Am I over Reacting or Just Loosing My Mind?

Part of what you're dealing with is conflicting cultures. MOST Asian cultures, MIL outranks YOU bigtime. Really, REALLY bigtime. As much as you outrank your baby in our culture. Grandparents don't lose authority in most asian cultures, but gain authority for every generation below them.

That said, most grandmothers and greatgrandmother's also remember being low-girl-on-the-totem-pole and try to offer as much parenting freedom to young mothers as possible. But I'm fairly sure, that in her eyes, your demands are much the same as a child's, and that the unending nature of them show very little graciousness... much less respect. Which will have her doing even less as you ask, the more you make them. The less respect you show her, the more she will treat you as a disobedient child. The greater reverence you show her, the more she will "grant" you the favors of taking your thoughts into consideration (aka treat you like an adult).

I am not Asian, but grew up in Japan primarily and spent a great deal of time in many Asian cultures. To a degree, you will be able to work with her... but DO keep in mind that her setting aside all of her moral values to follow yours (aka, who outranks whom) is as ***impossible*** an idea as you setting aside yours to abide by hers.

It is very VERY possible to come to an understanding between cultural values, but it means both parties have to accept the validity of where the other person is coming from.

It is also very unlikely that your husband will side with you against his mother. Around the world sociologists asked the same question to hundreds of thousands of men:

"Your boat has capsized, and you can only save one person. Your wife or your mother. Who do you choose and why?"

In Western culture, the predominant answer was the wife. Reasons were as expected : Love, vows to protect and cherish, duty, mother of their children, & youth (aka, they hadn't already "lived their lives").

In Asian culture, the predominant answer was the mother. The general answer being that while a man could remarry... he would only ever have ONE mother. Similar reasons were given: Love, duty, motherhood, youth (aka the wife would be stronger, and better able to save herself... while the mother was only just *starting* to live her life now that her children were grown... and being older, would not be as physically capable of saving herself).

So I would suggest you either find a way to make a cultural compromise between your MIL and yourself, or to not only find other childcare... but to deal with a fairly massive family schism.

All my best,
r

Okay, i felt like i really have to answer this question being that i'm also Vietnamese.

I have two kids (a 4 and almost 2 year old). Also, I was raised here so I consider myself pretty Americanized. However, I would feed my children Vietnamese foods FIRST if I had to choose between that and American baby foods in a jar (lots of preservatives, unless it's organic..and even then..who knows). Porridge is a very common food that not only Vietnamese, but Asian cultures give their babies when their starting to learn how to eat solids. Porridge, although is made of rice, does not consist of rice ONLY. We Asians eat rice with everything (but not rice ALONE as some here may think Asian porridge is). In fact, if he was eating only rice, he wouldn't be pooping that much. for sure!

For babies just learning to eat, a common meal would be porridge, cooked with eggs (steamed) and tender, ground pork. For vegetable, you mix in pureed carrots or squash, something soft enough to go with porridge. This is easy for the baby to swallow and digest. The idea is for baby to get enough iron to grow big and strong. That's really how most Asian grandmothers think in terms of health. And honestly, it's really healthy. They get the protein, carbs, vegetables in every meal. No preservatives, no additives.

But don't see it as porridge everyday. It's really rice with different meats and vegetables. Asians eat rice almost EVERYDAY. We don't see it as eating rice. We're just eating different dishes and rice is like tortilla to a hispanic dish/meal. So your baby is really just being fed the Asian way, except that your baby is eating "soft" rice with the "sides" of meats and vegetable.

I mean, I pretty much eat rice 4-5 days a week. I al ways make sure my kids have meats, vegetable and carbs for lunch and dinner. I rarely ever give them sandwiches or PBJ for lunch. In fact, my kids have had PBJ once in their whole lifetime. It's not that we don't like it, it doesn't occur to me to make a sandwich for lunch. I always feel like I need to cook a full meal. Not mac 'n cheese, or sandwich with chips. Those seem like fun/snack foods to me, to be quite frank. But again, a cultural difference. Now would you rather mac 'n cheese or a full meal with meat, rice and vegetable?

And in regards to the grass jelly. I haven't looked at the ingredients, but I grew up eating it and all i can say is, it's not sweet, nothing like those "high fructose corn syrup" jello that we find in the local supermarket.

Now in regards to MIL not respecting your wishes, I do agree that that is wrong. But please know that MOST LIKELY it's not a personal thing to you at all.. It's a cultural thing. She really thinks you worry too much. I promise you that. And she's really not trying to disrespect you. I really believe that majority of the time, that's the case.

But I do understand. You should still try to have your husband talk to her. But limit it to something very specific like..when the baby's older, ask her to not give baby any candies or cookies without you guys' consent. I think that would be something she can do.

But in the meantime, I think your MIL does care about his health, that's why she gives him these foods. AND cook for him everyday! And I mean cook, not open up a box and mix things. Real, from scratch cooking. I don't get that kind of support with raising my kids because my father passed and my mom didn't raise me. So all we have is my MIL..and she is great, but she's still working full-time, so I really had to learn how to cook everything like the way I was raised. I have to make sure my kids eat healthy with the little talent that I have in Asian cooking. I used to feel so jealous of my friend who's mom would prepare all the meals for her and her sister's baby. And i used to think, man i wish my kids could always eat all that natural foods. But I had to rely on baby foods in a jar when they were babies because i was still learning..figuring things out. Not that it's completely unhealthy or anything, but not exactly fresh and who knows about the preservatives. But I quickly learned to cook better. And i try to cook Asian foods and non-Asian foods too (from Chinese to Moroccan), but they have to be from scratch, not out of a box with powdery mixture. Yet even then, there are occasional times when I still feed them Mac 'n Cheese when i'm crunch for time. i have them sometimes as emergency (but never felt great about mixing that powder stuff in with the macaroni - nothing about it look natural). I wasn't raised eating it, so always felt anything like that..Hamburger Helper...isn't meant to be real food. Sorry, just don't mean to offend anyone, but that's my perspective. Although i've lived here ever since i was 3, I guess my thinking is still very Asian when it comes to foods.

Also, you won't know what it feels like to have a 8 month old go 5x a day (as long as it's not diarrhea) until you meet a baby who doesn't go at all. Know that a good bowel movement means a very healthy child.

In regards to the juice. One thing i know about Asian moms or grandmothers..for the majority that I've grown up with. They are very diligent of always making sure that the baby is properly hydrated. That's why they always give lots of fruits and juice. My MIL always squeeze fresh oranges for our kids. And peel apples and pears for them when they come over. But I would definitely ask your MIL to dilute the juice with water if it's not fresh squeezed. And believe me, a good bowel movement is a big deal to us. If baby is pooping regularly, we believe it's a sign of good healthy. Just make sure it's not diarrhea.

As far, as nap and a schedule. I agree with you. As I am the same way about that stuff. But I did read the others' perspective and i think it depends on the mom's philosophy on this. So I do encourage you to put your son on a schedule and tell your mom that this is the time you want him to nap. At his age, I say he can nap around 9:30/10:00 and again around 2:30/3:30

good luck.
btw, i seriously laugh when I read a comment about how it's not a cultural thing but an uneducated thing. And how you need to get books on nutrition..(perhaps to educate your Asian MIL on proper nutrition(?)) Tell me what other cultures eats healthier than Asians? Not meaning to open up a whole can of worms. I'm sure there are. But Asian foods top the list. The funny thing is, I really do believe that no one realizes whether they're eating healthy foods or not (meaning no one is counting calories, transfat etc). Asian recipe just so happen to be what it is (goes with our palate) and fortunately, it happens to be healthy too. Vietnamese is one of the healthiest foods with lots of vegetables and, especially lots of raw vegetables.

It sounds like maybe you'll be getting this situation sorted out, but I wanted to mention that I have vietnamese relatives. Born in Viet Nam and came here many years ago for a better life. They are the sweetest, most hard working and loving people in the world. Family means EVERYTHING to them. If anyone needs help, they are the first ones there, because that's just what family does.
My aunt cooks every day. She comes home from work and she cooks everything from scratch. My son was eating kim chi from the time he was just a little booger. As far as the diet thing, they have all lived to very old ages and my cousin, who was raised on traditional vietnamese foods from birth, is a doctor who married another doctor. She's 30 years old.
Her growth or intellectual capacities weren't stunted in the slightest.
As for the language barrier, there is one, but we love listening to them speak vietnamese and my relatives are always happy to teach us words or what things mean.
You do have some valid points. I just think that maybe trying to embrace things more might serve you all well. I don't think for a second that your MIL would do anything to harm her precious grandson. I don't think you should find a different babysitter or do anything that drastic.
As far as the 9 year old carrying you baby, my kids were born just shy of 10 years apart and my daughter carried my son everywhere until he literally got too big and heavy for her to carry. Nothing bad ever happened, in fact, I was more worried about her getting a hernia or something.
What you are comfortable with is certainly very important. It's natural to worry.
I just hope that you will be able to find some common ground and your son can have the very best of both cultures.

I wish you the best.

I would pick my battles. I am ok with him eating all sorts of different foods, it only makes him a less picky eater. I would draw the line on candy/soda/pastries etc...I think the love that he gets from a grandma is more imporatnt than him eating all the right things in your book. I grew up in India and babies just go along with the flow. They are a part of the family in a fluid manner and the world does not stop to cater to their particular habits. & we grew up just fine.
I would be ok with the 9 year old carrying him but NOT up and down the stairs...I would def not be okay with him in a car where I don't know who the driver is.
I think it would be important that you qualify that you appreciate all that they do for him but pick out a few things that really bother you and have your husband support you in that battle.
I have not read the other answers but I wanted to reply since I grew up in a different culture and thought I could shed some light on that.
You can feed him whatever YOU like for dinner and on the weekends. It would only expand his food vocabulary.

I understand your frustration, but in general yes, other cultures feed babies differently, and Asian diets are typically pretty good. Maybe you're feeling out of control in raising your child? I too work and it's actually my husband that stays at home with our girls. There are many things he feeds them/does/doesn't do with them that I don't like. But mostly I realize that he's not going to hurt them, I can give him suggestions or let him know I don't like something (and always tell him why), but not as much as I could an independent sitter or nanny.

I would ask that the older child not carry him on stairs or that only the mom drive him places. Maybe you could study their culture's habits, food, and traditions? It's going to be a big part of your child's life, so if you understood more it might help. And I'm sure your well-meaning mother in law would be honored that you want to know more about her culture. And I would try eating some of what she feeds the baby, you might like it too! if it does seem to be hurting his tummy or causing diarrhea I would let her know to dilute things better or wait on those certain items until he's older. If she knows it's upsetting his stomach she may hold off. But all new foods introduced tend to change stool color/consistency, etc..

You would also benefit from learning Vietnamese as your son does, so you can back up what he's learning, bi- or multi-lingual children tend to be really smart, makes their brains really work. Then you can start to understand some of what your mother in law tells your husband (if only she would say it slower! Lol) embrace it and learn about it I say!

Wow! I'm amazed at some of the answers you've gotten. "the she doesn't get the privelege of watching your son"! ??? Excuse me? This woman cares for him for "chump change" and that's a "privelege" (sic)
Look, obviously you are free to find and pay for other child care arrangements. That is your right. Be prepared for a lot of hurt feelings though.
This woman has raised kids. She's not an idiot.
Personally, I would discuss the food/napping arrangements with your pediatrician to see if there is any danger. If there is, the three of you need to have a major sit-down and talk meeting.
She is from a culture that highly values family and I'm sure she is thinking she's doing you a super huge favor--and she is. If you switch to another child care arrangement, you may be amazed at how much MORE sick you feel when you're away from him all day.

I don;'t think you are over reacting at all. It may be a cultural thing but more likely it's an uneducated thing. I would suggest getting some research material from online about healthy diets, low sugar, high in veggies and fruits. This is what his diet should be like. Too much sugar can lead to childhood obesity and other disorders like diabetes. Besides the fact that you are the mother and what you say should go, end of story.

I would suggest that you pack a healthy lunch and snacks for him, and make sure that is what she feeds him. Let her know that simsum as a treat in small quantities is OK, but no sugary juice or other stuff. Set guidelines, right them, down if you have to. Let your mother in law know how much you appreciate her and how much your son loves being with him but that it is disrespectful to you if she doesn't follow your guidelines. Definitely get your husband on the same page too then go talk to your mother inlaw!

Good luck!

Your feelings should never be ignored. You are the mom, and it is your decision how you want to raise your child. Along with your husband, of course. But not mom-in-law's. You are not out of line.

Unfortunately you will have to decide what you want to compromise on, because it doesn't sound like they are going to respect your wishes. So is it worth it to you to have him in daycare and know what his diet is? Is keeping the peace more important? I'm not suggesting you sacrifice the well being of your child, not for a minute. But just figure out what is worth putting up with and what is not.

I do think you need to educate yourself what exactly they are feeding him. Jelly doesn't necessarily mean sugar. Undiluted juice is not that bad. But it might not be 100% juice, it might be junk with refined sugar added. Or it could be real juice. The jelly might be fine. You won't know unless you find out, and I think you need to have that info to make your decision. The fact that it is undigested in his diaper is not a big deal to me personally, my son often had diapers that looked like I poured the food straight into it instead of feeding it to my kid. And it was with things that I know were good and healthy for him. But you do need to know exactly what is going on with your son, you can't afford ignorance in the matter. His diet may be great actually, or it might be as bad as you are imagining.

You are defintely overprotective by thier standards. That is ok, I am too. The things I won't compromise on are safety issues. You are absolutely within your rights to demand his safety. (I think safety includes good nutrition by the way, it is important for their health forever.) And I would also be concerned about young girls driving my son. *And no, the post does not say a 9 yr old drives him around.

One thing you said that would factor in the decision if it was me personally is how you said he is cranky and fussy when you have to deal with him because of no routine. So what if the rest of the family tells you what a happy baby he is, if you don't get to see that part. You shouldn't have to deal with an unhappy baby when you get to be with him.

Another thing I agree with the other poster about, you should try to learn Vietnamese, at least a little. It would bother me to have another language spoken in front of me that I don't understand, I would think that is rude and disrespectful. But I think it goes both ways and that means you need to make an effort in that department too. Then when they talk about you, you will be able to follow somewhat, and also put your foot down that it is completely rude to do. I know that doesn't pertain to the babysitting question, but it shows a lack of respect to me. Along with your husband agreeing with her. But I have known some Vietnamese families and you are probably not going to be able to change this. Moms are very important.

Educate yourself on the situation better, and then decide what you are willing to live with and at what price. And what you are not willing to put up with and if you are prepared to deal with the fallout of putting your foot down. I hope that helps a little. Good luck!

You might be right but the bottom line is your mil loves your son... I think that's all that matters. You can go ahead and look for different child care but if I were you, I would take family who loves my child over someone who is doing it for $ any day!

First, I would talk to my pediatritian and make sure my baby is healthy. Talk to him about what your mother-in-law feeds him and ask for his input. If he says the food she gives him is not good for him at that age, then follow it. I would then set hubby down for a genuine heart to heart. Your feelings should not be ignored. You are the mother of this child and she is grandma. Once you get hubby on the same page as you, both of you sit grandma down and let her know how much you appreciate her helping you out and you are glad she loves her grandson so much, BUT the only way she will continue to babysit is following the following criteria:
1. Baby needs a schedule
2. Young auntie needs proper supervision when handling baby
3. Baby eats what you as mom tell grandma to feed him.
4. Baby does not travel without your permission in advance
If she refuses to follow these rules, maybe you need to find another daycare provider and she can be just gramma, and spoil him when you come to visit.
I know family dynamics can be tough. I've been there!
I hope this can give you some perspective and I hope things will calm down for you. Just remember, YOU are the mom, and your hubby needs a backbone and needs to stand beside you. God Bless!

After reading your posting, I was a bit concerned. Once upon a time a few years back I worked for a family law attorney. One of our clients was an American man married to a Vietnamese woman who had a child together. Dad worked all day and baby stayed at home with Mom. Mom did the same thing the poor diet; feeding the child nothing but rice and sugar. At 3-years-old, this child had so many teeth rotting out of her head she had to see a specialist to get most of them yanked. So not only that but the child was also underweight and malnourished. Remember, this is the most important time of your child's life where their bodies need as much nutrients as they can get. If they're eating nothing but rice, their body isn't getting what it needs to grow healthy.

I understand wanting to respect your in-laws, but this is your baby, not hers. Yes, she has raised 5 kids, but what was their health growing up? How are they now? This is your baby and she needs to respect your wishes. That's my feelings on it and Dad needs to support your wishes also. Good luck.

Your the mom, what you say goes. Get him out of there. Your obviously very upset about this and I would be as well. Have you spoken with your pediatrician about this. Maybe you should set up a counseltation with your pediatrician and your husband so your husband can hear that this is not good for your baby, from someone other then you. I dont care how much it cost you find yourself a decent provider and make arrangements with your mother in law that she can have him 1 day a week or something. You have to stand up for this baby, you are his only voice and you are MORE then justified in how your feeling. As a mother we need to go with our gut. Stand up for whats right for your baby!!

some things you are being alittle too over protective of (which you are totally allowed.... you are his mom) others you have a right to be upset about. I understand your frustration with the lack of respect you are shown by mom and your husband. You may be totally over reacting to the fact that she is feeding him something that you don't want him to eat (especially if you do not know what it really is) but he is your child and your wishes should be respected. However I would not yank my child out of the care of loving grandmother just from lack of respect and put into unknown child care. If you have another trusted reliable source of child care then by all means- switch but it could be worse not better.
Also it seems interesting to me that parents get so worked up when babies don't have a "schedule" I know many moms who will not do whatever because it doesn't work with babys schedule. That is plain crazy. Obviously you want your child to eat when hungry, sleep when tired and play and learn while awake and you would like to get him to bed when your schedule deems necessary but maybe you have a kid who is best/happiest throughout the day and not in the evening. One of mine is that way no matter what the "schedule".
I would talk to your MIL when you are not upset about it and she is not upset at you about this. Ask her to explain exactly what she feeds him and what kind of schedule he has and talk with her about making small changes. Tell her how he is in the evening and ask if you could experiement with things alittle to see if that makes some changes. MIL and husband issues are hard (especially when hubby respects mom more than you) so you may need to think about what you are really so upset about. Yes babies should primarily be breast or formula fed for first year however..... there are many cultures today and in the past that feed children real food before they were one. MANY are much healthier than americans, we are one of the least healthy countries in the world as far as weight and nutrition so why do we think we know sooooo much about what is best?
I am neither agreeing or disagreeing with you on this one just putting in my 2 cents of how I see it. hope it helps :)

You are right, for all the good it does you. He is your son, and you should have the say-so. That said, probably the only way you will have it your way is to find another baby-sitter. You might tell your mother-in-law that you are considering finding another sitter, and she she truly wants to keep on baby-sitting, she will have to take your wishes to heart.
My daughter does things differently than I did, and sometimes I laugh at the things she does, but she's a wonderful mother and I respect her for that and respect her wishes. Yeah, I do cheat a little sometimes, but not much.

Don't have time to read all your answers, so sorry if I repeat. 1st thing, most of us struggle with MIL or moms, or aunts ect. who think they know better. And it really hurts are ego when they don't respect our rules and opinions. And sometimes it is unhealthy or dangerous. However, most of the time it is out of love. How did your husband turn out? She did a great job raising him in order to cause you to fall in love and start a family. Pick your battles with this one. If you only mention a few things rather then a list, she is more likely to respect those issues. Your feelings are understandable and you are right. But... She did raise a healthy family too.

This is bothering you (and it would bother me too if I were in your shoes) so she should respect your position as his mother. If she doesn't, then she doesn't get the privelege of watching your son. Sometimes just a break will help so she respects you more. Keep pushing it and don't give in. If all else fails, find someone else to care for your child... good luck to you! Hang in there!

As for the food. YES HE IS TOO YOUNG FOR THOSE THINGS! His main nutrition should come from breastmilk or formula. (My son was STRICLY bf till he was 9 months. NOTHING else!)

No, your sister-in-law can NOT drive him around! I don't let hardly ANYONE drive my kids! My parents, my husband, and myself are the only ones! A few times throughout the past 5 years another relative has BUT only for a short distance and I PRE APPROVED!!!!! It is not safe for her to be having your baby and her friends in a vehicle.

And a 9 year old shouldn't be carrying him up and down steps! I started babysitting when I was 10 so I did a lot with babies BUT I don't let any YOUNG kids carry my children around. They need to sit down to hold them or be standing close to me..........

I think you would be better off putting him in daycare. You say that the grandma says what a happy baby he is BUT if he is fussy all night and suffering consequences from his daytime routine, HE IS NOT HAPPY!

Get him out of there immediately. He is not safe!

Normally, I'm of the opinion that most young parents should relax a little bit and put up with at least some of their parent's "help" even when they don't like it (I'm six months pregnant with my first and used to be a day care teacher). But with this I don't think you're over-reacting at all!!! That much sugar wouldn't be good for any child, much less a baby! Letting a child carry him around, especially on stairs is just scary! If I where you, I'd worry all day!

But what to do??? It doesn't sound that you can reason with her, so for your baby's health and your peace of mind, I'd say you really need to AT LEAST look into other child-care options. Wouldn't spending more money on child-care be worth it to know your baby wasn't being fed all that, and wasn't being endangered by overly-law attitudes? I hope you can afford some other option so you're not stuck with this problem. Good luck!!!!

You have every right to be upset. My family is the same way, and they are my immediate family, not the in-laws. Listen, when we are dealing with different cultures, we must know and understand that people do things in different ways, and whatever we or they believe is best, truly is best. Basically, they don't think they are doing anything wrong, and everything right. This is their culture. You can't win. If they are watching your son, for free, for next to nothing or for a million dollars, family is family and they will do things their way, without even thinking about how disrespectful it is to the parents, because they don't see it that way and never will. It's like the saying "you can't teach an old dog new tricks." If this bothers you as much as it seems, then you are just going to have to find him other care, and only have supervised visits to the in-laws. I'm not playing. This is all coming from experience. If you need details on my experience, you can reply (still can't tell how that works on Mamapedia). But I'm not answering your question to talk about my experiences. Just know that I've been doing this for almost 9 yeras now, and whatever you say, or your husband says to his mother, it will go in one ear and out the other, and while it's inside the head, it will be considered disrespectful to them, from you. Final word, you are not overprotective: there is no reason why your 8 month old should be dragged around all over, picked up and carried by a 9 year old, especially on stairs, etc. Again, this is all part of their culture, in fact, most cultures around the world except American, that young girls help parent younger siblings in the home. This young aunt feels like she should be helping, knows it's her duty to do so, so she is. I can keep going on, but I'm sure the other 27-odd answers will have you reading for days!

No nap schedule - if he's happy, he may just be a baby who doesn't need that much sleep (especially if he sleeps well at night).

Letting 9-year-old carry the baby - depends on the 9-year-old. I'd trust a 9-year-old -- who was mature and accustomed to babies -- carry my baby daughter around and up and down stairs.

But the food thing, you are definitely not overreacting to. Grass jelly is super sugary - NOT something I'd give to a baby.

Over protective, crazy - doesn't really matter. He's your son. I think I would try sitting down with her (without hubby) and tell her straight out in a very nice, but firm way that you want this, don't want that, etc. and you feel that if she can't do what you want, you'll have to find someone else to watch him, if that's an option. Unfortunately, if it's not an option, all you can really do is ask and hope eventually she listens to you. Other than taking the child to someone else, there really isn't much you can do if she's intent on doing what she wants. You can lead the horse to water, but you can't make him drink!

You have every right to want your baby to be safe and healthy. I have a couple of recommendations for you. You may pack the food you want your baby to eat and send it with directions for breakfast, lunch etc, find someone else to watch him or let it be. Those are your solutions and see where it takes you. Let them know you appreciate them very much. I would also add prayers to keep him safe so you do not have to worry.

Have a great weekend

N. Marie

I don't even have to read all the way through your post to say that it is time for a new daycare arrangement. Your son is going to be a total nightmare by the time he is a toddler with no boundaries and trust me that no amount of talking to MIL is going to change a thing. This is your baby and you are allowing your MIL to practically raise him and make all these decisions about his care--even paying for diapers? Whose baby is this? I would start scouting centers or home daycares and get your son signed up. He needs structure, age appropriate nurtrition and a nap schedule. Your MIL isn't going to provide this, I would find someone that will. You will have to pay for good care, but don't cut corners on this.

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I'm a worrier myself and the only solution I could devise that would satisfy my nerves was to quit my job and take care of my baby. That way doesn't work for everyone and it is very hard. We live on a shoestring budget and never seem to get ahead but I wouldn't do it any other way.

Since my husband was raised by babysitters and daycare and I had a stay at home mom growing up, he was 100% supportive even if it meant he had to shoulder all of the financial responsibility.

Hard choices to make but you have to do what eases your heart the most.

Maybe it's time to get him into daycare other than your MiL.

It sounds like she really doesn't care how you feel and your husband is way too agreeable with her... he needs to get a backbone and side with you, not his mom.

As long as you continue to take the baby there, the MiL and family will do things how they please. Time for you to make changes.

At eight months old a baby's digestion system is still developing and should not be fed foods other than baby food or foods your doctor has ok'd from him to eat.

I think, if you can, find another baby sitter.

I'm sure your mother in law means well. But your baby's health and safety should come first.