especially at the kindergarten/first grade level, other than their safety measures.
HTH,
A.

Yeah, this falls under not their place.

Exactly, what is the benefit?

No, not nuts.

I would raise holy hell as I'm sure a lot of other parents in my daughter's school community would and keep her home. Not. Their. Place.

Keep him home.

My son's school had the teachers all explain it in each classroom, friday, and then had a big assembly.

A LOT of the parents I know have kids who are falling to pieces now, and they've said "screw it!" and are keeping their kids home from school all next week / starting vacation early.

Don't get me wrong, the school handled it as sensitively as they could once they made the decision to release the info, but it created a big mess. And these are with typically "normal" / neurotypical kids... the anxiety disorder kids (I was talking with the nurse yesterday), created a bit of an emergency. She had over 20 students to get home immediately, because they were inconsolable.

The parents I know keeping their kids home next week (about 75 families) are just "not counting" it in their children's "absence #". If it becomes a problem at the end of the year, the "plan" is to either tell the school board that they can excuse the absences without penalty, or pay them all back for the lost work/ childcare / counseling telling the students without parental permission created.

My son was fine. This just doesn't affect us. But 10-15 kids in each grade / 2 or 3 out of every class, were VERY affected.

I miss homeschooling.

i don't think it's appropriate for a six year old to hear, either. mine has not been told.

it's hard to say what i'd do - i am really surprised that the school is taking it upon themselves to address it, that's not their call at all. unless they are planning on doing more drills or something, that they feel they need to explain to the kids why.

i might just have to keep him home. and i would contact the school to tell them why. discuss with them WHAT will be said to kids at your son's age level. and then maybe (because if you don't, his classmates will all know and might bring it up around him) bring it up to him in your own way. i feel the school has forced your hand, like you say. i wouldn't be happy. but if it is going to come up - better from you, imo.

my son is 6 too. ((hugs)).

No you're not nuts at all I doubt that they would go into to details with such young kids but if you feel that this is too much for him or you're not completely comfortable with someone else explaining something so tragic to him keep him home.

For my 6-year-old we practice getting low in case of a shooting, if there are bullets and bad guys. Practice being as safe as possible. The WHY just makes sense to him. Obviously if there are bad guys you need to stay safe. All I ever see 6-year-olds playing are guns anyway, so they get this.

My only issue would be with the 'why', he is going to hear about it at school. That is a given, so it's best if you talk to him first, but there is no avoiding the topic.

My kids all watched the news with me (I homeschool) That's the 11 year old, who is also extremely anxious, the 8, 6 and 3 year old. They handled it better then I thought, we have also given all of the dead names so that they never forget that behind every news story is a real person.

so if it was me, I'd be okay with the talk. I'd be okay cause it should be brought up, they should also be addressing any actions they are taking to help keep the school secure. Not just the 'why' these things happen.

I doubt they are going to go into the details. I understand the need to protect your kids from things like this but there is just no way you are going to keep it from him. At least in school he is going to get age specific. At least at school he will have his peers to work through it with.

Even if you keep him home tomorrow, within minutes of getting there Tuesday one of his friends is going to be all over, did you hear, what do you think?

I really think this is one of those things where you need to put your spin on it and then send him to school. Then when he gets home be there for his questions.

Keep him home and talk to him about it on your own terms. They may not address it the way you would and this way YOU are in control of how his questions are answered. You know they are going to hear over and over the same questions and they are not going to want to answer them in depth over and over again. They will get tired of it and won't do the job as well as you will. You know him and what he can handle.

I would be totally pissed off. I have not mentioned it to the kids and if they were going to say something to my kids I would keep them home in a heart beat. The mass emotions of those kids could be totally overwhelming to everyone, it could build and build. There will kids just sitting and crying while others are oblivious. I think it's not the schools job to introduce this.

I know kids will be talking about it but good grief. Kids need some ability to be kids and this is just too much for them to have to handle.

I did not and will not introduce this to the kids. If they ask me about it I will talk with them and hopefully they'll be able to get past it and move on.

One of my grand kids that I am raising is so sensitive she starts crying each and every time she hears that dog shelter commercial come on and that country singer start talking about animal cruelty. She cries for half an hour. She is such a sensitive soul. This would give her nightmares. She does not need those images in her mind or heart.

My grandson had his 6th birthday a couple of weeks ago and he is a bit too immature to internalize that it was kids his age that were murdered. I don't want him suddenly contemplating that he is going to die or could the next time he steps in to his classroom.

We all know that life is fleeting and short lived BUT it's one of those things that we learn over our lifetime and should not be something that a teacher or principle addresses.

I don't have a good answer for you. If I were in a similar situation, I would be tempted to do the same. Fortunately, we don't have school for the next two weeks, however, I don't think my son's school would handle it in this way.

My son has a playdate tomorrow with a child who has older siblings, so there is a chance that my five year old might hear something I would prefer him not to hear. We will address it if it comes up and reassure him.

Thanks to a previous poster for the Fred Roger link.

I know kids do need to process. A friend of ours works at a school which was near-proximity to a shooting in our area recently. They stated that the same questions were coming up every half-hour or so from the kids. (The site of the shooting was very close to the school.) When kids feel like a space is 'theirs' and there is violence, that feels like it happened at home. I know NJ is a short way from Conn, and that some parents will have been discussing this all weekend. I know my husband and I have had conversations about this all weekend in private moments to shield our son-- we don't really watch tv during the daytime, have kept the radio off and he can't read, which is a blessing for the moment. You will have to do the right thing for your family in this case.

My sister is keeping her kids home tomorrow. They are 7 and 9 and know nothing of the shooting. Keep him home tomorrow.

FYI... I am sending my 9 year old to school. The superintendent of our district is having our local police department present at all district building to ease the minds of the kids. Not sure if that is the right strategy but my daughter knows all about the shooting. She was home sick on Friday and watched the news while I was showering.

Excellent advice from Fred Rogers:

http://fci.org/new-site/par-tragic-events.html

I'll be going to the school tomorrow to see what the plan is in case of an event would happen how do they make contacts I know they have robo calling but will they also include cell phones I have both listed.Everytime I go to the school I must ring the buzzer where they can either ask who you are by mic because they have a camera right there on the buzzer then the second set of doors gets buzzed opened.My main concern is when children are walking by how & if they are able to reinforce the reminder not to open the door for the safety of you and others to let them ring the buzzer.Everyone must report to the office you get signed in if a volunteer or sign in/out your child.So no I don't mind the school speaking in an assembly teaching our children what to do in canse of an emergency I do mind if they go into detail about what happened I let my children have a good weekend they do not know but I will tell them that something happened to a school far far away form us and remind them what to do incase of an emergency happens at anytime with me or anyone else.Children will hear stuff wouldn't you rahter it be from you and your husband that way your able to reasure yor child right then and there and let them know that you will always hear things from others and to have open communication when ever they hear something they don't understand to come talk to you and you will answer the questions the beast way you can and if you don;t have the answer right then and there you will find it

You are not nuts and no parent want to shelter their child from the cold reality of the worldwe live in, but why taint the child so early with information overload that has not directly affected them. The adults and teachers should just learn from this and take precaution but not repeat the graphic info. I have a child that age as well and if I hear of them mentioning they were going to do this tomorrow, I would tell them o opt out my child. I would want him to participate inthe new drill they might implement to prepare for these things but not to hear about the news event. They need to keep things in perspective and not let this incident force them to make rash decisons.

Its still about the tender age in my opinion and they should address the inidividual child who needs answers not all.

I just ask my kid what he would do if bad guys came pounding on his door at school, he said he was told to hide, then he said but there are no monsters in the world. I said there are no monsters but there are bad guys. Immediately he paused. I asked, what are you thinking. He was afraid to say. I could see him begin to think hard about it and started to show fear. Right there is my clue he is too young to hear more than that.

Kids talk so I always find it best to discuss but if you want to lesson the blow just keep him out of school that day. We are close enough to the holidays I do not see why it would be an issue

We ended up telling our kids, 1st and 3rd grades, bc we 're afraid people will be talking at school to tomorrow. We said it rather quickly and emphasized the man is dead so can't hurt anyone else. We did it during dinner when they were kind of distracted but they heard and asked a couple of questions. That way, if they hear, maybe they will ignore it bc they figure they already now so no big deal. It seemed safer than them hearing it from someone else. You could keep your son home tomorrow but tell him briefly so he also knows what's going on and maybe won't be more curious and seek out info on Tues if people are still talking.