Another Potty Training Question - Olathe,KS

My daughter was ready at 16 months and it took a total of 2 days and she wouldn't wear a diaper. My son was not ready until he was 4. I know this is a little late, but he was not ready. They have to be able to tell you either verbally or physically or it's just going to frustrate you. It still took him a couple of weeks. I had him in an in-home daycare that believed the parents should be the "main" force in potty training. I started putting underware under his pull up. This made him feel big, but without the mess at daycare. As soon as we were home, the pull-ups came off. Eventually we just stop putting the pull-up over the underware.

I also don't want to sound harsh. But if you have to take them every 30 minutes you are not training them at all. You are only training yourself to remember to take him on the chance that he goes. When the provider is caring for multiple children, answering the phone, preparing meals, providing preschool training, taking children outside to play, sweeping the floors, changing the babies, helping the children to pick up their toys, directing free play, being a referee, and attending to anything that comes up at any time, you don't have time to play the game of hit and miss.

It is the parents job to work with them on the nights and weekends when they are the parents only priority. When the child is able to go every single time, but still will not telling the provider, you are closer. But you are still a long ways from being done. It is at that time that you make sure the provider has pull-ups and only loose fitting stretchy pants. Absolutely no suspenders, overalls, pants with zippers or snaps should be sent during training. Also, the child should be able and willing to pull down the pants, step up onto a step stool or stand on one, go either sitting on a seat or standing depending on moms preference, get the toilet paper, use the toilet paper, climb down, pull up the pants, step up on the stool, turn on hot and cold, lather up and rinse, shut off both hot and cold, pull off some paper towels from a rack that I hope is in a busy bathroom like that, and put the used paper towels in the trash. These are the steps it takes to potty and while we take them for granted, they are tough for kids at first and some don't even want to do it.

I am going to tell you the God's honest truth. If any parent EVER sat down on a sofa during an interview and it smelled like pee, they would run for the hills and probably turn the provider in to the health department. An untrained child should NEVER arrive at anyone's daycare in big boy underwear. That's why pull-ups were created. Urine and feces is dirty and unhealthy and no child should be subjected to such unsanitary conditions. We don't live in the dark ages anymore. We live in the new Millennium and thank God we do!

Potty training will take exactly how long it is intended to take. If you start before they understand, before they are ready and if your motivation is to save money on diapers, then it's going to take 6 months. If you wait until the child does understand and is able to hold it at least 1-2 hours at a time, it can take as little as one weekend. Some children don't want to train. Motivation is not something you can just buy in a bottle.

I am sure that your provider is willing to do all that she can do. If she doesn't care about soiled furniture and floors then so be it. I wouldn't use a provider that is so careless about bodily fluids. But that's the moms choice. It might go faster if the child hates the feeling of wet clothes. But I've been at this over 20 years. Most boys could care less if they are soiling themselves or the furniture.

Suzi

OK, here's one more childcare provider signing in! Once kids are two, age doesn't make much difference. The only way potty training works is if the child is ready...not the parents. So how much "hounding" are you having to do? Is it you remembering to use the bathroom & not your son????

That said, whatever happens at home, your babysitter should be willing to help. I agree that your son should be dry for you (nights & weekends) before attempting to potty train during the busy days .... it's much harder for children to train when in the middle of play! It's truly the last thing on their minds.

In today's world, way too many parents attempt potty-training at a too early age. It's either thru an attempt to economize or thru the parent's own need to move on. It is rarely at the child's request...& when very young toddlers make that request, it's thru a "need to be like Mommy/Daddy" - a whim - not a physical readiness.

As for length of training, it can take months & months! & when the daytime training is done, you'll still need to use a diaper for naptime & bedtime. It's a process, not a snap of the fingers! I sincerely wish you Peace & Patience... this is truly a trying, time-lengthy process.

Dr Phil had a show about this the other night and all the moms said it worked. They had a doll that urinated and fed it and the child with a lot of liquid, then showed the child that the doll was using the potty and celebrated it big time, then they had the child in big child underwear, they had him go to the potty which was placed in the bathroom, had him pull his underwear down and sit on the potty, then when he didnt go, he pulls up his pants and leaves the bath, doing this up to 9 times to get the child used to going in and pulling down his/her pants, the child did go, all this in one day, but he says its the child teaching the doll that makes him/her learn and after the potty event you really need to throw confetti and celebrate

From my experience with 3 kids -- wait until he is showing signs of readiness to start -- then give up your life for a week and either make him go naked or in real underwear (except naps and nighttime). Take him potty every 15-20 minutes until he gets the pee down. Reward pee with 1 m&M or small candy and poop with 5 or more (it's harder so I gave more reward plus it only happens once a day). Make a decision and stick with it for a week and your life will be easier after that! Part time didn't work for me at all, it took months and months until I just took a week to stay home with the kid and do it. Reward an all-day no accidents with a quick trip out like for ice cream cone or something. Positive re-enforcement is a key! Good luck!

Dr. Phil had a great show on potty training this week - go to his website. My son was about 2 1/2 when we started, once he could hold it 1-2 hours (with reminders and encouragement in between)I sent big boy pants and extra easy to remove shorts to the day care. He has had a few accidents but who doesn't. He is still in diapers at night and has an occasional accident. Forget Pullups, the kids know that they are just another diaper. Get all kinds of cool big boy pants - sponge bob, cars, elmo etc and let him choose. It took me, nana, and daycare about a month. And the only reward he got was a very excited "Good Boy". So good luck.

Hi, Carrie. As a day care provider,it bothers me that your provider will not take your child to the bathroom to try to potty. When potty-training starts, it is almost always NOT the child's idea. And it takes a while for the child to tell you and go on their own. I would ask the provider again to take him every hour or so. I take one child I have every 30 minutes, but he is also older and he will not be successful unless I do it this way. HOWEVER, if your child is still having accidents and you take him every 30 minutes at home, he may not be ready, and your best course will be to take him every couple hours and not make him tired of going into the bathroom. If it becomes a power struggle, he may actually have more accidents and regress so that he shows you who is in control. Make it a fun time, not a high pressure time for him to perform. Good Luck, and when you get past this,know that you have made it over a big hurdle!

I have 3 boys - 9,7 & 2 1/2 - & I tried potty training the first at 2 yrs. 9 mos. I have to say that it was a nightmare for almost a year! With the 2nd we waited until he was just past 3 & it was much easier - it only took a couple of weeks. My little one is still in diapers & I have no intention of starting the prosess for atleast 6-8 more months. I think we as moms feel the pressure from other moms & society to potty train early or at a specific age, but this is one thing you cannot force them to do. Especially with boys, I think they just don't care most of the time (there are exceptions, I realize) & they know that we care a lot! Especially if you're working and your sitter can't help, I would wait until he is able to & willing to do it on his own during the day, or until you have atleast a long weekend to spend. The only other thing I would say is that if you're having to take him every 30 minutes (& he's going that often), he may just not be physically ready. If that's the case, put hm back in diapers - it won't be nearly as hard on him as the inconsistency w/the sitter and the frustration it will cause both of you to draw it out for a long time - trust me!!
Good wishes to you!

I am not a fan of diapers while potty training but I understand when you have a sitter why that would be tough. I think if your sitter would help a little by taking him even if its not as often as you could that would help a lot. I did see an episode fo classic Dr.Phil that gave a method of potty training that supposedely only takes one day ( I would be willing to try it) You have to have a potty chair and a baby that wets and a lot of liquids/ kiddo's fave drink...its on his website if you wanted to check it out. I wish you tons of luck = )
B.

My daughter is 2 1/2 and is already potty trained so I would have to disagree with everyone who is saying he's too young. She is in daycare and they were a big help with the potty training. They would take all the kids in the potty training class to the bathroom every half hour, before and after naps and eating and going outside. The ony way you're going to get him potty trained is to work with him alot. It's much easier for him to go in his diaper because then he doesn't have to stop playing. I do agree that your babysitter should be willing to work with him the way you want her to. Are there any other kids with her that need to be potty trained? If so, she could take them all to the bathroom at the same time. The younger kids don't have to go, but they would at least be exposed to it. She might be doing their parents a favor in the long run. Besides, in my experience, it doesn't usually take any longer to take a kid to the bathroom than it does to change a diaper, feed a baby or clean up a child who's had an accident.

Have you tried rewarding your son when he goes? If your sitter can't take him to the bathroom as much as you would like, maybe she would agree to give him stickers or something when he goes. Maybe that would be incentive for him to start trying to go on his own or tell her when he needs to go.

Good luck!

Carrie,
From my experience, your son is a little young to be training. It is all about when they are ready. My son was 3 and 1/2 and had numerous accidents along the way. My Daughter was 2 years 5 months and we took the pullup off and she never had 1 accident and just took herself to the bathroom. I never had to ask her -- she would just go. If they aren't ready it is really frustrating for both of you. You might want to consider waiting. Most boys are closer to 3 before they are trained and some girls too.

Im sorry if this sounds a little harsh, but as a "child care provider" I think that should be something they have to deal with as well. Its not going to work if hes only going on the potty at home. I would practice more at home, and once hes able to wear big boy underwear at home, he should do that at the sitters house as well. They have to work with him. Once that time comes, I would send him to the sitters in big boy underwear and pack a couple extra outfits. Accidents WILL happen, anywhere and everywhere. Maybe if hes wearing big boy pants, your sitter will take more intiative to take him potty. If hes in diapers, legally, child care providers have to change their diapers at least every two hours, so why not take him potty instead?? If shes not willing to do this, maybe you have to wonder how long he sits in a dirty diaper.
Im sorry if this sounds a little bitchy, but you are paying this person to take care of your child, so they should!
It sounds like hes doing great at the potty training, it probably shouldnt take 6 months. Good luck!

Does you sitter have other kids who are potty trained? If so have her take him everytime the "big" kids go potty. That's what our daycare would do. They had potty times and all kids who were in the process of training or who were trained went to the potty (they could also go when every they needed to). But times like before they eat, before nap, after nap they would all go in and sit on the potty and wash hands. Hounding him is not going to get him to go potty. Work with him but at some point something is just going to click with him and he'll be done with diapers. You may want to put him in pull ups that way while at the sitter he has on his "big boy" pants. This helped with my oldest but not my youngest. She just looked at me when I asked why she peed in her panties and told me they wern't panties they're pull-ups. But there will come a point when he's close, when they do ask and know that they need to go on the potty that you can just say were done with diapers (while awake) and it's only real underware. We did that and both of mine were broke in a week. Also keep in mind that a lot of kids are not really trained until they are almost 3 or even over 3. My oldest was just about 3 (like just a couple of weeks) and still had some poopy accidents and my youngest was a couple of months before 3 years old. Good luck!

You have to get the babysitter to support you in the way your are doing things. Consistency is the only way this will work. The on again off again diaper wearing will only confuse your child. #2 may take awhile and that is typical, especially with boys (he may even ask to be put back in a diaper for comfort) Tell her you know it's time consuming but ask if she could set a timer and take him every 20 minutes or so, send several sets of extra clothes, and just have her bag the wet ones for you to wash at the end of the day. This should help the process along and not make it a long-term project:-) Good luck!

Hello Carrie,

I have a program that we used on our son that works in as little as three days. I can testify that is works. You can start on Fri. and be done by Sun. If you'd like the info. please send me your email address because the program is in PDF format. ls

Hang in there does not get easy thats for sure. Xavier is now almost 4 an the no. 2 end was no picnic, you have to wait until he is ready as the more you try to force the less he will want to go. Xav just decided all on his own that he would do no. 2 in the potty. We went straight from pullups to big boy underwear. Godd ol grandma hit the brainstorm of telling him to see if he could hit the man in the hole, but then also like your saying you have to keep asking do you need to potty an keep taking him in to the potty. Good Luck .