Am I Going Insane?

E....you have the world on your shoulders...how horrible. I think you need to find someone who WILL support you emotionally - right now that would do you the best. Without adding to your pain, I apologize - Why would you ever settle for someone who can't provide you with emotional support. You can do without money and 1 million others things, but if you don't have somone who backs you, you have nothing. I hope you realize you deserve better. This is the person you have picked to spend the rest of your life with, for better or worse...why would you want to make the "for worse" even harder than it is? Talk to someone professionally, and if medicine makes you functional and happy - do it. Don't let yourself settle just to keep someone in your life. Don't put your child through it either...what happens when they need emotional support and your fiance isn't there for them, either? Find a new doctor, and focus on making yourself happy - it's painful and hard, but it is worth it! You are worth it!

By all means, E., go back on the anti-depressant. If it makes your life feel so much better and helps you to function more normally, please go back on them. If you can't do it for yourself, then do it so your daughter can have the mommy she is supposed to have- a happy normal functioning YOU!

I have been on antidepressants for over 10 years now. I would highly recommend asking about generic Prozac. It is the only one that has worked long-term for me, while the others all stopped working after a while.

Also I would suggest working with a chiropractor on your hip pain. I have found that my chiropractor has done so much for me where other doctors have failed miserably.

My thoughts are with you E.. Please take care of yourself.
-Jen

Many great, smart responses. Take care of yourself first - that's the best way to be the best mom you can be. I was on and off anti-depressants for the first few years of my first son's life . . . and when my second was born, after bouncing up and down and up and down for four years, I decided that life is too complicated with small children for me to be able to do ALL the self-care things that might make it possible for me to be off anti-depressants (exercise, massage, meditation, a healthy work-life, a healthy social life, etc) and so I decided to go back on (Wellbutrin this time, I've been on Lexapro, Celexa, and Effexor in the past) until my kids are in elementary school. Control issues are often part of the disease of depression - which often results in people going off meds before they really should (I feel better, things are better now, I "should" be able to handle life without this medication . . . ) Chronic pain can be exacerbated by depression - and can trigger depression. If the meds are what help you to take care of yourself best, then run straight back to your GP and get back on. Also consider therapy - in conjunction w/meds, can make a big, big difference. Best of luck.

I think Lexapro is a good thing. My daughter has been on it since a junior in high school and now she is a junior in college. She had counseled previously for over a year before medicine. I wasn't comfortable with her taking medication myself but her excellent doctor (refered by counselor) proved my otherwise. These medications are safe. Just like there are times when we are physically ill and only medicine can help. The same goes for when there is mental illness. The brain chemistry just needs some help with what it can't do itself. My daughter is doing great and I feel bad I had held out as long as I did before agreeing to the medicine. Hopefully you fiance can work on understanding that. What helped me understand is when my daughters doctor said to picture an iceberg. You see just the tip and there is so much more underneath. That's how he explained my daughters issue. I was just seeing the tip and she was holding so much more inside her.

I understand it is not good to just stop any kind of medication and if that was the case for you that could have contributed to some of the worsening of your problems and pains. I questioned my daughter coming off her medication after a couple of years because she was doing so much better and the doctor said with college bringing its own stresses she should continue to stay with it. With some situations in your life having obvious stresses maybe continuing lexapro will help.

I agree with others saying to surround yourself with a good support group- church family, other mothers, neighbors, friends and family.

Hang in there - you will make it. Open the curtain let the sunshine in. Take walks. Be social and eat healthy. Pamper yourself - childcare is hard work. I hope this has made some sense and you are in my prayers.

E. - Depression is nothing to be a shamed about! If the doctor(s) you are seeing don't do anything - go to a different doctor. I have been on antidepressants for 15 yrs now and I couldn't imagine going back to what I was like without them.

You should enjoy life - not suffer through it. You deserve better and so does your child and future husband.

Don't give up!
D.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with going back on something that works for YOU, when I was on anti-depressants, my doc. told me that even other docs. are on the same thing, that we ALL need something extra sometimes to make it work. Don't worry about what your fiancee' says, he's not the one in your position, you owe it to yourself and your daughter to get help!!

Take care:)

Hello E., I don't really know about the depression bit but I'm going to respond on the hip pain. I too am 30 and have had hip pain for a bunch of years now. I went to the chiropractor, physical therapy, had hernia surgery (with no hernia), and had many doctors look at me like I was crazy to "claim" to have hip pain and be in my late 20's. However, what was found finally after doctors kept saying maybe after your baby is born it'll go away. I have a girl exactly your age and that's what I was told when I was pregnant wtih her- frustrating!
So finally one doctor looked at my records and sent me to an orthopedic specializing in the hip area who found that I had a labrum tear. It may be something to look at (if you have insurance that is). Due to you having that accident you may have tore that ligament in there. However, you would have to have surgery to see if there is something wrong in there and then they can fix it.
I had the surgery 12/07 and my hip pain is defintly better than it was before. I'm now 6 months pregnant again and due to hips changing can feel more hip pain but otherwise am satisfied with the relief it gave me.
I don't know if yours is the same but I defintly believe that your hip hurts and I sympathize of what you're going through. To have your hip hurt at 30 is annoying and made me not want to do much at all b/c it hurt too much and turns out your hip helps you do a lot in your every day life. Email me with any questions you might have and good luck getting a doctor to listen to you, but don't give up!
R.

You are not going insane... You have a lot on your plate right now, and there is nothing wrong with going back on your anti-depressants. You need to do what is best for you and take care of yourself before you can be of help to others. Do not worry about what your fiance thinks of it. I was on an anti-depressant too and went off, but with many stresses in life right now... I am back on them. My husband doesn't care for meds either, but it helps me to deal with daily living. Maybe you can see a counselor as well.

Hang in there and best of luck. I hope things get better for you soon.

~SR

You're not going insane - you're likely just depressed/anxious again. I would highly recommend going back to your doc and asking about meds again as well as going to therapy to process all of the difficult events you've been through.

I agree with the other posters who encourage you consider going back on the anti-depressant medication. Your fiance may not support it (at first), but he's not the one dealing with the chemical imbalance that you are. There are so many layers to dig through with depression -- a lot of "shoulds." I should be able to handle this without medication. I should be able to balance life's upsets and my emotions. I should be able to manage my moods with more effort, vitamins, exercise, whatever. Well, you've got a toddler, a stressful occupation, and a lot on your plate right now. And, you've had a positive experience with a medication that made functioning well more easy for you. Don't get stuck with the "shoulds." Take care of yourself. Work with practitioners with whom you feel confident and safe. And don't judge yourself for benefiting from medication, as long as you're using it responsibly.

You don't sound insane, but you do sound depressed. I highly recommend you start getting some regular counseling or therapy. You need to take care of yourself first, especially when dealing with children on a daily basis!

When I read your post, it was like reading my own bio. When you have multiple things happening everything in life seems to snowball and can become overwhelming. I would start off by talking to your doctor about antidepresents if you feel they worked in the past. If your fiance does not believe in them, I would just explain that it is your choice to do what you feel will help you. He has the right to his own ideals and beliefs, but you also have a right to help yourself and your own beliefs. If taking them will make you a happier mother and partner he should be supportive of that.
I would also talk to your doctor regarding your back pain. I was in a car accident in Sep '07 and only had minor pain for about the first 6 months after. However, all of the sudden I could harldy walk and it reached a point where I was missing at least 1-2 days of work a week because I was hardly able to move. I was given pain meds but they made my so loopy I wasn't able to function. They had me go to a physical therapy program called Lifeback which helped a lot!! Your doctor can talk to you about different tests that can be done to rule out any major problems (spine damage, alignment etc) and what programs there are to help manage and decrease the pain. As my pain began to decrease I started noticing other areas of my life (stress, activites etc) started to get better.
Sorry this is so long, but I can deff relate to what your going thru and how you are feeling. Feel free to email me (____@____.com) if you wanna talk or just need a supportive ear :)

I would think that while your daughter was a baby you experenced post partum depression, my daughter in law had that but was young enough that she didn't know much about it. Once I heard that she was crying a lot, I told my son to mention it to the doctor. They put her on antidepressents and it worked wonders. She was off them for a while but this past year she has gone through some stressful times like losing her father then her mother's home burning down, she knew to go in and be put back on them. She is doing so much better now. You may need to go back on antidepressants for a while.

You on the other hand have no escape. You run a day care with lots of children then you more or less bring your work home with you with that beautiful 2 and half year old daughter. It is a difficult age with being in the "watch me" stage and constent attention needed. When is it "your" time?

Make sure your daughter gets a regular bed time early enough to give you time alone in the evenings. Don't worry about her father coming back to the state, chances are if he wasn't in her life before, he won't be as interested in building a relationship now. If he has a relationship through out her life, then this will be positive for her.

Stress may be irratating your hip since it effects all parts of our body working on the weaknesses. The doctors may not be taking it seriously because they think your depression is talking. We concentrate on negitives when we are depressed and have a whole list of complaints. They should still listen to you though.

Good luck and remember "this too shall pass" whenever you are having a hard time with dealing with life.

E.

I have battled depression for about 10 years. As it got worse, so did other problems (I developed anorexia, panic attacks, and phobias). I finally got help and was put on a generic form of Prozac. It has been life changing. I only wish i would have done it sooner.

I would recommend going back on your anti-depressant and seeing how that helps with everything.

Best of luck!

No, but you might be making yourself too ill to care for your daughter and I know you don´t want to do that because you are the one that can care for her best - at this point. However, if you don´t take better care you will begin to have physical problems as well as emotional ones. You are very young yet but in just a few years the emotional toil will present problems in your physical self (if already not present). You know the drill...fibromylgia, thyroid, glandular and other hormonal and immune deficiency problems. Get some good medical help NOW and start some serious yoga or other tranquilizing activity. Got a hobby? You don´t have time NOT to have one. And consider a new man if the present candidate does not understand better your situation. You are an important person - to yourself and your man BUT especially to your child who needs you to be healthy for many years. Are you over-tired? Best of Life.

Hi, E.. I am so sorry you are having such a rough time right now. I do not think you are insane. As many of the other moms have suggested, I would go back on the Lexapro. You have a lot of stresses in your life, and if the Lexapro will help you cope, then by all means, do not be ashamed to go back on it.

I started zoloft for PPD, switched to Lexapro for anxiety shortly thereafter, and it helped so much. I was gradually able to wean off when my son turned 2, but needed to go back on an anti-depressant about the time he turned 3 1/2. I think my trigger was lack of sleep; you said aren't able to sleep, and that just causes so many things in one's life, including your ability to cope and your body's ability to feel well/be healthy, to deteriorate pretty quickly.

I agree with the other ladies about seeing a chiropractor, and I would even recommend deep tissue or cranio-sacral massage. While your daughter is growing and getting bigger, i.e. heavier, carrying her will put more stress on all your joints, and if you are not sleeping, these symptoms will just be exacerbated.

While all these things--meds, doctors, etc.--will help you physically, if you are a woman of faith, please do not neglect prayer. I am a Christian, and I could not cope with day to day life, even on meds, without the help and encouragement and strength I find in Scripture, prayer, and fellowship with other Christians. The Bible says, "I can do ALL things through Him who strengthens me." I will keep you in my prayers, E., for Him to strengthen you.

You might want to look into the alternative Medical profession to help with your pain. Chiropractors, Acupunture, etc. Your body is probably way out of wack from the accident. You might be suprised what wonderful things a good Chiropractor can do.

I would say to let your OB Gyn know how you are feeling and have her recommend a path for you. Maybe some counseling could help you? Are you involved with a church? Maybe a pastor/priest could offer some guidance. I think you definitely need to get a support system in place to get through this rough patch....

First...hugs...you are not going insane. I'm with you. I have a 3 year old son, and have needed to be on Lexapro since he was born.

I recommend you go back to see a doctor. It would be ideal for him/her to do a complete physical with blood work-up. Just in case something new is going on. If he/she will not put you back on Lexapro, then I suggest finding a Psychiatrist. They are amazing when it comes to finding the best ways to help you. Mine of course has me taking the med, but he also suggested supplements as well. For example, certain forms of Omega 3's can be a natural anti-depressant.

Sleep is one of the most important things for your body to function normally. Not being able to sleep can come from many things, including anxiety/depression. Sometimes an anti-depreeant can help sleep, but it can also disrupt it. That's why it's best to see someone like a Psychiatrist who really knows the meds inside and out.

It's amazing how good life is when you are treateed correctly. I suggest going ahead and the difference in you will hopefully convince your fiance.

Sounds horrible! I feel terrible for you, but even worse for your daughter to have to see you like that, and go through it with you. So the problem is that you can't get the medication again? I think you need to insist that you get in for another evaluation. You obviously need the meds. Good luck!

It sounds like he could be an emotional abuser. You have a lot of 'stuff' going on and he needs to be supportive. If he is not supportive you could fall really far into depression. It sounds like you are there now. I live in Wisconsin also and the winters here are horrible. I am not a medical professional but from what I read in your post it sounds like you have a lot of the classic symtoms of depression. There are some great domestic violence shelters and counselors here in Wisconsin and you should be able to talk to someone without being a resident of a shelter. Talk to your doctor and find a counselor and get the help you need. Do it for you and do it for your daughter she needs a strong Mom. I am too a domestic violence survivor and I am here for you whenever you need me just send a private message and I will get back to you.

I think you need to go back on Lexapro. It doesn't matter if your fiance believes in antidepressants or not--you need them right now. Even chronic pain, like what you are experiencing with your hip--is enough to trigger clinical depression.

I was on Lexapro a few years ago, and if I needed it, I wouldn't hesitate to go back on it. I'm not big on drugs or even conventional medicine, but antidepressants have their place. Do you have to be on it forever? No, but it will help you get back on track. Then you can deal w/your hip. I second the idea of checking out a chiropractor or a Naturopathic Doctor for the hip pain.

Everyone feels lost sometimes E., don't feel bad! Don't feel guilty if you need medication to help you feel stable either. I've heard that something like 1/6 to 1/4 of adults are on some sort of anti-depressant/anti-anxiety/behavioral medication. And it tends to be much more common for women. This is not something to be ashamed about!

As for your pain, it sucks that you and your daughter are having to deal with it. Don't let the Dr.'s make you feel guilty about it, its your body and your health, of course you want to feel good! I agree with the other women about trying Chiropractic care also. It can (sometimes) work miracles, especially if you are having joint pain.

Hang in there and be strong for yourself, and your daughter!

S.

Check with an endocrinologist. Have your hormones tested. Also begin eating healthier. Lots of fresh fruits and vegetables. Limit meat and gluten. After a very stressful time in my life I had similar symptoms. In the end the stress caused my hormones to become totally out of wack. Once they were back in line, I was much more normal.

Hi E.,
It sounds like you got hit with postpartum depression when your daughter was four months old. What you're experiencing now might be situational depression; you have a lot of stressors/situations that could cause it. Chronic physical pain can cause depression, also, especially since it sounds like you're feeling hopeless. Hormones, eating habits, sleep habits, exercise -- all of these can be factors in depression. Can you see a counselor? He/she should be able to help you determine whether you need to see a psychiatrist to prescribe anti-depressants, or if other therapy will get you through this time in your life. If you'd like more info on nutrition, sleep, hormones, or exercise, check out naturopathic web-sites.
I'll be praying for you,

I think you should visit with a counselor or psychologist on a regular basis. Sometimes the drugs aren't the answer, but sometimes your body stops producing chemicals your brain needs to function normally. Start each day "NEW" and set a limit for how many things you can handle on your plate in a day and when full realize it and say to yourself and others sorry plates full today it must wait for another day. Give yourself a little more time out of the house if even to just walk around a mall or go to a week day mass (if relegious). Good Luck.

Please contact your Dr and get back on the Lexapro. It is very important not to just go off of that drug. Stay on it for as long as you need then a little longer. Never just quit. I have been on it for about 3 years and it has done wonders for my outlook. It could also help ease your pain. YOu might want to ask about a cortisone shot in your hip that may work. Please get back on the Lexapro and enjoy your life and baby! Good Luck