Anger Issues..

Very often, children as young as your son display this type of anger because they are unable to articulate frustration. You may want to have him evaluated and can probably start with his school psychologist. Sometimes, it may be as simple as identifying an area that he faces challenges in, which you may not even be aware of.

If that is the case, it can often be remedied by having certain support or accomodations provided for him at school. Experiencing success in an area that he struggles will lessen his frustration, and the need to act out.

I also have a son that has anger managment issues...I have realized with him that he needs to feel completely secure in his home environment...like setting boundries..setting schedules and spending quality time with him..remember all behavior is motivated and sometimes anger is just another form of fear. Try setting boundries with him and some sort of schedule..also try to not be reactive to his tantrums but to talk to him very matter of factly...it is a work in progress but if consistant it gets better... also I have tried some omega 3.6.9 oils with him as a supplement you can get these at the health food store..this helps to regulate the seretonin levels in the brain to result in more of a calm and consistant flow of mood swings..hope this helps

Well, since your son knows that if he acts this way he'll get what he wants, guess what he's going to do? He's going to keep doing it? Deep down I know you know this. So be a parent and stop worrying about if your kid likes you every moment. As long as you are not unnessesarily mean you are not going to damage your relationship with your son. In fact, by allowing this behavior and allowing him to run the house you are doing more damage. Kids need boundaries and limits, and they are built to test those limits, but they still need them. So you have to stick to your guns. If he doesn't get what he wants, explain to him why, and then ignore his reaction. If you really want to nip the behavior in the bud you could also put him in time out if he speaks to you in a way you consider inappropriate, but it is not necessary. You are not a bad parent just because your 7 year old gets angry at you, but you are at risk of becoming one if you let him run the household.

I really encourage you to look into child led play therapy. I don't live in your area so I can't recommend anyone to you but I can give you a website that may lead you in the right direction. SDPLAY.ORG. A good play therapist will be able to work with your child in a way that allows for expression of emotion but alters behavior. They can also assess for specific diagnosis and in MOST cases, their is no diagnosis, only underlying, mismanaged anger, sadness, etc.

The thing is, in life, he will get angry. We all do, but how we manage our anger is what is important.

It can't feel good at all to hear these things from your son who you love so much, but he also can't rule the house with his outbursts. He needs your strength and maybe with a little extra support can help he and the family learn how to work together.

Best to you,

Jen

I'm sorry to hear about this and I know how upsetting it can be. Of course you're not a horrible mother ;-) this is just what angry children say - all over the world!

Never the less

''my husband and I just let him do what he wishes so he WONT get angry''

This is the WORST thing you can do!

You may need professional support for a while to know how else to cope with this as a couple - and (basically) how to stand up for yourself, stop being manipulated, and tell him to 'stick a sock in it'!
He better not dare speak to you like that once you stop letting him rule the roost and start
a) ignoring the tantrums and insults and doing what YOU think is best without watching him for reactions
b) punishing him when it goes to far

... because if this goes on, guess what?

He will become an abusive man.

''My mother in law thinks that if we have another child his temper will mellow down and his attitude will change.''

What possible basis does she have for making a statement like this?
I'm positive one thing that will be true - you will have less energy and motivation to deal with him when you have your hands full with a sleepless baby.

Really, get some PROFESSIONAL advice. GOOD LUCK!

;-)

Hi A.,
First of all you have not failed as a mother! I too have a 7 year old and One thing I noticed this year was that he had a harder time adjusting to school then he did last year. Maybe its the combination of them wanting to be more independent but not quite grow up which then causes the acting out. When my son seems angry and frustrated I ask him what happened at school to make him act like that. Usually he'll get shy and say everything was fine, then about five mins. later he comes to tell me the problem.
What ever you do dont let him do what he wants. Your the parents and he needs to understand that. I tell my son that if he wants to boss me around and tell me what to do then he can go out and get a job, pay his own bills...etc. He usually tells me he's sorry for the way he acts.
Also remember that when something changes for them they will test you because thats the only way they can have control over something.
hope this helps and good luck:D

I thought for sure you were describing my 7 year old. I have the very same issues.My son has been diagnosed with ADHD and Bi-polar disorder.I had him on medication for a few months and he actually became more violent and out of control.I was taking him to counseling too but the psychiatrist wouldn't see him anymore after i took him off the medication.I don't have a solution for you but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. Just take it one minute at a time.

I don't have much advise, really none because my son is only 17 months and has some horrible anger issues. He throws things, hits is head on the nearest object around him, hits his dad or me... I've done things from "love taps", time-outs, and just plain ol' letting him have his way. But I don't think I could do it 6 more years like this. So please, what ever professional help/mamasource help you get, let me in on. Good luck.

I have a little girl in my life (1/2 sister to my Daughter)who sounds to be the same. She feeds off of others when they display "fear" (for lack of a better word) or anger toward her it is almost like she acts the way she does to see what will happen. Her Mother like you lets her get away with everything because she does not want to invoke an outburst...it has only gotten worse and she is only 5! She is a very smart little girl and knows that her Mother will give in (like usual) so she throws the fit until she gets what she wants. I sit and watch her minipulate her mother. When she is with me I do not let her come "unglued" around me. If she does not like my answer or what have you and decides she wants to "pitch a fit" I tell her that I think she needs some alone time, walk her into a room (saying as little as possible) sit her on the bed and tell her that her behavior hurt my feelings and when she can talk to me with respect she can come out. She usually yells and crys for a bit even throwing things at times but adventually she calms down comes out and tells me she is sorry. I say thank you and explain to her that she can not talk to me like that or she will go into the room everytime. I try to talk to her about the situation making sure to let her know that it is not ok to act that way even though she did not get what she wanted. She still acts up but she knows that I wont listen to it so when I get up to take her back to the bedroom she usually says Im sorry right away and changes her behavior. I really think its all about pacients and sticking to your consiquence. If you need to walk away and let him through a fit then so be it! Tell him I will not talk to you until you calm down and DONT TALK TO HIM! It does work they hate it if they are not getting a reaction out of you (thats my opinion). Don't let his behavior run your household. I understand that it is more dificult in public...he is old enough now to understand "You can not go because I don't know if you are going to throw a fit". If he does not get to participate in things becuase of his behavior I think that will detor the outbursts. I don't know if I have helped at all and my family is nowhere near perfect but staying calm and talking about things seems to be the key for us. Good luck, stay strong and remember you are the parent and are incharge of the situation.

Peace~Love~Light
V.

Hi A., I am no expert, but you are enableing his hehavior by doing noting. He know he can make you feel bad and get his way by saying your bad parents. You and your husband are the adults, and you are being out smarted by a seven year old. You both better take control now, because just think how hard it will be when he is 13, and trust me 13 is just around the corner...