Am I Supposed to Care That My Hubby Dont Want Me to Get My Tubes Tied?

For my husband and I, yes, it would be a joint decision. In my opinion, my husband DOES indeed have a say on what I do with my body. I couldn't lie to my husband about something like this.

Care yes, comply no...joint decision agree'd apon no...decision discussed betweeen to party prior to so that each once has an understanding YES. Lying about it a huge HUGE NO, NO!

Neither me or my husband would make a decision like this without talking about it first, we don't necessarily agree of things like this or similar things but we talk about them. In the end we trust each other to make an appropriate decision.

my opinion is, you wouldn't want to hear my opinion. i have nothing nice to say about this post. but since you asked - yes it should be a joint decision. no you should NOT do something like this behind his back. the fact that you are STILL considering it pretty much tells me that you're not really interested in doing the right thing, or respecting your husband's (or any of our) opinions. so why even ask?

You are so wrong on so many levels, and let me say this...
If my husband were to go get snipped without first agreeing on this, it might end us since I want another child one day.
It really does sound like you SHOULD be on some birth control while you and your spouse get some counseling together.

I have not read other responses. I think he is more mad that you didn't talk to him first about it. yes, it is your body, but once you are married your body also belongs to him and his body also belongs to you. You can not do this behind his back. I actually think it's pretty awful that you didn't even talk to him about this first before making the appointment. That's fine if you are done having kids. Maybe he doesn't want you to be in pain from the surgery and he was thinking that he would have a vascetomy? I really don't think he is mad about being done having kids, I think he is mad that you have gone behind his back and made a major decision with out even talking to him at all.

You're wrong in not discussing this with him. While it is "your body", your family is not yours alone. I cannot imagine having this done without discussing it with my husband and cannot imagine the argument if he had a V without discussing it with me.

It dishonest and sneaky. If you do this without telling him, be prepared for significant fallout. This isn't about having another child or not having another child, it's about being honest and open with one another.

This is surgery, by the way. Unless you are planning on going on a solo vacation for several weeks afterwards, you are going to need his help... good luck getting help and support when you have lied to him and snuck out to do something he has asked you not to do.

Hmmm, sounds like your marriage has bigger issues than your even aware of. Yes, it should be a mutual decision, yes you should have discussed it with him first. You seem really trustworthy....

You should handle it as a couple, that's what couples are supposed to do. You've made him feel like he's not involved. If my hubby was to sneak out to get a vasectomy I would think it would be because he wanted to cheat and not get someone pg. That might be what he's thinking.
It was definitely handled poorly.
After a mature discussion about it, he might have decided to be the one to get snipped rather than you having to go thru the pain of the tubal. Or you might have ended up having to agree to disagree about you getting tied. At least you should have involved him in the decision making and not just sprung it on him with him being an after thought to the whole situation. That was disrespectful of his feelings and concerns.

wow, you think it is okay to lie to your hubby...better not get mad when he lies to you!!! maybe you could, i dont know, TALK TO HIM!!! sit down and calmly talk to him about your reasons, and not with the whole this is my body blah blah blah...maybe he would be willing to get a vasectomy. you are married so now you are one, he does have a say. why dont you care about his feelings??? he is probably very upset that you dont care enough or respect him enough that you would have talked to him about such a major life changing decision and is probably wondering what other kind of shady stuff you have done behind his back.

I didn't read the 30 replies before me...

But he has to sign concent for it to be done before you can have it done. I had to for my ex and my hubby had to for me.

But something to think about... my EX wanted his done. He was done, I was not. We fought ALOT over it!! He was going to have it done. Yes I agreed to it, signed the paper. Cried while I was doing it. Cried while he was having it done. He was controlling and he found ways to make sure I did what he wanted. But after that day we started to fall apart. I grew to hate him so much that he didn't even give me a choice in what I wanted. Eventually it grew to the point of us getting divorced. We both agree that it came down to him getting fixed with out me agreeing to it and it being my wish also.

Ok, so many things going on here. First off it doesn't sound like either of you have communicated squat about this. Secondly, put yourself in his shoes. Would you be upset if he walked up and told you he was have a vasectomy? I really don't think the issue is that you are getting your tubes tied, it's that you decided to do it without even getting his opinion. I think if you had said, "I am considering getting my tubes tied, I really feel that I am done having children, and absolutely no desire to be pregnant again. What do you think?" Then you would probably have been fine.

Now, if he had said something like, "You're not done having babies till I say so." Then yeah, I would throw a fit, it IS your body. I hated being pregnant, really hated it. So, I get what you are saying. I would tell him that you are sorry that you didn't discuss it with him first, but make sure to let him know that you are DONE with having babies. See if that doesn't smooth things over....if he still throws a fit, well then I guess the only other way to make sure you don't get pregnant is to not have sex. :)

I think bottom line is your hubby feels left out and that you hurt him by not at least discussing this with him. He may or may not agree with you--but he should be able to talk with you about it and give input before you just go out and do it. How would you feel if your hubby went behind your back and got a vasectomy and you didn't know and maybe secretly wanted more kids??? You would feel hurt too. Apologize and ask him for his opinion. Even if he isn't fond of you doing this, at least he will be more apt to support you through it and help you through recovery.

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I cant imagine not discusing something as important as this with my husband. Having children is a major thing for a couple and it shouldnt be decided on by just one and leave the others feelings out of the discussion. You need to explain to him why the 2 children you already have are enough for you. If you are so willing to have it done and lie to him, shows there is something else really wrong in your relationship.

Why did he SAY he doesn't want you to do it? Is it because he wants more children OR is he concerned about your health or safety? I think you guys really need to talk it out so that there isn't any resentment from either of you.

"Am I supposed to care..."?????? That depends: do you want to stay married ???

Just how selfish - yes it's your body. Yes, it'd be nice for you to not be pregnant again, BUT, it's his body too... and I'd bet my bottom dollar you'd be plenty pi$$t if he put some of his parts where you don't want him to... am I right??

Being married (happily - are you?) means that you R-E-S-P-E-C-T each others feelings in everything, ESPECIALLY those things as important to a marriage as the respect for the others feelings about children. That is a core issue that couples MUST be in agreement on - and if you are done, he is the one that should reliquish his desires for more children. No one should force another to have a child. I mean this in the reverse scenario as well - women should NEVER get pregnant w/out their spouse's wishes. But for you to singlehandedly alter that ability without his consent would/could be a devastating blow to the trust needed for a healthy relationship/marriage. It would, probably, instigate a divorce. Think about if you are willing to risk that.

Good luck.

You are not wrong for wanting to get your tubes tied. But, it's not something simple like getting your ears pierced. It's a fairly major procedure. With permanent results.
I definitely think it should be a joint decision even though it IS your body. If your husband doesn't want you to do it, then he needs to step up and help with making certain you don't have an unwanted pregnancy.
Having kids, or not, isn't a simple thing to decide.
My sister said during her pregnancy that she would never put herself through that again. She HATED being pregnant. Some women love it and embrace it. Well, she wasn't one of them. She adores her son and being a mom, but once was enough for her. She meant it.
I completely understand if you feel like you don't want any more children and you really need to talk to your husband about this. I don't possibly see how you could get your tubes tied and think he wouldn't know.
You don't need to feel like a baby factory, but you also need to find a way to COMMUNICATE with your husband about your feelings and why you want to make such a decision.

Just my opinion.
Best wishes.

When it is that serious, permanent changes like that, it is a show of compassion in the marriage to talk about it. Even though he doesn't carry the baby he should have a say. If he doesn't do any of the baby work, tell him that. Talk to him about why without getting in a fight. If I had a husband and he got snipped I'd be mad and feel betrayed. Something like that can break up a marriage if he wants more, but you don't. If you feel he isn't helping out tell him to help out with the kids he has.

Not having any more kids is a huge topic that has to be thoroughly discussed and thought on by both before those decisions are made. It is your body, but half of the baby is him. How can he trust you when you cut his chances of ever having another child with you? Children are a huge blessing to a lot of people and not being able to have one, especially not given the choice, is overwhelming and heartbreaking. What if you really wanted a child and he went and got snipped?

I agree with other moms and hope you realize that this is a surgery. You aren't going to just get your tubes tied and go sprinting off to do the house work or any other normal activity. He is probably going to be hard to get to help if you have lied to him and forced him into not having anymore kids and not having any say. I agree it is your body and they don't understand what we go through, but he should at least feel he has a say... marriage is give/take and respect and if you feel (I've read your past posts recently) he is disrespectful to you there are underlying issues in not including his decision that I think may come from resentment.

While you have to make the decision and do what's best you do need to discuss these things with your husband. He's supposed to be your partner and supporter. If he were to have a vastectomy without your knowledge how would you feel initially?

When I had mine done, because I am married, my husband had to sign off on it as well.

In the end you are right, it is your body and there for your choice, but I think issues of birth control, babies, and being done with babies, are really issues that should be discussed between a woman and her husband, and decided by them both.

um yes .
Your talking about this like its just going out to get your hair cut or nails done.
This is MAJOR surgery. As in put asleep cut you open surgery. Your husband should be in on at least a conversation about it, He's the one that's got to take care of you and the kids while you recover. You aren't going to be up and walking around , can't pick up your kids , you can't cover up something like this. As a married couple you should always discuss big decisions like this. I would be completely pissed if my husband up and decided to get a vasectomy without at least discussing it with me.

Well you are right, its your body, but three kids or not id be PISSED if my husband got a vasectomy without discussing it with me first.

I can understand you are positive you are through having children, but I do not understand why you did not at least mention this with your husband when you realized you wanted to have this procedure?

I tell my husband when I am going to have my teeth cleaned, or get a mammogram. .. Not because I need his permission, but because we keep each other informed of our health.

I think your husband is probably shocked that you did not inform him the minute you made the decision and felt left out. And yes, it is your decision because it is your body, but if he is like my husband, he wants to be included in all major things that go on in my life so he can support me.

If my husband quit his job with out telling me first, I would be shocked we had not discussed it. Yes, I would support his decision it is HIS job, but I would have wanted the heads up so we could discuss it, I need my voice to at least be heard.

I hope the 2 of you can have a private uninterrupted conversation about this. Let hm know why you did not discuss it and let him have his opinions heard. I think it is only fair to him.

I think that your spouse should be your best friend and yes he for sure should be at least aware that you are doing this. I agree that its your body but for all you know maybe your husband is just worried about you having the procedure done. Maybe he doesnt actually want more children but wants to know that the option is still there (if that makes any sense) Im pretty darn sure we are done having children after baby number 2 but I always tell my husband that I cant see myself wanting to take such a permanent step this early in our lives. We arent even 30 yet. I am on the side that your husband should be involved in all conversations of this nature. I mean if its for health related issues shouldnt your loved one be there for you instead of you two fighting over it? Find a way to come together on this and not just demand that he get over it and accept that you will do what you will do
Good Luck

it's your body, absolutely, but I think springing it on him like this isn't the way to go about it. My husband and I have discussed that when we're done he's having a vasectomy, so no surprises for each of us. Maybe you can calmly talk about it with him, help him understand why you don't want any more kids, why this is the best decision for you, and let him tell you his reasons too, and really listen. Why have this lie in your marriage? I'm not saying let him persuade you not to do it, but let him at least feel like you care enough about his opinions to listen.

Yes it should be an agreement by a married couple.

I would consider his feelings and discuss it with him, he may have a point of view you do not have. Ultimately the choice is yours, however I would CONSIDER his feelings and point(s) of view.

You are not wrong to get them tied, but I think you handled it very poorly. If my husband was sneaking around me thinking of getting a vasectomy without us discussing it I would be beyond pissed.
Should you still go ahead with it if he disagrees, that is completly and reasonably up to you. But being sneaky and dishonest is not the way to go.

It is more like hey Buddy, love you and the kids, but I am done peroid.

I had mine done after my first child. Hubs was a little on the fence, but I was going in for another surgery and told him we could do me now, or you later. But I was not interested in another pregnancy. While it was my choice, it was our decision, does that makes sense?

Tell him sorry, but when he's the one getting pregnant and giving birth, then he can call the shots! It's your right and your business although I do find it odd that you're just now mentioning a medical procedure you're having done. Anyway, three kids are enough and if you're done -then be done! Also make sure he understands the procedure. Many men are misinformed about female surgeries. My husband thought whena wkman had a hysterectomy that they removed her vagina! So perhaps he DOESN'T understand. Regardless, you get to be the decider on this one. Unless BOTH spouses want more children, it's time to get "fixed"!

Sounds as if he might NOT be done wanting babies, even if you are. I think its the same argument only in reverse over dad saying he's done but the mom is wanting another. You're done, but is he? - that's the question you need to ask him and help him understand that he needs to be happy to have what there is and stop hoping for another. Its a joint decision to have another baby and in your case, you're vetoing. If that's not it, then what is he objecting to?

In the end I don't think it really matters what he thinks - you don't want to get pregnant. He could try and convince you to adopt another if he really wants to have another child in the family, but as far as babies... you sound like you've decided on what you want. So whether you're on BC for the rest of history or you get your tubes tied, it really shouldn't matter what the method is. Although I do think that is a smart move to let him know you're getting them tied - just incase something funky happens and for whatever strange reason he needs to know your medical history. But if he still keeps fighting you doing it... and this might be deceptive, but I would go ahead and do it anyways and just let him keep in the dark so he can continue to hope for that next one (if that's all it is).

When a person decides that s/he does not want to ever have any more kids, no one else has any say in the matter, married or not.
You have every right to decide to have your tubes tied without consulting him, just as he would have every right to have a vasectomy without consulting you.

My ex got mad when I decided that I was no longer going to use hormonal birth control because it was wrecking my body. He thought that whether I got off Depo should be OUR decision. WE weren't being made sick by it, just ME.

When I decided to have an endometrial ablasion to stop the periods from hell, I didn't ask my husband's opinion on the matter. I told him when my appointment was, and asked if he would be available to drop me off and pick me up from the hospital, or if I should find someone else to give me a ride. And I did NOT need his consent.