Almost 1 Year Old Still Sleeping in Bed with Us

Bring a stack of books to his bed and lye down with him while you read until he falls asleep. Then get up slowly, He may crawl into bed later in the night, but if you are consistent with moving him back to his bed at that point you will find it won't take long and he'll be looking forward to story time and his own space.

You may just have to put him in the crib and let him cry (good excercise for the lungs). It will only last a short time (a week at most). We had to do this with my first child because, like you, I had panic attacks and dug the same hole. We gave my daughter a toy to play with in the crib along with soft music. The first couple of nights where horrible but after that she just wimpered a little and then went to sleep. After about a week we had no more problems.

This is gonna be much easier than you think. We had almost the exact same situation with our, now five year old, daughter. We started with, "you can sleep in here, but once you fall asleep, we're going to put you in your room". And yes, he'll then try to stay awake! "Now, if you're not going to fall asleep in here with us, then we're just going to put you in your bed now". So, he'll fall asleep, you'll put him in bed, and chances are he'll wake in the night anc come back in. But it does give you a few hours of relief. And after a few months, he'll sleep alone longer and longer. Then, when you start "putting him to bed", make it routine. And once he's pretty well got it, reward him, maybe on the weekends with getting to sleep in your bed all night. This worked so well for us...it was almost silly. Good Luck!

Start with naps then move your way up. Start a bedtime ritual and nap ritual that you can stick with.

For example... before naptime, I cuddle my daughter for a while to get her to calm down from playing. We read a book and I sing her a song, then she goes down to bed.

After you get that mastered, start working on getting him to sleep in his own bed overnight. For bedtime, we start with a bath, then we brush her teeth, read her "Goodnight Moon" and sing her "Hush Little Baby," then it's time to kiss her goodnight.

There will be drama... afterall he's used to sleeping with you. Kiddos start developing sleep habits before they're 6 months old. When he cries in his crib, let him fuss for a few minutes before going in. Now if he's full-on screaming, go ahead and comfort him. Try your best NOT get pick him up out of bed, and try your best not to talk to him. Just let him lay in his bed and gently rub his little tummy or back to get him to calm down. If you need to you can softly sing a lullaby. As he calms down, remove your hand from the crib, and just stand there for a minute or two. If he starts fussing again, rub his back/tummy to reassure him. Then wait... and once he's finally calm and sleepy, quietly leave the room.

I keep her on a schedule as best as I can. Naps at the same time every day and always to bed for the night on time. The most important thing is consistency. Don't give up. It's going to be a hard habit to break, but you can do it. Find a routine that works for you and stick to it.

Good luck!

There will be trauma and there will be stress, it will be difficult. At 1yo there isn't much discussion. But, you need to start putting him in his crib, maybe start with naps, but you're just going to have to try and see what happens. I wouldn't put the crib in your room. I think it will be worse for him to be able to see you. He may shriek, he may shriek for a long time. He'll be OK. He won't be scarred. It will be much harder on you than on him. But, what's your choice?

If you don't all go to bed at the same time, it should be a little easier. If you do, then you'll have to first establish his own bedtime so that he gets used to going to sleep by himself. Do that in your bed, since he's used to it. After that, just make a big deal about his crib. Tell him he's a big boy, and let him get excited about it. There will probably be some hard nights, but its worth it in the long run. Good luck. We transitioned our kids out of our bed at 4 months old. It was easy and we all slept much better. It might also be helpful to read Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems by Ferber. We applied some of those methods.

B. C,

Sorry to tell you, but you are probably in for lots of tantrums and drama. But you really need to deal with it now while he is still small enough to contain in a crib. Once he is in a big boy bed, the transition will be so much harder because he will just get up and walk in. You may have to lay in his room for a while till he adjusts, but probably the best approach would be to go cold turkey and just get it over with. Make sure you and your husband are on the same page and can work together to accomplish the goal. Talk about it for a few days with your son maybe (our girls are six so I don't remember how much you can talk to a 1 yr old) and then do it. Keep calm and be firm. You are the boss and you and your husband deserve to have your bed to yourself. It is crucial for your marriage to get that child out of your bed.

Good luck! Maybe invest in some good earplugs. Then enjoy the privacy ;-)

Here's what I did with my children:
I put a twin bed in their room, and I would lay with them in it until they fell asleep or were almost asleep. It worked perfect! Everyone kept telling me to put them in their crib and let them cry. They said that they would eventually go to sleep. Well, let me tell you, my daughter would scream while I sat on the couch and tried not to cry. She would scream for over an hour and finally would go to sleep. I would walk in the room after a while to find out that she had screamed so much that she had vomited all over herself and the bed and she was now sleeping in it. While I believe that it works for some children, it wasn't working for mine. My children are normal 8-year-olds that sleep in their owns rooms now, and they never ask to sleep in our bed.

something i heard once - might have been on here! was to start small - maybe put his crib in your room within reach so that he still feels "part" of things. night by night, move his crib farther away, until it's in his own room. if he has trouble, make a pallet for yourself in his room so that you are still there while he gets used to the new room, then move your pallet farther away night by night. i don't have this issue really (i'm more of the "i so wish he'd just lay in bed with me and snuggle once in awhile!" camp) but i thought it sounded like a good idea. good luck!

When my oldest daughter (now 2 1/2) was 11 months old I found out I was pregnant again. It was time to move her into her own bed. We put a mattress on the floor of her room (first a twin and then a full for our comfort). One of us would lay down with her until she went to sleep. In the beginning, she would wake up a couple of times at night at one of us would have to go lay down with her until she went back to sleep. Eventually, she just got used to it. By the time she was 18 months, we could just put her in her bed and tell her to go to sleep. Her bed was never a "bad" place that she cried in, so she likes it. Now, at 2 1/2, she loves her bed - she uses it almost like a security blanket - crawls up in it when she is tired or needing comfort. There was really no trauma or drama involved with the transition.

Get a bigger bed. :) Or see if he will sleep by your feet on top of the blankets with his own on top of him. That works well if you and Dh don't kick around at night. I have done that with the 2yo when the new baby comes. We do the cosleep thing, and usually shortly thereafter, we can do a toddler bed next to mine. The children usually go to their bed out of necessity by 4yo, because Daddy snores loudly and they can't tune it out by that time. Now, I wish I could. :)

That is my exact situation only my child was 3 yo still sleeping with us. There is really no way to avoid the drama, but the key is repetition and sticking with it. What I did was stay in the room with him every night until he fell asleep (usually laying on the floor), just until he got used to the bed. Then I slowly moved farther away. First, sitting outside his door until he fell asleep and then slowly working my way done the hall farther and farther away. It took quite a few weeks to work myself done the hallway. But it worked. Now he doesn't even complain when it is time to sleep in his own bed. I read alot of books during those weeks, but it was well worth it. I just sat in the hallway and read. When he would get out of bed I would just reiterate that it was time for bed and then tuck him back in. Good luck! And remember the 2 keys to success are Repetition and Consistency.

Please forward any advice that you get onto me!!!! My son will be 4 in July and still sleeping with us. We've tried a big boy bed with "Cars" beddding. We have tried laying down with him in his room and usually about two weeks of no sleep (becuase he wakes up in the middle of the night yelling for you)and then my son will develop a cold that makes his asthma start up so then I can't have him all the way upstairs because what if he has an asthma attack and I can't hear him. We tried the reward system. My husband and I are trying for our second child and I am really concerned that may complicate the issue of trying to move him to his bed. The advice that I have heard to try the move to his bed after a trip away from home...so there is less emphasism on the move to a different bed because he's been sleeping in a different bed. We also had our son in a pack N play in our room and now he is too big for it. So as I said....any and all advice will be greatly appreciated.

Hi B.,
I can't offer you too much advice on this matter, because my son sleeps with my husband and I too. He turned 2 in January!
My situation is a little different. He's my 3rd child and has been in our room from the beginning simply because we don't have a room for him. We had a crib set up in our room, but he never slept well in it, so it was easier keeping him in our bed so he wouldn't cry and wake up the older children, they are both school age. My husband complained about him in our bed too, but now he's so attached to having him with us it's going to be hard making the transition. Back in February my husband had a bad cold, so my son and I moved into my daughter's room, I slept on the floor with her and my 2 yr. old slept in her twin bed. He did such a great job and looked like such a big boy, I thought, okay, now would be a good time to get him a twin bed and put it in my son's room (he's 13). But it never happened!..This summer I do plan to make the transition. I made a space for him in my son's room, who is not too thrilled about having to share his room, but that's our only choice. Like you, I'm usually the one falling off the bed and on Friday night my son turned over and his head hit me in the mouth, my lip was bloody and swollen, it looked just aweful. As much as I know he needs his own bed, it will be hard for us. I will start with giving him a nap in his new bed, reading the books like we usually do and I stay with him until he falls asleep. And at nighttime I will do the same, and we'll see how it goes! Wish me luck! I wish you luck too! Take care, V.

Change this pattern ASAP. Remember the ABCs of parenting: Always Be Consistent! The best advise I ever got was to establish a bedtime routine and stick to it. Babies/children and even adults/parents benefit from the predictability. (An interesting article: http://www.hsnrc.org/CDI/rlally1.cfm and handout: http://www.hsnrc.org/cdi/pdfs/rlally1.pdf)

A quote from J.Ronald Lally, an expert on children and deveopment from zero to three: "Predictability is a "gift" that is central to a child’s fundamental sense of security as well as critical to intellectual development, but which is often misunderstood in the child care context. Predictability is social (people I know will be there for me) and spatial (I know where to find the puzzles and where I can ride the tricycle). Predictability avoids both chaos and rigidity. For infants and toddlers, predictability involves rituals and rhythms throughout the day that follow sequences (nap, snack, play, then mommy comes) rather than the clock."

Well, first off I'm going to say stop it and stop it now. My son slept with me off and on until he was 8yrs old and it was my fault. I felt like he was safer if he was in the room with me. I had to buy a 1000 dollar new bedroom set to solve my problem. It will be much cheaper and easier if you do it NOW! He will be fine, of course he is going to cry at first, but you will both get through it. Just put him in his bed, plain and simple, or if it is too rough try rocking him or some other bedtime ritual. Good Luck!

It's good to see you recoginze you have an issue with co sleeping I did too the first few month's of birth.Now they are going on 5 and a 16 month old an sleep very well in their own bed's.I'd start off by telling him it is now time that uou are a big boy and need to sleep in your own bed read him book's he'll enjoy the time you have with him but in is room and in his bed.He may fuss and get out of bed and that is ok just keep putting him back in the bed,you may talk to him about it over and over again for a few nites but will eventually wearoff.Good Luck and whatever you do be consistant.

We had a lot of luck with having our oldest sleep on a pad near our bed. We put our mattress on the floor so that he was closer to us. At first, he would only fall asleep if my hand was on him, but he got past that pretty soon.

Good luck and take your time. My oldest is now 4 and not at all interested in sleeping in bed with us, but I have to admit I would still love to cuddle with him.