Another Child Has Died, What Can We Do?

I remember when my daughter was two weeks old, I was driving to my follow up dr appointment deep in thought and until she made a little noise that startled me back to reality--I completely forgot she was with me. It scared me to death that I could completely forget she was with me. As soon as I got home, I called her daycare provider to ask her to please call me or my husband if my daughter did not show up to daycare if we did not call in advance of the absence. My daughter is now 4.5 and I have never forgotten her being in the car but am super worried all the time.

My answer echos Love My Boys. I just don't understand. I'm not trying to be judgemental, but I don't understand, and I hope I never do.

I don't know how to prevent this. I only know how to grieve it happening. Last summer, after hearing about a few babies who died from being forgotten in a hot car, I got in my car and sat in the heat as long as I could, and bawled for the babies who get forgotten.

It's a great question, L.. Do you have any ideas to help prevent it?

People need to slow down and get their priorities right. I know that they would do it over in a heartbeat. But there's no excuse for it.

Usually these accidents occur when a parent is stressed, when there is a change in routine (maybe dad vs mom drops kid off) and then the baby drops off and is quiet so they forget.

A tip I was given was to put something YOU NEED like your purse or lunch or briefcase in the back next to the child. That way if you forgot daycare, you have to get your bag and will see your child in the seat.

It happens Love My Boys <3. And there is nothing anyone can say that will make those parents feel worse than they already do. I know the story of one of these people, and there but for the grace of God go we.

These are profoundly heartbreaking stories. Likely none of US are nearly as heartbroken as the parent whose 'bad parent moment' (and we've all had them) turned out to be deadly. I'd imagine there is no real way to move on with your life after letting such a thing happen to your own child by virtue of a simple mistake.

Until parents are perfect, these kind of things will happen. Hopefully few and far between.

Bleck.

:(

I know this sounds completely awful and will probably get yelled at, but HOW do you FORGET that your child is in the backseat?? I dont understand that! Maybe I havent been a mother for long enough but forgive me for being shocked.

That is terrible that these children died because of being forgotten in the backseat.

I am also sorry, I have no idea how to prevent these accidents. Maybe putting a mirror back there to see them or put a sticky note on the dashboard???

I always put my purse, laptop bag, etc. in the back seat just in case. I would hope that I would never be so distracted or tired that I would forget to drop my child off at daycare ALL DAY. But I do know that in my more tired moments (when the kids were just babies) I did have one time where I drove to work, looked up and there was my little one, cooing away in his car seat. It was terrifying to know that if I had been running on auto pilot, I might have gotten out the car and left him there.

When we've gotten out of our routines, both my husband and I have done things like gone to the wrong place to drop off or pick up a child, or thought the other one was picking up until we got a call from daycare (or a parent on the lacrosse field wondering who left their kid there). Just last week my husband, who normally doesn't do the morning routine, brought our 5-year-old to daycare instead of pre-school. My son had to tell him that he was in the wrong place. A couple of months ago, my husband had to leave early for work and was so focused on getting out the door in time (he didn't tell me that he was leaving early) that he didn't realize that I was dropping the older kids off at school so he left our 5 & 7 year olds home alone for a few minutes without knowing it. So I can see how a tired parent who is out of routine can have something awful happen and needs a foolproof way to remember. For me, the purse or bag in the backseat is always my routine so that helps, but some kind of alarm built into a car seat would be a wonderful idea.

I'm not an inventor, but it seems to me carseats could have a temperature alarm that is triggered when the seat is buckled and exceeds safe temperatures. Loud enough to get attention. If you have OnStar, it could be connected to that. Anyone an engineer that can figure that one out? Then you can go on Shark Tank and sell the patent.

And let's be honest.... there are parents who forget, and then there are parents who think "It's fine. I'm just running into the store." Then they run into people they know, have to use the bathroom, the lines are longer than they anticipated..... A reminder to busy parents is great, but some sort of fail-safe for negligent parents is needed as well.

what the hell is with all these "put your blank in the back seat so you remember your kids"?!!???! are you kidding me? How in the WORLD could you ever forget that your children are in the car with you?
I'm sorry- but if you forget, just ONCE that your child is in the car with you when you are driving, you do not deserve to have children. They should be the focus of your life, not some accessory that you accidentally leave in the car when you are going to the mall.... jeez.
I honestly can't believe this. It's just horrible. those poor babies :(

this isn't directed at the OP but at the people who say "yah, I put my purse in my backseat so I remember my child". good lord.

i have forgotten alot of things..
where i parked my car
my coat
my lunch
even my shoes.. once
but, i have never forgotten my baby
well educated with a nice home and a great job,
doesnt instantly make you a great parent
more later, toddler at keyboard
K. h.

It is mind blowing to me, how a parent can 'forget' their child is in the back seat of a car.

And for 8 hours????
How can that happen?

I do not know, how to make a parent 'remember' their child is in the car, too.

Public Service Awareness campaigns, can help.
Put on per each State.

Well, I put my purse in the back seat so I do not "forget" to get my kid out of the car ... so he is my "Purse Protector!"

Wake up and smell the coffee!!! How do you "forget" your child is in the backseat? Maybe instead of worrying about what's going on at the office they should shut the phone off and pay attention that a helpless little baby is with them.

As sad as this is, we need to install alarms into car seats that maybe have a weight-altered alarm when the car is turned off. It could respond with bluetooth or something. Studies show that when a kid is left in a car it is by someone who has a very busy life, but one filled with routine. The child is usually left in the car on the one day that breaks the routine. This tell me me that these moms/dads are on auto-pilot and something must be loud or annoying in order to shake them out of it.

I mean if we can install seatbelt reminder alarms, we need to start looking into this also.

and for the record i dont really get this either, but im not over-extended. I pace my life so that my kids can come first. I cant really put myself in the shoes of a woman who cannot put hers first... for many reasons. Im going to try not to judge.

Okay excuse my language because I normally find it very offensive and rude when people cuss but...

How in the hell can someone forget they have their child in the car with them?

I like what AV said about how these parents were overstressed and/or had a change in routine. I have never done this, but I have had times when my son was not in the car b/c and I'd see the empty seat and for a second think omg! Why is the seat empty? Then I remember oh yea he's at Grandma's or where ever. I think these parents had a fail in their busy lives that ended up into a nightmare. I like what other posters have said about putting something like your purse in the back.

On a whole different side I HATE it when I see parents who have intentionally left their child in the car. One time I went to pick my son up from school and there was a toddler asleep in a car. I know that it's a pain to drag in your sleepy toddler, but what about if the child/car was stolen or the car got too hot? Even if it takes me longer I always make my son come in with me even if I'm going in to pay for gas. (although pay at the pump is wonderful!!!)

Liisa G. did you honestly say " Isn't it always people who leave their kids in daycare?" How dare you imply that if a person puts their child in daycare they are a bad parent who puts their child in danger. What is wrong with you? That is so incredibly offensive and rude (not to mention ignorant)! Your entire post was so judgmental - you need to get off your high horse. You have absolutely no right to judge anyone if you do not know their personal situation.

I'm with the other mom... How do you FORGET about your child? I have alot going on every day, but I don't think I could EVER forget my child was in the car with me.

Maybe a mirror would help, or put the diaper bag in the front seat so you see it?

It is sad and tragic that this is even an issue.

I don't know if it's marketed yet, but there is a gadget that you put in the car seat with a link to your keychain. If you leave your child in the car it will beep if you get too far away. They say to leave a stuff animal in the car seat as a reminder, I don't know if that will work. I have my daughter in the middle seat with a mirror in the front that allows me to see her, but I check her car seat every time I drive or park, even when I know she's not with me.

I know it is completely heartbreaking. I can't even read the stories, it messes me up. The way that I make sure I won't is I put all of their sippy cups/snacks and diaper bags on the passenger seat when i am driving. My kids are loud and funny so I know I wouldn't ever forget they are in the car-but I am so anal about this to make sure without a doubt that I always know where my kids are. Car, house, wherever.

M

The only thing we can do is be those parents that other parents sometimes really can't stand.

I'm one of those parents. When someone leaves their baby in the car because they can't be bothered to take them into the neighborhood Starbucks while they run in for their latte, I'm the person who waits by the car to make sure the parent comes out. Then, when I am glared at, I just smile and say "You know, I always get nervous when I see a baby/little one in the car and I don't see a parent."

When we see a child unattended in a car, we should be willing to be the 'bad guy' and stick around, ask the store to page the parent (car description and license plate is all that's needed) or call the police if it's been 'too long' or the child runs a risk of overheating.

Unless a device is built into seatbelts and carseats which will cause the keychain (with the alarm/lock device) to start beeping loudly if a seatbelt/carseatbelt remains buckled for more than five minutes after the car is locked, this will likely happen again. Expensive technology, too. I think just a habit of checking the car every time should be enough. Rearview mirrors should work for this, right? Ultimately, these parents are distracted.

When we have to put our kids in daycare so we can have nice homes, etc. it is a sad day. When I saw the list on TV last night about putting your purse, cell phone, laptop, etc. in the back seat to remind you of your child, I was just sick. When parents and caregivers remembers the purse or cell phone before they remember their child, it is time to slow down and reevaluate their life. Isn't it always people who leave their kids in daycare? We had nothing when I stayed home with my kids. We had to give up all the extras but I never was so distracted that I forgot my kids.

So yeah, those are great ideas, put your fancy I-phone with all the Internet capabilities, your I-pad, your I-pod, your laptop, a picture of your nice home and cars, your nice shoes (all of them), your extra clothes, your purses (all of them), your receipts from eating out, the excessive toys you buy your kids (from the guilt of leaving them at daycare), your subscriptions to the latest TV, radio, video games, apps, etc. next to your child in the back seat. Make sure your child knows what is so important that you might forget about them.

Sorry, I am just angry...

This is so beyond horrible, like I can hardly handle thinking about it, it just rips your heart out. I have heard some groups that deal with child safety say to always have a teddy bear in the front seat when you are alone with a child/ren in the back seat. That way you will see the bear and always know that children are with you. I seriously prayed and just asked God to slow me down enough to never forget a child was with me. If anyone else has my child I always put a call in about the time they should arrive wherever and ask if my boy(s) arrived fine and just ask how everyone is doing. I know it is easy to get flustered so I just try to SLOW down always when I am with my kids. It is already burning hot here so I think about this alot and I take a proactive approach so no-one who takes them that is not with them a lot will ever forget either. Seriously, how would you ever get over something like that?? So sad about that poor baby.....

So sad.

I often asked myself how in the world someone could forget their child was in the backseat. I simply cannot judge these other parents or speculate as to how it could happen.

I love the alarm and mirror ideas.

Although I wouldn't consider day care providers responsible perhaps they should call parents if the child does not arrive at the usual time. Of course that would also mean parents calling the day care if they are running late. Really the more hands that are on the problem the less chance it will happen.

I live in AZ so I understand. We have that happen on occasion here but more are pool drowning. It infuriates me! I remember hearing a heartbreaking story of a mom who had this happen to her (forgetting her child in the car) and I just remember thinking how devastating it must be. Anyway, I don't have any answer or advice, only that I agree and wish there could be something done. xoxo

We had a 6 month old here in New Braunfels die in a car back in March. It was barely 80 degrees. I too have a hard time imagining forgeting that my child is in the car. I have had mirrors on back seats and an extender on my rearview mirror as well. My son is two and we are always talking to each other. I think that parents need to not be burried in their cell phones, radio, coffee, whatever else is distracting and just pay attention. I even tend to check other cars that I see car seats in just to make sure that they are empty.

Everyone in Austin is devastated I think. Advice I have read is to put your purse, or whatever you need for the day in the back seat with the child. These things seem to happen when it is a change in the usual schedule, like the parent who normally doesn't drop off the child at daycare is doing it and forgets the child is in the car. Anything you can do to have a major reminder would do it I would think. Maybe putting on kiddy music instead of your usual drive time radio would help, or a toy dangling from the rear view mirror. They said on the news that this is the fourth child to die this year, and its only May.

I always check the back seat even when I know I don;t have them with me. i have just made it a habit and think everyone should once a child is born--or you are a caretaker. I even check the seat when we get in the car to make sure everyone taht should be is present. I have found myself checking the back seat when my little one is with daddy.

How many children have to die before people will learn!!! So senseless. I understand being in a hurry, being stressed but to forget about your child in the backseat?? I too, don't understand. Like Leslie said, something needs to be invented. Maybe like what she said or maybe something that is connected to the carseat buckle and connected to the doors. If a door is opened and then closed (while the buckle is still fastened) some mechanism within the door frame will set off a chain of events, like a siren (car alarm siren), lights flashing, horn honking etc. Soon after the door is closed (not right away - to give the parent time to open the back door) but soon afterwards in order to catch the parent prior to going in a building. And if still going off after a period of time it notifies the people at onstar. Make sense??? hmmmmm.....with all the technology out there you would think something like this could be done.

I work at a University and this happened here, in fact, right below my office in my parking lot. Dad was supposed to take baby to infant care on campus but it was out of his routine (mom always did it). He was distracted and forgot baby in the backseat. Baby was discovered by dad at lunch time, when he went to his car to go get lunch. It was summer here in So Cal, and baby was already gone. I will NEVER forget his distress. This special baby was conceived after 6 long years of trying everything they could to get pregnant. It was terribly, terribly heartbreaking.

I just found this online; I'm sure there are other devices available. The purse/briefcase in the backseat is also a good idea.
Child minder gadget: http://www.babyalert.info/index.php?main_page=index&amp;c...

When my first child was 3 weeks old, my husband and I forgot him in the car. We were talking, got out of the car, went into a store, and didnt realize what we had done for about 10-15 minutes. It was 100 degrees outside, and wonderfully, blessedly, my son was still cool and sleeping in his carseat.

We hadnt been sleeping much and had, for whatever reason, forgot we brought him with us. My mom was cooking dinner at our house and I was sort of thinking we had left him with her.

It was crazy because one of my biggest fears when I was pregnant was that I would forget him in the car.

After that, I put his picture on the center of both of our steering wheels and a little piece of tape saying "Don't forget the baby!" on the door.

I, too, feel devastated anytime I hear these stories - because I know it COULD have been my baby.

ps - we were not fancy people with iphones and expensive things that dont value our children - just tired and distracted parents of a newborn.

I agree w/several postes - put your purse, cell, laptop, briefcase, whatever in the back floorboard or seat!

Child died here just a couple days ago - story lends itself to saying that the child had been left in the car for HOURS at the apt complex - and some saw him as early at 9-10 am but pulled out of car at 3pm!!! OMG! Also suggested that the woman had done this before -- GGRRR!!! - but you know where she is now, so maybe she won't have as much access to her drugs.

In mind there is NO EXCUSE.How can you forget that you have your own flesh in blood with you.I put my purse & reusuable bags in the back seat floor or in the trunk so I can see them in their carseats.
Last summer or the summer before I seen a commercial to raise awarness for this very thing forgetting children in the car & the parent gets a phone call the dad finally remembers he forgot his child ran to the car she was dead he ____@____.com was only aired twice after that it was never aired again it did make me cry.But I wish they would bring it back again.

Baby doll in the front seat next to you whenever the baby is in the back seat. You look over before you get out of the car and the baby doll reminds you of baby in back.
When the car seat is empty, put doll in the car seat until baby goes back into it.

I always keep something I need in the backseat with my children. I usually use my purse because, I usually need it wherever I go. I just put it back on the floor so the kids can't get into it. It's a simple way for me to remember, not that I would miss their hooting and hollering, but I trained myself when I had my first so this very thing wouldn't happen. Now that I have 2 kids, I'm glad I established a habit early for myself as not to forget them in the car.

I have never done this, but I have sometimes checked 5 times in one trip to see if my child is really back there and not left behind (and no, I've never left one behind).....but of the millions of kids in the country, I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often. Sad but true.

I really do not understand HOW a parent can forget they have their child with them......I know accidents happen......but still. How devastating for that parent. I could not imagine the guilt. :( Poor sweet baby must have been so scared. I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old and I could not imagine my life without them.

That is so horrible. I don't understand how parents can forget about their child, but apparently it happens a lot because you hear of these cases every summer. There was an incident back in my home town last summer, where a women dropped her older child off at daycare, then forgot to drop off her 5 month old son at his daycare. Why she remembered to drop the older one off and not the younger one, I have no idea, she had to have been horribly distracted about something is the only thing I can think of. She drove to work, parked, and went into work forgetting the baby. She didn't realize she has left him until she went back to her car at 5pm at the end of the day, by then it was too late. It was absolutely horrible, I just couldn't imagine discovering something like that, and having to live with that guilt for the rest of my life.They were a nice family, well educated. The father of the baby worked with my dad.

my wonderful daycare (when my kids still went ) would call me when we were running unusually late or if i did not show up after 9 am. i think all daycares should call the parent by that time. even if they went to work at seven am i would think the car would not get hot enough by that time?!?! i am not trying to put it on the daycare at all but that is one step that will help save a little life!

also check the seats every time. just like putting the car in park. just give a quick look every time. even if the seats are empty. i did this for a long time. even knowing i never put the kids in the car when i went somewhere.

So very tragic.
I never forgot a kid in the backseat so I don't know how that could happen, but apparently it does.
Gosh, where I live in California, it's only 50 today. I can't imagine it so hot a baby could die in the car.
I like the idea of keeping your purse or wallet in the backseat by the baby so in order to get one, you have to get the other.
Attach a wrist harness to yourself and the carseat?
I just don't know how this could happen. It's so sad.

Well the experts say to put something in the back seat next to the child such as a briefcase or a purse. Im sad that this happens often and other then a couple of tips theres not much that we can do but pray that it will stop. I am truely sorry that this happens..... i cant believe that people forget their kids! I could never forget my two daughters EVER! I love them more then anything or anyone. They are the most important people to me ever...i hope this stops....God Bless

women can put their purse in the back seat next to the child. They will always remember their purse . For men I'm not sure.

I've never forgotten my child...ever. I wonder if that well educated parent ever forgets a cell phone or to record their favorite program on TV. Poor child.

Well, HONESTLY people are so damn pre-occupied with themselves and are incapable of constantly putting anyone ahead of ...themselves. A dedicated parent who PARENTS is the remedy. I'm a stay at home mom of four, I do take care of myself enough to take care of my children and husband, but never do I put myself first. they are my responsibility, and I don't think of one thing ahead of them. It comes naturally to me, as it should any parent. That is our job until they become capable of caring for themselves. period.

This is terrible, poor little angels.
I have hard to see how possible they forgot their kids, I do have bad memory and I have lost my keys/wallet more times than I wish, but I can't imaguine forgetting my kids.
I would like that when your carseat gets too hot it would start beeping or even better if could send a reminder to your phone, but I guess we are not that close of that to happen =0(
Maybe a talk reminder in your keys that would tell you : Have you take your kids?
The most realistic one I can think is that if any body sees a baby/kid unattended in a car to call 911 inmidiately.