Am I Alone in This? (Maybe TMI)

Gotta agree with Jamie on this one. Been there. Done that. I had to MAKE myself give in for about a month. Then, all of a sudden one day I realized I was the one wanting it! Don't think about it. JUT DO IT. FAKE IT! ;-) Good luck!

I'm not sure how to help you get started, but I can tell you this...sex begets desire. The more you have sex, the more you want it. The same can be said for how awesome the sex is. The better the sex, the more you'll be yearning for more. I went through a period like this after our 3rd was born (though only for a few months, then I became pregnant, lol). Many people may not agree with me, but it worked for me. I literally had to force myself to "just do it." Whenever he was in the mood (when the time was appropriate of course), I "gave in." After only about a week, it became less of a burden and more of a desire. I realized this only after he had made his move on me for a few nights in a row and one night he didn't. I found myself frustrated and longing for his touch. So, the short of it, IMO...just do it. The more you do it, the more you'll want to. Plus, the more you do it, the better you'll start to feel about yourself and it will just start to come easier.

Check with your doctor. Its sounds like your hormonal levels are incorrect.

I've over heard my wife talking to one of her friends about the friend's problem that sounds very similar to what you are going through. Her doctor prescribed something that helped.

To learn about how your husband feels about intimacy, read the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands".

Good luck to you and yours.

I certainly hope nobody has anything bad to say about this!!

It's probably a combination of depression (you feel like you made a mistake with the tubal) and hormonal changes that are a normal part of aging. It's something, honestly, to talk to your OB/GYN about...you can have some tests run, etc.

Other than that, I don't have any advice other than to say I'm with you...I'm currently breastfeeding a 15 month old, and I still have absolutely NO desire...when before she was born, I just couldn't get enough! It sucks, but you know what? I try to do as much as I can, anyhow, for him, and he does not know how I feel, I don't think. Because I know it will pass. :)

I am 35 about to be 36 in February and sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with ME! I want sex probably more often than my own husband does....but I think there might be other underlying issues there that I don't care to go into but even so I would be happy having it every other day-lol! You should be in your prime honey but there are so many other facots involved as to why the feelings you have. It's hard taking care of a family and finding enough energy to do that. You might need to explore that there could be a health issue here....have you checked into that? Some medications can cause it and sometimes our husbands attitudes can cause it-lol!
I'm so sorry you regret the tubal you had done. I have twins that are about to be 9 years old. I have gone back and forth between having another. I'm not sure. There is still a question in my mind. Therefore to do anything that is permananent is just too much to ask of me right now. I'm about to be 36 so I'm getting older but I know plenty of women in their 40's still having babies and you are at a higher risk but its not impossible. I'm not quite sure but isn't a tubal reverisible depending on "how it was done?? If you and your hubby changed your financial situation and you felt like you really wanted another one -could you not explore that? My point being don't feel like you still don't have that option and what is done is done my dear but you may very well feel differently in a few more years. You never know-you might just have baby fever-lol! Do you think because of the way you feel for your tubal might be affecting your intimate side of your marriage? Have you discussed any of your feelings with your husband?? You asked if you were alone in this and I would say that you need to have a very heart to heart with your hubby. Maybe discussing things out with him might give you a more clear head and be more comfortable with the decision you made. Remember that this is something you both decided upon but people can change their minds every single day. I haven't done the procedure because I KNOW I'm not done or at least I dont think so and I still want that option available to me. I ended up getting an IUD the copper one without any hormones involved and I have to say I am absolutely loving it. I have been on every type of birth control out there and was never ever happy with any of them. This IUD so far has been heaven sent. Yes my flow is heavier but nothing a super tampon can't handle. There are side effects to everything and yes bad things CAN happen no matter which method you use but you have to outweigh the good from the bad. I'm so sorry I know how heartbroken I would be if I had made the wrong decision about that or if someone told me I couldn't have anymore children-I would be so very heartbroken but at least you and I have kids so we should be thankful for that at the very least but as a woman I think we need to feel as though we are capable of giving forth life-its just our natural instinct. You might could explore seeing a counselor to talk out your feelings about this-it's nothing to be ashamed of.

I would honestly seek out sex therepy. I also think that the change in hormones from the last birth, the tubal etc are effecting you and I have one more thing for you to ponder; do you have any post pardom that was not recognized or dealt with? Honestly, the bare bones of my answer is seek out medical attention in some way weather it's your OBGYN or a therepist ... it does actually help.

I have not had a tubal, but after my second child I had NO desire whatsoever. I kept telling my husband that I loved him but he just didnt get it. I had yeast infections continuously. I think its a hormonal imbalance. I was about your age. I read things like, if you do it you will be more in the mood. I was like, dont want him to come ten feet near me. Made me want to scream. Didnt want hugs, kisses, nothing. And we have never had problems in our marriage. Then 5yrs later, at 37, got pregnant again. UGH. But after her its like my hormones got back on track and I was back to me again. So I should have talk to my doctor all along about the way i felt and maybe he could have done something. I dont think it has anything to do with your tubal but I would def. talk to your DR. good luck. I feel ya

Partial or total loss of libido is a common side effect of a tubal ligation.

You may want to look into getting it reversed. If not, the upside is that the ongoing studies into the previously thought "imaginary" side effects of tubal ligations are showing that your sex drive will return at menopause. ((Other side effects; mood swings -rage and depression being the most common-, irritability, etc. also are being shown to *poof* vanish at menopause)). If waiting 15-20 years isn't a viable option for you, there are other birth control options out there aside from ligations, hormones, or condoms. Like the copper IUD (aka no hormones, same failure rate as a tubal) and Vasectomies. I suspect, after 4 years of barely getting any, a vasectomy and a healthy sex life probably sounds a lot more attractive to your husband now, than it did then.

Yes, you could be depressed about the tubal. Especially if you feel that you weren't fully ready. My advice would be to go and talk to someone about how you feel and then start to really reconnect with your hubby. Talk with him,love on him, give massages etc. and all other things without having sex. Let the tension build up and then start massive foreplay. He can take over from there and start "faking it til you make it" etc. Have sex on a regular basis so that you get back into your groove. GL

M

I never get this. I mean I do. I understand the lack of lebido and hormones, but if you know its hurting your marriage and your husband, J. do it! Even if you don't want to! Unless you're morally against it, why not? I mean we all do things for eachother in a relationship we'd rather not do, and if you want to please him J. do it! Set a goal, so many nights a week or in a row you're going to for a set period, to get back on board, and then eventually you'll want to, and I'd talk to a doctor about the health issues regarding a low lebido, but in the meantime have some fun to please him. Also you could J. please him too.
BTW I went through this after having my daughter from nursing, and I didn't follow the above advice...lol..I have a diferent view on this topic now though

I would say check with your doc. Maybe the tubal messed up your hormones? I don't have a tubal but I have the copper iud and I must say im opposite now. Not having to worry about getting preggo makes sex much better! I get preggo if he sneezes on me :) get it checked. Maybe there's something that can get those juices flowing again! Good luck love

It can be a combination of hormones that change over time, and the lack of intimacy. Ask your Dr about it and they might have a solution for you. Pill, cream, whatever is on the market to help raise your hormones to get you back in the mood. Also remember, the less you do it, the less you want to do it, so the more you do, the more you will want. But do ask you Dr.

I would look up Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome. I think you have a lot of the symptoms, but there are a lot more that you could have, so maybe you can be thankful for that? Sometimes you just have to find one good thing to focus on. I would recommend talking to your doctor and a counselor both.

I also have to agree with the fake it till you like idea, if you can stomach it. I have tried it, and sometimes its ok and works, and other times, I just don't want him to touch me.

I hope you feel better soon. You are not alone, but you are not "OK" either and need help so that you can be happy and enjoy the kids you do have and the wonderful family you are caring for as a good and loving mom.

Check with your doctor and have full bloodwork done. I suggest this because a few months ago I was kind of depressed, sad, sluggish, and not interested in sex AT ALL. For me, it turned out that I have a thyroid condition. But a friend of mind with similar symptoms was diagnosed with PCOS. So, there are all kinds of physical issues that can manifest in this same way. It's worth finding out if that's the case with you. For me, once I was on medication to correct my thyroid, everything else improved - better sex life, more energy, no depression. I did have doctors in the past who insisted I just needed to pull myself up by my bootstraps, which made me even more depressed, because I just didn't feel like myself. Anyhow, even if you find that nothing is physically wrong, then at least you know you can go into counseling and that maybe you'll find your answer there.

I wish you the best of luck!

I think you might need to separate sex and conception.
You may be feeling a sadness due to the finality of fertility, but maybe you can think about it a different way.
You don't need to justify your tubal. It's done.
There can be a wonderful upside to that.
I know so many women who have the best sex of their lives knowing they CAN'T get pregnant.
No pills, no diaphragms, no rubbers, no rings, no IUD's....

I had to have a hysterectomy when my son was a year old. I'd had so many operations. It was just time. I did go through a period of sadness because I felt that choice was taken away from me, but it was medically necessary. And, I actually felt physically better than I had in my life.
The sadness does wane.
You might want to talk to your doctor in case you have become actually depressed.
Beyond that, you have beautiful children and a loving husband. It really is possible for you to be enjoying your body and your husband's body more than ever before.
Don't give up.

I wish you the very best.

Hi there!
Don't worry, nobody should tell you ugly or mean things H....what you are going through happens to many, many women for different reasons: hormonal changes, your tubal ligation, babies, etc....and with all of them you need to see your doctor and explain what is happening to you. Some women need medicine and others don't, like myself. When my kids were born I didn't have time or desire to make love, with the first one I didn't want to make love for about a year (oops!) and with the little one several months (!) However, I talked to my husband and I was very open, I explained to him that what I was going through that was nothing to do with him, I told him that I adored him (I still do!) but something had changed and I asked him to help me. Gladly, he understood and he started over; he started to be more delicate and initiate any kind of intimate contact in a very subtle way from touching hands or a kiss to making love.......I felt very relaxed and I started to feel attracted and feel those things I didn't feel after the kids were born.
All the work that comes with having babies is stressful and exhausting, we want to be the best moms, and every day is dedicated to the kids, birth control is also a thing that affects your body entirely (pills, tubal ligation, etc...) so it is something very normal. Talk to your husband and keep being sweet to him even if you don't have sex/make love now (don't force it, it is a 2 way thing and you both need to enjoy it).Let him know what you like and what you don't. Write sweet notes to him, pay attention to him and relax..Touch him. Everything will be fine..take a day at a time, little by little.
See your doctor and if you feel your situation is not solved, find another OB/GYN.
Deal with the situation as a couple not by yourself.

I honestly think it is a baby thing. I have heard so many women say this, and I felt it as well, when my kids were younger. I think with all the stresses of raising kids, and having a home and keeping it, really takes a toll on women. And a lot of women work full time outside the home too, they ROCK!! I honestly don't know how they do it, I just work part time and it is hard. Anyway, I'm sure it will go away as your kids get older and require less of your time. In the meantime, maybe you could mention this to your doctor, maybe you could get your hormones checked too, just to make sure they are where they need to be. I had a friend who did this, and she was "out of whack" if I can say it that way, and she feels like a new woman now. Make sure you discuss how you feel with your hubby too. Make sure he knows how much you love him, and how miserable you are with this feeling that you have. He needs to know you love him, and maybe he will help you out with this bump in the road, he needs to know you are not mad at him too, you don't want him jumping to conclusions and thinking something else. Good luck to you.

I had a tubal when I was 24 because it was my only option also. I had tried others & I either bled all month or was depressed & I couldn't afford anymore kids, so I did it after my 2nd was born & I was still in the hospital. It was alot to take, especially in my family where it was thought women are to have kids. For a long time I had wondered too why I had it done, but mine was the other way around...he didn't seem to want it & I thought hell if this was how little we were going to be getting together I wouldn't have done it. There's a site where people talk about having their tubal reversed for various reasons/side effects afterwards. Google tubal reversal, if you're interesed in what they say. I just found it informational. I had considered it several years ago, but things are great now. I think it just took a long time for my hormones to get in order & me to adjust psychology. I really couldn't deal with this is it, even though I knew it was best. Don't beat yourself up. For me it took my youngest getting in school & me saying I don't want anymore diapers, nap times & I love being able to pick up & go when I/we want...etc etc to get over the wish I hadn't done this. As far as the sex drive, it could be a side effect but I am guessing the depression over the tubal is taking its toll & depression leads to lower sex drive. Are you intimate in other ways Snuggling, cuddling, holding hands...etc If not, I would start slow with cuddling & watching a movie, etc. & slowly move back to having sex regularly, maybe even start with "quickies", so if you're not that into it you can fake that long, but your husband will think your hot for him. I do agree with the other posts saying the more you have the more you want, plus sex is a great depression buster ...it's all a revolving circle. Don't beat yourself up, give yourself time to feel what you feel, but don't let it consume you...the more you dwell on it the more it takes over. Now I am looking forward to grandkids (just not too soon)! Take care!!!

I'd talk with both your Family Practitoner and your GYN... I feel this is mainly related to your tubal. Many women get severe symptoms, including lack of sexual desire after their tubals due to the immediate decrease in the hormonal feedback loop.

Don't feel you have to deal with this yourself, it is common with tubals - which is why I feel you should talk to both the Family Dr as well as your specialist GYN Dr.

Hello, I'm sure you're not alone. Sometimes life just takes over and we change with children, work and maintaining a family. Then, on top of it
you had to make a medical decision and it also affects our bodies. It's normal not to feel a desire, most women don't admit it. It sounds like you have more than one child and maybe wanted more. Maybe you need to start there. You could be in my shoes, I have one with lots of work getting him, almost didn't. Then, had problems trying again and I too had to get a medical procedure done to help me feel better. It was the final for me and I only had one, but I was so thankful. Currently, I have a friend who just went thru invitro and many other things before and it didn't work. This may be her final with no children. My point is...you're not alone. I would see a counselor and help you get through accepting your final. Then, talk with your husband about how you feel and carve some time out with him. Look at it this way, you'll have the best of both worlds; a happy husband and a family. What could be better? Good luck to you..................

It sounds like you should talk to your doctor and that this might be more than just in your head. Also, it was very hard after my third to want sex too. I was very tired and did not feel in the mood. It took until he was over a year old and sleeping about 7 hours consistently before I started to feel better, but I'm still not were I used to be. Even if I'm not in the mood, I still would have sex sometimes for the sake of our marriage...no more than once a week or two.

Talk to the doc....Hang in there and you are not alone. Are you on meds? Excerising? Need to lose some extra weight? That can impact your libido and let's face it..A tubal alters our hormones even if what you read says it doesn't......Of course there are times when intimacy isn't convenient especially with young kids and being tired all the time. But the opportunity to connect with your spouse should not be something to cause you to want to run away and be in fear of physical contact...Seek it out the issue so you can enjoy your relationship better. Counseling... I've had similar feelings because I am tired and with three small kids and working full time ugh...However, since I've stopped taking some meds myself, I am feeling much better in that department..Now just have to keep losing this darned weight as my husband asks if I am feeling sexy and I'll I can think about is my blubbery jello body LOL!