My daughter attends a fantastic school, which I love. The teaching staff is excellent, the admin is easy to work with and very kind and caring. It's not a private school, it is public, and it's student body is diverse in cultural make-up. Most of the parents I have been in contact with are kind and considerate and seem to have a more laid-back attitude typical to So Cal. That said, there is one woman who's daughter "Gina" is in the same class as my child with whom I just really have a hard time with. Our daughters are friends, and her little girl is very sweet and friendly, so I was shocked when I finally met her rather snotty mother. She always has some snide or cutting remark about this person or that person, the teaching staff, even some of the kids themselves. She even made a racial slur about a mom who was pregnant with her fourth child, to the effect that "that race" has so many babies to populate America so "they" don't have to "go back home"! All this she has said under the guise of "confidentiality", and over the space of several months. I generally try to avoid her when I see her coming, because the things she says really bothers me, and I don't want to get into a confrontation right there on the lawn of my kids school. My contact with her is brief enough that it just wouldn't be worth it to me. Until...
Our children recently had a play-date at another classmate's house, and Gina's mother offered to pick up my daughter and drive her home. I politely demurred, saying that I lived very near and had just planned to walk over to get my girl. She seemed to accept this readily, and that was the end of that, yes? No. She apparently told the classmate's mother that I was terribly rude to her on the phone and practically hung up on her. She also told her that I lived in a " trashy dump" and that she would NEVER allow her "precious child" to play at my house, and that I had been "embarrassingly persistent" in inviting Gina over, to the point that she "felt she had to avoid me". She also said that it "made her uncomfortable". ((Allow me say here that once, two months ago, we did issue an invitation to Gina to play at our apartment but Gina's mother told us that they were busy that day. I had felt at the time that there was something more to it, an undercurrent, and haven't reissued the invite.)) The other mother she "reported" all of this to happens to be a good friend of mine, and felt compelled to tell me. I know that it sounds so H.S. and that I should just let it slide, but it really made me mad! I want to confront her, but I don't want to cause any embarrassment to my daughter or "start drama". Oh, but I am just so mad!!! How should I handle this? Let it go, or tell her that I am aware that she is talking about me and that I really don't appreciate it? What would you do?
Let it slide. If you don't you may make your daughter miserable and uncomfortable and you don't want that, right? By ignoring her silly comments you are being the bigger person. Why stoop to that level?
Well I think that I personally would handle it like this. Choose to ignore this foul gossip. Your daughters are in school and so they will have contact still. You can always keep the invitation out there for her child to come to your house but not the other way around. As a child I had quite a few close friends that I never went to thier house. If there becomes a problem and you need to confront this mother be sure and take the high road. No insults or gossiping behind her back. Just let her know you do not appreciate her comments about others and are sure that she has said plenty about you to others and you do not wish to take part in the immaturity. In the long run I think there is no real problem for your child if you have no contact with her friends mother. Just be sure their interaction is limited. I don't think you need to worry about the other parents from your childs school. I am sure they all see who this woman is and how she behaves as well. I hope this helps some. Good luck and take care
I'm sorry you are going through that, it is really sad how immature "grown women" can be. I find that there are a lot of moms like that, how do you think the teenage girls grow up to be drama starting mean girls, the ones that are so mean to our girls (I have a teenage daughter and she's contantly subjected to drama starting mean girls at school), 9 times out of 10 the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
While the mature thing to do would be to confront the person like an adult, you aren't dealing with maturity, so she'll lkely somehow turn that around on you as well.
If you are like me, however, and are inclined to say something to her, the next time she's talking bad about other people, as nicely as possible say to her, you know, I'm just not inclined to listen to you talk badly about others. I don't happen to agree... and by the way, it makes me wonder what you say about me when I'm not around. Then, politely as possible, excuse yourself to go talk to someone else, or carry on about whatever you are doing.
If that doesn't get the point across, it's a lost cause. Other than that, I agree, be your kind wonderful self around the other nicer moms and they'll see who's the wolf and who's the sheep.
Wow! Some people just have no clue that they are the way that they are. She probably has some very deep self esteem issues. I guess you can try to find solace in knowing that you do not have her disheartening issues.
I would definitely approach her...that is...as soon as you are calm and don't really expect anything out of her other than her snide self in return. If anything, I think it would show your daughter a good lesson in life. If any drama comes of it with your daughter, just make sure you tell yourself that the drama is not from you, but from the other mother. You can't let yourself be walked on either. You need to show your daughter that you are of worth. It doesn't mean you have to get into a fight by any means. You just need to make your feelings known.
Good luck!
Hi J.,some woman just like to create drama because thats all they have in their life.they think this is the only way they think they can make friends.but really it makes them look bad because when they keep going from mother to mother the other mothers start seeing a pattern then they start doing the same thing avoiding and guess who has no one in the end the trouble maker. i would continue doing what you do keep smiling when you see her give her eye contact even say hi she will think what is she up to because if she see's that you are reacting she will continue. so when she see's that it doesnt effect you she will move on because now you are not playing her game the way she wanted it to go.trust me it works and it happened to me and it worked.as for your daughter if she askes why she cant play with the other girl just explain its what her mother wants and just get her to persue new friends. but when they are at school i am sure they will still play together.its sad that even as adults there are bullies.and dont feel like you have to explain anything to anyone about what happened.just say i dont know whats going on with her and leave it at that. good luck.she will need it.haha
Goodness, it is good to know that I am not the only mother who has to deal with mothers like that! My 9 year old daughter is adopted and I'm only 24 years old, so I've learned how to deal with plenty of the snotty attitudes. Some mothers appear to find that the only way they can make friends is to make other mothers look bad. Yes it does sound just like high school doesn't it? However there is one major difference now, how you handle this will affect your daughter. While you may want to confront her, it isn't going to help anyone. Simply put your best face forward, and prove to everyone that she is wrong simply by being the kind, caring mother that you know you are. If nothing else get involved with school activities, and then the other mothers will have the chance to get to know you, and your good name will restore itself.
