An Unkempt Toddler

I would be honest in regards to her diaper area but also be "tackful". I would just let them know that when You were changing her today you noticed...a smell, redness, etc. and that you wanted to point it out to them so that the proper meds could be applied or maybe an appointment with her Dr. could be made if it continues. You might also ask how they feel about you giving her a bath to ease any soreness in the area. As far as "Spruing her up" that could be a more touchy subject.
I think it is up to you to be honest about how you have cared for her or any concerns you have regarding her during the time she is in your care! Just approach it as you would want to know if it were your child but make sure you deliver the information as want you have noticed and not what they aren't doing!
Good Luck!

As a Mom of two boys in daycare, I would want to know if any of the teachers noticed something wrong in that "area" or any other area. I think you can mention that you noticed when you were changing her that it seemed to be a little irritated/red. Again, I would want to know if any of the teachers noticed that with the boys.

As for being unkept...that's more touchy. It's sad to even read your post, actually. Maybe (since it's summer), you can do some water activities and then get her in the bath after. You can say that she got muddy from the sprinkler or something? But, I can't really see a way of saying something without really causing an issue.

I feel for the little girl, though. It breaks my heart.

As you know, all of this is a touchy subject. No one wants to be told how to parent, let alone have it pointed out that they are not parenting well. The way that I see it, you could either try mentioning things by talking about articles that you read in parenting magazines and maybe then giving them the articles to show them what you read. If you do this, I would encourage you to keep it limited but have it include fun facts or something so that it's not entirely focused on your point. Or you could be blunt and say that you are concerned that her "diaper area" seems to have a smell, that in your experience, makes you concern that maybe she has an infection or could get one and that the best way to prevent infections is A, B, and C.

I would not mention that it's directly her vagina as the parents may feel like you are too "close" to the situation and become concerned.

This is a tough situation. You sound like a great babysitter. I hope that you find something in your request that can help.

Good luck.
N.

Why do you need to spruce her up? Is she dirty? If she is dirty I would just make it a habit to wash her hands and face when she comes in the morning.Actually it is not a bad habit to get into with all the children in your care. If her hair is not brushed ask the parents to bring a hair brush that you could use. I would tell them it is for after nap. As for clothing unless the clothing is dirty I would not say a thing. They may dress her in "Play" clothes when she is with you. As for the diaper area you need to be very careful on how you approch this. Maybe the next time you notice she has a rash and needs some cream, just tell them and also ask them to bring some diaper cream for you to use during diaper changes. I am assuming she's still in diapers.
Sometimes no matter how hard the parents try they are just over stressed and we really do not know how their home life is. I watched a little girl for many months before the family felt comfortable enough to tell me about family problems they were having.
When a child comes to me dirty in the mornings I just wash her and continue on my day. Sometimes I might say something like "Oh I see you had pancakes for breakfast today." but I do not make a big deal out of it. Also Dad's tend to be less aware of hairbrushing, washing after breakfast and making sure their clothes match. You should see the one little girl I have here today!!! Let's just say thank goodness we were not going any where today or I would have had to put a sign on her that said "She's not mine and I did not dress her!" Just kidding about the sign.
However you approach this be very sensitive to the parents feelings. This is a very touchy situtation for everyone involved.

Gosh - I am a guilty momma when it comes to unkept kids. It is definitely not that I don't treasure my little princess. It is more that she is two and is asserting her independence and will often pick out her own outifts. I usually give her a few to choose from but, ten minutes later she is what she wants to be in. Sometimes it is a long sleeved red shirt with pink shorts. Yikes!

I definitely have issues with her hair and I am about ready to shave her head. The only thing stopping me is that I remember how much I hated the boy haircut that my mom gave me when she couldn't deal with my hair. My little one has curly hair that she loves to twist when she is falling asleep. By morning, she looks like she has dreadlocks! It is scary. I usually just try to spray it down with water and comb through it but, most days she picthes a fit because it hurts.

I say all this because I am overwhelmed with enough right now and I am choosing to pick my battles with her. I think to a certain extent it is very healthy for her self-esteem to be able to express herself and make choices. She loves this new independence! Last night she ate watermelon dipped in mustard and she thought it tasted yucky but, kept on eating it because she could. She was so proud of herself!

Maybe this mom is in a similar situation. It is very kind of you to spruce her up! I am sure her mom appreciates that.

I think you have to pick your battles. The most concerning and serious one is the lack of care in her private area. I would definitely mention that you noticed a problem there and that it should be looked into. As far as sprucing, if she is continually dirty then I think you should say something. Children need to be kept reasonably cleaned and if you notice a pattern of uncleanliness it needs to be addressed. If it's just messy hair or ugly outfits, then you can let it go or just brush her hair yourself.