An Incident with My Oldest Son

Now that he has told and everyone will be watching more closely, maybe you should just wait and see what happens. I don't think I would do anything else at this point, as long as he seems happy and normal as ever.

Precisely why we have opted to homeschool. And for many other reasons ;)

I would definately probe this much deeper. Counseling would be great so that you can find out the truth. It could happen again, he could be an easy victim if it has happened before.

I'd be really watchful.

I think that counseling is the best thing you can do. They will be able to help him figure out exactly what has happened. Power of suggestion is a powerful thing especially when it comes to children. The counselor would be able to help him sort things out.

I would continue to praise him for telling someone and encourage him to continue this behavior. I would try to suggest to him that next time it happens that he tells a teacher immediately so there is little confusion about what happened.

Does he know who did it? Is this a child he sees regularly and knows? Is there any reason why he might make up a story about this other child? These are some things to consider.

I am SO sorry you are going through this and I will be praying that the Lord would shine a light on the truth and give you all peace about what has happened. I know this has to be very hard for you and your entire family. I would encourage your other boys to talk with him too. Siblings sometimes open up to each other better than they do to strangers or adults. The truth might come out that way too.

God bless,
A.

It sounds like you did exactly the right thing. Keep reminding your little guy that he was so strong and brave to tell mommy and daddy about what happened. I know you told him, but it can't hurt to keep reminding him. My prayers are with you and your family. Your little guy sounds pretty remarkable! :)

LISTEN TO YOUR SON!!!!! A second grader does not know of such things. I had a friend with a 4 year old whom the grandfather was watching who began to really act out. When questioned he said " grandpa make pee-pee in my mouth." Discusting I know however, how would a 4 year old learn this??? Grandpa is doing a life sentence he so deserves. We are our childs only advocate.

D.

I would definately get some counselling for him. That could help to answer your questions as to whether this happened or not. If it didn't, then there is a reason he made this up or that grandma fabricated the idea..both of which point to other problems! I would caution you to be patient. If he has a good counselor, they will be able to help him talk about it, but it might take some time. More importantly than finding out who and how this happened, is making sure your son understands what happened and that he's mentally and emotionally healthy.

I would also suggest you see a counselor, too, so you know how to respond to this and anything else that may come up. They can help you look for signs of how it's affected him that you might not pick up on otherwise.

My husband has been through some counselling for a similiar incident in his childhood. I hope this advice can be of help to you both!

My son is 5 and about a year and a half ago a my friend was watching him at her house for a few hours. She has two girls, the oldest is a year older than my son. Anyway, on the ride home, he told me that "Jane" saw his pee pee and touched it. I was so shocked. I got home and called the parent and long story short she had known that they were playing doctor but didn't realize it went that far. After questioning both children we realized it was a definite curiosity thing and not sexual. It took me several weeks to get over it. But what helped was that it 1)opened a door for me to talk to my son about who sees and touches your privates and 2)I talked to other people about it and found out our kids weren't the only ones that this had happened to. My son knew enough that it was not right and told me and for that I'm thankful, but it has not hurt him in any way. I do not believe that at their age they thought of it as sexual, but rather as "hmmmm. what is that" kind of thing. I think you should use it as a doorway to talk to your son about privacy and who sees and touches what and where it is appropriate to do. Observe him, but try not to bring it up or it will definately make a mark on his personality and growing experiences. You don't want to make him afraid, but aware of being a leader, not a follower and knowing when something doesn't feel right, you shouldn't do it. He obviously felt that because he told you. Be thankful it was a 3rd grader who more than likely did it out of curiosity than a grown man who could have done much worse. Don't scare your son, but teach him.

J.,
I was in a similar situtation a few years ago. A neighbor kid did do inappropriate things to another neighbor girl while staying the night, the mother of the victim caught her. B/c this child had stayed at my house I started asking my kids very vague questions so that I didn't put anything in their heads. My son, 4 at the time, answered the questions in such a way that I was concerned. I immediately called a counselor who is a friend of the family. I then called the Children's Advocacy Center.. We met with them and they talked to my son for a while, played games with him , etc... We discovered that the little girl did make an attempt but my son freaked out so bad that she left him alone. Looking back, I know exactly when this happened and that scares me. Anyway, the CAC has professionals trained to figure this out. It's their job and it's free.
I would be very determined to get to the bottom of this. Don't be surprised that your son isn't effected by it, be thankful. Luckily he's young enough that he probably just doesn't feel shame yet. You need to know if someone did something to him so that child can get help and not do it to anyone else or your kid again.
Good luck

If your child is upset then something probably happened. Counseling should get to the bottom of it....if it doesn't then you need to find another counselor or psychologist/psychiatrist that your child feels comfortable with. Keep reassuring him that it wasn't his fault and he did the right thing by telling you. Also, make sure they find out who did it and get that child into counseling/therapy....it is very likely that someone may be molesting him also.

I am a mother of 4 and was molested by my father when I was 10/11. Hope some of this helps. Good luck and God Bless!

As a therapist, I believe you are doing the best thing for your son. Getting him help now will show him that he did the right thing by telling you and a trained therapist will have different techniques to draw out what exactly happened. This is not something to take lightly as a parent/caregiver. I hope yoou are able to get to the bottom of this in a timely manner so that the school can take the actions they need to in order to keep your son and the other children safe.

I'm not sure what I would do either, but I like that you told him it was good to tell you. At the very least you are keeping the lines of communication open (which is always great). As a parent I always feel like I am winging it...but I do believe you are right to send him counseling. I mean it can't hurt...right?

That's a very tough situation but I think you are on the right track with the counseling. Although his Grandma is not all there, I think that what happened was real. You do not want this type of activity to come around full circle or have the chance for it to happen again to him. He needs to know that although he did nothing wrong, he must not allow that to happen again or do the same to anyone else.

I recall similar "touching" incidences when I was in that age range. It happened a couple separate times by two different "older" girls (older meaning 2-3 years older) that pursuaded me to play "doctor" games. In both cases, I knew what was going on was wrong, but the best that I can describe was that it was "curious" and strangely "exciting" (for lack of a better word) so I let it happen. I remember thinking that it didn't hurt, but that it made me feel icky and like a bad person afterwards. I never told anybody. But, as I got to the age range of the "pursuaders", the thought entered my mind to do the same to younger girls I was around. So, that is what I mean by do what you can to not let this go "full circle" with him.

I can't tell you whether or not I was effected by these isolated incidences in my adult life. I went through some permiscuous times in my late teens/early 20's and have had very little sex drive since I got married, but that could have happened regardless.

I actually think that keeping the situation low-key will be the best for him at that age, but definitely take all the measures necessary to make sure this doesn't happen to him again by anyone else and that he doesn't decide to try to do that to someone else.

I hope this helped and I wish you the best of success in dealing with this.

Keep up with the counseling. Whether it happened or didn't, you need to show your son that you have faith in him and what he says. If you act like you don't believe him now, what happens when he has other important things to discuss? He'll go elsewhere. You are lucky. My son was being beaten daily by an older child on the bus. He didn't tell until I had to take him to the doc for rectal bleeding and found out that he had an enlarged spleen. He was intimidated because the other kid threatened him (if he told, something else would happen to him). Anyway, he needs your support right now, not doubts. Keep up with the counseling. What can it hurt? I would express your thoughts to the counselor in private and ask them for their professional opinion. Good luck to you. I hope it all works out for the best, Shannon G.

J., you're doing a good job and doing the right thing with counseling. Do you know who the 3rd grader is? I would make it a point to make sure that your son would never be allowed to be put in a situation in close proximity with this kid. And, as another mom stated, it is likely that this 3rd grader has been abused. Regardless, the 3rd grader needs to monitored at school to protect your son and other students. May God help you in your situation.

Counseling is great as long as he isn't being "forced" to remember something that didn't really happen. It could have happened to someone on TV that you didn't know he saw. He could have heard older kids talking about something they heard or saw. Grandma could be making the whole thing up because she wants the attention. If he isn't repeating that this happened, it probably didn't. Have you asked him directly what he meant. When my daughter was 6, she told a teacher that her uncle touched her "down there". After some investigating, it was because her uncle swatted her fanny. She misunderstood the good touch/bad touch talk at school and thought she should report it. Good luck.

J.,

I would get the counseling. THis way if something did happen tho him, he gets the help he needs to deal with it, and the counselor is obligated by law to report it....which means they would have to look into the other childs home life and the possibility of him doing it to other children. Good luck.