Am I an Over-bearing/controlling Mother...

No, you are not being an overbearing or controlling mother...you are being a good and responsible mother. Good luck!

My SO sometimes calls me the "fun police" and sometimes "nag"... sounds like we are in the same boat =)

I just smile... as long as I can maintain good, healthy habits 95% of the time then I let the others go.

I really don't think it's so much the food that's an issue, but the fact that you've been disrespected as a parent by your in-laws AND the fact that your husband refuses to back you up. He just stood there and allowed his family to disrespect you? Unacceptable. I have a feeling that this isn't the first time this has happened, nor is food the only time they do this sort of thing when it comes to your son.

I would have a serious talk about this with your husband and try to be determined not to get emotional or lose your temper. Make your points about nutrition, but your main points should probably be about being respected as a mother and a wife. It should have been a united front at his family's house with him supporting you, and I would bet that his aunt wouldn't have handed the Cheetos to your son.

I totally disagree with most of these responses. I would not have allowed my kids to eat cheetos before dinner at under two years old. No difference between that and letting them eat dessert before dinner.

My kids are not deprived of anything and never have been. They get lots of treats and trust me as they get older there seems to be junk food everyday at parties, school and family get togethers. He is young and it should be very easy to keep that stuff out of his hands as long as your family isn't trying to get to you through feeding him junk. Let him develop his palate and grow mature enough to understand those things are occasional indulgences.

Next time do not say "I know I'm a picky Mother but..." Just say I do not want him to have cheetos before dinner, enough said. If they continue that's a problem in my book and I am the farthest thing from a picky Mother. I just truly believe that stuff, when consumed regularly and in place of real food, is dangerous. There is a lot of research to back that up.

"my husband prefers processed foods to anything" Hmmm, do you ever wonder how your husband his developed his taste for that stuff?

I am so sorry that you are going through this. You are right in serving him fruit, hummus, etc.
I agree that a young toddler should not be feasting on junk food.

Would it be possible to take your husband to the next pediatrician visit and bring up a toddler's intake of food?

My MIL is the same way. She sees nothing wrong w/ junk food, fried foods, fast foods, etc...But, I do !

Stand your ground. If you say no, then they need to respect that. Your husband's aunt doesn't get to choose what is "balance" for your son, YOU do. She had no right to give your son cheetos when you said no.

People will criticize you no matter what you do. That's a hard part that comes with being a parent. Be confident in the choices that you make as a mom and decide what is important to you. If something is important to you, then people need to respect that.

Apparently your husband's side of the family did a crappy job of feeding their families since your husband always wants processed foods. Good for you for wanting to change the cycle.

Ya know you are contradicting yourself all over the place here. "I allow our son treats...but they are for special occasions...birthdays, family gatherings" Then you go on to say you didn't want to let go at a family gathering.

My advice, let go at the family gatherings! Unless you are going there five days a week it is okay to let go at family gatherings. That means let the boy eat cheetos! Let him do whatever, let the family spoil him, that is his treat for the week.

Why put yourself through that? You say why do they fight you on such a small thing, why do you fight back even when you say you let it go at those events?

Oh and I love Hummus but sorry, no kid on earth thinks that is a substitute for junk food, sorry, prunes rate higher as a junk food substitute. :)

In our house we are just like you. We eat very few processed foods. I buy organic when I can. We don't eat high fructose corn syrup, preservatives or artificial dyes. I avoid MSG.

Many people are NOT enlightened about how the pesticides and the GMO foods affect our health. Artificial dyes and preservatives are harming our bodies. And MSG is a neurotoxin! It's awesome that you understand that and are teaching your son about good eating habits.

Our bodies are not meant to eat preservatives or artificial dyes or MSG. And we sure aren't supposed to eat meats or milk from cows that have been fed hormones! And then we wonder why we get cancer and other diseases later on.

Cheetos have MSG in them. MSG is addictive. MSG stimulates your nerves to make you crave more. No wonder your son wanted more!

That being said, my family and my husband's family seem to think that junk food is a GIFT. They are giving my child the GIFT of Doritoes or candy. We have given up fighting it, and we just let them do it. As vigilant as I am about buying all organic foods and foods free of dyes and preservatives, we allow our daughter to "live it up" when at the in-laws. Yes, she eats pies and cookies and Cheetos and things full of bad stuff when she's over there. AND the in-laws LOVE seeing her eat the junk food. Yes they make comments like "You poor thing, you can't eat Doritoes at your house, you can have as many as you want here."

We don't fight it. And now that she's older, she is very educated on why we eat the way we do. The funny thing is, she now refuses to eat Cheetos and Doritoes ON HER OWN. She knows about MSG, and that the MSG causes her headaches.

We will never lower our standards in our own home. But we do allow the inlaws to offer the the junk food. I'm pretty sure a little junk food now and then at the in-laws isn't going to hurt her.

Also, she LOVES our organic food and swears it tastes better than the other food. She thinks my homemade yogurt salad dressing is better than the stuff in the bottle. So your soon will grow up just fine.

Good luck!

I am totally with you there. We were on vacation with my in-laws, and on day 4 my MIL (who is EXTREMELY health-conscious when it comes to what adults eat) kept insisting that my 2 yr old could eat coffee cake for breakfast. Nevermind the fact that he was already happily eating scrambled eggs and had some ham and was eating a banana as well. When I asked her to not offer it to him, she ignored me, asked him if he wanted some, and he promptly shoved his plate to the side and grabbed the gooey pastry from her hand. Thanks MIL! Now we're going to head out the door for a LONG day and he's just had a sugary snack for breakfast, rather than the sustaining meal that we had just paid $17 in freakin hotel restaurant food to feed him. ARGH!!!

And then she wonders WHY I don't want them to move back in with us again. Um, because I don't want to be undermined in my own home and on a daily basis.

Guess what I am trying to say is, yes, I feel your pain :) Thanks for letting me vent a bit. I feel better now ;-)

ETA: My frustration with my MIL got so bad that at one point I had jokingly listed her in the "Free" section of Craigslist. Writing that ad was very cathartic :)

Susan P. are you aware we're talking about a 23 MONTH old, not a young man? S. T. no you are right to want to give your child healthy food, that alone does not make you overbearing/controlling. My husbands family (-all have weight problems) are a little like this giving my kids soda and junk. I think if we make too much of a big deal over it they will be even more inclined to give the kids junk -poor baby his mommy only feeds him carrots and celery, we have to make up for it. It was easier for me as in laws live some distance away. You can try "Of course he can have cheetohs AFTER dinner" and then move your kid away from cheetohs but if she's shoving food in his mouth after you say no, you may have to say your child has child has reactions to food additives, not really a lie, God knows we all will have a reaction eventually to a build up of chemicals and food colorings in our food, whether that reaction is obesity, ADD symptoms, cancer, heachaches, etc

You are not alone. Don't give in. Stand your ground....and speak up. Force them to respect you as his mother. If they want to undermine you, they lose the privilege of having him around.

I'm with you for sure. For me it's not as much about healthy eating as it is about SLEEP! When we visit my MIL and all the cousins are there they stay up so late it's ridiculous. I just don't think a 5 year old should stay up until 11pm. I'm pretty sure my in-laws think I'm mildly crazy when I tell my kids "time for bed!" But you know what? They are MY kids and I will parent them the way I see fit! Sure, I let them stay up late for a few special occasions (just like you allow treats on special occasions) But we see my in-laws often enough that just b/c we're with them does not mean it's a special occasion! Stand your ground. And have a real heart to heart with your husband. You need his support and his family needs to know he is with you on this.

I am in your camp so no, I do not think you're being overprotective etc. Geez - my kids didn't have cheetos at 23 months!! There's just no need to give stuff like that. No advice other than to stand your ground...

Bottom line- he is YOUR child, not hers. She needs to abide by YOUR rules for his diet, whether or not she agrees with them.

Back in the dark ages when I was a child. My mom hardly ever bought junk food. Not so much because it was bad for us, but because she was very frugal, she still is.

So we did not have chips , cookies, candy, sodas, chocolate milk and sugar cereal....except at my grandmothers house! Woo Hoo, we ate whatever we wanted over there. She was an amazing cook and spared no fat. Cooked and fried with lard, bacon grease..real butter... She. Also worked in a neighborhood market. When we went there, we were allowed to get anything we wanted...

I never understood why everything just tasted so much better at her home, until, I go older.

My mother did not make big deal out of this... And we survived. We loved the treats over there, but we were fine at home too...we knew the difference...

Just keep in mind....we turned out fine. Pick your battles and decide if this is the one you want to fight over.... Will it make a difference in the long run. Is this a danger to any of you? Does it make you less of a parent?

You decide and then stick with it...

I know you are trying to do what you believe is best and you should be respected by your husband and inlaws.

However, there is such a thing as moderation and balance. If you have enough things that you say NO to and do not allow, then when your son gets older and is making his own choices, he will try all the things he has been forbidden to try.

A little treat occasionally is not going to hurt him. I would ease up a bit because you already know he is eating healthy foods. From your post, I think your hubby and inlaws are trying to help you ease up but it comes across negatively.

We have a 17 yr old and I have never had anything forbidden for her to eat. It is all about balance. We are all healthy eaters at my house, no one is over weight, we are all in good physical shape and OMG, there are times we might indulge in a scoop of ice cream or a cookie. For the most part though, my daughter will choose a fruit over a cookie, etc but I do believe if I never allowed her to have a choice to make, then she would probably go for the cookie since it would have been the forbidden food.

Try to relax and enjoy your child growing up. There will be a lot bigger battles to fight in the future.

In my opinion, you are 100% right. My sons are 4 years old and 11 months old and I view things exactly like you do as far as what is good for them and the fact that it is my job as their mother to enforce those things. My son loves hummus. When I ask him what he wants for dinner or lunch he will often say tofu. Totally serious. I made all his baby food myself, never bought a single jar, and I think this has something to do with it (and luck too I'm sure!) because I think he developed a taste for real, flavorful foods very early. I also get flack for this at times but I let it roll off of me. I will probably get slaughtered for this comment, but here goes...I think some people use the fact that "most kids" eat a certain way to justify the way their kids eat and the fact that they aren't up to fighting the norm, which is full of fast food and processed food and junk. You should not lower your standards. Let me be clear - balance is important, and I do believe that part of raising healthy eaters is teaching them what to do when faced with the choice of junk. I tell my son all the time which things are healthy for his body and which aren't, I tell him its ok to sometimes have things that aren't healthy for his body but that most of the time we need to make good choices. When my son is given what I consider to be junk, I let it slide as long as its infrequent and remind myself that its an overall pattern that would be detrimental in a real way, not every once in a while. My best friend teases me about this and in fact tells her local friends about this crazy mom she knows whose 4 year old son has never had McDonalds or any other type of fast food. I say go ahead and spread the word, maybe someone else will realize its possible and do it too :)

I don't think you are overbearing/controlling. You are teaching your son to eat appropriately.

Regarding the family - I do not know as I have not seen but I wonder if the family knows how much this gets under your skin so they are pushing it to get a rise out of you..........or they think they need to give him treats as he does not get them at home.........that's certainly not ok - he's your son.

I have a husband who regularly buys junk - our son is on a special gluten free diet yet he'll regularly give him stuff he shouldn't have - mainly because my husband is not informed of what contains gluten - his ignorance. (so I told him if he won't inform himself he hasn't the right to prepare anything for our son).

Anyway - your husband needs to be on board with you - and needs to tell his family it's not appropriate and it's disrespectful what they are doing.

You are NOT overbearing. You are making positive choices for your son and the aunt was COMPLETELY in the wrong to give your son junk food and then imply that your close watch over his nutrition (which is your JOB and it sounds like you are doing a FINE job, at that!) is some how out of balance.

I'm really angry at your husband's family. Eating habits are NOT a small thing, as the obesity rates and rates of other diet-related illnesses show.

I am 1000% with you on this. We have sent our DD's lunch with her to day care for her whole entire life so that she would not think that hot dogs, chicken nuggets, and pizza rolls are normal and appropriate things to have for lunch. I am not perfect--I give her more treats than I should--but you are doing the right thing. Stay strong. Some day your child will thank you for it.

"Pick your battles" does NOT apply here. Your choices for your child are being flat-out disrespected, and you have to stand up for your child. It doesn't have to be an all-out brawl, unless THEY make it one. Your say trumps theirs. Even if you and your husband disagree (separate marital issue that you two should work out), they should stay out of it and back off. Yep, they are wrong, not so much because of their poor food choices but because YOU are Mom.

It seems like you have not stood up and taken your rightful seat in the throne of Mom-dom. Once you have the responsibility of advocating for that new life, you lose the luxury of not being assertive. You are in charge of his care. You are in charge of establishing his habits.

You do not owe anyone--except your husband--any explanation for your decisions. Even at the start of your post, you feel the need to justify still nursing your 23-month-old. Be more confident in your decisions. I think that they expect you to back down. If they knew that you were willing to stand firmly by your decisions, they'd probably back off.

It's so hard to balance it all. Depending on how much you see the "junk food people" (aside from your husband ;), try to limit the junk food but don't make too big a deal or that will just make the kid want it more. Try for constant comprimises/deals - with the adults! ;)

Say he can have a few cheetos with dinner but not before. Or if snacking say he can have some cheetos after he has a few grapes. If these people insist on bullying you (that's what it is) and you have to see them often, just hang out with them less or like someone else said, limit the junk food to when he sees family. And you should in no way feel like you have to ever say oh yeah cheetos are sooo awesome!! LOL Stand your ground on how bad these foods are - because they are no question! People who refuse to understand that we have a food epidemic on our hands are in la la land.

If you keep up your end but allow the 'bad' stuff here and there, he'll be ok. Especially as he gets older you can start explaining stuff. I freely call certain foods junk food or treats around my son so he knows that he can have it but that's it's not great and is only on occasion. The thing you'll probably start to see is that when they know what real food is but have also been allowed to try the junk, they grow up wanting the good stuff vs the junk all on their own.

Just know you're not alone in this, so many people struggle -- and why does it always have to be with the inlaws ;)

ETA Just want to add one little story: When we visit my husband's parents, since he was two-ish my son loves to get up and climb into their bed in the mornings and SOMEHOW animals crackers would magically appear from Grandpa's bedside table. At first I cringed but then thought hell, what could be cuter than grandparents snuggling with their grandkid while he eats a few animal crackers once a year (and I sleep in!). Even better when I found out the reality was most of the animal crackers were being fed to the dog. Life goes on :)

You are in the right here. You are being disrespected by them. You get to decide what is and is not "okay" for your son. You should not lower your standards. You need to have your husband on your side or you are going to have a big mess. Have you and your husband discussed overall philosophy? Otherwise your child is going to start playing you off each other in another year or so. And you and your husband need to present a united front to both sides of the family. Otherwise you will simply come off as being an unreasonable person (which you are NOT). "You are what you eat" is a very true statement. So much of the problems with disease in our country can be directly attributed to people's diet. Sounds like your in-laws don't get that yet.

If you can't get your husband on your side, just start arming yourself with information about processed foods. They will see you as unreasonable no matter what so you might as well come out shooting :)

I think shoving a Cheeto in your son's mouth after you specifically asked her not to was over the top. But, that it also speaks to a larger problem of disrespect - from both sides.

Surely, you knew you hubby's food preferences before you married him. Having a baby was not going have him go organic. He has to be on board with your first and foremost. Maybe some comprises need to be made on both sides.

I was one of "those" moms when my son was a toddler. He didn't eat candy, didn't have soda, or sweet tea, chips, french fries, ice cream, or any junk. It worked well and fine when it was me at home with my son. But visiting my Aunt's was different. While she didn't overload him with junk, he did have his fair share. What I learned was to relax - that a diet of 95-99% healthy foods was fine. He learned about different rules for different houses. He learned not to ask me for doughnuts - I wasn't going to buy them for him.

He is now 16, healthy, and understands what healthful eating means. He still likes veggies, but he also likes PopTarts. It does become about balance. Admittedly, there are some days he eats more junk than veggies, but there are more days when he eats healthy. Most importantly, as he grows to adulthood he will carry the good food lessons with him.

Maybe compromise on the things like Cheetos at family gatherings - two Cheetos on his plate with a full serving of veggies. They get a "kick" out of giving him "banned" foods for two reasons (1) they want to spoil him and (2) it gets such a rise out of you.

Good Luck!
Hugs

Is it the cheeto or the fact that she gave it to him before dinner that really is upsetting you? I don't see a problem wanting to ensure that your son eats properly. However, the fact that his family shows such disregard for your desires is a problem. I would be upset that she gave that to him beofre dinner.

My ex's family was very much like that. They simply 'knew' more than I did. The fact tht all of them were overweight with health issues, apparently meant nothing. Their opinion was it was easy for me to lose weight, I lost 40lbs after my #2, baby weight. But now I fast forward 30+ years my ex is diabetic, going blind, has nerve damage in his legs, can't walk more than a block ect ect ect.and is on a lot of medication. And he's only 5 months older than I am.
Me, I am slightly overweight, smoke, drink more alcohol than my ex and I am on no -- zero medication, usually have energy to burn, and always get great results when I go in for my yearly check-ups. I have normal to low blood pressure, low cholestrol ..... why???
I eat healthy. I love fruits and veggies don't eat junk and exercise moderately.

My advice:
Have a no holds barred talk with hubby. (I know it's bad) Compare his family to yours --- look at the health and basic well being of his older family members compared to yours. Obeisty --- diabetics --- heart conditions -- blood pressure --- even how many complain about fluid retention.... then look at the food they eat and the food your family eats ----- show him why you believe what you believe about eating and good food.

GARBAGE IN ---- GARBAGE OUT. IT'S THAT SIMPLE

As far as his family giving your son junk food -- say NO loud -- if they continue to put it toward his mouth --- take it away and say again LOUD NO!!!!!! I'm his Mom and I said no.

I am more amazed about the woman shoving in a cheeto when you asked her not to feed them to him! Holy camoly! I might have said, to my son "you can have some with/after dinner". But heck, it doesn't matter what you do, it matters that people disregard you outright.

Whenever you set limits and rules you are opening yourself up for the "challenger's" of those said rules.
Food is a curious thing, we need it to live. We all have a different relationship with food.
I would pick my battles wisely with family.
It sounds like you are doing a great job feeding your child. Figuring he eats well 99% of the time, you should be very proud AND confident of your childs health.
The people that are messin' with you are doing it because you have made it known to them that you are eating a more healthy lifestyle and they feel degraded ---thus--they are acting out.
If you ignored the fact that they give your kids treats when with them, it would probably happen less often. They are trying to get your goat.
I'm sure you have tried to convince them of your lifestyle, but they don't care.... and I don't think there is anything you can say or do that will make them care. Do not throw your pearls at swine.
Limit visits due to disrespect, keep feeding your child the healthy stuff like you have been, and hang it there----- a few years from now there will be even bigger fish to fry.

sounds like hubbys family are jerks, not sure what you can do about it if hubby won't stand up for you.
sounds like you are in for a long time of trouble like this.

I think many parents have the same issues. For me it has always been a fight with the grandparents. My advice is to assert, assert, assert. If they don't like your parenting, too bad. It's none of their concern. If the situation occurs again, just remove your son and offer something else to do or eat. Firmly tell whomever that YOU are mom and you said no. If they get huffy, so be it. If they like the junk food so much they can eat it.

I only read a few of the responsed, and I'd say that you are the mama and as long as you're doing what you feel is best for YOU and your KID, you should stand up for yourself!

My daughter is 3.5 and we do eat junk and processed food (I work full time, hate cooking, and yes, I admit, I'm a bitl lazy), but I also cook homemade meals almost every night. She is expected to eat as much as she wants and based on the amount she eats, that will determine if/what she snacks on later.

My big one was when the in-laws were visiting and my 2 nephews (ages 5 & 4, my dd was almost 3)--who are very "picky" eaters made things so difficult for us! These boys will ONLY eat chicken nuggests, fries, and of course any kind of junk food you put in front of them (sweets, chips, etc)! So, at every meal, while everybody else was eating what I had prepared, the 2 boys got a frozen meal of chicken nuggets & fries (and sometimes wouldn't even eat that)! By the 3rd day dd was asking why she couldn't have chicken nuggets "like them"??? UGH! "Well, sweetheart, their mama lets them eat that because they don't like this yummy food we cooked. Try this meatloaf/steak/taco, isn't it yummy--especially with the cheese/sourcream/ketchup!?" I'm so glad I have a good kid, though, because she didn't really argue, just ate what I put in front of her.

Back to your example, I am much more lax about letting her snack, because my husband has a terrible sweet tooth and we always have junk food in the house. But, I always offer a healthier alternative (yogurt, string cheese, crackers, fruit, veggie) FIRST and 9 time out of 10, she'll take it, enjoy it, and be satisfied. On that 10th time, when she really just wants the chips, cookie, ice cream, I will find a way to compromise. It's all about balance, and doing what YOU think & feel is best for YOUR KID.

Hi S.,

I say no way. Your son, your rules. My husband and I also try to limit junk food and keep ingredients that are no good for our family out of our home. It is a little trickier when we are visiting friends/family members who have different beliefs/understandings about healthy eating. For our youngest (15 months), we generally stick to our rules no matter where we are. For the oldest (5 yrs.) there are definitely some exceptions and our goal at this point is to help her understand why we choose the foods we do so that she can make her own healthy choices. I don't freak out if she eats a Popsicle with high fructose corn syrup and artificial colors when she's at our neighbor's house, but we do talk about what those ingredients are, why they are not good for our bodies and better alternatives, such as making home-made Popsicles with left over smoothies from breakfast or all fruit Popsicles. She now asks questions about where things come from, what's in the food we eat and even how animals are treated. I think you are doing the right thing and in a few years your son will be able to understand your concern. We often pack snacks or a cooler of food (depending on the length of our visit) when we take trips.

Honestly, she was wrong to do it before dinner. That's just stupid. My son will ask for treats and if it's close to dinner, I tell him he can have some after dinner. You may need to relax about junk food a little, because if it's made into a forbidden thing, it can go the other way. But others need to also exercise some good judgement, which they didn't. Team up with hubby and build in some kind of "treat" rules that you can both feel comfortable with his family, and make him the go to person once you have a plan you can both live with.

1) People grow up differently and have different ways of eating. And sometimes all these people happen to be family. So there is no escaping them. Every family, has a different ethos about eating etc. A total consensus, to one view, cannot be fully and absolutely attained. When family members are so disparate in views.

2) A child, will be exposed to all kinds of foods and different ways of eating all their lives. And even more so when they enter school... and have friends and are invited to play-dates at other people's homes or when they are invited to parties or social events, with other children and families. So, this will be confronted, even with non-family members.

3) You teach your child about foods and healthy eating, per what you believe. That will then, teach your child, when older, how to discern and evaluate himself.... what he chooses, to eat. But no kid is perfect.

4) Your In-Laws... seem to want to irk you... about how your son eats and about how YOU view what is to be eaten and your preferences about healthy eating. But, they use your son, as the way in which to irk you... about the way you eat or about the way you prefer your son to eat. So, by giving your son those "junk foods" they are making a statement... about it, indirectly. They... don't think anything is wrong with it. Thus, you feel disrespected.

Your Husband, is not on the same page either. So he will not be much help in your stand against they way they all, eat.

5) If you do not like it, then you can pick your son up, and walk away. Saying "no."
Now, IF your son had medical issues or concerns, such as Diabetes etc., then... the way your In-Laws feeds him... would be TOTALLY negligent and wrong. And they would be harming, him.

6) As your son grows older, you also need to teach him, how to speak up and how to discern foods. It does not have to be, dictatorial. But teaching a child, basic healthy ways of eating. In a fun way. Even at my kids' school... they teach the kids that. For example.
So it is a COMBINATION: of teaching your child and also, realizing that as a child gets older, they will have to make choices too. And if you teach them "skills" in healthy eating, then that is another educational thing for them to evaluate things too.
And, nothing will be perfect.
If your child is one day, at a party or at a play-date (and you are not there to monitor it) , and there is chips and cupcakes and candy served there... then what???? And say your son eats it all? Then what???
These are COMMON things, a child will encounter all their lives.
Not just with the In-Laws.

Like anything, you teach a child SKILLS and HOW TO DISCERN situations and information... so that, as they get older, they can ALSO make choices, too.
I do this, with my own kids. Since they were 2 years old. And I also taught them about how to evaluate tv commercials and whatever they "see" or hear from others. Teaching them the ability... on how to "evaluate" things themselves, too.
Because the thing is: once they hit school age.... you will not be there to always run interference nor monitor their every food intake. So you need to teach your child... about how to make choices and evaluate it. With the realization, that it will not always be, 100% absolutely exactly, like how you might expect your child to eat.

I can be the same way. However, I lead a very sheltered life as a child, I chose what I would eat and what I wouldn't, I am now a very picky eater as an adult. I don't want that for my child. I work and I am my son's primary caregiver after work. I feel that his snacks at daycare are junk food. THerefore, I introduced him to the applesause to-go. He loves it! However, after being at daycare all day and eating junk food, he comes home and wants chips, crackers, and nothing to do with our supper. I don't know how to handle this! Ive tried talking to his daycare, but they don't listen to me. They say they will fix it then it continuously happens. I don't think you are doing a bad thing with what you want your child to eat! My mom introduced my son to candy and I was livid! I would relax a bit on what your husband's family can and can't do, but stand firm on the NO snacks before dinner!!! I feel that a snack, is just that...a snack, not something you would make for dinner or lunch.

There are two solutions - become more assertive and let your husband know that you expect his support. (A lack of support, after you ask for it, is a sign of marriage trouble.)

The second solution is to limit time spent with extended family members. See them mostly for special occasions, when you would have allowed treats anyway.

If you live very near family and find them invasive, you might have to take a more extreme measure by moving just far enough away to make visits too inconvenient to be routine.

Like others, I'm of 2 minds.
1) You asked her not to give it to your son, and she blatantly ignored you. That would piss me off royally. I would've taken the bag away from her/your child and walked away with out another word.

but 2) I do think you need to relax about this. If he's eating well most of the time, he's gonna be just fine. It's not going to ruin him if he happens to have treats 2x/day or two days in a row.
There are going to be far larger challenges you're going to run into, the older he gets. This might be one of those areas where you need to cease some control, or you're going to drive yourself crazy.

Hi S. -

I didn't read the other posts, so sorry if this is repetitious.

The aunt thing is obviously totally not okay. It doesn't matter if you said "he can't have red food on Tuesdays". Whatever your rules are, they need to be respected. I would think in advance about how you'll handle it when the situation repeats itself. You said you're not into conflict, so maybe just picking up your son and moving him away, without saying anything? That gets him out of harms way, and should make your point.

Also, I wouldn't be apologetic when you're speaking with your husband's family. Rather than saying "I know I'm a picky mother" I would say something like, "well, since that kind of food is linked to obesity, diabetes, and high blood pressure in children, I prefer to limit his intake."

In my opinion, itt sounds like your biggest issue, though, is your husband. If he is on your side and backing you up, then everything else takes care of itself. If just stating your wishes hasn't worked, what about showing him, in black and white, the health risks? Thoughts on getting him on your side: do a little research about %s of US kids with obesity, diabetes, etc and how the rates started going up with the increase in processed foods, then share it with him. Make an appointment with your pediatrician and your husband to specifically talk about nutrition, and what level of junk food is okay. Take a class together (I think www.weightandwellness has classes specifically about child nutrition). You could say that you know he doesn't worry as much about nutrition, but it's really important to you, and as a favor would he please... take the class, go to the dr's appt, whatever.

And this may sound mean, but by any chance, are any of the other kids in your husband's family overweight? It would be worth pointing that out, if so.

Good luck! You sound like a great mom.

K.

I'm confused. You allow your son treats at family gatherings, yet you are upset that your aunt gave your son treats at a family gathering?

Well, IMO, you should change the "days" that he gets junk food, and make that day the day that you have family get togethers, and allow him to indulge a little, and you won't feel so bad about the inlaws giving it to him. You said in the beginning of your post that you save the junk food for different occasions, and included family gatherings in that. So it sounds like you are not totally opposed to the food. Sounds like you are having a control issue with the inlaws, involving junk food. So if you do allow it, then let him have it then, and don't allow it in the days before or after the family gathering. I know this sounds like you are giving in, but really you are just tweaking your schedule. You'll have to change your mind on this, or you will be fighting forever with them. Is it worth it, in the long run, to fight over cheetos, when your son gets stuff like that anyway?

Pizza and Mac and cheese do not have to be processed foods. Did you know that you can actually make these things. In fact both were early foods for my kids because Mac and cheese with beef and peas is super yummy and 12 month olds love it! Early eaters love pizza too, and there is nothing junky about pizza.

I do think you are being controlling. But I like cake and pie and baked goods in general and cant believe you'd deprive your 23 month old of such things. again, did you know you can make these from scratch without all the sodium and sugar?

my kids got such things on their 1st bays and they've gotten them regularly since. In fact, last week they had fresh black raspberry pie for breakfast because it's berries season and nothing says summer like berry pie for breakfast!

I also let my kids have candy every day after lunch, and they get a Popsicle in the afternoon. And do you know what? When they want a snack, they grab apples, carrot sticks, snow peas, and other healthy things. Clementines are a favorite they grab daily too.

If you don't make it a "special food," it doesn't become one, it is just another thing to eat.

With all that said, I'd make it clear to hubby and his family that if they won't respect our wishes then they won't have access to our little one. You are the mom. But also realize that at parties and things kids always go for the junk. It's the nature of a party or get together.

Now that I have 3 kids, ages 6, 4 and 1 yr., I am much more lax... my kids are all healthy and very active. I do try to teach them and set good examples about what healthy foods are, but they do eat snacks and generally 1 treat every day. The biggest thing is to make sure he is eating healthy meals... having snacks and treats in between is not a big deal unless that is all he eats. On the other hand, kids should not eat junk before a meal, because then they will just fill up on that. You definately have the right to stand up and say "no cheetos until after lunch"... or maybe just limit it and say, you can have 2 cheetos now, and if you have a good lunch you can have more after. For my 1 yr old, if we are out and she sees snacks, I try to give her the healthy stuff ie. fruit, before mealtime. Now my older kids will just grab what they see, but they know they have to eat a well balanced meal to get dessert. I agree with everything in moderation, but you do have to set SOME limits and instill good eating habits. On the other hand, if you make it taboo to eat certain things, they will just want it more!

My daughter will be 19 yrs old on June 25th, give him some space and let him mature. he'll be fine. He needs to know yound man responsibilities and know who he is as a young man. I still do the same with my daughter and I have to remember to step back and give her some young adult space. She is still learning and I want her to be the best and I have to sometimes remember she not a little girl anymore.