Am I Spoiling My 6 Month Old? Is That Even Possible?

You are the only one who knows what's best for your child. Every time someone told me that I was "spoiling" my child I would just raise my eyebrows and say "Paying attention to someone is spoiling them? How ridiculous." And I just kept doing what I thought was right. I am grateful now because my son and I have a close relationship that is so important to me. People will try to tell you how to raise your child no matter what age your child is. Listen to your heart.

Hi M., I know sometimes the Grandparents on both sides and companion or spouse, are well-intentioned, but also always willing to give advice, whether you asked for it and more often times than not, when you don't. I went through a very similar situation with my now ex-Mother-In-Law and ex-Husband. I would still do what I wanted, because I figured I was the Mother, who carried them in me for nine (9) months and held my Sons. They would calm down, plus it builds a sense of security. One suggestion I can give you is to tell them, in a nice way, that you appreciate their advice, but that you are a very capable and loving Mother. I am sure, that if you let them know how you feel, that everything will be OK. Good Luck to you and know that you are doing an excellent job with your Baby. Remember, babies don't come with instructions, we just do the best we can and take it one day at a time.

A Little About Me: I am a 43 year old single Mom to a 23 (almost 24 year old)Daughter and three Sons, ages 11 years, 7 years & 17 1/2 months. I am not a Grandmother yet and I have a little over 4 years to retire from NM State/Bernalillo County Government.

You poor thing! I totally understand. Everyone around me has always said the same thing about me and my son. He was going to be wimpy, a mama's boy, spoiled, etc... I've even had people tell me he would be gay if I didn't stop! I stuck to my guns and provided him with all the love, compassion, and care I thought he needed to feel secure and happy and loved. And, now- he is a 3 year old, rambunctious, little BOY who is super happy, considerate, funny. It's your baby, you do what you feel in your heart is right for him and his temperment. Mom's know best!

Dear M.,
I am a mother with one child in middle school and one in elementary school.

No, you are not spoiling your baby. You're building a foundation where your child will have a sense of security. Babies need to know that their basic needs will be met before they can focus on learning what they need to in order to survive and thrive.

Tell your detractors that you're making sure your child has a strong sense of well being so that he can develop into the best person possible. You can not "spoil" a baby. Frankly, "punishment," including time outs, won't be effective until your child is well over a year old. Withholding your love is definitely NOT the thing to do.

And, you could also mention to those closest to you that you could use a little support rather than criticism. Remember this saying, "You attract more bees with honey than with vinegar"? Well, it's true.

You're the mom. If you think your baby needs you, if you sense he does, your intuition is the one to listen to . .. not a bunch of people who don't know your baby as well as you do.

Be well,
P.

Hi M.! I have a 8 mo old, and I too pick him up when he cries. If doing so leads to future behavioral problems, then I will deal with that when the time comes. I am a first time mom as well, and often have questions about whats right or wrong. The best piece of advice that I have gotten is to do what your gut tells you. Trust your mommy instinct! Do what YOU think is right!

M.,
I have a 7 month old and am told that often. In my opinion, that one of the worst pieces of advice given. Moms cannot "spoil" a baby by responding to baby cues (i.e., crying, fussing). If anything, we are showing our children that the can trust us which will allow for more independence and stronger well-being when they are older. Where in NM?

By responding to your son you are developing a strong trust bond with him, you aren't spoiling him. You're showing him that with you he can feel safe and his needs will be responded to. A child is "spoiled" not by affection and attending to his needs, but by doing things such as not disciplining (which is not appropriate at six months of age), letting them run wild, and not having rules.

Follow your heart - respond to him when he cries. It's the only way he has of communicating with you.

I know exactly where you are coming from, I go through the same thing with my daughter. Yes, there is consequences to picking up your child everytime they cry (good and bad), but that is YOUR decision. I think people are allowed to give their advice, but then they need to stay out of it. You are the mother and YOU and ONLY you make the decisions on what to do with your child as far as how you love them. I believe you should stand your ground right now and tell them how you feel. "This is my child and I chose to pick him up, thank you for the advice, I appreciate it, but I am going to chose what I feel is best for my child" something like that. That is what I would do. I am always willing to take advice from others, but when they keep pestering me and judging me, that is where I draw the line. Everyone has different opinions on how to raise children, I feel like you should do what you feel in your heart is right. Listen to others opinions, but ultimately make your own decision. I think the father should have a say in decipline, schools, you know, those kinds of things, but not in how to love a child.

Remember, don't let others make you feel like a bad mom, especially for things like that, its wrong. You are a good mom and you take care of your child to the best of your ability. No, not everyone is going to agree, BUT THAT'S OK!!!!! They don't have to.

I wish you the best! Take care! Hope everything works out!

DONT LISTEN TO THEM!!!! This is the time to spoil your child! They are only 6 months for alittle time. I learned when I was having alot of pressure from family is that I have to do what I want with my child. He is six months and you should cherish every moment that you have. And cherish every moment he doesnt talk back or give attitude or ignore you! Babies are supposed to be spoiled!

I completely agree with Natalie. After having 2 children that both want(ed) to be held all the time and relatives telling me that I was going to spoil them, I know where you are. My 18 month old son will not let me leave without crying - even if he's staying with Daddy. And that breaks my heart too. So, if you want to do a little of both - try just letting him cry for maybe just one minute - THEN picking him up. And continually add minutes. This way, he will not learn that when he cries - he'll get what he wants (to be picked up) cuz yes - they can learn this NOW! Is that spoiling him - to each their own opinion! Good Luck!

Hey M.,

Isn't it crazy how many people judge Moms? It just doesn't make any sense. I have two children (3 and 4) and always responded to their crying, especially when they were infants. I have asked my Doctor and read many books that say it is impossible to "spoil" a baby before the age of 1. After 1 it is a little more important to encourage self play and independence, but it would be at your discretion which things need attention right away and which you could let him figure out for himself.
If you have a hard time getting them to back off, maybe you could ask your doctor at your next appt, and use him/her as your excuse. You could come home and say "The Doctor said there is nothing wrong with responding to the baby when he cries." Maybe then they won't feel the need to hassle you anymore. Hope any of this helps.